The Best Day Ever/Transcript

Introduction

A TV screen shows footage from “The Lousy Week”. Mr. Read is seen taking a jar of mayonnaise out of the refrigerator while Arthur sits on a kitchen chair.

Mr. Read (on screen): This'll do the trick.

Arthur (on screen): Mayonnaise?? You're going to put mayonnaise on my head?!

Mr. Read (on screen): Sure. It's what your grandma used on me when I was a kid.

He puts a large spoonful on Arthur’s head.

Arthur stops the picture. He is sitting in the same fancy room from the introduction of “Pet Projects” with a large bowl of popcorn on his lap.

Arthur: Ugh! That was when I had head lice. Not a good day. You ever noticed how it's easier to remember bad days than good days? Here are my top-five worst days ever. Number five, the day I was fired by my piano teacher for not practicing.

The screen shows a five, followed by footage of Arthur playing the piano and Dr. Fugue stopping the metronome from “Arthur Plays the Blues”.

Dr. Fugue (on screen): Did you practice?

Arthur (on screen): But I did practice. Kind of. A little... kind of... Oh, not really.

Dr. Fugue (on screen): Goodbye, Arthur. You're fired.

Arthur (on screen): (gasps)

Arthur stops the video.

Arthur: Number four, the time I ripped my pants in school and everyone saw my underwear.

The screen shows Arthur ripping his pants in “Arthur’s Underwear”.

Arthur (on screen): (gasps)

Kids (on screen): (laugh)

Arthur stops the video.

Arthur: Okay, we don't have to see any more of that one. Number three, the time Buster left for his trip around the world. He was gone for a whole year.

The screen shows Buster sitting in the back of the Baxters’ car saying goodbye to Arthur.

Buster (on screen): I bet I'll never find another tree house that can fly to outer space and go back in time and become invisible like that one.

Arthur (on screen): It'll still be here when you get back.

Buster (on screen): Yeah.

The car drives off and Arthur runs after it.

Arthur (on screen): Goodbye!

Buster (on screen): Goodbye, Arthur!

Arthur: Number two is actually a whole load of days put together.

The screen shows D.W. discovering that her snowball is gone in “D.W.’s Snow Mystery”.

D.W. (on screen): (gasps)

D.W. confronts Arthur in the kitchen.

D.W. (on screen): You took my snowball! I know you did!

D.W. confronts Arthur in his room.

D.W. (on screen): Where did you hide it, snowball thief?!

D.W. confronts Arthur in the kitchen again.

D.W. (on screen): I want a confession. Confess! Confess! Confess!

Arthur puts his hands over his ears.

Arthur: But the number one all-time worst day ever was when... Gosh!

He drops his popcorn. The screen shows an about one-year old Arthur standing between his parents’ legs. His diaper begins to slip.

Baby Arthur (on screen): (coos)

Arthur: Hey! What?! That's not supposed to be on there!

He puts his hand over the half-exposed baby buttocks. D.W. stands beside the DVD player with an Arthur DVD.

D.W.: (laughs) Isn't widdle Arthur cute?

Arthur: I think I may have just found a new worst day.

He points the remote control at D.W. and she disappears from the picture.

Title Card: Buster is about to tell about his dream

Arthur, Buster, Binky, George and Sue Ellen lie on their backs in the park.

Arthur: (sighs) I think this might be one of the best days ever.

Binky: I'll say. (sighs)

Buster: It is pretty great. Although it might not make my list. We'll have to wait and see.

Arthur: You have a list?!

Buster: Yeah, it's my list of top-ten best days ever. Don't you have one?

Arthur: No.

Binky: I don't have a list. But I do have a best day ever.

George: Let me guess. When you joined the Tough Customers?

Binky: Of course not! It was after we got my baby sister from China.

Flashback: Mei Lin cries on the flight back from China in “Big Brother Binky”.

Binky (narrator): She cried a lot but there was one thing that could get her to stop. The monkey face. It never failed.

He makes a funny face and Mei Lin stops crying.

Flashback: Mei Lin cries in a Chinese Theater. Other people are giving the Barnes looks.

Mei Lin: (cries)

Binky: See? Monkey. Like this.

He makes the face.

Mei Lin: (gurgles)

Flashback: Binky’s fantasy shows him on a stage full of crying babies.

Binky (narrator): I could have even had my own show!

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Binky, the human pacifier.

