The Contest/Transcript

Introduction

Arthur, Francine, Muffy, Binky and Brain are lying in the grass looking at the sky.

Binky: yawns)

Francine: Too bad this isn’t TV.

Brain: Why?

Francine: Then I could change the channel. This is the boringest day ever.

Arthur: Can’t you think of anything to do, Buster?   They all look up.   Buster?

Binky: I bet that rat’s doing something cool without us.   The kids start searching.

Kids: (Buster! Where are you?! etc.)

Francine: Oh my gosh!    She waves at the others.

Muffy: Look! Francine found something!       All gather beside Francine.

Brain: Is he doing what I think he’s doing?

Arthur: Maybe we should call the nurse.       Buster is sitting under a tree and writing in a notebook.

Francine: Calm down, guys. He might not be doing homework.     They walk up to Buster.

Buster: No, no, it’s not homework.    He holds up a magazine.   It’s this contest in TV schedule for the “Andy and Company” show. You’re supposed to….     He looks at Francine’s watch.   Oh no! What time is it? It’s starting right now!

Title Card: Stampede

On the “Andy and Company” show, Andy is sitting at his desk while his little sister jumps around.

Andy’s Sister: (laughs)

Andy: Mom!

Arthur and his friends are watching from the couch.

Muffy: Why does he always call for his mother when his little sister bothers him? She’s like a slave.

Buster: Shh. TV.

Brain: If they’re animals, does their school serve bugs and garbage for lunch?

Francine: I’d like to know how a mouse has a pet dog. Wouldn’t the dog eat him?

Arthur: Andy’s not a mouse, he’s a…  something. I forget.

TV Announcer: Hey, kids! Come up with a story about you and your friends and we’ll announce the winner’s name right on our show. It could be you!

Francine: Wow! That is so cool!

Brain: What story did you write, Buster?

Buster: Well, like they said, it’s a story about us.

Kids: (Tell us!)

Buster: It's called “The Day The Earth Was Saved”.

Buster’s story, style: “South Park”

Buster stands on a hill looking up at the sky.

Buster: Hello! Hello, up there! Hey, I’m talking to you!    Brain, Francine and Arthur come up.

Brain: You're not waiting for aliens again?

Buster: They've gotta come sometime.

Francine: I'm outta here!     Buster’s friends leave.

Arthur: Yeah, let’s go!       A flying saucer appears.

Buster: Arthur! Hey look, they're here! I told you! Hey, aliens! Over here! Land here! Hurry!    The saucer lands on top of him. Ow!    The others come back.

Francine: Hey, you squished Buster! Hey, come out!   

A door opens. Two aliens float out and drag Arthur into the saucer.

Arthur: Hey! Let go!    Arthur is put on a plate.   Hey! You're not going to eat me!    Hey!    An alien zaps him with a gizmo. Arthur’s clothes except his underwear disappear. The alien looks at the gizmo and frowns. Arthur is thrown out of the saucer.     Aaaah! Oo!    The saucer flies away.    What the...?!

Brain: It appears that you were too high in cholesterol for them, Arthur. These aliens, though evil, must be health conscious.

Brain+Arthur+Francine: The Earth is saved!    Buster gets up.

Buster: Ohh.  What happened?     Ouch!

The story ends.

#

Buster: The end.

Arthur: What do you mean, I’m high in cholesterol?

The kids walk out of the house.

Francine: I want to write one! When is the contest over?

Buster: You have to mail it by tomorrow.    Arthur catches up with Buster.

Arthur: You don’t think aliens would eat me?

Muffy: I'm going to write one too. I can write a great story about us.

Brain: We can all get together tomorrow and read them.

Arthur: I'm just as edible as anybody!    Everybody looks at him.    I mean... I'm writing one too.

#

While Arthur is writing in the Reads’ kitchen, he has a fantasy of Andy handing him a trophy.

Andy: That was a really cool story, Arthur. Do you wanna hang out with us and be our friend.

Arthur: Yeah! Er… hm…   He wants to start writing, but has no ideas. A periscope looks over the tabletop at the cookies beside Arthur. D.W.’s hand reaches out. Arthur looks under the table. D.W. grins and runs away with a cookie.

Arthur: Mom!     He smiles and starts writing.

