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Fern's Detective Tango
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"Fern's Detective Tango" is Track 14 of the album Arthur's Really Rockin' Music Mix. The song is a musical retelling of the events of "Binky Rules" from the perspective of Fern Walters, with commentary from Binky Barnes, as well brief comments from Buster Baxter and Arthur Read.
Lyrics[edit]
- [Fern]
- A missing book, a stolen pen
- I must remind you to call me when
- You've got something of a mystery
- Call me, Fern detective!
- [Binky]
- (Somebody's gotta help me! I'm in big trouble. The writing's on the wall, and the pathway, and the lockers, and it's my name, but I didn't do it!)
- [Fern]
- Touch nothing! Trust me, Fern detective!
- First, I'll check the clues
- Muddy prints from muddy shoes
- I'm on the trail
- But this paint just won't compute
- (Buster, get off the clue!)
- [Buster]
- (Oh, shoot!)
- [Fern]
- (I suppose I'll just have to guess... yes!)
- Buster was out playing ball
- Muffy, in the classroom down the hall
- Arthur wouldn't have the guts!
- [Arthur]
- (Hey!)
- [Fern]
- Binky!
- [Binky]
- (Yeah?)
- [Fern]
- J'accuse! (I accuse!)
- [Binky]
- (What does that mean?)
- [Fern]
- When I crack the big case
- The school will come to me
- They'll ask "Fern, how'd you do it?"
- I'll say "It was elementary!"
- I used my little gray cells
- To deduce who, how and why
- [Binky]
- (But I'm telling you, I didn't do it!)
- [Fern]
- (Be quiet, Binky!)
- The facts don't lie!
- When your back's against the wall
- And you're afraid you'll take the fall
- When no one else would have the guts
- Call me, Fern detective!
- [Binky]
- (Don't do it! Don't call her! I was framed!)