Hic or Treat/Transcript

Introduction

Arthur searches his closet and throws stuff on the floor. D.W. comes in.

D.W.: What are you doing? (hiccups) Besides messing up your room?

Arthur: None of your business!

D.W.: (hiccups)

Arthur: And stop hiccupping, okay? You're driving me nuts! (He closes the door on D.W.)

D.W.: (hiccups) (Arthur finds a green jacket and puts it on. He addresses the audience)

Arthur: You know how some kids dress up as kitty cats and fairies on Halloween? Well, that's not what Halloween's about. I'll show you what I mean.

Luke, Emily and a girl dressed up as a dog, pumpkin and princess ring Mrs. Featherfoffer’s doorbell.

Kids: Trick or treat!

Mrs. Featherfoffer:' Oh, look. You're so cute. (She picks up a bowl of candy when Arthur comes from the side)

Arthur: Wrong! See, on Halloween, you're supposed to look like monsters. You’re supposed to scare people. Try again. He closes the door. The doorbell rings. Arthur opens and the kids are now dressed as an ogre, ghost and vampire.

Kids: Trick or treat!

Arthur: There you go, much better. (He takes the bowl from Mrs. Featherfoffer and distributes candy)

Back in his room Arthur puts on boots.

Arthur: Scaring people on Halloween is an important tradition. Plus, it's fun. Watch this. He puts on a face mask and attempts to scare D.W. who is listening at the door. (Evil laugh)

D.W.: Haha! Is that your idea of scary? What's on your face? Underpants? Haha-ha! (hiccups)

Title Card: Arthur Hides from D.W.

D.W.: Arthur?

Arthur: (shushes)

Episode

Arthur, Francine, Brain and Buster make sketches of their Halloween costumes in the treehouse.

Arthur: Check this out. I'm going as Frankentist. Half Frankenstein, half dentist! Scary, huh?

Francine: Not really. I'm gonna be a prom queen.

Buster: What's scary about that?

Francine: Trust me. Me as a prom queen will be scary.

Buster: That's not half as scary as Candyboy!

Francine: Candyboy?

Buster: He's a boy who never gets candy. It makes him really mad!

Arthur: So, what's your costume, Brain?

Brain: I'm going as the Fourteenth Century. This is the castle and these are the serfs, and here’s a village where false beliefs are taking hold. The others look blank. The Fourteenth Century! Don't you get it? No hygiene? No moveable type? No science!

Arthur stands in front of D.W.’s room.

Arthur: Guess who's going to have the scariest costume this year? Me. He walks to his room. D.W. follows.

D.W.: Nu-uh, Arthur. >Hic!< I'm going to be way scarier than >Hic!< you!

Arthur: What could you possibly think of that's scarier than Frankentist?

D.W.: Lots of things! >Hic!< How about a hairless mouse? Or a dog that walks on its hind legs? Or a rollerskate without shoelaces?

D.W. and Arthur sit at the breakfast table, still arguing.

D.W.: Or, I could be a brown banana. That's scary! >Hic!<

Arthur: Mom! Can you please make D.W. stop hiccupping? She's been doing it since yesterday.

D.W.: I can't >Hic!< help it.

Mrs. Read: Did you try holding your breath, D.W.? Maybe that'll work. D.W. has her mouth full.

D.W.: Okay...hhhhhhppp!

Arthur: Cut it out! That's worse than hiccupping!

D.W.: Pphh! She suddenly exhales and spits chewed bread on Arthur. Oops! Sorry! >Hic!<

Francine, Brain and Arthur sit at a table in the library working on their sketches.

Francine: What's scarier? A crown or a tiara? And why are you covered in crumbs?

Arthur: (sighs) It's all D.W.'s fault. She's been hiccupping for two days and it's driving me crazy.

Francine: Well, curing hiccups is easy. All you have to do is drink a glass of water, upside down.

Arthur: You mean, you have to be upside down when you drink the water? Or, you have to hold the glass so it's upside down when you drink?

Francine: Beats me, I've never had the hiccups.

Brain: Some scientists believe that if you scare someone, you can cause an esophageal contraction, and they'll stop hiccupping. He shows a drawing of the esophagus which Arthur takes.

D.W. sits on the living room couch watching Mary Moo Cow.

Mary Moo Cow: One plus zero is what?

