The Good Sport (episode)/Transcript

Introduction

Arthur and D.W. are skating on the ice rink.

Arthur: Do you ever wonder if any of your friends will be famous? He falls down. Ow!

Michelle Kwan skates around them.

D.W.: Hey, isn't that...?

Arthur: I'm talking, D.W.! And if they do become famous, will they remember you?

A fantasy shows the Nobel Prize award ceremony.

Announcer: For disproving the Theory of Relativity the Nobel Prize in Physics goes to... Alan Powers.

Brain stands up. Binky, who is a waiter at the event, drops his tray.

Binky: Brain! Remember me? He runs up to Brain and hugs him. Binky Barnes! This guy is good! I could never do that... He starts doing armpit farts. ...until he showed me how to get a good suction going! Oh, yeah... he and I go way back!

Brain grabs his forehead in frustration.

The fantasy ends. D.W. is seen on the rink.

D.W.: He's down there!

Arthur is lying on the ice.

Arthur: (groans) Francine skates up to him and gives him a piece of paper. What is this?

Francine: I just found out that they only give the athletes ten free tickets to the Olympics, so I have to choose who to invite.

Arthur: What are you talking about?

Francine: The two thousand and fourteen Winter Games. All you have to do is write an essay on "Why I want to see Francine win a gold medal".

She skates off.

Arthur: Aw. The only friend I know will be famous is Francine. She's already a legend in her own mind!

D.W.: Arthur, I think that's... Hey, aren't you the girl who does that toothpaste commercial? (sings:) "It's not just for brushing, it's toothpaste you can eat. It's for..."

Michelle Kwan: No, sorry, I'm a figure skater.

D.W. sits down beside Arthur.

D.W.: It figures. I never meet anybody famous.

Title Card: Michelle Kwan Skates Past Francine

In a school corridor several students are looking at a poster of Michelle Kwan. Francine joins them.

Francine: What's going on?

Arthur: They're naming an Athlete Of The Year who will attend a banquet honoring Michelle Kwan, world figure skating champion and graduate of Lakewood Elementary!

Muffy: Michelle Kwan went to this dump?

Francine: Athlete Of The Year - that's gotta be me!

Muffy: Of course it's you! You must get me her picture, okay, autographed to "my dearest friend, Muffy Crosswire."

Francine: Athlete Of The Year...

In her imagination Michelle Kwan is doing figure skating in a stadium.

Reporter: And there you have it. Our very own Michelle Kwan! Michelle Kwan skates to the reporter. You haven't been back to Elwood City in years. What's the do you plan on doing?

Michelle Kwan: Well, I want to say thanks to all my wonderful fans, of course, but what I really want is a skating lesson from that incredible girl, the new Athlete Of The Year.

Reporter: You're in luck. Introducing Francine Frensky! Francine skates on the ice wearing ice-hockey gear. Michelle jumps for joy. Got any tips for Michelle?

Francine: The first rule in hockey, Michelle, is - no dresses! Figure skating is pretty, now, but hockey is serious. Hockey is a sport. She shoots the puck. The audience cheer. Thank you! Yes, thank you! Now you try. Michelle takes the stick. Don't feel bad. You'll get it! See, you've got to keep your hand down low like that...

The fantasy ends.

***

Mr. Haney tips his finger on the microphone in the auditorium.

Mr. Haney: Testing...testing!

Loud feedback is heard.

Students: Augh!

They cover their ears.

Mr. Haney: We're here for a very special purpose today. Nine years ago, Michelle Kwan graduated from this very school.

The students applaud. Binky stands up.

Binky: Michelle rules!

Mr. Haney: To honor Miss Kwan, we have decided to create the Michelle Kwan Athlete Of The Year Award, which will be given each year to an athlete.

Arthur and Binky shake hands with Francine.

Arthur: Way to go!

Binky: Say hi, okay?

Mr. Haney: As everyone knows, Miss Kwan is a world champion skater. We... He drops his note. Oh! So, er, without further ado, let me introduce the Athlete Of The Year... Muffy, Buster and Arthur point at Francine. ...Miss Jenna Morgan!

Francine: Woo-hoo!

Arthur: It's not you!

Francine: Huh?

Arthur points to Jenna walking on the stage.

Muffy: I can't believe it!

Buster: But Francine...

Muffy: No way!

Jenna walks up to the microphone.

Jenna: Um, thank you. Thank you very much.

She steps back. The students applaud. The third-graders are looking at Francine who stands with her mouth open.

***

Francine stands in Mr. Haney's office.

