The Longest Eleven Minutes/Transcript

Arthur gives a presentation in class called ‘Great Inventions Throughout History’.

Arthur: Throughout history, there've been many inventions that people have come to rely on.    

He shows a slide of a crude wheel.     

Arthur: Imagine what life was like before the invention of the wheel.

In a fantasy, cavemen Arthur and Buster run from an angry mammoth.

Cave Arthur+Buster: (scream)

They jump into a Flintstones car.

Cave Buster: Go, Arthur, go!    

Arthur tries running like Fred Flintstone, but the car has no wheels and does not move. The mammoth’s shadow falls on the boys.

Cave Arthur: This will not end well.

In another fantasy, a Renaissance Mr. Ratburn stands behind Arthur, who is busy copying letters with a quill.

Arthur (narrator): Or the invention of the printing press.

Mr. Ratburn: We need 10,000 copies by tomorrow for das Elwood City book fair. Schnell, schnell!

Arthur accidentally drops ink on a piece of paper.

Arthur: (gasps) No!

Arthur (narrator): Or even the telephone.

Arthur runs to Buster’s condo.

Buster opens the door.

Arthur: (pants) I'm going to be late!

Buster: Oh, okay, thanks.    

Arthur runs back.     

Buster: You ran all the way down here just to tell me that?

Arthur: The telephone was never invented.

The fantasy ends. The final slide shows a wheel, an old printing press and a mid-20^th century telephone.

Arthur: I wonder what invention of today we won't be able to live without.

~~~

Title Card: The kids unpack an encyclopedia

~~~

Birds fly over the Read house. There are cobwebs on the swings outside and on a basketball. Arthur, Buster, Ladonna and Muffy are in the darkened living room looking at mobile devices. Arthur plays ‘Best of the Nest’ as Plain Goose. His opponent is a Strong Goose named Takashi.

Arthur: Not today, Takashi.

Muffy wants to take a selfie with her cellphone.

Muffy: Hmm, now, what's the best angle for my selfie?

Ladonna watches a video called ‘Baby Bird Bopping in Nest’ on YouWhoTube.

Ladonna: Aww.

Buster reads an article about aliens on his laptop.

Buster: Whoa!     

D.W. comes in.

D.W.: Hey, you guys!        

Nobody responds.  

D.W.: Hm.

She removes one of Arthur’s headphones and talks directly into his ear.    

D.W.: Whatcha doin'?

Arthur: (screams) Not now, D.W.

D.W.: I'm bored.

Arthur: Go play with mom.

D.W.: Mom took baby Kate to the store.

Arthur: Dad, then.

D.W.: Dad's in the garage. He's got a big catering job. He said to play with you.    

Nobody responds.    

D.W.: All right. Then I guess I'll just sing to myself. 🎵Crazy Bus🎵

Arthur: No!

D.W.: Fine.

Kids: Noooo!

D.W.: I said, fine! She Walks Away

Muffy: My new profile pic won't post. Look. I don't like that spinning wheel!

Arthur: I lost Takashi!

Ladonna: My video says it's buffering, but-but it's not buffering. It's not buffering at all.

Buster: Relax. Hit refresh.     

Buster clicks, but nothing happens.

Arthur: Guys? I think the internet is... gone!

Ladonna: That can't happen. Can it?

Buster: I must've been getting too close to the truth. And at exactly...   checks watch     ...one o'clock, “they”...   He points to the ceiling.      ...shut down the internet.

Ladonna: Who are "they"?

Buster: Exactly!

Arthur: I thought you were working on your Great Inventions report.

Buster: I am, the invention of aluminum foil. I typed "a" and "l" into Boogle, and -Boom!- "aliens" popped up! It's like Boogle knew.

Muffy: (gasps) That's it! Let's ask Boogle how to fix the internet.

Buster: Yeah.        

He tries to access the Boogle site, but says WiFi disconnected.     

Buster: (Gasps) There is no Boogle.

Arthur: What do we do?

D.W.: Just unplug that blinking box.

Buster: Of course. The router.

Arthur: How do you know about the router?

D.W.: It's what Mom does.

Arthur unplugs the router.

Buster: Wait!

Arthur: What?

Buster: You have to wait three seconds, everybody knows that.

Muffy: What do we do for all that time?

Ladonna: We count. One...

Buster: Stop! You have to count with Mississippis.

Ladonna: One, Mississippi.

