Sue Ellen Vegges Out/Transcript

(Sue Ellen Armstrong is on her bed, looking through a photo album.)

Sue Ellen: Oh, hey! Want to see some pictures of my new best friend?(Sue Ellen turns the album to the camera) Sally! She's a pig I met a few weeks ago. (The camera zooms in on a picture of Sue Ellen hugging Sally, and it fades to that scene) (The picture cuts to a scene of Sally running circles around Sue Ellen) I met her at this farm. She was really sweet and so smart. She could jump through hoops...(Sally jumps through a hoop that Sue Ellen holds out for her, and Sue Ellen laughs) ...roll over... (Sue Ellen moves her finger, and Sally rolls over) ...open doors... (Sally slams her bottom into a barn door, and it opens. Sue Ellen laughs) ...and she could even take a bow. (Sally bows for Sue Ellen) In fact, Sally helped me make one of the most important decisions of my entire life. (Sally licks Sue Ellen's face, and Sue Ellen laughs.)

Sue Ellen Vegges Out

Written by Jacqui Deegan

Storyboard by Raymond Jafelice

(The cafeteria is decorated for Cinco De Mayo. Sue Ellen is in the lunch line.)

Mrs. MacGrady: Hola, Sue Ellen! Happy Cinco De Mayo! What'll it be today?

Sue Ellen: Does the calabacitas have any meat in it?

Mrs. MacGrady: No. (She takes the lid off a container) It's 100 percent vegetarian, made with fresh produce and lots of love.

Sue Ellen: Okay, I'll have that.

Mrs. MacGrady: (takes a spoonful and places it in a taco shell, then puts it on a plate with tomatoes and another vegetable)

(Buster, Francine, Arthur, and Sue Ellen are eating lunch together.)

Buster: (lifts up his taco) Mmm! Fascinating. Slightly spongy in texture. (inhales) A pungent aroma. Looks good! Might be better with ketchup, though. (lifts a ketchup bottle)

Francine: You should try the steak tacos.

Arthur: Yeah, they're amazing!

Sue Ellen: (slices her taco and lifts up a piece) Actually, I don't eat meat anymore. I've decided to become a vegetarian.

(Francine and Arthur stop eating their tacos. Their mouths drop open.)

Sue Ellen: (looks at Buster, who is equally shocked) What?

Francine: You're never going to eat meat again? Ever?

Buster: You'll still eat bacon, right?

Sue Ellen: No. And definitely no.

Buster: But why? Meat is so...meaty! (bites into taco)

Sue Ellen: Lots of reasons. I've been thinking about becoming a vegetarian for a while.

Muffy: (sits down at the table) Oh my gosh! So am I!

Francine: Uh, Muffy? You have a steak on your plate.

Muffy: (looks at steak) I didn't say I was a vegetarian yet. I'm becoming one right after lunch. (slices steak) See? There was this article in We're Fabulous and You're Not Magazine (bites steak) and Capri DiVapida said not eating meat is very fashionable right now.

Buster: Maybe I should give up something. Olives! (stabs an olive with fork) I guess I could give those up? (eats the olive) Mmm...no, no, I couldn't! (eats another olive)

Sue Ellen: Muffy, I don't think you should become a vegetarian just because you read about it in a magazine. It's kind of a big decision.

Francine: Tuh! Plus, you wouldn't last a day.

Muffy: (looks up from eating another steak piece) Oh, really? Well, we'll just see about that. (eats steak piece) There! That was my last bite of meat ever. (puts hands out in front of her) I can't even bear to be around it anymore. (walks off) (walks back) (eats another piece) OK, that was my last bite. (grabs Sue Ellen's hand) Come on, veggie sister! Let's get away from these carnivores.

(Arthur and Francine look at Muffy and Sue Ellen.)

(Muffy and Sue Ellen are walking through Mill Creek Mall.)

Muffy: Ah! I'm so glad I decided to give up meat. I feel like a completely different person.

Sue Ellen: It's only been four hours.

Muffy: I know! Isn't it amazing? I am a little hungry, though. Let's get a snack. (Muffy runs ahead and leads Sue Ellen into a Chickin' Lickin'.)

Sue Ellen: Um, Muffy, I don't think that's the best place for a vegetarian.

Muffy: (begins ordering) One barbeque Chick-a-Lickin' Stick with an eight piece 'Normous Nuggets, please.

Sue Ellen: (walks up) Wait, Muffy. That has meat in it.

Muffy: Really? Which one?

Sue Ellen: Both of them. They're made with chicken and chicken is meat.

Cashier: Technically, it's poultry by-product with real chicken flavoring.

Sue Ellen: OK, but it's still meat.

Muffy: Oh! Well, what do you have that doesn't have meat in it?

(The cashier walks into the back of the kitchen, picks up a pickle with tongs, and puts it on a plate. She squirts mustard on it and puts the plate in front of the girls. Both of them gasp.)

(It is dinnertime at the Crosswire mansion. Muffy is being served a plate full of vegetables by Bailey.)

