Francine's Split Decision/Transcript

[Arthur and Buster are at the Ice Cream Shop. They're ordering ice cream.]

• Arthur: Buster.. would you make up your mind already?
• Buster: Just a second.
• Buster: Okay... a scoop of tattoo goo, a scoop of kalamari crunch, a scoop of pretzels and cream, and a scoop of [I don't know how to spell this] on a sugar cone with jalapeños jimmies.
• Arthur [talking to audience]: Have you ever tried to bite off more than you can chew? Buster certainly has.
• Arthur [talking to Buster]: How on Earth are you going to eat all of that?
• Buster: First, I lick to south from north. [slurp]
• Buster: Mmmm. Calamari.
• Buster: Next, I lick from east to west. [slurp]
• Arthur: Buster look out! [Buster's ice cream falls on the ground]
• Buster: Ice cream down! Quick! I need the paddles! [Brain gives Buster paddles] Stand back! I need room!
• Buster: This has to be a perfect shot...
• Buster: andddd... clear!
• [Ice cream lands on the cone]
• Arthur: You really should have been a performing seal.
• Buster: Heyyyy... looks like I picked up some extra nuts.
• [Buster licks the ice cream]
• Arthur: Uaghhhhh!

Francine's Split Decision

Written by Peter Egan--Storyboard by Stéfanie Gignac

[Francine is at the Lakewood Elementary cafeteria]

• Arthur: Francine!
• Buster: Over here!
• Brain: Sit here!
• Francine: Hi guys.
• Arthur: So, how do you feel?
• Buster: Have you been sleeping well? A-Any shortness of breath? It your tongue coated?
• Francine [annoyed]: Buster I'm fine! What's with you guys?
• Brain: We just want you to be ready for the bowling tournament on Saturday.
• Francine: Relax. I've been bowling with my dad since I could walk. We're gonna roll right over 'em.
• Arthur: Boy, won't it be nice to beat Mighty Mountain for a change?
• Buster: I'll say. Remember when you two were having that really big fight and Mighty Mountain creamed us at soccer?
• [Flashback, Brain and Francine score against Mighty Mountain on a header]
• [Flashback/End]
• Brain: As I recall, we won that game.
• Buster: Oh yeah. Well... what about that time it was Friday the 13th and you were really superstitious? Mighty Mountain clobbered us at softball.
• [Flashback, Brain hits a home run]
• [Flashback/End]
• Arthur: We won that game too.
• Buster: Oh... yeah...... but what about the jai alai tournament?
• Arthur: What a disaster...
• Arthur: But that won't happen this time. 'Cause we have the best bowler in Elwood City on our side.
• [Muffy is walking past the table they are sitting at]
• Muffy: Did someone say bowling? Can I play? Those two-toned shoes are so fabulously retro chique.
• Brain: Sorry Muffy, the tournament regulations state that a team can only have four players.
• Muffy: Ohhh... and I was going to get daddy to have some really cool bowling shirts made....
• Arthur: U-U-Umm...
• Francine: Maybe you could be our umm.. bowling fashion consultant.
• Muffy: Goody! But we're going to have to do something with your hair.

[Francine is at her apartment, practicing bowling in her room. She's using Polly Locket dolls as the pins.]

• Francine: It all comes down to this... Frensky has to bowl a strike.. the crowd is breathless...
• [Francine's mother walks into the room with laundry]
• Laverne: Francine what did I tell you about bowling inside the house?
• Francine: Sorry mom, just physcing up for the big tournament Saturday.
• Laverne: You can't go bowling Saturday. It's your cousin Seth's bar mitzvah.
• Francine: What? But I can't miss the biggest tournament Ever for some lame bar mitzvah!
• Laverne: It's an important family event. Besides, it'll be fun. There'll be lots of food, dancing, and you'll get to see all your cousins.
• [She walks out with the laundry]
• Francine: But mom! [drops the bowling ball] The whole school's counting on me! Please? And nobody'll even notice I'm not there! You've gotta let me go!

