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Introduction[edit]

Mrs. Read cuts a cake in the kitchen while the family sits around the table.

D.W.: Just a minute, Mom! She takes a tape measure and measures the slices’ width. Okay.

Mrs. Read starts serving.

Arthur: If there’s anything D.W. can't stand it’s if things aren't equal.

D.W.: Oh, wait, wait, wait!

She puts her plates and Arthur’s on a balance. She uses her finger to move some icing from one slice to the other.

Arthur: This is nothing. The time she got really crazy was with her best friend Emily!

Flashback: D.W. goes through Emily’s room with Emily and points at the toys.

D.W.: I've got that one, I've got that one, I've got tha... She turns on a music box. Aw. Mine just plays “Mairzy Doats”.

Emily: I love “Mairzy Doats”!

D.W.: Yeah? Then I guess mine's better!

Emily sits in front of a playhouse.

Emily: Can we play now?

D.W.: Uh-huh.

Marie-Hélène: Mademoiselle Emily? C'est l'heure pour le milk and cookies. Oh! Zis room is a mess! Eh, I will clean it later.

The girls sit at a small table to eat. Marie-Hélène brushes Emily’s hair.

Marie-Hélène: (sings:) “Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques, dormez-vous, dormez-vous?

D.W. looks envious.

Title Card: D.W. as Fairy[edit]

Mrs. Read drives D.W. home. She notices in the rear mirror that D.W. looks unhappy.

Mrs. Read: A-are you okay, D.W.?

D.W.: Hmph!

***

D.W. comes into her room.

D.W.: Nadine!

Nadine appears.

Nadine: What, what?

D.W.: Get out your notepad. I'm having an idea!

A short while later, D.W. paces in the room while Nadine writes.

D.W.: Okay. Read it back to me.

Nadine: "'Why I need a French Nanny like Emily' by D.W. Read. Number one: Sometimes you and Dad are too busy with work to pay attention to me."

D.W.: No, no, we changed that.

Nadine: Oh, right. "Sometimes you and Dad have a lot of important work to do and need a break. Number two: It's always good to learn foreign languages."

D.W.: They'll like that.

Nadine: "Number three: I'm very dainty and need someone to protect me from Arthur when he becomes crazy and mean, which is often."

D.W.: How can they argue with that? Okay. Wish me luck.

Nadine: You'll do just fine! In fact, they'll probably give me a French nanny, too!

She disappears.

At the dinner table, D.W. clinks her glass with her fork.

D.W.: Attention, everybody! I have an announcement to make. I...

Mrs. Read: That's very nice, honey, because your father and I have an announcement as well.

Mr. Read: I think you’re gonna like it!

D.W.: Does it speak French?

As Mrs. Read speaks, D.W.’s eyes become spirals.

Mrs. Read: We've both noticed how responsible you've been these last few months, so we thought...

In D.W.’s imagination, a nanny looking like Polly Locket comes into the room.

Nanny: Mademoiselle D.W., I am yours to command! Now you are equal with Mademoiselle Emily.

The fantasy ends.

Mrs. Read: ...an allowance.

D.W.: Huh?

Mr. Read: You're getting an allowance!

D.W.: But I didn't do anything wrong! Arthur did it!

Mr. Read puts three quarters in her hand.

Mr. Read: 75 cents, and you'll get that every week as long as you continue being responsible.

D.W.: Free money? That's an allowance?!

In her imagination, D.W. walks through the park. Emily and Marie Hélène sit on a bench.

Emily: Oh, hi, D.W.! What's new?

D.W.: Oh, nothing much. She empties her backpack and lots of coins and bills fall out. It's called an allowance!

Marie-Hélène: Ooh! You do not have any such amazing zings as zat, Mademoiselle Emily!

D.W.: There's no time for arguing. She snaps her fingers and a taxi stops at the park gate. To the toy store!

Later, the taxi stops in front of Emily’s house loaded with toys.

Emily: Well, thank you, D.W. I guess it’s nice for you to be so rich, now.

She looks annoyed.

D.W.: And nice for you too. Driver!

The driver gets out and unloads the toys.

Emily: What? You mean you bought them for me?

D.W.: Half of them. Friends should be equal.

Emily: Oh, D.W.!