D.W.: >Hic!<

Mary Moo Cow: Excellent! Now, girls and boys, let’s try something harder. Arthur sneaks up to the couch, then jumps up.

Arthur: RRAAAARGHHH! He slips on a crayon and falls on his back.

D.W.: >Hic!< Is that your idea of scary?

Arthur: Oww!

The Reads sit at the dinner table.

D.W.: >Hic!<

Mr. Read: D.W., isn't there any way you can stop hiccupping?

D.W.: No. >Hic!<

Mrs. Read: She's tried everything - holding her breath, drinking water. I don't know what else to do.

Arthur: Brain told me to scare her. But it only made her hiccups worse.

D.W.: That's because there's no way >Hic!< you could scare me! You're too >Hic!< arthury. >Hic!<

Arthur is drawing in his room. D.W. comes with a toy unicorn and a list.

D.W.: Okay, Arthur. If you really want to scare me >Hic!< then here's my list of things that are scary >Hic!< Arthur tries to read the list.

Arthur: "Doo-bonny"? D.W. lies down on Arthur’s bed.

D.W.: Dark Bunny. I've never >Hic!< seen it, but I've heard it's scary.

Arthur: "Oc-puss-us"?

D.W.: Octopuses! If one fell in my bath, I don't know what I would do!

Arthur: This can't be right! Number three looks like a cookie?

D.W.: It is. >Hic!< Eating a gingerbread man. Eww!

Arthur: How is that scary?!

D.W.: They're creepy. Those little raisin eyes... and fat legs! Keep reading.

Arthur: "Un...aye"? D.W. pets her unicorn.

D.W.: Uni. >Hic!< Losing Uni. No! Having to give Uni to the Tibbles! >Hic!< That'd be the scariest thing in the whole wide world!

Arthur: D.W., why can't you be scared of normal stuff like aliens and cobwebs? D.W. shrugs. All right. How about we start with number two?

D.W. sits in the bathtub wearing a bathing suit.

D.W.: I'm >Hic!< ready. Ready for the octopus!

Arthur: D.W., it's not scary if you know an octopus is coming! You have to be surprised!

D.W.: Oh. Okay. >Hic!< La-de-da-de-da. >Hic!< I'm just sitting here in the tub, not waiting for an octopus. Arthur throws something in the tub.

Arthur: It's an octopus!!

D.W.: Arrrrgh! Ahh- aah... What is this?! >Hic!< It's a balloon with pipe-cleaners! >Hic!<.

Arthur: Well, I didn't have an actual... Oh, all right. Let's try Dark Bunny. He throws the “octopus” in the trash.

D.W. sits on the couch wearing a bathrobe.

D.W.: Okay, let's get this show on the road >Hic!< Arthur turns off the light.

Arthur: Before we start, do you need your blankie?

D.W.: My blankie bit the dust a long time ago! >Hic!< Arthur turns on the TV. Dark Bunny stands on top of a tall building.

Dark Bunny: I tell you, Mary, I have to change my evil ways. But how? Mary Moo Cow stands beside him.

Mary Moo Cow: It's easy to be good, Dark Bunny! Just start by spelling the word "good". G-O-O…

Arthur: What?! This can't be right! He checks the TV schedule. "Friday on Dark Bunny: Mary Moo-Cow pays the bad bunny a visit."

Mary Moo Cow+Dark Bunny: (sing:) "Being good is the best time... "

Arthur: Noooo! Turn it off!

Arthur and D.W. sit in the Sugar Bowl. D.W. has a gingerbread man on a plate in front of her.

D.W.: Are you sure he won't be mad that I ate him? >Hic!<

Arthur: Trust me. I am one thousand percent sure!

D.W.: Okay. >Hic!< Here goes. She bites of the head. Head. Eyes. Not bad. >Hic!< Arm. Hm-hm, leg. Em… Arthur looks bored. D.W. stands up. Arthur! It's alive! It's moving inside me!

Arthur: It's a cookie, D.W.! Sit down!

D.W.: He's mad, I can feel it! He's coming back up...(burps) >Hic!<

Arthur: (sighs)

Arthur and D.W. walk up to the Tibble house, which has lots of Halloween decorations.

Arthur: This is the last scary thing on your list. It'd better work.

D.W. rings the doorbell. The Tibble twins open dressed up as devils. D.W. hands them Uni and a bag.

