What's the Use of Presents?

What's the Use of Presents? is a song from the special Arthur's Perfect Christmas. It is also the eleventh track on the special's soundtrack album, which includes a bit of additional dialogue by Arthur not heard in the television special.

The song is about Muffy feeling empty at Christmastime because she had a fight with Francine after she got upset with her for not coming to her Christmas party because she wanted to spend time with her family for Hanukkah.

The song has a similar melody to "Beauty School Dropout" from the 1978 movie Grease.

Lyrics

Arthur

37 presents? Wow, Muffy. This is probably your biggest Christmas ever. But why do you look so unhappy? Did you and Francine have a fight?

Muffy

I got a clubhouse
I think it's the biggest in the world
I'd be the princess
And Francine a serving girl
It'd be so neat
And if she was sweet
I might even let her be queen
But not this year
'Cause I can't call Francine

Check out this toy train
Something Francine would love to use
Maybe she'd drive it
While I eat cake in the caboose
I'd be warm in my stole
While she shoveled coal
Till there was nothing we hadn't seen
But not this year
'Cause I can't call Francine

Oh, these video games are just so lame
When you only play the computer
And who will I take to see Swan Lake?
I guess I will bring my tutor
Oh, that'll be a lot of fun.

Here is a puzzle
It's in 20,000 pieces
Maybe I'll finish it
By the time I have grandnieces

Oh, I got pretty dolls, stuffed animals, a miniature submarine
But what good are presents?
I find them so unpleasant
Who wants presents if I can't share them with... Francine?
Francine, Francine
Oh!