So Long, Spanky/Transcript

#

D.W. brings her dead Parakeet to the kitchen.

D.W.: Dad! Dad! Why won’t Spanky wake up?

Mr. Read: Oh, um. I think he’s dead, honey.

D.W.: Dead? Well, when is he gonna stop being dead? He has to drink his tea.    Arthur comes in.

Arthur: Is something dead?

D.W.: Spanky’s sleeping and he won’t wake up.

Arthur: Oh.

D.W.: Will he ever wake up, Dad?

Mr. Read: I’m afraid not, honey. Spanky’s gone now. But we could give him a nice funeral.

D.W. starts crying. Mr. Read hugs her.

Arthur: But I don’t want Spanky to be dead, Daddy.

#

The Reads are burying D.W.’s parakeet.

Mr. Read: Spanky, I'll always remember the time you got loose in my kitchen, and you didn't eat a single poppyseed. Thanks.

#

Ms. Morgan: Thank you for sharing that very pretty beach glass with us, Maryann. Now, does anyone have anything else for Show-and-Tell?

D.W. Read: I do, Ms. Morgan.

Ms. Morgan: Splendid, D.W.

D.W.: In this box are Spanky's things. He died, but he left this stuff behind. I don't think he'd mind if I showed it to you.

(Toady comes flying out of the box holding an umbrella in his hands; the children scream)

D.W. Get your disgusting hands off of that umbrella!

(Maryann cries)

Ms. Morgan: Now, everyone, try to remain calm. (screams)

Kyle: Wow! How do you get him to stay on your shoulder like that?

D.W.: Easy. I just tell him to get lost. Any more questions?

(after preschool)

D.W.: And then Billy Bittles gave me a bite of his avocado sandwich. He's a vegetable-tarian.

Mom: Vegetarian.

D.W.: Right. And it sort of tasted like a broccoli pudding, and then Amanda showed me her bottle cap collection. It wasn't that interesting, and I told her she should collect something more colorful, like pen caps, or candy wrappers, or leftover crayons, or ribbons off presents, or papers from the toys, or colored beads, or maybe straws from all over the world, or those things you pull off the sticky parts of bandages.

(Toady reappears)

D.W.: You again. Hey, how did you get my purse? You know pickpocketing is against the law, and if you don't watch your step, I'll call the cops on you. Blegh. I wonder if they can dry clean plastic. Hmph!

(At home)

D.W.: Dad, if I always pick up my socks, and eat all my salad, and brush my teeth without being asked, will Spanky come back?

Dad: No, honey. But you know what? You have all those fun times you've had with Spanky in your head, and whenever you miss him, you can remember one of those times. It will make you feel better.

D.W.: Okay.

Dad: Good night, pumpkin.