D.W. on Ice/Transcript

"D.W. On Ice"

Introduction

Arthur walks over a bridge on a golf course.

Arthur: Wouldn't it be great if you only had to do something a few times to be really good at it?

Arthur stands on the tee. Buster is his caddy.

Buster: Hmm... I'd go with the number three wood.

He hands Arthur the club. Arthur hits the ball.

Crowd: Ohh! The ball falls on the tee and rolls into the hole. Buster watches through binoculars.

Buster: A hole in one!

Crowd: (cheer)

Arthur waves at them.

Buster: And to think this is your first time on a real golf course!

Arthur: Languages would be a cinch too.

A Frenchman approaches him with a camera.

Frenchman: Excusez-moi, mais pourriez-vous prendre notre photo? [Excuse me, but could you take our photo?]

Arthur: Mais bien sûr. [But certainly.]

Arthur takes a picture of the French family.

The snapshot becomes a black-and-white photograph hanging in a gallery. Mr. Ratburn examines it.

Arthur: And you could become an amazing artist in no time at all.

Mr. Ratburn: Such pathos! Beneath their smiling exterior, you can see the loss, persistence and eventual triumph of generations!

Arthur: Thanks. But, as we all know, life just isn't like that. Unless of course you're D.W.

D.W. and Emily stand in front of an abstract painting.

D.W.: What do you mean it doesn't look like a cat? You just can't appreciate good art. My drawing is perfect! Everything I do is perfect!

Title Card: D.W. as Fairy

James is rolling a big snowball in the preschool playground. D.W. gives instructions.

D.W.: A little bit more... more... more. Come on, we want his head to be nice and big.

James: (sighs in exhaustion) D.W. measures with her hands.

D.W.: Okay, good enough. Pack it and put it on top. While James does so, Emily walks up to them. Hey, Emily, how do you like my snowman? I'm almost finished.

Emily: C'est super magnifique. [That's super magnificent.]

D.W.: I don't know what that means but thanks anyway. What are those?

Emily: Invitations to my party. Here. Give it to your mother. James, one for you too.

D.W.: Didn't you just have a party last month?

Emily: Oh, that was my beginning-of-winter party. This is my middle-of-winter party. There's going to be ice-skating.

The Tibbles come.

Timmy: Ice-skating? Tommy and I love ice-skating! We play hockey all the time.

Tommy: Yeah, look! I even have a scar.

He takes off his cap and shows the top of his head.

Timmy: Thanks.

He takes two of Emily’s envelopes and gives one to Tommy.

Tommy: We'll teach you some of our moves, D.W.

D.W.: I’ve got my own, thanks. I've been skating since I was three. I'm probably the best skater in the entire preschool.

Tommy: Oh, yeah? We'll just see about that. By the way, your snowman needs a hat.

He picks up a toboggan and smashes it on the snowman.

Timmy+Tommy: (chuckle)

They run away.

D.W.: Tibbles!

Emily: I have to finish passing these out. See you Saturday. À tout à l'heure. [Until soon.]

D.W.: A tootler to you too!

James sits down in the snow.

James: Great. Everyone's gonna know how to ice-skate except me.

D.W. helps him up.

D.W.: Don't worry, James. With D.W. Read as your personal instructor, you'll be skating in no time.

***

Arthur comes into the house out of the snow and quickly closes the door. He takes off his winter clothes.

D.W.: Watch out, skater coming through!

D.W. slides into him and knocks him over.

Arthur: Whoa... Agh!

D.W.: You should look both ways before you get on the rink.

Arthur: This isn't a rink, and you shouldn't slide around like that. You could get hurt.

D.W.: But I have to practice! I'm giving James an ice-skating lesson tomorrow, and I'm a little rusty.

She starts “figure skating” on the hardwood floor.

Arthur: A little rusty?? D.W., you've only gone skating three times before.

D.W.: So? I'm a natural. A thud is heard. Oops!

Arthur picks up the umbrella stand that D.W. knocked over.

Arthur: Yeah, a natural disaster.

D.W.: I heard that! You're just jealous because I got all the applause last time we went skating. Remember?

Flashback: The Reads are at the ice rink. Arthur steadies D.W.

Arthur: Ready?

He gently pushes her and she slides onto the rink.

D.W.: Whoa... whoa... whoa, who-o-o! Whoa!