Muffy: Two, Mississippi.

Buster: Three, Mississippi!

Arthur replugs the router. Buster presses a key, but he still gets a ‘WiFi Disconnected’ sign.

Kids: Oh no.

Arthur: Now what?

D.W.: Let's be unicorns!   

She holds a finger to a forehead like a horn and runs around the room.     

D.W.: HeHeHe!

Arthur: We just need to use our brains.

~~~

Shortly afterwards, the kids talk to Brain on the phone. Brain is doing a chemical experiment in his room.

Brain: Did you run system diagnostics, checking for connectivity?

Arthur: Uh... What?

The kids stand around the Read phone while D.W. runs through the hallway holding a paper horn to her forehead. Pal follows her.

D.W.: HeHeHe!

Brain: I also suggest you temporarily disable any firewalls to ensure that's not the root cause.

Buster: This is an emergency. Can you just give us a quick fix, using simple words?

Brain: Did you unplug the router?

Kids: Yes!

Brain: Did you wait three seconds?

Kids: Yes!

Brain: Sorry, guys. That's all I've got. Maybe an internet outage on your block.

D.W.: HeHeHe!

~~~

The kids walk outside and shield their eyes against the sunlight. Alberto is just leaving the Molina house with Amigo.

Alberto: Hola, Arthur.

Arthur: Hi, Alberto. Is your internet out, too?

Alberto: Afraid so.

Arthur: What are you gonna do?

Alberto: Um, I'm just gonna walk my dog.

Muffy: How will I update my video blog? I have fans!

Ladonna: Stay calm. If we stay calm, we can get to the bottom of this.

Buster: How did people get to the bottom of things before the internet?    

They hear music.

Ladonna: That sound! Someone is streaming music.

They follow the sound into the garage. Mr. Read is taking bags of groceries into his workshop.

Arthur: Dad! The internet is gone.

Buster: Because of the aliens.

Arthur+Ladonna+Muffy: It's not aliens!

Mr. Read: Hello to all of you, too.

Ladonna: Mr. Read, are you streaming music?

Muffy: Please tell us you've found the internet.

Mr. Read: It's the radio.

Arthur+Ladonna+Muffy: (sigh)

Mr. Read: Why don't you play outside?

Arthur: We can't play outside at a time like this.

Ladonna: Can you fix it, Mr. Read? The internet?

Mr. Read: Did you try unplugging the blinking box and waiting for...

Arthur+Ladonna+Muffy+Buster: ...three seconds, yes.

Muffy: (sighs)      

Ladonna walks to the radio.

Ladonna: A long, long time ago, people used the radio to broadcast emergency information.

Mr. Read: You don't say.

Ladonna: It's true. I did my great inventions report on the radio. Maybe it can help us. We know the internet is out. Maybe we can find out why and for how long.

Arthur: Dad, we need to borrow your radio!

Mr. Read signals his agreement and leaves. Ladonna changes the station.

Announcer (on radio): The bestselling book, ‘A Hundred New Uses for Spatulas’...

Muffy accidentally takes a flash photograph with an old polaroid camera.

Muffy: Oh!

Ladonna: What's that?

Muffy: I don't know.    

Arthur takes a completely black photograph out of the camera.

Arthur: It's... blank.

Buster: Maybe it's some kind of paper machine. It gives us paper, and we write on it.

Muffy: Whatever it is, it must be broken. That's probably why I found it in that box over there.    

She accidentally takes a photograph of Arthur and Buster.      

Muffy: Yep, this one's a dud, too.

Ladonna has found a box with an encyclopedia.

Ladonna: Wow, cool! Look at all these old books.

Arthur: Books, of course! Maybe there's something written about the internet that can help us.

Ladonna: Ah, we need more light. Books don't have screens we can brighten.