She hugs D.W.

The fantasy ends.

***

Mrs. Read drives D.W. to the park.

D.W.: I can't wait to see Emily's face when I tell her about my allowance!

D.W. gets out of the car and walks to the playground where Emily is sitting in the playbox.

Emily: Oh, hi, D.W.! What's new?

D.W.: Oh, nothing much... She shows Emily the quarters. Look! It's called an allowance! I started getting one last night!

Emily: You mean, you haven't been getting one until now?

D.W. is taken aback.

D.W.: Huh?

Emily: My mom started giving me one last year... Weird. So, d'you wanna make a desert garden?

D.W.: Well...uh...I..you… Oh, I know! They probably had to wait a year so they could save up enough to give me more than you. I get 75 cents.

Emily: I get a dollar.

D.W.: (gasps) A dollar? The Tibbles are on the swings. Hey, do you guys already get an allowance too?

The Tibbles walk over and show D.W. a savings book.

Tommy: Timmy, show her the book. It's called our bank account.

Timmy: It gets bigger and bigger, until you get enough to buy a space shuttle!

Tommy: Race car!

Timmy: Space shuttle!

Tommy: Race car!

Timmy: I said space shuttle!

Tommy: Race car!

They start fighting.

Timmy+Tommy: (struggle)

D.W. looks sad.

***

At the dinner table, D.W. shows her family a long sheet of paper with unreadable writing.

D.W.: It's called a bill. Now, I know you can't remember everything when you have to spend so much time punishing Arthur, but fair is fair. And so I figured out how much money I would have gotten if you'd started giving me my allowance when you were supposed to.

She gives her mom the bill and sits down.

Arthur: You can't read, but you can make up a bill?

D.W.: You don't have to pay me right away. Just before the next time I go to play with Emily.

Mrs. Read closes the door on D.W. in her room.

Mrs. Read: (through door:) You can come out when you learn to be respectful.

D.W. kicks a doll.

D.W.: I was respectful! I didn't even put a French nanny on there, even though I'm supposed to have one! (sobs)

She lies down on the bed and cries.

In D.W.'s fantasy, Emily and the Tibbles are sitting in a bank safe and coloring in books.

D.W.: Hi, guys, can I color with you?

Emily: Do you have a bank account book?

D.W.: No, but...

Emily: Then what is there for you to color?

She closes the safe door.

D.W.: Aw.

The fantasy ends.

D.W.: (sniffles)

***

The next morning, Mrs. Read makes pancakes in the kitchen. D.W. comes in.

D.W.: Good morning, Mother! Do you need any help with breakfast?

Mrs. Read: Why, thank you, honey. That's very...

D.W.: Responsible. I know.

D.W. sets the table.

During breakfast she pours milk on Arthur’s cereal and some on his arm.

After breakfast she does the dishes. She drops a plate, glues it together and puts it on a stack of also recently glued plates.

D.W. dusts a dresser in the living room. She vacuums the floor and Pal’s fur.

D.W. cleans the toilet and the bathtub.

Eventually, D.W. sits in the back of the car looking worn out.

D.W.: So, now I've done all that responsible stuff without you even having to ask me, how much more allowance do I get?

Mrs. Read hits the brakes and turns around to give D.W. a stern look.

Parents drop off their kids at preschool. D.W. looks around at the other children. Amounts of money appear below each child: Edwin ($1) Liam ($1.50), Sarah ($3), and Amanda ($100). When she comes to Emily, the numbers just spin.

Emily: Hi, D.W.! (laughs)

D.W. holds her stomach.

D.W.: Mom, can I go home? I don't feel good.

***

Arthur, Buster, Francine, and Muffy watch Bionic Bunny in the Reads’ living room. D.W. comes in wearing pajamas and holding a clipboard. She turns off the TV.

Kids: (D.W.! Hey!)

D.W.: This is an emergency. I need to know all your allowances.

Arthur: Why?

D.W.: Because you're all friends, even with different allowances. I have to know how you do it?

Buster: Do we get different allowances?

Kids: (I don't know. Do we?)

D.W.: You mean you never asked? Don't you wanna know? The others exchange confused looks.D.W. walks out. Is everyone besides me crazy?