She comes to a stop without falling down. Her parents and Grandma Thora applaud.

The flashback ends.

Arthur: Yeah, I remember. You had dinner standing up that night because you were too sore to sit down.

D.W.: So I fell a few times. Who doesn't fall? Anyway, I'm much better now. I can feel it.

She slides off.

***

Mrs. Read tucks D.W. in.

D.W.: Did you make sure my skates have new laces? A-and what about the blades? They should be extra-sharp so I can go really fast.

Mrs. Read: Your ice skates are fine just as they are, D.W. Now go to sleep.

She kisses D.W. and turns off the light.

D.W.: Can't wait to show those Tibbles a thing or two.

In D.W.’s dream, James falls on the ice rink.

James: Whoa! Ugh. (gasps) Oh, no!

The Tibbles surround him wearing ice-hockey gear.

Tommy: Hi, James. Wanna play hockey with us?

Timmy: Yeah, you can be the puck!

Timmy+Tommy: (laugh)

A spray of ice hits them. D.W. spins on her ice skates and showers them with ice.

Timmy: Aah! D.W.'s showering us with ice from her super-fast spinning!

Tommy: I can't see! I can't see!

They hold on to each other. D.W. throws a lasso over them and pulls them away.

Timmy+Tommy: Augh! Ugh!

D.W. then does a figure skating routine with a spotlight shining on her. The dream ends.

***

Mrs. MacDonald ties James' skates beside the ice rink. Mrs. Read and D.W. are also there.

James: What now? D.W. walks to the rink.

D.W.: Just do what I do. The trick is to keep your balance. She steps on the ice and immediately falls down. Whoa! Ooh! Um...that was just to show you what could happen if you don't keep your balance. James carefully skates up to her. Hand, please.

James tries to help her up and falls on top of her.

James: Whoa!

D.W. skates and falls offscreen.

D.W.: Aah! Oom! She skates in the other direction. Whoa! Oof! Mrs. MacDonald and Mrs. Read are drinking tea. D.W. slides by on her back. Whoa! Oom! Whoa!

D.W. holds on to the boards and slides down.

D.W.: The sun was in my eyes that time.

D.W. and James carefully skate holding hands. Another kid races by.

Kid: Whee-ee!

D.W. falls down.

D.W.: That kid messed me up. James helps her up and she falls again. Oom!

James: Are you okay?

D.W.: Of course I'm okay. You were breathing on me, that's all. He helps her up. Stop breathing on me!

The Tibbles stand on the ice holding hockey sticks.

Tommy: Hey, D.W., teaching James how to fall?

Timmy+Tommy: (chuckle)

D.W.: If you knew anything about ice-skating, Tommy Tibble, then you'd know that this ice is too lumpy. (Quietly to James): Walk me to the edge. He helps her to the exit. That's it, take it one step at a time, James. See? It's all in the ankles.

James: Is the lesson over?

D.W.: Yes, the lesson's over, and I can't teach you anymore. You're a terrible student!

She gets off the ice.

***

Nadine is painting her nails on D.W.’s bed as D.W. comes in.

Nadine: Hey! How was the ice-skating lesson?

D.W. throws her skates on the floor.

D.W.: I don't want to talk about it.

Nadine: Oh! Cup of tea?

She offers a toy cup. D.W. sits down on the bed.

D.W.: Nadine, I have something important to say. I'm not that good at ice-skating.

Nadine: What? No. You're the best ice-skater in the entire preschool!

D.W.: I'm not! I stink! Even I think I'm bad, and I love everything I do. But the worst part is I told everybody I was really good. I'm going to be the laugh stocking of Emily's party.

Nadine: Not if you get Emily to have some other kind of party.

D.W.: Hmm...

***

Emily is drawing in preschool. D.W. puts a “Very Merry Mary Moo Cow” brochure in front of her.

D.W.: Feast your eyes on this.

Emily: What is it?

D.W.: A brochure for how to have your own Very Merry Mary Moo Cow party. Look, there are decorations and prizes and a Mary Moo Cow cornucowpia filled with chocolate. All you have to do is get your mom to send away for the kit.

Emily: Hey, maybe I'll do it for my end-of-winter party.

D.W.: No, do it now! Er, I mean... it would be much more fun than silly old ice-skating. She pretends to skate. La, la, la, watch me spin... What could be more boring than that?