Francine: How could you?

Mr. Haney: Making choices is never easy, Miss Frensky.

Francine: Mr. Haney, I'm the captain of the softbal team, the captain of the hockey team, the captain of my temple's basketball team, and the only person who can sit on Binky's head. I should have won that award.

Mr. Haney: You are a remarkable athlete, but Jenna excels at some of the sports you don't play.

Francine: What don't I play?

Mr. Haney: Well, Jenna's a very good skier. She's also the co-captain of the badminton team.

Francine: Badminton? That's for wusses.

Mr. Haney: Jenna also takes the time to help others. She coaches peewee soccer and manages the wheelchair basketball team, and the faculty unanimously decided that she was the...

***

Cut to Muffy's room where Francine is crying on the bed.

Francine: ...best representative of the athletic ideal. Can you believe it? Everyone knows I'm the best!

Muffy: That's why I'm starting this petition. "To whom it may concern. We, the undersigned, think badminton isn't even a sport! Therefore, the Athlete Of The Year should be someone who really rots at badminton. Someone like Francine Frensky."

Francine: I mean...nobody ever lost their teeth playing...badmington!

Muffy: Don't worry, Francine. Just leave it to me!

***

In front of the school Muffy shows the petition to Arthur.

Arthur: Won't this hurt Jenna's feelings?

Muffy: What about Francine's feelings? She hands the petition to two passing girls carrying badmington racquets. Here! Please sign this petition.

Arthur: Maybe Francine will win next year.

The two girls drop the petition on the ground and walk away.

Muffy: How rude! Go ahead, Arthur! See if I care. He hands back the petition and walks away. I'll stay here until I have ten thousand signatures! Even if it takes another hour!

***

Some time later Muffy calls her dad on her cell phone.

Muffy: Hi, Daddy! No... I only have one signature. Mine!

***

Muffy sits in class.

Muffy: I'm sorry, Francine. I failed you! I failed Michelle.

Francine: Never mind! I decided to be a good sport about this. Hey, you know me...

Flashback: Francine talks to her dad who is doing the dishes.

Francine: Why? Why do I have to be a good sport?

Mr. Frensky: Because that's what you do when you lose. You accept it and move on. Plus, it'll make me proud of you.

Francine: Grrr!

Mr. Frensky: I know you'll do the right thing.

Francine: Okay, but it's the stupidest thing I ever heard!

The flashback ends. Jenna walks past Francine to sharpen her pencil.

Muffy: Hey! Maybe we can have a Michelle Kwan Good Sport Of The Year award! I'll start a petition.

Francine: Mr. Ratburn!

Mr. Ratburn: Yes?

Francine: In the spirit of good sportshood, I think we should have a round of applause for Jenna for, er... winning that thing!

Mr. Ratburn: What a nice idea!

The class applaud. Binky walks up to Jenna.

Binky: Tell Michelle I said hi, okay?

Mr. Ratburn: Now, if you'll all get out your history books... Francine is still clapping. Miss Frensky?

Francine stops.

***

Francine, Buster, Arthur and Muffy share a table in the cafeteria. Francine looks sullen.

Buster: It's the Grape Wall of China. Get it? The Grape Wall?

Arthur+Muffy: (laugh)

Francine: That reminds me. We should have a party for Jenna.

Buster: Huh?

Francine: A party. P-a-r-t-y. Get it?

Arthur: You're really being a good sport about this Jenna thing.

Francine: Yes, I am. And part of being a good sport is throwing a party for the winner. Right? Right?!

Arthur+Buster+Muffy: Right!

Francine: Okay. We need someone to buy the balloons, and someone to bring the bagels and someone to...

***

Cut to the party in the classroom.

Binky: ...eat bagels! I could eat them all day!

Class: (chatter)

Francine: What this party needs is a song! 🎵 "For she's a jolly good fellow🎵

Class: 🎵for she's a jolly good fellow, which nobody can deny🎵

Binky: Speech! Speech!

Jenna: Uh, gee... Wow, thanks. I kinda feel funny because I...

Francine stands on a chair.

Francine: I just want to say that this honor is like the biggest award a person could get – or not get, if you know what I mean. A lot of people are saying "Gee, Francine, how come you didn't get it, because you're like the captain of everything?", but what I say is "Hey, Jenna does some sports stuff too, like she's pretty good at... what's that thing called? Oh yeah, Badmington." I don't wanna...

Mr. Ratburn: Thank you, Francine. I think we've had enough festivity for one morning, so I suggest we get down to our math.

