The Law of the Jungle Gym/Transcript

Introduction

On the school playground Muffy approaches the others with a camera hanging around her neck.

Muffy: Hey, you guys! Notice anything new?     Brain picks a beetle off the camera.

Brain: It's Nicrophorus americanus! This type of American burying beetle is very rare!   The beetle flies away.

Muffy: Hello! My new digital camera?

Buster: Cool! The new Zubeeza XQ360! Let's some of the pictures you've taken!    He pulls the camera (and Muffy’s head) towards himself. The display does not show any pictures.

Brain: Do you actually know how to operate that camera?

Muffy: Of course! I just haven't taken any pictures yet. Today.

Francine: Come on, Muffy, take a picture of us.    Arthur, Brain, Francine, Buster and Sue Ellen pose in front of the fence. Muffy tries the zoom.

Muffy: Wait. I can't get you all in. How do you make the picture bigger on this thing?   She climbs up the ladder of the jungle gym.  That’s better. Just a little higher for the angle. This is fun.

Molly: Hey, you!

Muffy: Just a second, I'm trying to take a picture here!

Molly: Yo! Forward march, girlie! You're in our territory!

Muffy: I said just a second! I'm gonna stay here till I'm good and ready! Now, what's the...? Oops.

Title Card: Bird's Egg

Molly: You do realize where you are? Tough Customers' Headquarters?

Rattles: Also known as the Tower of Pain.

Muffy: I didn't realize.

Jenna: What's going on?

Francine: Muffy walked into the Tough Customers' Headquarters and now she's standing up to them. Go, Muffy!

Molly: You better get off the Tower of Pain before we do it for you!

Binky: You'd better climb down, Muffy. She's serious.

Muffy: But I was just taking a picture.        Slink crouches behind Muffy.

Rattles: (makes scary grimace)     Muffy takes a step back and stumbles over Slink.

Tough Customers: (laugh)

Muffy: You think that's funny?! Well, guess what! I'm staying right here!

Kids: Muffy! Muffy! Muffy!

Molly: You have five seconds to get off the Tower of Pain or I'm gonna...   She makes expressive gestures, but her speech is drowned by the end-of-recess bell.  …pretzel on a bungee cord!

Muffy: Oh, yeah?! Well, you're gonna have to wait because recess is over!

Muffy and her friends walk to the school building.

Kids: Yeah, Muffy.

Francine: Wow! Just when I thought I knew you, you surprise me by doing something really brave!

Binky: Come on, Molly. Muffy didn't know what she was doing.

Molly: I don't care! If that shutterbug tries coming up on the Tower of Pain again, we're gonna teach her a lesson she'll never forget.    Binky looks unhappy.

#

Molly tries bribing the ToughCustomers.

Molly: Pay us?! You wanna pay us to turn our territory into a photo location? Are you nuts?!

Binky: Who does she think she is?

Slink: Photo location.

Rattles: Yeah. What is she? Crazy?

Molly: Get … this … straight! The Tower of Pain is ours! And if I ever see you here again, you're gonna be...    A noisy garbage truck behind them drowns her speech.   …like a pig sucking cheese out of a fire hose!

Slink: Harsh.

Molly: Now get!    Muffy leaves.    That takes care of that.

#

The Tough Customers sit on the Tower of Pain.

Rattles: That cloud looks like Mrs. Barnes wearing combat boots.

Binky: Oh yeah? Well, that cloud looks like me giving you a wedgie!

Mr. Haney: Attention, Stuffed Custards. Oh, (laughs) I mean, em, Tough Customers. Attention, Tough Customers. 

Molly jumps down. Mr. Haney is accompanied by an attorney.

Attorney: Molly McDonald, by order of the second circuit court of this jurisdiction, you are instructed to grant Muffy Crosswire access to this public facility, this “The Jungle Gym” aka “The Tower of Pain” at any time, in any manner, and for any purpose of her choosing.

Molly: Says who?

Muffy: Says my attorney!

Mr. Haney: Now, you kids know this jungle gym isn’t just yours. It belongs to every member of the school community. Right?

Molly: Yes, sir.

Mr. Haney: Now I expect you all to get along and share. And let's have some fun, shall we?  He and the attorney leave.

Molly: Oh, we’ll have fun all right!

#

While the Tough Customers listen to Heavy Metal, Muffy does a fashion show with Disco music.

Binky: How come we never listen to Disco?

#

The Tough Customers meet in front of a supermarket.

Binky: We have called this meeting of the Tough Customers to... Hey! Quiet down over there!

Slink is holding Rattles’ legs while he searches a waste paper dumpster.

Rattles: I dropped a quarter in here!

Binky: We have called this meeting to discuss leaving the Tower of Pain and making our new headquarters somewhere else.

Molly: We can’t just leave! It's our turf! It's where we became the Tough Customers!

Slink:  let’s go of one leg    I kind of like it here. It's really near the burger bar.

Rattles: I like it too! I just found a dollar!

Molly: But...

Binky: All in favor?     Slink raises his hand causing Rattles to fall into the dumpster.

Molly: (sighs)  You guys don't know what you're giving up.

Rattles: Come on, Molly, it's for the best.   A teenager walks by and drops an apple core into the dumpster.     Yo! Paper only! Can't you read?!

#

Muffy looks at her fashion photos. All show just parts of people’s heads.

Muffy: Daddy? Did you ever get just what you wanted, but feel that somehow it wasn't quite right?

Mr. Crosswire: Oh, hon. I know just what you mean. You go back there and buy twice as much of whatever it was.

He opens his wallet. The doorbell rings. Mr. Crosswire looks out the window.

Mr. Crosswire: Looks like one of your friends. You know anyone with a black skateboard covered in barbed wire?

Muffy: Oh! Tell her I'm not here! Make something up!    

She hides under the table. Mr. Crosswire opens the door for Molly.

Mr. Crosswire: I'm afraid Muffy has moved to Paris to study astronomy.

Molly: Oh. Okay, Mr Crosswire. When she comes out from hiding under the table, would you tell her that I just wanted to ask her something?

Muffy: Ask me what?

Mr. Crosswire: You'd better come in.    Molly comes in.

Muffy and Molly sit opposite each other. Muffy is holding a whistle.

Muffy: Try anything and I'll blow this! Don't think I won't! It's really loud!

Molly: If I were here to pound you, you'd already be pounded.

Muffy: Then what do you want?

Molly: I want the Tower of Pain back.

Muffy: And name one good reason why I should give it back to you!

Molly: Because that place means a lot to me. It's where I've gone to chill out ever since I can remember. It's like a… a second home. Isn’t there some other place you could use for your photography?

Muffy: Actually, the pictures I've taken there haven't turned out so well. But if I back down, Francine will never forgive me.

Molly: I got an idea.    A lawnmower outside drowns her speech.

Muffy accompanies Molly to the door.

Molly: …cool as an ice cream cruise ship on an ocean of lemonade.

Muffy: I like it.    They shake hands.

#

Binky: Francine, come quick! Muffy and Molly are going at it again. I think there's going to be a fight.

Muffy: There is nothing you can do about it, Molly! I am taking my photo equipment and leaving!

Molly: You're not going anywhere unless I say so!

Muffy: No one tells Mary Alice Crosswire what to do!

Binky: Wow, Muffy, that was very brave of you. Don't you think that was brave of Muffy, Francine?

Francine: Um, I guess. But I thought you liked it up there. You said it was great for taking pictures.

Muffy: Oh, that was before! I'm not taking pictures of people anymore. I'm into abstract photography now. Oooh, look at the shadows made by that bike rack.