James: That was really good!

Emily: But... I thought you liked ice-skating.

D.W.: It's okay, I guess... but this is a party!

Emily: It's too late. Mother already reserved the rink and everything. You really think it's going to be boring?

D.W.: (sighs) No, I'm sure everyone will have a blast. (quietly): Everyone except me.

In her imagination, all the preschoolers are skating expertly. Emily and Kyle are figure skating together.

Kids: (laugh)

D.W. fall down in front of them.

D.W.: Whoa... whoa... Ahhh! Oom!

Emily: I'm sorry, D.W. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. This party's only for people who really know how to ice-skate.

D.W. falls down again.

D.W.: Ooh! I don't think I can make it to the door! A shadow falls on her.

Timmy: That's all right.

Tommy: We'll help you.

Timmy+Tommy: (laugh) The Tibbles are driving a Zamboni with a crane and grab. They pick up D.W., drive her to her home and drop her on a frozen bird bath. (laugh)

Timmy: Here! This is more your speed. Hahaha!

D.W. tries to stand and falls down again.

D.W.: Ooh!

Timmy+Tommy: (laugh)

The fantasy ends.

***

The next morning, D.W. walks into the kitchen in her pajamas as her mom is doing the dishes.

D.W.: (coughs) It's the chicken pox. They've come back.

She sits down at the table.

Mrs. Read: You can't have the chickenpox, D.W. You only get those once.

D.W.: Well, then maybe it's the rooster pox. Look. I'm covered in spots.

She bares one arm.

Mrs. Read: Those are freckles. I thought you were really looking forward to Emily's ice-skating party.

D.W.: That was before.

Mrs. Read: Before what?

Arthur: Before she realized she couldn't skate as well as she thought.

D.W.: Hey, mind your own beeswax!

Mrs. Read: Well, maybe Arthur will give you a little refresher course before the party starts.

Arthur, who is juicing an orange, looks surprised.

Arthur: Huh?

***

Arthur gently pulls D.W. over the ice at the rink.

Arthur: Good. Now, just point your skates in a little. D.W. does so and stops. There! You did it! You stopped on your own.

D.W.: Hey, that wasn't so hard. Okay, now teach me to do jumps and skate on one leg. That'll really impress those Tibbles.

Arthur: I don't know how to do that stuff!

D.W.: What about going backwards? Can you at least show me that?

Arthur: That's too complicated. Let's try doing a simple turn.

D.W.: I don't want to do a simple turn. I want to do fancy stuff!

Arthur: You can't do fancy stuff until you learn the basics.

D.W.: Fine. I'll just teach myself. I don't need your help. She skates offscreen. Whoa! Oom! Help!

Arthur shakes his head and skates after her.

***

On the day of the party, many preschoolers are already on the ice. D.W. sits on a bench beside the rink and watches them. Emily skates to the door.

Emily: D.W., I'm so glad you came early! Why aren't you out on the ice?

D.W.: I, um, just hurt my leg doing a triple klutz. That's a very fancy ice-skating jump.

Emily: Oh. Well, I hope it gets better soon. Bonjour, Pierre! Wait right there!

She skates off.

D.W.: A tootler!

James: Hey.

D.W.: Hey. James sits down beside her. Are you going to skate?

James: Probably not. After all, I'm a... terrible student.

D.W.: No, you aren't. I just said that because I was upset I was falling so much.

James: Oh? Well, are you gonna skate?

On the ice, Lisa is holding on to Lucy who is holding on to a chair. Maryann skates on her mother’s hands. Emily skates with Kyle and falls down.

Emily: Whoa! (laughs) The Tibbles sit on the ice and use hockey sticks to slide forward. Hey, you guys, you're supposed to skate on your feet, not your derrières. [behinds]

Tommy: This is the way hockey players do it.

Timmy: That's what the sticks are for.

James: The Tibbles aren't as good as I thought they'd be.

D.W.: Yeah. Neither is Emily.

Emily helps Kyle up. Behind them, Liam falls.

James: Sure looks like fun. We could try it just for a little bit. No one's gonna think you look silly as long as you're with me.

D.W.: Okay. They walk on the ice together. Ready, James?

Lisa: Whee!

James: Ready.

They skate onto the ice.