D.W.: This is Uni. And her clotheshorse, horse clothes barn. The Tibbles look confused. And the schoolhouse and unicycle and pedalactic convertible. And don't you dare even touch her! Because as soon as I stop hiccupping, I want her back! >Hic!< She and Arthur run to the street.

Arthur: That didn't seem too scary.

D.W.: It was terrifying! Poor Uni. Will I ever get to see her blue hair again? Will I ever get to crayon her face? Did you hear that?

Arthur: Hear what?

D.W.: I'm not hiccupping anymore.

Arthur: Yaaaay!

D.W.: Woo-hoo!

Arthur: We did it! Brain comes by.

Brain: Hi, Arthur. Hi, D.W.

D.W.: Look, no hiccups!

Brain: Good for you. You know, I was just reading about the world record-holder for hiccups. Some guy named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for sixty-eight years! Can you believe it? Well, see ya. He walks on.

D.W.: >Hic!< Oh, no! Oh, no!

In D.W.’s imagination she stands on a stage as an old woman (though still as tall as a four-year-old). Behind her is a huge clockface, a poster of herself and the words “World Record”.

Show Host: We're here to see if D.W. Read can set the world record for hiccups!

D.W.: >Hic!<

Crowd: (cheers)

Show Host: Tell me, how does it feel to be this close to making history?

D.W.: Terrible! >Hic!<

Show Host: If you can continue hiccupping for another thirty seconds, then it'll be officially sixty-nine years since you started! Which makes you...uh, let’s see... sixty-nine...

D.W.: Old.

Show Host: Right. Veeery old! Let's watch and see, shall we. They look at the clockhand. D.W. grabs her throat. What's wrong?

D.W.: I can't hiccup anymore!

Show Host: Now you decide to stop?? D.W. shrugs. Ehh, it's a bust, folks. Go home.

Crowd: Awwww! Everybody starts leaving. D.W. sadly shakes her head.

The fantasy ends. Arthur and D.W. walk home.

D.W.: At least I don't need a Halloween costume this year. >Hic!< I can just go as Hiccup Girl. >Hic!<

Arthur: That's pretty scary, I have to admit.

At the Reads’ living room Mrs. Read, dressed as a witch, helps Mr. Read get into his sandwich costume. He holds Kate who is dressed as a bee.

Mrs. Read: Why aren't you wearing a costume, DW..?

D.W.: I am. I'm Hiccup Girl. >Hic!< See?

Mrs. Read: Don't worry, your hiccups won’t last forever.

D.W.: No. Just sixty nine years, give or take a few seconds.

In Arthur’s room, Brain, Buster, Francine and Arthur are putting on their costumes. Arthur looks at himself in a hand mirror.

Arthur: I don't look scary at all! I look... weird.

Francine: It's not like this is a competition or anything. Because if it was, you'd come in last. (chuckles)

Buster: Let's go, okay? Candyboy needs some candy!

Francine: Buster, are you sure you can see out of that mask? Buster walks out with his hands held in front of him.

Buster: Sure can!

Brain: Oww! Watch it!

Buster: Sorry, Brain.

The kids wait downstairs. Arthur comes down the stairs last.

Mrs. Read: Oh, wonderful costumes, everybody! She accidentally unplugs the lamp with her broom. The room goes dark.

Buster: Hey, what happened to the lights?

Mrs. Read: Oops, my broom unplugged the lamp. Hold on a sec, I have a flashlight. She turns on the flashlight and shines it in Arthur’s face. Arthur is wearing a face mask and holding a dental scaler.

D.W.: Aaah! Aahh! Who are you?! What... Help!

Arthur: It's me, D.W.! Can't you tell? Mrs. Read plugs the lamp back in. Arthur takes off the mask and puts on his glasses.

D.W.: That is the disgustingest costume I ever saw! You scared me and I'm never talking to you again! She runs out of the room, but quickly comes back in. Arthur! They're gone! This time the hiccups are really gone! You did it!

Arthur: I did? You mean, I really am scary?! He looks delighted. The doorbell rings. The three kids from the introduction are standing outside in their scary costumes.

Kids: Trick or treat!

Mr. Read: Wow, nice costumes! Just a moment. As he goes in to get the candy, Arthur jumps out.

Arthur: (screams)

Kids: (giggle)

Arthur: Aw. I knew it was too good to be true. (hiccups) (He claps his hands in front of his mouth looking worried)