#

The kids meet at the Sugar Bowl.

Muffy: Maybe if they like my story they’ll let me write one for the show.

Brain: Well, first you have to win. Why don’t you read us your story.

Muffy: Gladly. "My Life As A TV Show” by MuffyCrosswire.

Muffy’s story, style: “Beavis and Butt-Head”

A fashion show. In the audience are Arthur as Beavis and Buster as Butt-Head.

Announcer: And now, the new fall fashions!     Muffy walks onto the runway in a green space costume vaguely resembling a teletubby.

Buster: Hey, look! It's the fifth Teletubby!

Arthur: Heh-heh! Yeah!

Buster: Heh-heh!

Muffy: Hmpf!

D.W. walks out on the runway in a pink costume.

Audience: Wow!

Buster: Wow! Look at that!

Muffy: I knew this was going to happen. Well, time to switch to Plan B.  

The story ends.

#

Francine: What's Plan B?

Muffy: Stink bomb!

Francine: That's totally you! It’s so believable that you’d do that.

Muffy: I am a jealous person.

Brain: But kids believe what they see! If kids watch your story, the next time they had a problem, instead of figuring out how to solve it, they might send an evil robot after everyone.

Francine: That's ridiculous! What kind of kid has an evil robot at home?     Brain whistles innocently.

Arthur: What's your story, Brain?

Brain: I have a story that’s exciting, but won’t give kids bad messages. It starts with me in my laboratory.

Brain’s story, style: “Dexter’s Laboratory”

Brain (as Dexter) is in his laboratory with Muffy (as Dee Dee), Francine and Binky.

Brain: It’s my latest formula. It grows hair on anything. I discovered it when I was inventing a kind of cherry soda.      He sticks out his furry tongue.

Kids: Urgh!      Brain puts a drop of liquid on a rock, which immediately grows hair.

Brain: It works on anything!       Brain uses it on a carrot.

Binky: Why would anybody want hairy carrots?

Brain: To go with hairy fish!     He holds a plate with a hairy fish.

Kids: Urgh!      They hold their stomachs and run out.

Brain: Like most scientific discoveries, this one is not appreciated.

While Brain is working with beakers, Arthur arrives.

Arthur: Hey, Brain. Sorry I’m late. Is this your invention?

Brain: Yes. It's something useful. It’s a new kind of deodorant.

Arthur: That’s great, ‘cause I ran all the way here and I stink.     He pours the formula over himself.

Brain: Hh! No, stop!        Arthur is suddenly covered in long fur.

Arthur: Brain, I hate to tell you this, but this new perfume of yours smells awful.     He sees himself in a mirror.    Hey! Nice couch.     The penny drops.      Aaaaaah!      He runs out of the laboratory.

Brain: But Arthur is so embarrassed about the way he looks, that he runs off to the woods to hide.    Arthur trips over his fur.

Arthur: Ow!

Brain: There, he meets Bigfoot. Bigfoot is covered in fur except for two eyes and two huge feet sticking out.

Arthur: Hair growth formula?     Bigfoot nods.

The story ends.

#

Brain: See? That not only entertains, it educates.

Binky: You're right! That's great! Er... What did I just learn again?

Brain: It shows how crazy legends start. They aren’t really true, but they're based on things that really happened.

Binky: Francine and I have a better story.

Francine: I came up with the idea and Binky went to the library and did the research to find out the names. "The Amazing Fight!"

Francine and Binky’s story, style: realistic

A wrestling arena. Arthur (looking like himself) faces a (fairly realistic, non-animal) Hulk Hogan.

Arthur: Grr!

Hulk Hogan: Grr!

Francine: Our story begins with Arthur in the ring face to face with Hulk Hogan.

Arthur stamps his foot.

Hulk Hogan: (female scream)  He runs away.

Arthur: Yeah!

Ring Announcer: And now Arthur will face John L. Sullivan, Floyd Patterson, Barney Ross and the United Press International.    The boxers look like themselves. UPI is represented by two reporters and two photographers. The story ends.

#

Francine: He fights United Press International??

Binky: Huh. I must have copied that from under the picture here. Guess I was on cruise control. Sorry.

Buster: Maybe he fights a cameraman who gets into the ring because he’s trying to get a better picture.

