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Best of the Nest/Transcript

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Arthur: Version 5.0?

Buster: It must be so good, they skipped versions 2, 3, 4.


Everybody except Sue Ellen runs out to play “Virtual Goose 5.0”.

Sue Ellen: (sighs) Addicts.


Video Game Narration: In a time before time, in a place so remote it has never been seen before by upright mammals, the virtual goose laid six eggs. They were Sporty Goose, Stylish Goose, Strong Goose, Silly Goose…

Silly Goose: Yuck yuck yuck.

Video Game Narration: …Smart Goose, and finally just Plain Goose. Because of hard times, the Virtual Goose had to leave her six gifted children and pursue a career in online gaming. She vowed to return with fame and fortune, but before she could, an evil wind blew the nest out of the tree. Now these geese must fend for themselves alone in the deep dark woods. Only one will survive. Choose a goose, pass the trials, and see if you can be “The Best of the Nest”.

Francine: Sporty!

Muffy: Stylish!

Binky: Strong!

Buster: Silly!

Brain: Smart!

Arthur: Aw. I guess I have to be just Plain Goose.


Muffy: Sporty Goose wants the salt. Will Stylish Goose give it to her? Negativo. Salt is only for the best. Egg honcho of the honkers, triple crown of the eiderdown, commander of the gander…


Mr. Ratburn: Oh, Alan, I’ve got some wonderful books here I thought we’d take with us. There’s Grimples’s “A History of Elwood City’s Environs from the Pleistocene to the Present” and “Trail Maps of the Western Hemisphere”. Very handy if we get lost. Oh, and this little morsel: “1001 Low-fat Recipes for Bark”.

Brain: Um, those sound really interesting, but I bet we could print out that information off the internet. It would be easier to carry.

Mr. Ratburn: The internet?    Well, you see, I’ve never actually skied the webbing of the information freeway, as it were.


Brain: Arthur, you’re coming. But I thought you were going to play “Best of the Nest” this weekend.

Arthur: I was, but on level ten my goose was destroyed by a cruel force of nature.


Announcer: Night has fallen and the temperature is dropping. Do you: A) Wrap yourself up in dead leaves? B) Cuddle up with the crocodile? Or C) Do the Hokey Pokey?

Arthur: Hmmm. It must be A.

(The telephone rings, and he leaves the room. D.W. goes over to the computer and chooses B. Arthur's goose gets eaten)

Arthur: NO!

Crocodile: (burping)

(End of flashback)


Buster: My mom made me stop playing. She said staring at the computer for so long was bad for my eyes. Isn’t that crazy?    He sees Mr. Ratburn.       Hey, Prunella, when did you learn to drive?


Binky: Hey, Brain, do you think it will be cold this summer?

Brain: Probably not. Why do you ask?

Binky: Because my dad said he’d buy me a computer when it snows in July.


Bailey, Francine and Muffy find the campers in the woods.

Bailey: Mr. Ratburn, I presume. Hhh…        He falls over exhausted.


Mr. Ratburn: offers food    Elm bark with lichen tapenade.


Francine: Who knew that the way to scare off a bear is to do the hokey-pokey.