Francine: Your sister is weird.

Arthur nods and turns the TV back on.

Buster: By the way, how much allowance do you get?

D.W. is on the phone.

D.W.: The mayor, please. Well, just tell him that as a law-abiding citizen and ‘taxi’ payer, I demand a law that every kid has to get the same allowance.

Mrs. Read: D.W.!

D.W.: Y-yes, Mom?

The older kids come out of the living room.

Buster: That's so unfair!

Francine: Consider this the end of our friendship!

Muffy: It's not my fault! I deserve more.

Arthur: Thanks a lot, D.W.!

D.W. looks out of the window. Francine and Buster are angrily walking away, while Muffy calls for her limousine.

D.W.: That's it! Nobody has to know I don't get more allowance!

***

The next day, Mrs. Read drops D.W. off in front of the preschool.

Mrs. Read: There's always gonna be someone who has more allowance than you. But there are plenty of kids who have less, too. You should be happy with what you have.

D.W.: You're right, Mom. I'm sorry I was being such a baby. And just to show you how responsible I am, I'll walk all the way into school by myself.

Mrs. Read: Okay. I'll pick you up at two. Don't forget your money for this month's milk tickets.

D.W. walks to the door and waves to her mom as she drives off. When her home has gone, she reaches into her backpack.

D.W. walks into preschool wearing sunglasses and a tiara and carrying a red handbag. She turns to someone supposedly outside the door.

D.W.: And pick me up exactly at two, or you're fired! She takes an old telephone receiver out of her handbag. Yes, I just wanted to find out how much money I have in my bank account today? Mm-hm. Uh-huh. Mm-hm. Oh! That much, already? Everyone is staring at her. I'm sorry but I had to find out how my allowance was doing. Oh, excuse me. I have to make another call.

Tommy: I never knew D.W. was a princess!

D.W.: Bilvoo meemo matiya, buka. Letmo exzeemo washa. Mm-hm ...Mm-hm ...Bientôt! That was just my Balonian nanny. They're way more expensive than the French ones but, as I always say, if you have enough allowance, it's worth it. She sits down and fans herself with a play money bill. Oh... I'm so exhausted. Could you please bring a very, very rich girl a pillow?

She gives the Tibbles the bill.

Timmy+Tommy: Yes, your highness!

Miss Morgan comes with a roll of tickets.

Miss Morgan: Okay, everybody. Have your money ready for this month’s milk tickets.

The Tibbles return bringing pillows.

Tommy: Here, Princess D.W.!

Timmy: Mine is better!

D.W.: Thank you, boys. Don't spend it all in one place. She hands them more play money. Oh, Emily, let me buy you your milk tickets this month. My allowance was raised to a gazillion dollars. In fact, I'll buy the whole class milk this month.

She waves several bills.

Miss Morgan: That's very nice of you, D.W., but this is just play money.

Edwin+Liam: (giggle)

D.W.: No, it's not! I mean it’s... Oh, I must have left my real allowance at home. Er, let me make a call.

She drops her bag and a Mary Moo Cow toy phone falls out.

Phone: “Mary Moo Cow says hello.”

Tommy: She's not a princess! We want our pillows back.

D.W.: Just ‘cause I don’t get the same allowance doesn't mean I'm not as good as you are! (cries)

***

The preschoolers are taking their naps.

D.W.: (sniffles)

Emily: D.W.? Does this mean, you don’t want to play with me anymore? What if I shared my allowance with you so we both had the same?

D.W.: You'd do that?

Emily: If we could play again.

D.W. holds out her hand and Emily gives her a coin.

Tommy: Emily's really nice!

Timmy: Yeah, a lot nicer than Princess D.W.!

D.W.: I'm just as nice as Emily. See, I can give my allowance away too. She gives Emily two coins. Wait! Why don't we just keep our own allowances? It's probably easier that way.

Emily: Okay. Does this mean we're friends again?

D.W.: Yeah. It's stupid to get so crazy about money. I'll never do that again.

***

That evening, D.W. sits on the couch in her pajamas and phones her grandma.

D.W.: Hi, grandma, it's D.W. I'm calling on behalf of the D.W. allowance fund.

Mrs. Read: D.W.!

D.W. hangs up.