Kiss and Tell/Transcript

Introduction

The introduction begins on a castle’s balcony with D.W. as Juliet and Nadine as the nurse.

D.W.: O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?

Nadine: Yes, milady. I didn't quite get that. Do you need something?

D.W.: No, I was just practicing my Middle English. I'm looking for Romeo.   (shouts:) Yo, Romeo! I haven't got all day, you know!

A prince climbs up the ivy to the balcony..

Prince: (groans)   He falls off.   Darn ivy!

D.W.: How long am I supposed to wait for this guy? I washed my hair, I cleaned my dress, and this is the thanks I get?

Nadine: I’m sure he’ll be along any moment, milady.

D.W.: Here he comes!    They run towards the ivy. The prince jumps onto the balcony.    Hey! You’re not Romeo!

Prince: And you’re not Rapunzel! Ah. Must have the wrong balcony. Sorry.    He grabs a branch of ivy. It breaks and he falls.   Ahh!

D.W.: Where’s my Prince Charming?!!

#

D.W. visits Emily who tries on her new hat in front of a mirror.

Emily: (hums to herself)  Isn't it trés charmant?

D.W.: I think they wear those hats in Thunderdance.

Emily: Here you can have my old beret.

D.W.: Thanks

Emily: Look what else I bought in Paris. La Tour Des Vaches, the French version of Tower Of Cows.

D.W.: Emily. I don't know how to stack French cows!

Emily: Pierre and I played it for three whole hours.

D.W.: Pee...who?

Emily: Pierre. I told you. My new French friend.

D.W.: Oh!

Emily: We also played tag along the Seine - that's a river – and hide-and-seek in the Louvre - that's a museum - and...

D.W.: Tommy Tibble and I did cannonballs in the pool for four whole hours, and this one time, (giggles) he got water up his nose!

Emily: D.W., I haven't even told you the best part yet. On my last night in France, Pierre kissed me.

D.W.: Ew! That's disgust... Oh, I get it! You dared him!

Emily: No, no, no - we were at the Luxembourg Gardens watching a marionette show. Just when the baker was about to hit the thief with a rolling pin, Pierre grabbed my hand, and then it just happened.   She lies down on the bed.    (sighs)  It was the most magical moment in my whole life.

D.W.: The most magical moment in your whole life?! Come on! It was more magical than “Elfs On Ice”?

Emily: Oh, yes! It was even more magical than “Unicorns On Ice”. I'm telling you, D.W., for that moment, I was a princess in a fairytale.

D.W.: I thought it was glass slippers that turned you into a princess.

Emily: A kiss does it much faster.

D.W.: I want a kiss, too! I want to be a princess.

Emily: Oh, D.W., you don't know the first thing about amour.

D.W.: Oh, yeah? You'll see! I'll find a prince, and we'll have plenty of “smores”!

She leaves angrily, but comes back to get the beret.

#

D.W. talk to Nadine in front of her house.

Nadine: But you've kissed lots of people, D.W.: your parents, Grandma Thora, even Arthur. How come you never turned into a princess before?

D.W.: It's not the same! Kissing a boy your own age is an entirely different kettle of worms!

Nadine: Why?

D.W.: You see, it's like this...         

The Tibbles approach on the other side of the fence.

Timmy: Quit it!

Tommy: Ow! You quit it!

Timmy: Quit it!

Tommy: You quit…

D.W.: Then she got a kiss in France.

Tommy: Hey, there's D.W.. She's talking to herself again.    They look through the fence. Nadine is invisible to them.

D.W.: I should be able to plant a kiss on one of them!

Timmy+Tommy: Hhh!

Tommy: Maybe she wants to kiss us!

Timmy: Maybe someone dared her to!

Tommy: No, er, she probably wants to get rid of her cooties!

Timmy: Dared!

Tommy: Cooties!

Timmy: Dared!

Tommy: Cooties!   

They roll on the ground fighting. D.W. comes to the fence.

D.W.: Hey, guys, whatcha doing?

Timmy+Tommy: Agh-hhh-hhh!

Tommy: Let’s get out of here!    

They run away. Nadine appears beside D.W.

Nadine: You could kiss one of them.

D.W.: Ha-ha! Yeah, good one. No, I'll know when the right boy comes along.

#

Arthur is studying on his bed as D.W. comes in.

D.W.: Arthur, I need your help! What can you tell me about kissing?

Arthur: What?? Nothing!

D.W.: Come on, you must know something about the birds in the trees, like how can I get a boy to kiss me?

Arthur: I don't know. Ask Mom. I'm doing homework.

D.W.: Oh, you're no help!    She sees a book with two kissing people lying on the ground.      Aha! You do too know something about kissing! You have a book all about it!

Arthur: This is the story of Romeo and Juliet, D.W.. It’s based on a play by William Shakespeare. We're reading it in school.

D.W.: And? What's it about?

Arthur: (sighs) If I tell you, do you promise to leave me alone?   D.W. nods.   Okay, there's this boy named Romeo and this girl named Juliet, and their parents don’t like each other, but they fall in love anyway and plan to run away together, but there's a misunderstanding and it all ends badly. The end.

D.W.: Where's the kissing part?

Arthur: Um, I think they kiss at a ball when they’re in disguise.

D.W.: A disguise?  Hm.

#

D.W. wants to spin the merry-go-round in the playground.

D.W.: (groans)       Hey, Tommy, Timmy! Can you give me a hand with this?

Tommy: It's her!

Timmy: Stay away, stay away!

Tommy+Timmy: Aaah!    They run away.

With some difficulty, D.W. spins the merry-go-round by herself and jumps on.

D.W.: James, James, help me! This thing is out of control!   James hears her and comes running.   Oh! I think this is it!    She purses her lips. James stops the merry-go-round and D.W. falls off.     Whoa!   James picks up her handkerchief.

James: Here, you dropped your hanky. He leaves.

D.W.: Hm! Some hero!

#

D.W. has staged a “busy housewife”-act that James has ignored. D.W. stumbles and falls.

D.W.: That's it! What's the matter with you, anyway?

James: What do you mean?

D.W.: I've tried everything and you still won't kiss me. What does a girl have to do? All I want is to be a princess like Emily. I don’t think that's too much to ask, but I chose the one kid in the whole class who won't even notice me and now I...    James kisses her on the cheek.

James: Can I go now? I left my cookies on the radiator.

D.W.: Uh-huh.    She feels her cheek.      Hey, I'm still me!  

#

After preschool D.W. is in the coatroom.

Emily: D.W., James kissed you! He kissed you right on the cheek! Pierre only kissed me on the hand.

D.W.: Yeah.

Emily: You should have my new hat - you really earned it.

D.W.: Er, you keep it. It's don’t see what the big fuss is about.  I'd much rather do cannonballs with the Tibbles. Hey, Tommy, Timmy, are you guys going to the pool?

Tommy: Hh! Run, Timmy! Run!        They run out the door.

D.W.: Wait! Come back! What's with you two? Wait!        She runs after them.