[The gang is talking at school, in the hallways]

• Arthur: What do you mean you can't bowl Saturday?
• Buster: She's sick! I knew it! Her tongue was furry!
• Francine: No Buster... it's my cousin's bar mitzvah.
• Muffy: Bar mitzvah? What's that?
• Brain: It's the Jewish celebration of adulthood. For males it's called bar mizvah, and for females it's called bat mitzvah.
• Francine: Whatever.. all I know is you turn thirteen, you go to temple, recite some prayers, and everyone says you're an adult. Then there's a boring party with lots of presents.
• Brain: It's more significant then that, Francine. To truly understand you have to go back to the beginning of the Jewish people. When Abraham and Sarah begat Isaac, who begat Jacob, who begat Joseph, who begat--
• Arthur: The point is without Francine we're gonna get creamed again.
• Francine: Guys, I'm sorry. But what am I supposed to do? I can't be in two places at the same time.
• Brain: Maybe you can...

[Brain makes a map, and the gang is discussing it in the treehouse.]

• Brain: According to my calculations, it is possible to attend your cousin's bar mitzvah and bowl for Lakewood. But it will require percission timing.
• Brain: Step one: wear your party dress over your bowling shirt and pants.
• Brain: Step two: Seth becomes an adult no later than 12:30 PM.
• Brain: Step three: Drink one glass of punch at the party. Then, at precisely 12:52 PM sneak out the back door.
• Brain: Step four: Ride your bike over to the-
• Francine: Wait! How does my bike get there?
• Brain: On his way to the bowling alley, Arthur will leave it there for you.
• Francine: Don't forget my bowling shoes.
• Arthur: Wait- how do I get to the tournament?
• Brain: The team fashion consultant will pick you up.
• Brain: Now, where was I?
• Buster: You're just at the park when twin jets come out of the back of Francine's bike and rockets up-
• Everyone: Buster!
• Brain: Step five: You beat Mighty Mountain for us.
• Brain: Final step: Return to the party before anyone misses you.
• Brain: So, what do you think?
• Francine [thinking]: I like it.

[Francine is getting dressed for the party. The shirt she's putting on keeps coming undone]

• Laverne: Hurry up Francine! We're gonna be late.
• Francine: Almost ready!
• [Laverne walks in the room]
• Laverne: C'mon, let's go.
• Seth: [saying Jewish prayers]
• Francine [taling to her mother]: I didn't know Seth could speak Hebrew.
• Laverne: He can't really. But he studied this passage for a year to be ready for today.
• Francine: Wow.
• [Francine's family is walking out of the church]
• [Francine notices it is 12:52]
• Francine: C'mon dad we gotta get to the party!
• Oliver: What's the rush?
• Francine: I'm.. starving. Yeah. Starving.

[At the party, people are dancing. There's a band playing.]

• Francine: This is so cool!
• Oliver: Let's see you get your groove on Frankie. Come with me and dance.
• [Francine looks on her watch. It's 1:05.]
• Francine: Ummm.. maybe later. Right now I have to go to.. the bathroom.
• [Francine goes out the back entrance. Her bike is leaning against a dumpster. No bowling shoes there.]
• Francine: [gasp] Arthur!
• [She's riding her bike. All of a sudden, her chain pops]
• Francine: C'mon... c'mon..
• [She gets oil on her dress]

[At the bowling tournament, A kid from Mighty Mountain is up. He gets a strike.]

• Francine [mad at Arthur]: Where are my bowling shoes?
• Arthur: Oops. Ummm... at my house?
• [Francine looks at Arthur closely]
• Arthur:Hey, at least I remembered your bike.
• Brain: There's no time to argue. You're twelve minutes and eighteen seconds late. Just go rent a pair.
• [Francine runs over to the shoe rental]
• Francine [talking to shoe rental guy]: Quick! I need a pair of shoes... size four.
• Shoe Rental Guy: Sorry, all I got is a ten.
• Francine: Auugghhh...
• [Francine walks back over]
• Francine: I'm coming, I'm coming!
• Francine: What's this? You forgot my bowling ball too?
• Muffy: No, but as the team's fashion consultant I thought your ball looked a little shabby. So I got you a brand new one.
• Francine: This... this looks like a toy. And my fingers don't fit!
• Muffy: Well excuse me! Nobody's perfect. You think I'm happy with your ridiculous combo?
• Brain: Here, use mine. Just bowl!
• [Francine bowls]
• [Mighty Mountain kid bowls]
• Brain: Hugh still thirty-five points behind.
• Francine: It's these shoes! My feet keep slipping out of them!
• Buster: Maybe we can tape them to your feet. I'll find some tape. I've got some time before my next turn.
• Francine: Time? Oh no! I'm late, I've gotta go! Someone bowl for me! I'll be back!