Arthur: Let's take the box to the backyard!

~~~

The kids take the box with the encyclopedia outside. D.W. is throwing a frisbee for Pal. Both have paper horns attached to their heads.

D.W.: You guys wanna play with us?

Arthur: We're a bit busy.

Buster: Saving the internet.

They put down the box and Arthur takes out ‘A-C’.

Ladonna: What's it say?

Buster: "En-cy-clo-pe-dia."    

Arthur opens it and finds a picture of an aardvark. He turns the page to a map of Argentina.

Muffy: Hm. This book is just about anything that starts with an "A".

Arthur: If only there was a book about "I".

Muffy: That's a little selfish.

Arthur: "I" for "internet," not "I" for "me."

Muffy: Oh. That would be good.

Ladonna: Here's the one with "I".   

She flips through it.      

Ladonna: Internet's not here.

Buster: “They” took it out.     

The frisbee flies past his head, looking like a UFO.

Arthur: I think this book might be from before the internet.

Ladonna: Whoa!    

The kids sit, respectively lie down. A bird flies overhead. Buster looks at the polaroid photo on which a closeup of Muffy’s face fades in.

Buster: Hey, guys? Something very strange is happening. Look!

Muffy takes the photograph.

Muffy: That is not a flattering angle.

Buster takes the camera and accidentally takes another picture.

Buster: Ah! What kind of sorcery is this?    

D.W.’s frisbee hits the book that Ladonna is reading, turning a page.

Ladonna: Oh! Look! "Instant camera." D.W., you did it!

D.W.: I did?    

Buster picks up the book.

Buster: "This type of camera uses self-developing film." This book is like Wikipedia, but you don't need the internet! I can do my school report on this camera!    

Muffy looks at the photo she took of Arthur and Buster.

Muffy: Now this one has good angles. And it already comes with its own cool retro filter.

Buster: Whoa! Mine's of the tree.    

The picture shows a young bird in front of the tree.     

Buster: Shouldn't that little bird be in the tree?

They all look at the photograph.

Kids: (gasps)

The kids search the yard for the bird.

Ladonna: Here it is! Aww!

Arthur: It must've fallen from its nest.   

They see the nest with the bird mother up in the tree.

Muffy: Oh, what should we do?

Buster: The internet would be really useful right about now.    

Arthur wants to pick up the bird.     

Buster: Wait, don't! Maybe we shouldn't touch it. Isn't that bad?

Ladonna: That's just a myth. I know what to do. I was watching a science video on baby birds. We need to return it to its nest.

Arthur: It's like ‘Best of the Nest’ IRL.

Ladonna: IRL?

Arthur: In real life!    

Buster is holding Pal, who wants to get at the bird.    

Arthur: Buster, hold on to Pal. Ladonna, you'll need to get on my shoulders. Muffy, you get the bird.

Muffy: Huh? I need to document this for my blog! It will get so many likes!

Arthur: D.W., you'll need to pick up the baby bird and carefully hand it to Ladonna. Everyone got it?

Kids: Got it!

D.W. picks up the bird. Ladonna climbs on Arthur’s shoulders while Muffy takes a picture. D.W. hands Ladonna the bird, but Ladonna finds that she cannot reach the next.

Ladonna: It's no good! I can't reach! We'll have to go to plan B.

Kids: There's a plan B?

Muffy takes a picture of D.W. holding the bird. Ladonna brings a small basket.

Muffy: Plan B is a strawberry basket?

Ladonna: To make a nest.

Arthur: Will that work?

Ladonna: Mother birds are very good about looking after their young. If we make a new nest and put it as high as we can, the mama will fly down to feed it.

The kids fill the basket with grass and leaves. Muffy takes a picture and notices that a display on the camera says “3”.

Muffy: I think this means I only have three photos left.

Arthur: You'll just have to be selective.

Muffy: Ah, limited photos! How barbaric.

Ladonna holds the basket with the bird.

Arthur: Ready?

Ladonna: Ready!

Arthur lifts Ladonna up and she places the basket on a lower branch. The kids look expectantly and see the bird mother fly down to her chick.

Kids: Yeah!

Arthur: We did it! I win! Uh... I mean, we win.

Buster: And the best part is that we did it without the internet. So “they” will never know.

~~~

Ladonna turns on the radio and D.W. and Pal dance. Muffy looks at her photographs while Buster reads in the encyclopedia and Arthur relaxes.

Arthur: There's a good chance aliens wrote this book.

Buster: (gasps)    

Muffy looks at a selfie of her and the others in front of the tree with the birds.

Muffy: This will be the perfect profile pic.  

She photographs the polaroid with her cellphone.

Muffy: #No filter needed.

Mr. Read (from inside): Hey, kids! The internet's back on.

Arthur: It feels like forever ago that we lost the internet.

Ladonna: How long has it been?

Muffy: It's 1:11.

Buster: It was 1:00 when it went out. That means...

Arthur: The internet was only out for 11 minutes? I don't know about you guys, but I wasn't worried.

Kids: (laugh) Yeah, right.