Mr. Crosswire: Sure I can't tempt you with one teeny-weeny slice? (slices into a carving of meat) It's extra-rare, just the way  you like it.

Muffy: Um...I don't know. Hold on a sec. (Muffy pulls a cell phone out of her dress and calls Sue Ellen.) Sue Ellen? It's your veggie sister. What if a slice of meat were to fall into your mouth on accident? Could you eat it then?

Sue Ellen: How would that happen?

Muffy: Well, what if you were sitting next to your dad and he was, I don't know, slicing a roast or something? (Mr. Crosswire dangles a piece of meat in front of Muffy's face.) And then, a piece fell off his fork and you just happened to be standing under it.

Sue Ellen: Muffy, if you want to eat meat, then just eat it. No one's forcing you to be a vegetarian. (hangs up the phone slightly frustrated)

Muffy: (hangs up) And let Francine say I told you so? Never. (sighs and sinks down in her chair)

(It is the next day. Buster, Sue Ellen, and Francine are playing Frisbee on the school playground. Muffy jogs up waving a celebrity magazine.)

Muffy: Great news! Capri diVapida is now on the baloney-only diet! We don't have to be vegetarians anymore!

Sue Ellen: I don't care what kind of diet some celebrity is on. I gave up meat because...

Francine: Ha! I told you so. You couldn't give up meat for one day.

Muffy: Well, you couldn't do any better.

Francine: Oh, yeah? Watch me. As of this second, I renounce meat forever.

Muffy: We'll just see how long you last, Francine Frensky! (runs off)

Francine: It's on! (walks after Muffy)

Sue Ellen: Francine, wait! (runs after Francine)

Buster: (waves Frisbee) Hey! Where did everyone go?

(Sue Ellen and Francine are eating frozen yogurt at the ice cream shop.)

Sue Ellen: Are you sure you want to do this? If it's just to prove to Muffy that...

Francine: Sue Ellen, I would never make such an important decision just because...(she notices Muffy walking through the door and gasps) There she is.

Muffy: Oh, hey girls. What's up?

(Sue Ellen and Francine sit down at a table. Muffy joins them.)

Francine: Oh, just enjoying some healthy and delicious vegetarian frozen yogurt. (eats a spoonful) Mmm. I could live on this stuff.

Muffy: Mind if I sit and eat with you? (opens a brown paper bag and looks through it) Oh wait—what I brought isn't vegetarian. I wouldn't want to tempt you.

Francine: Don't worry about me. I won't be tempted.

(Muffy tips the bag over. Three Bubsy Burgers fall onto the table. Scent lines waft off the wrappers. Francine opens her mouth in surprise, then shuts it.)

Muffy: Yep! Nothing like the smell of a fresh, hot, double Bubsy Burger, is there? (takes a bite and chews loudly for emphasis) Mmm. Wow. It's like a symphony, performed in the key of meat.

(Francine moves her head back and forth to watch the burger as Muffy swings it around.)

Muffy: Oh! Gotta run! I'll just leave these here. One is plenty for me. Thanks! (Muffy walks out of the shop and the sound of the bell is heard behind her.)

(Francine stares eagerly at her burger. She imagines it unwrapping itself and talking to her...)

Burger: Hi, Francine.

Francine: Hi, Bubsy.

Burger: I really miss you. (The burger blows into a hankerchief)

Francine: I miss you too. I...I should have said goodbye, but there just wasn't time.

(The daydream ends with Sue Ellen leaning over and shaking Francine by the shoulder)

Sue Ellen: Francine, snap out of it! You're talking to a hamburger!

(Francine takes one last glance at her burger and shoves it away with the others Muffy had. She goes back to savoring her frozen yogurt. Outside the store, Muffy glares angrily.)

Muffy: Fine! If it's not burgers, I'll find something else she can't resist.

(Muffy walks down the street away from the ice cream shop.)

(Francine is sitting at the kitchen counter in her house. Her older sister Katherine is tossing salad.)

Katherine: When you're a vegetarian, it's important that you get enough protein. Nuts and seeds are a great source.

(There is a knock at the door.)

Katherine: I'll get it! (walks away)

Francine: A great source of protein? Yeah, if you're a squirrel. (shakes some nuts into the salad)

Katherine: (reenters the kitchen with a giant bag) Your first night as a vegetarian and you order meaty Chinese food?

Francine: I didn't order Chinese food! (looks at the order stapeled to the bag) Fried chicken dumplings, beef lo mein, Peking duck...these are all my favorite dishes! Who would...? (gasps) Muffy!

Katherine: Here. (holds out a wedge of cheese) Have this cheese instead. I'll take care of the Chinese.

(Katherine walks out of the room with the bag. Francine holds out her hand, then stares at the cheese and takes a bite.)

(It is the next day, and Muffy is loading her backpack into her gym locker. Francine walks up and hands Muffy an envelope.)

Muffy: What's this?

Francine: A thank you note from my parents. They loved (hugs Muffy) the Chinese food. I had salad and a baked potato.

