The Chronicles of Buster/Transcript

The Chronicles of Buster

Introduction

A TV advertisement for a fantasy series shows an elf, Will Nobody and a llama in front of a volcano.

Announcer (on TV): Now, for the first time on DVD, the super extended collectors' edition of the blockbuster ten-part fantasy epic “The Chronicles of Ahmayzzia“. You saw them in theatres... On the screen Will battles a dragon in an arctic setting, while in the theater a man and a woman are eating popcorn. ...you saw them on DVD... Will battles the dragon surrounded by lava while the man and woman are eating popcorn in front of the TV. ...then you saw them in 3-D IMAX... Will sits on the dragon which looks right at the audience. The man and woman are eating popcorn in the theater and look scared. ...but you've never seen them in the super-extended collectors' edition with behind-the-scenes documentaries, special effects secrets... The entrance to the movie studios is shown, then another Will vs. Dragon scene. ...and commentary by the directors, the actors, the technical crew, and some folks we dragged in off the street. Will's actor sits on a chair. Some crew members are shown. The man from the movie theater takes a photograph of the woman in front of the studio. Marvel once more to the story of Will Nobody, the ordinary eight-year-old boy who falls through his toy chest...

Will walks through his room reading a book. He stumbles and falls into a chest.

Will Nobody (on TV): Ahh!

Announcer (on TV): ...into the land of Ahmayzzia where he discovers he is the Prince of Light, destined to save Ahmayzzia from Pordrog, Lord of Darkness. A llama gives Will a crown and Endengorn the elf gives Will a staff which will uses to zap a huge eye hovering above a volcano. And if you purchase the super-extended collectors' edition now, you will receive a free bonus dolly to carry it on... The man from the movie theater wheels a huge box out of a shop. ...and a handy neck, arm, chest and leg massager to keep the blood circulating, while you enjoy all one thousand and one hours of super-extended Ahmayzzian excitement. The woman from the movie theater uses the massager while the man lies asleep on the box. The woman falls asleep in her armchair. The “Chronicles of Ahmayzzia”, see it once more...today.

Buster stands in front of the TV.

Buster: Wow!

Title Card: Magnifying Lens

In the boy's locker room Arthur and Buster are changing into their gym clothes. While Arthur is almost finished, Buster is still untying his shoes.

Buster: Remember how after Endengorn gives him the Crown of Phluug and the Crystal Staff, Will Nobody finds out he's got all these powers?

Arthur: Uh huh.

Buster: Well, in the super extended collectors' edition you find out the Crystal Staff doesn't just channel the power of the sun, it also gives Will the power to fly.

Arthur: Oh, cool!

Buster: In the commentary, the director said they cut the flying part out because the movie was too long, but they put all those scenes back in the collectors' edition. I've only seen them with the commentary though, I still wanna watch them with all the others...

Arthur: You'd better hurry, or you're going to miss gym class.

***

Arthur and Buster walk into the gymnasium. Buster is hopping on one foot while tying his shoe.

Buster: ...with Endengorn and Durgon. You've missed the first twenty-five hours, but there's still nine hundred and seventy-six hours to... He sees Muffy climbing up a climbing wall while Mr. Ratburn holds the safety line. What's that?

Mr. Ratburn: Ah, joining us at last, are you boys? Well come on, get in line.

Buster: What is this?

Binky: Mr. Ratburn said we're gonna start rock climbing.

Buster: But...I've never done that before. Doesn't he have to teach it to us first?

Binky: He just wants to see what our skill level is then he's gonna pair us up for the lessons. He says if we all get good enough, he'll take us on a field trip to Mount Krakhower.

Muffy loses her hold and hangs on the safety line.

Muffy: Arghhh!

Buster: (gulps)

Arthur: Don't be nervous, Buster. Just think of what Will Nobody would do.

Buster: Fly?

***

It is Arthur's turn to climb. He makes it about halfway up the wall.

Arthur: Arghh! (gasps)

Mr. Ratburn: Good try, Arthur. Not everybody gets it the first time around.

Binky: Or the first twenty times.

Mr. Ratburn lets Arthur down on the safety line.

Arthur: It's a lot harder than it looks.

Buster: You don't have to tell me!

Mr. Ratburn attaches Buster's harness to the line. Buster walks up to the wall and looks up.

Buster: I don't think we have enough time. Maybe next class.

He tries to leave but is held back by the line.

Mr. Ratburn: Don't worry, I'll bring you down before the bell rings.

Buster: (gulps)

Buster climbs up.

Buster: (strains) How am I doing?

He reaches the top. The other kids clap.

Mr. Ratburn: Good! You did very well!

***

On Buster's TV screen a group of Christmas-style elves are examining Will Nobody's hand while Endengorn, a Tolkien-style elf, reads from a book.