Binky walks from baby to baby and makes them stop crying.

Binky (narrator): It was like a super power and only I had it. And then she met Arthur.

The flashbacks end.

Binky: All of a sudden, the face didn't work anymore. And only he could get it to stop crying. It was like he had stolen my powers.

Buster: Arthur, how could you?!

Arthur: What?! That's ridiculous! I didn't steal anything.

Binky: I'm not finished yet! Then one night we were in a Chinese restaurant.

Flashback: The Barnes sit in a Chinese restaurant in “Big Brother Binky”. The Reads come in.

Binky: Uh-oh, the Reads are here.

Mei Lin: (gurgles)

Binky: Oh, no, she's awake. Don't cry. Please, I can't take it! When Arthur's around, it's like I'm invisible. You'd probably rather have him from brother. Mei Lin throws some baby food at him. Hey! What'd you do that for?

Mei Lin: (chuckles)

Binky: (blows raspberry)

Mei Lin: (blows raspberry)

Binky: (laughs) Hey, Mei Lin, do it again. (blows raspberry)

Mei Lin: (blows raspberry)

All: (laugh)

Binky: I taught her how to do that.

Mr. Read: Isn't it amazing what brothers and sisters learn from each other?

The flashback ends.

Binky: So even though I couldn't always get her to stop crying, I realized I could teach her things. It was the first time I really felt like a big brother. Joining the Tough Customers was my second-best day ever.

George: What about you, Arthur?

Arthur: Me? Well, um... It would have to be... Hm. I'm not sure. I have to think about it. You go.

George: Okay. It actually started out as one of the worst days of my life.

Flashback: George is at the poetry reading in “Arthur’s Dummy Disaster”.

George (narrator): It was when Fern invited me to read at that poetry reading. I was so nervous, but as long as I had Wally with me, I felt okay.

Fern: Next will be a poem called “The Bowl of Fruit” read by George.

George (narrator): Then the unthinkable happened.

When George gets up, Wally’s arm falls off.

George: (gasps) He reattaches the arm and the other arm, the legs and the head fall off. (gasps)

The other kids exchange looks.

George: I didn't know what to do! There was no way I'd be able to fix them in time.

Flashback: George sits on the floor behind a shelf and tries to fix Wally. (This scene is not from “Arthur’s Dummy Disaster”.)

Wally: It's all the comedy, kid. It takes a toll. Just leave me here in the woodworking section.

George: But I can't read my poem in front of those kids without you!

Wally: You're going to have to. Look at me! (sobs) Could I have a little furniture polish, please? George mimics giving Wally something to drink. Thanks, kid. Good night, world. Farewell. Adieu. Sayonara.

The flashbacks end.

George: I had worked so hard on that poem, but now I just didn't have the courage to read it. Then you showed up, Arthur.

Arthur: We'd all like to get to know him, er, you better, but how can we if you- he- Wally is always in the way?

Wally: But what if you all forget about me, when I put him, I mean me, away. I don't know, Arthur.

Arthur: Just try it, George. What's the worst that could happen?

George hands Wally to Arthur.

George (narrator): So I took your advice.

Flashback: George reads his poem.

George: "An orange, an apple and a banana / this bowl of fruit doesn’t come from a can-a. / It's real, it's fresh, good to eat. / The stuff from the can is much too sweet." Thank you.

The others clap.

Prunella: Deep.

George: I did it! I really did it! Yahoo!

The flashback ends.

George: From that moment on, I knew I didn't need Wally. You guys liked me for just being me.

Binky: So why do you still carry him around?

George takes out Wally.

Wally: Because I'm so much fun! Hey, why do bees hum? Cause they don't know the words! Get it? How about this one? Why did the king go to his dentist? To get his teeth crowned! Oh, I got a million of them. Hey, know what happened when...?

Arthur: (thinks:) What is my best day? Maybe it was that time I pulled the sword out of a stone at the medieval fair.

Flashback: Arthur pulls the sword out in “The Return of the King”. His classmates carry him on their shoulders.

Arthur (narrator): Later Mr. Ratburn gave us a quiz on medieval history and I only got a "B-".

The flashback ends. Sue Ellen dumps some leaves on him.

Arthur: Hm, this is harder than I thought it would be. Huh?

Sue Ellen: Didn't you hear us calling you? Wally has... um... taken a break.

Binky is tying duct tape around Wally’s snout.