[Francine goes back to the party]

• Laverne: Francine, where you've been? I told your waiter to hold your food.
• Francine: I went outside to get some fresh air. I was feeling kinda queezy.
• [Her dad feels her head]
• Oliver: Hmmm you are a little clammy.
• Francine: So, did I miss the undercooked peas and the overdone chicken?
• [Francine's food is put on their table]
• Francine: Whoah! We're having roast beef? This looks delicious!
• Laverne: Sorry Francine, but if you have an upset stomach I don't think you should be eating meat.
• Laverne [talking to waiter]: Could you just bring us a bowl of plain brothe?
• Francine: Awww....

[Francine goes back to the bowling alley]

• Francine: I'm here!
• [Muffy is bowling]
• Francine: What's she doing?
• Arthur: She had to take your turn because you were late.
• Francine: But.. she's gonna lose us a tournament! That's the worst bowling stance I've ever seen.
• Buster: Actually, she's kinda been getting the hang of it. Oh, here's the tape for your shoes.
• [Muffy throws the ball instead of rolling it. However, it knocks down the only pin left.]
• Francine: Auughhh! This is taking forever! Let me take over.
• Brain: You can't Francine. The rules say she has to finish her frame. Why don't you go back to the party and return for the final round?

[At the party, everyone is dancing.]

• [Everybody is clapping]
• Francine: Oh no! Did I miss the Hora?
• Laverne: Nope, you're just in time.
• [Everybody joins hands, Seth is lifted on the chair]
• [Francine's dad notices the oil on her dress]
• Oliver: What happened to your dress?
• Francine: Oh um. The waiter spilt roast beef on me. What a klutz. Hey. Do I get to go on the chair too? I'm feeling much better.
• Oliver: Sure, after Seth and his parents get their ride.
• [It's Francine's turn!]
• Oliver: Okay Frankie, your turn.
• [Francine notices her watch]
• Francine: Uh shouldn't Catherine go first? She's older. Besides, I need to get some water. To clean my dress.

[At the bowling tournament, once again.]

• [Francine is taping her bowling shoes together
• Francine: There. Mighty Mountain, look out!
• [Muffy bowls the ball. It's going slowly. She gets a 7/10 split.]
• Brain: I can't believe it.. she got a 7/10 split!
• Arthur: Yes!
• [Everybody except Francine lifts Muffy up]
• Francine: You.. you mean it's over?
• Muffy: I chipped a nail!
• Everybody [chanting]: Muffy! Muffy! Muffy!

[Back at the party]

• Laverne: Where were you this time?
• Francine: Uhh.. at the punch bowl?
• Oliver: Y'know, I thought it was your nose that grew when you told lies. But apparantely it's your bowling shoes.
• Francine: [gasp]

[Francine is scrubbing her dad's trash truck]

• Francine [talking to Arthur and the Brain]: After this I have to mop the kitchen floor and then wash out Nemo's litterbox.
• Arthur: Harsh. I guess your mom and dad were really upset you missed part of Seth's bar mitzvah.
• Francine [scrubbing]: Yeah but so am I. I missed a really great party for that stupid bowling tournament.
• Brain: Cheer up Francine. There's another party coming up.
• Francine: There is? Who's?
• Brain: Yours. If you start preparing now, you'll be ready for your bat mitzvah in five years, ninety-three days, and two-hundred and seventy minutes and forty-eight seconds. Forty seven seconds.. forty six seconds.. forty five sec...
• [Francine throws the sponge at Brain because she gets it already]