Endengorn (on DVD): "His fingers are eight-fold, his ears are the same. He's born of two parents, Nobody's his name." It's you.

Arthur and Buster are watching together.

Arthur: Boy, you were amazing, Buster. Did you ever think you could climb like that? I'm glad Mr Ratburn paired us together, maybe some of your skills will rub off. He said he'd be around on weekends if we wanted to practice at the gym. Want to?

Buster: Hm? Oh, look at that!

On the screen Will receives a crown which gets tangled in his hair.

Will's Actor (DVD voiceover): The Crown of Phluug was always getting tangled in something. We had to do like thirty takes of this scene. One time Endengorn almost poked my eye out. Endengorn accidentally gives Will a black eye. A small elf faints. Oh yeah, I guess that was this time.

Arthur: (laughs briefly) Oh yeah, that's funny. But, er... So will you practice with me on Saturdays? Buster?

Buster is using the massager that came with the DVDs.

Buster: Er, sure. Of course.

He does not look at Arthur.

***

Announcer: Four hundred DVD hours later, that's one month in human years...

Buster watches "Ahmayzzia" on a Saturday.

Will's Actor (DVD voiceover): This is how we shot my battle with the winged drake before the special effects were put in.

Will's actor is dangling on a rope in front of a green screen.

Will's actor (on DVD): It'll take... erm... more than...erm... Line!

The finished scene is shown in which a flying Will disintegrates a dragon with a staff.

Will's Actor (DVD voiceover): This is the scene with the effects.

Will's actor (on DVD): It'll take more than that to destroy the Crystal Staff!

The phone rings.

Buster: Hello?

Arthur (on phone): Buster, where are you? It's one o'clock, I've been watiting at the gym for you for an hour.

Buster: Oh, sorry. I was, erm... Hey, you know what? Now they're showing how they did the special effects. They just filmed Will in front of this big green sheet and then...

Arthur (on phone): This is the fourth time you haven't shown up. We really need to practice as a team or we won't get to go to Mount Krakhower.

Buster: Don't worry, I'm coming.

He hangs up and turns up the volume on the DVD.

Will's Actor (DVD voiceover): ...tuna sandwich for lunch. No, wait, I think it was ham and cheese.

***

Buster and Arthur are practicing in the gym. Arthur is climbing while Buster holds the safety line and talks about "Ahmayzzia".

Buster: And then in the scene where Will...

Arthur: Okay. Open hand grip, now hand foot match.

Buster: ...great part where Will gets...

Arthur notices that the safety line is slack.

Arthur: Buster! Pick up the slack!

Buster: ...makes the story...

Arthur loses his hold and falls several feet before the line stops him.

Arthur: Arghhh!

Buster: What? Oh... Sorry.

Mr. Ratburn helps Buster to let Arthur down.

Mr. Ratburn: Buster, it's very important to pick up the slack on the belay rope. Are you okay, Arthur?

Arthur: Yeah, it was only a few feet.

Mr. Ratburn: You boys are going to have to get your act together if you want to make it to the Krakhower climb. What do I keep telling you about this?

Arthur: Practice.

Buster: Practice.

***

Arthur and Buster leave the school together.

Buster: Okay, Arthur, I promise I'll make it this Saturday.

Arthur: You say that every week, and then every week I come to the gym and...

Buster: There's a scene in "Ahmayzzia" just like this. Endengorn is drowning...

Arthur: Enough with "Ahmayzzia" already!

He angrily walks away.

***

Arthur comes into the Baxters' condo in a huff. He throws his backpack on the floor.

Buster: It's not my fault he can't get the hang of it. I'm sorry, Arthur, if I can climb and you can't. Don't take it out on me. I wonder if Will Nobody's friends got mad at him for having all those great powers. He turns on the DVD. Hm. Maybe there's something in the commentary about that.

On the screen an eye hovers above a mountain. Will climbs a large rock with the staff.

Will's Actor (DVD voiceover): I had a toothache when we shot this scene. So my agent made a dentist appointment for... er, what was it, James? Five o'clock?

Buster falls asleep.

***

Buster wakes up with a start still apparently in front of the TV.

Buster: Ah! Hmm, must have fallen asleep. (yawns) Oh, disc's finished. Guess it's time for disc seventy-three. He opens the box with the DVDs but it is empty. That's weird. Where are all the DVDs? He leans into the box and falls in. The box closes and glows with a green light. Oh!

***

Buster falls out of the sky into a wintry forest.

Buster: Ahhhh! Where am I?

Endengorn is lying in the snow under him.

Endengorn: Get off me!

Buster: Endengorn?

Endengorn: Who else would I be, you long-eared eight-fingered...

He stops himself and examines Buster's ears and fingers.