Francine: I'm not finished.

Mr. Ratburn: Oh, I think you are. Page two-forty-three everybody.

***

Francine, Muffy, Buster and Arthur are walking home.

Francine: That party stank! There wasn't enough stuff! We need a parade, or a band or a really big balloon filled with stuff!

Arthur: You know, I'm not sure Jenna likes all this attention.

Francine: Well, she'd better learn to like it. She's Athlete of the Year, remember? Come on, Muffy.

The girls walk on.

Buster: Is it me or is Francine getting nicer?

Arthur: It's you.

***

A new poster is hanging in a school corridor.

Jenna: “Come one, come all to a party for Jenna Morgan the Athlete of the Year hosted by Francine Frensky, her biggest fan.” Jenna takes off a poster. Oh no. She sees Francine and Muffy hanging up more posters. Stop it! Stop giving me all these stupid parties!

She runs into the girls’ room.

Muffy: Well, I'm going to give that girl a piece of my mind.

Muffy goes into the girls' room, leaving red paint footprints on the floor. Jenna is crying.

Jenna: (sobs)

Muffy: You can hurt my feelings all you want, oh yes, I don't mind, but when it comes to Francine...

Jenna: Muffy, please, just...

Muffy: You should be grateful you got that award! It was Francine who deserved it.

Jenna: Don't you think I know that? Everyone thinks Francine should have won. Does she have to rub it in?

She runs out crying, passing Francine at the door.

Francine: Oh, sorry, I...

Muffy comes out of the girls' room.

Muffy: I certainly told her.

Francine: Oh, stuff it, Muffy!

She walks away.

Muffy: Well...!

***

At the Michelle Kwan banquet the host introduces Michelle Kwan.

Host: Now, the moment you've been waiting for - please give a big to welcome Michelle Kwan!

Michelle comes to the microphone as people applaud.

Michelle Kwan: Thank you. Thank you so much! It's really wonderful to be back home in Elwood City.

Francine watches the speech on TV.

Michelle Kwan (on TV): I'm really grateful to this place for giving me a chance to skate and a place to skate and for believing that girls could be great athletes, too.

Francine: Yeah, right! I could skate rings round you, any day!

Michelle Kwan (on TV): And speaking of great athletes, I'm delighted that you've asked me to present an award to Elwood City's Athlete Of The Year: Jenna Morgan!

Jenna gets up from her parents' table.

Francine: What does she know, anyway? She mockingly imitates figure skating. Figure skating? Right! Tra-la-la...!

Michelle Kwan: I've had just about enough, Francine Frensky!

Michelle reaches out of the TV and pulls Francine in.

***

Francine falls on the ice in a stadium.

Francine: Ah! What's going on? Where am I?

Michelle hands her skates.

Michelle Kwan:Lace 'em up!

Francine tries to skate.

Francine: Whoa-whoah-Whoaaaah! She falls down. Ow!

Michelle figure skates around her.

Michelle Kwan:What? You're not giving up already, are you?

She helps Francine up.

Francine: No, I just can't get my legs up in the air like that!

Michelle Kwan:Try it again! She shows off her skills. A triple Salchow, followed by a double axel. See? It's easy!

Francine slowly skates backwards.

Michelle Kwan: And...jump!

Francine falls.

Francine: Oomp! Stop! It's too hard!

Michelle helps her up.

Michelle Kwan: What did you say?

Francine skates and falls offscreen. Michelle skates around her.

Francine: Hm! I said figure skating isn't as wimpy as it looks! Okay? And stop skating rings around me!

Michelle Kwan: Don't feel bad. In five years you could be really good. Come on, let's try it again.

Francine wakes up in her bed.

Francine: Now that was weird!

***

Francine comes into the classroom. An autographed poster lies on her desk.

Francine: Huh? (reads:) "To Francine Frensky, the best hockey player at Lakewood Elementary. Love, Michelle Kwan." to Jenna: Is this from you?

Jenna: Uh-huh. I told Michelle all about you. How you're a really great athlete.

Francine walks over to her.

Francine: I forgot to say something to you. Congratulations. I may be a good athlete, but you're a great sport. They shake hands. Although I still think badminton is kind of wussy.

Jenna: That's okay. I think hockey is kinda dumb.

Jenna+Francine: (laugh)

Buster, Binky and Muffy come in, followed by others.

Buster: Jenna! I saw you on TV!

Muffy: So, Michelle...

Binky: Did you tell her I said hi? What'd she say? Your speech was pretty great.

Francine: Weren't you nervous?