Francine: Good idea!

Brain: I don’t think it’s a good idea to show hitting on a kids show.

Francine: I don’t think it’s a good idea to show hair growth formula on a kids show.

Arthur: I have a story that has a lot of conflict and drama, but no hitting. It takes place ten years from now when I’m eighteen.

Arthur’s story, style: “Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist”

An adult Arthur lies on a psychiatrist's couch.

Dr. Katz: Arthur, you seem troubled. What is it?

Arthur: Ah, the usual thing.

Dr. Katz: The sister?

Arthur: The sister.          

Dr. Katz: Uh-huh.       Flashback: Arthur in front of a small house.

Arthur: You know, my life is, like, busy…

Dr. Katz: Uh-huh.      

Arthur: …so last week I have D.W. go and pick up my care while I get the new house.

Dr. Katz: Uh-huh.          A teenage D.W. arrives.

Arthur: She gets here and I’m, like, where’s my car?

Dr. Katz: Uh-huh. 

D.W.: Your car was just blah. I traded it in for something much nicer.      She points to what looks like a VW bug convertible with a horse’s head and tail.

Arthur: Aaah!

The story ends.

#

Arthur: So? What do you think?    Every child has a fantasy bubble over their heads in which Andy is handing him or her a trophy.    Francine?

Francine: Huh? Oh, it was okay. Mine was much better, of course.

Muffy: Mine was the most dramatic.

Kids: (all talk at once)

Brain: Wait! Wait! We don’t have to decide which one is best. The TV will decide for us.

Buster: Oh, TV. It knows everything.

#

The kids stand in front of a mailbox, each holding a letter.

Francine: One – two – three – Go!         They drop their letters into the slot.

Binky: How long before we find out who won?     Everybody looks puzzled.

Five Years Later

A caption (read by Muffy) says “Five Years Later”. Arthur, Buster, Francine, Muffy, Binky and Brain as teenagers watch TV from the couch.

TV Announcer: And now, To announce the winner of our story contest, here’s Andy!

Buster: At last!

Francine: He better pronounce my name right!

Andy: And the winner is...   Holly Holland!

Kids: (gasp)

Francine: Holly Holland? That’s not one of us!

Brain: She must be related to somebody.    The kids walk out of the house.

Muffy: My idea is better than anything Holly Holland came up with.

Arthur: What was her story? Did they say?

Muffy: It doesn’t matter. My idea was better than anything Holly Holland came up with.

Arthur: What was your idea?

Muffy: I don’t know. It was too long ago.

#

The kids (now teenagers) are lying in the grass looking at the sky.

Binky: (yawns) 

Muffy: What do we do now?

Francine: Why don’t we call Holly Holland? I hear she has great ideas.

Arthur: Hey, I know what we can do. Let’s come up with more stories.    They get up.

Binky: Without a contest.

Arthur: Don’t you remember how much fun we had?

Buster: Arthur’s right! Who cares who won?

Muffy: We could write about things that really happened to us.

Francine: There’s only one problem. Nothing’s ever happened to us.    They start walking home.

Arthur: Are you kidding? What about when we first had Mr. Ratburn? We thought he was a monster.

Buster: Right. Or when I moved away.

Francine: I guess you could do something about when I taught Arthur to play baseball.

Acknowledgements

Arthur (eight years old again) sits in a chair backstage.

Arthur: We just like to thank everyone who sent in their story ideas for our show.       

Binky sits on a camera crane.

Binky: And to thank the kids who came up with our stories today.   

A wall opens up, revealing the room with the TV to be a studio. Buster, Muffy and Brain are sitting on the couch.

Buster: Jared Delello of Whitehouse Station, New Jersey

Muffy: Kiera Carry of Long Beach, New York

Brain: Daniel Hanson of Pitsburgh, Pennsylvania

Francine: Corey Baldwin of Hartford, Michigan

Arthur: And Lauden Belongia of Kewaskum, Wisconsin.

Muffy: And of cause Holly Holland of Canadian, Oklahoma who had the idea for a show about a contest.

Francine: Although my story was the best!

Muffy: You didn’t even write it.

Francine: It was the performance!   

Kids: (argue)

Arthur: waves   See you later!