Buster: Is this...Ahmayzzia? 

Endengorn: Eight fingers... Long ears... (gasps) It's him!! It's him!! He's here!! Everyone!!

Several small elves come out of the woods.

Elves: (It's Long Ears! Long Ears!)

Endengorn: He's the one in the prophecy.

Buster: Me?

Endengorn: We must give you the test to be sure.

***

Endengorn and the other elves watch a sundial while Buster watches “Ahmayzzia” on a wooden TV set.

Endengorn: Eight full hours without blinking? Amazing! He is the one!

Buster: I could watch all thousand and one hours if you'd let me.

Endengorn: Of course, but later. First you must save us from the all-seeing...

Buster: Eye. I know.

Endengorn: No, eyes.

***

Buster, Endengorn, the small elves and a llama stand in front of a mountain. Instead of Pordrog’s hovering eye, Arthur glasses with pupils and eyebrows rest on top of it. The ground is littered with TV sets.

Buster: That's not the Dark Lord Pordrog.

Endengorn: Pordrog's on vacation. His cousin Arthro is substituting for him, and he is even more evil.

Buster: More evil?

Endengorn: Arthro is using his dark powers to turn all our televisions and DVD players to stone.

Buster: Oh! You mean...

Endengorn: Even a mere whisper of "collectors' edition commentary" elicits his wrath. The television we had you watch is one of the few still in existence.

Buster: (gasps)

Endengorn: Save us, please! Or we'll never get to watch the last five hundred hours.

An elf hands him a wooden case. Endengorn opens it to reveal the Crystal Staff, now with a DVD on its end.

Buster: The Crystal Staff! He takes it and shoots some rays of light, vaporizing a tree. Cool!

Endengorn: A-hem!

The elves point at their wrist sundials.

Buster: Oh. Ha ha... Sorry.

He raises the staff and flies.

***

Arthro sees Buster flying towards him.

Buster: Your days are numbered, Arthro.

Arthro: Ah, the long-eared one from the prophecy. Take that!

He shoots a ray of light which Buster parries with the staff.

Buster: It'll take more than that to destroy the crystal.

Another ray hits him and he falls to the ground.

Arthro: A-ha! Victory! Are you squirming in defeat, my long-eared...?

Buster climbs up the mountainside.

Buster: Nope, just wanted to show how good a climber I was. Can you do this?

Arthro: Oh... I prefer the elevator.

Buster zaps the lenses so the glasses are empty.

Buster reaches the top and finds Arthur behind the glasses.

Buster: Arthur? You're the one turning all the televisions into stone? But why?

Arthur: Because they were getting in the way of our friendship. All you ever do is watch that silly DVD.

Buster: It's not silly. It created all this.

The staff flies out of his hands and is caught by Mr. Ratburn, dressed as an evil wizard.

Mr. Ratburndro: Not so fast, long ears.

Buster: Mr. Ratburn!

Mr. Ratburndro: No, I'm Mr Ratburndro.

He passes Buster’s staff to Arthur.

Arthur: He's my new partner. I was hoping it could be you, but since you wouldn't help me...

Mr. Ratburndro: Good partners share their powers and practice with each other. That's definitely not you.

Arthur: And that's why we're gonna vaporize you. Sorry.

Buster: Come on guys, lighten up. Arthro and Ratburndro raise their staffs. Arghhh!

***

Buster is awoken by the phone ringing.

Buster: (gasps) Oh! He picks up the phone. Okay Arthur, I know, I know. I'll be right... On the TV screen Will’s actor picks up his cell phone.

Will's actor (on DVD): Let me get this. Hello? Oh, hi Alex. No, you're not interrupting. I'm just doing this DVD commentary.

Buster hangs up.

***

Buster knocks on Arthur’s door dressed in his climbing gear.

Buster: Come on, let's go practice.

Arthur: It's not Saturday.

Buster: I know, but there's still a few hours before dinner, and Mr. Ratburn's at the gym, I checked.

Arthur: What? Did you DVD player break?

Buster: No, I just... I had a kind of...vision. You know, like that scene where Durgon goes to the Temple of Yurk, and then... Arthur frowns. I mean... I just realized I've been selfish. So, do you want to go practice? Maybe?

Arthur smiles.

***

Some time later Arthur is climbing Mount Krakhower with Buster standing on the top and holding the safety line.

Buster: Gotcha!

Arthur gives the thumbs-up. Buster pulls Arthur up on the mountain top.

Arthur: Thanks, Buster. Sorry you had to miss all those hours of your DVD.

Buster: Oh, I've seen enough “Ahmayzzia” for a while, I think. I like it better seeing something like this.

Mr. Ratburn and the other kids are standing nearby looking at a beautiful valley.