(Francine walks away. Muffy stares at her retreating figure, surprised.)

(Francine and Sue Ellen are talking outside of the school. Muffy walks down the front entrance steps up to them. Francine puts her arms up defensively in front of Sue Ellen.)

Francine: Stand back, Sue Ellen. She's probably got bacon on her.

Muffy: Relax! I just came to say let's let bygones be bygones and to invite you to a potluck I'm having. Everyone brings a dish, so there'll be all kinds of food. But if you think it'll be too difficult for you, I completely under--

Francine: Oh, we'll be there, all right.

Muffy: Great! (walks off)

Sue Ellen: Are you sure about this, Francine? You've only been a vegetarian for a day!

Francine: Ha! I'll be fine. (grabs Sue Ellen by the shoulders) We need to stick together and show Muffy how strong we are. (walks away)

(Muffy is in her room at a desk, making a phone call.)

Muffy: Hi, Buster. Want to come to my potluck dinner? Great! What's your favorite food? Does that have meat in it? Great, bring that. (Muffy checks Buster's name off a list.) See you tomorrow! (Muffy dials Binky) Hey, Binky. Want to come to my potluck dinner? Great! Hmm, macaroni salad? Actually, I think someone's already bringing that. How about hot dogs? (Muffy checks Binky's name off a list.) Great.

(It is the day of the potluck. George is at the door where Muffy is greeting guests. Fern is coming up the walk.)

Muffy: Mmm, smells wonderful, George.

(George walks past Muffy and Fern walks up.)

Muffy: Ooh, Shepherd's Pie! You're sure there's lamb in that, right?

(Fern nods.)

Muffy: Great! Come on in!

(Sue Ellen and Francine arrive as Fern walks in the house.)

Sue Ellen: Hey, Muffy! I brought some sauteed breaded cauliflower.

Francine: And I brought ratatouille.

Muffy: Ooh, they look lovely! Let me take these for you.

(Muffy picks up both of the dishes and walks away. Sue Ellen and Francine exchange a look, then shrug their shoulders. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Muffy dumps out both the dishes in the garbage disposal. She then walks into the dining room, where Sue Ellen and Francine are walking up and down the tables, trying to find a vegetarian dish.)

Francine: Uh, everything seems to have meat in it. Where are the dishes we brought?

Muffy: I put them in the kitchen so they could be warmed up. I hope someone didn't mistake them for mulch. Oh, well. Why don't you just have a teeny bit of what's here?

Francine: This has all been a trick to try and get me to eat meat, hasn't it?

Muffy: I beg your pardon!

Buster: Hey, everyone! (walks into the dining room with a basket of vegetables) Here are some fresh vegetables from the community garden!

Muffy: Vegetables? You were supposed to bring pizza with chicken and sausage!

Buster: Oh, sorry. My mom didn't have time to make that.

Francine: (scooping collard greens) Looks like your plan failed, Muffy. And even if Buster hadn't come, I found these amazing vegetarian collard greens. (takes a forkful) Mmmm.

Ladonna: Glad you like them, but they're not actually vegetarian. They were simmered in duck fat for three hours.

Muffy: A-ha! I knew you couldn't stay away from meat. I knew it!

Francine: You tricked me!

Muffy: I didn't even know that it had meat in it, but you found it anyway. Just couldn't resist. I win! (jumps up)

Sue Ellen: That's it! I've had it with your two. Neither one of you really cares about being a vegetarian. You're just using it as an excuse to fight with each other! You want to know why I gave up eating meat? Because there are some animals whom I consider friends, so I lost my taste for eating them. Frankly, they're a lot better friends than some of the people I know. (storms out of the room)

Buster: Kind of lost my appetite too. (walks out)

Binky: Um, yeah, me too. (walks out)

Ladonna: Uh, yeah, I've got a book report. (walks out)

Muffy: (turns to Francine) You can leave if you want to. This was all my fault.

Francine: No, it wasn't. I'm just as much to blame as you are. Besides, I'm starving.

(Francine and Muffy turn around and begin eating the dishes on the tables.)

(It is the next day at school. 'Sue Ellen is in the lunch line. Mrs. MacGrady greets her.)

Mrs. MacGrady: How's my favorite vegetarian?

Sue Ellen: Okay. I guess I'll have the Spinach Souffle.

Mrs. MacGrady: We do have more options today.

(Muffy and Francine enter the kitchen wearing gloves and holding trays of vegetables.)

Muffy: With Bailey's help, we made a few extra dishes to add to the school menu.

Francine: We thought of having a Meatless Monday once a week.

(The girls place the vegetable trays with the  other cafeteria food.)

Francine: Want to try the ratatouille?

Sue Ellen: Wow, that looks delicious!

Francine: Only the best for our veggie sister!

(Sue Ellen's face falls.)

Muffy: We're kidding! Francine and I are going for double Bubsy's after school. But until then, let's dig in!

(Francine puts a plate on Sue Ellen's tray, and Muffy ladles the ratatouille on it. The episode ends.)