Wally: (mumbles)

Sue Ellen: It's your turn. What's your best day ever?

Arthur: Oh, that's easy, it's... um... (coughs) You go. Throw it to G.

Sue Ellen: Okay, mine was when you found my diary.

Flashback: Arthur finds the diary in “Sue Ellen’s Lost Diary”.

Buster (voiceover): Really?! That's your best day ever?

Flashback: Sue Ellen reads the diary on her bed.

Sue Ellen (narrator): Uh-huh. That diary is really important to me. I've written about almost everything that's happened to me since I came to Elwood City.

Flashback: Sue Ellen loses her diary.

Flashback: Arthur has the diary.

Arthur: Hey, have any of you seen Sue Ellen? I think I found her diary.

The flashbacks end.

Buster: You didn't write about that time I almost ate a bug, did you?

Binky: Or when I couldn't stop rhyming?

George is freeing Wally.

George: Or when I kept getting a bloody nose?

Sue Ellen: Hey, you'll never know, because Arthur never even opened the diary.

Binky: I bet he took a little peek.

Arthur: I didn't, I swear. I just thought it was private.

Flashback: Arthur gives Sue Ellen back her diary.

Arthur: Here you go, Sue Ellen. It's still private.

The flashback ends.

Sue Ellen: From then on, I knew I had friends I could really trust. But I promise you'll find out what I wrote when I publish my memoirs.

Kids: Huh?!

Binky: Okay, no more stalling. Spit it out! What's your best day ever?

Arthur: Well... I've been thinking really hard about it and the truth is, I just don't...

Buster: Wait! Hold that thought! I just remembered a brand-new one. One that tops all the others.

Arthur: What is it?

Binky: This is gonna be good.

Buster: Well, I was in my bed one night and I couldn't get to sleep. I was counting puffins...

Flashback: Buster lies in bed and a line of puffins walks past him.

Buster (narrator): ...‘cause sheep never work for me for some reason.

Buster: 45... 46... 47...

Buster (narrator): When all of a sudden, this strange light appeared in my window.

Buster looks out of the window and sees a donut-shaped UFO with flashing lights fly over the house.

Buster (narrator): It was a giant, glowing doughnut-shaped object. Right there, outside my bedroom. I was afraid, but I felt it was calling to me. So I ran downstairs.

Buster runs out of the house. The UFO hovers over the street and silhouettes are moving behind the portholes.

Buster (narrator): Then I realized it wasn't just shaped like a doughnut, it was a doughnut! Then the strawberry people came out. They were a highly developed fruit-based life form who needed a new king.

Strawberry shaped aliens grab Buster and carry him to the UFO.

The flashback/fantasy ends.

Buster: And they had chosen me. Me! To rule over the planet Fructopia for ever and all time.

Arthur: Buster, are you sure this wasn't a dream?

Buster: Oh, those don't count? Well, then I guess I only have one best day.

Arthur: What is it?

Buster: When you and I played checkers.

Arthur: That's it?!

Buster: Yeah. You know, after I came back from my trip around the world.

Arthur: Oh. Oh, yeah!

Buster: I really missed you. And I also won.

Sue Ellen: Well, you're the last one, Arthur. Let's hear it.

Arthur: I don't have one.

BInky: What?! You don't have a best day?!

Arthur: No way! I've had a lot of really good days, but there just isn't one that stands out from the rest. I mean, is it so important to have a best one?

Buster: No.

Sue Ellen: You'll probably have one someday.

Binky: Want to join the Tough Customers? It's very exciting.

Arthur: No, thanks.

Dark clouds move towards the sun.

George: Hey! You know what's strange? Arthur was in all of our best days.

Binky: That's true!

Sue Ellen: In fact, without him, none of them would have happened!

Buster: So, even if you don't have your own best day, you have a piece of all of ours.

Arthur: Hm. That is pretty cool. You know what? I think I just found my best day. Today, just hanging out with you guys. It's perfect.

Thunder rumbles and the dark clouds block the sun. Lightning flashes.

Binky: Oh, man!

It starts to rain.

Sue Ellen: Anybody bring an umbrella?

George: Come on, Wally, back in the bag.

Buster: Sorry, Arthur. I guess this kind of ruins your best day.

He helps Arthur up. They look at the rain.

Arthur: Nah, it's still great. Hey! Who wants to come to my house?

He runs after the others.