Fern and Persimmony Glitchet/Transcript

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Fern writes a letter at her desk.

Fern: “Dear Mr Glitchet, I really like your Horrendously Horrible books. I know you must get lots of letters, and that it's hard to answer all of them. My other favorite writers are Mary Shelley and Agatha Christie, but since they're both dead I can't write to them and expect an answer. I'm writing to you because I hope to become a professional writer like you someday. I would appreciate any advice that you have for me. Sincerely, Fern Walters.“ While she is writing, we see a mailman delievering a bag of letters to Max Wheeler who is sitting in a limousine parked by a bridge. He reads Fern's letter and puts it in a folder labelled „Dire Emergencies“. He parachutes out of a plane over a swamp and swims to a small boat, in which Persimmony Glitchet is sitting and writing

Max Wheeler: Hh! Mr. Glitchet. It's one of those dire emergencies. He hands over the letter in a watertight bag.

P. Glitchet: Thank you, Max. He takes out the letter.

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Francine accompanies Fern to the mailbox in front of the Walters' door.

Francine: You don't expect an answer from him, do you? You've been checking every day for weeks. Fern looks through a couple of letters and holds up one of them.

Fern: „P.G., in care of Max Wheeler“. Francine looks astounded. Fern takes a sheet of blank paper out of the envelope. It's blank!

Francine: I told you he wouldn't write back. Fern goes inside and slams the door. Tut.

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In her room Fern paces up and down with the letter. Her mother sits on the bed.

Fern: Why would Persimmony Glitchet bother to send a blank piece of paper?

Mrs. Walters: Well...

Fern: A blank piece of paper can mean only one thing: He used invisible ink just like Victor Brontë did in number five „The Malevolent Mailbox“.

Mrs. Walters: Are you sure?

Fern: Only one way to find out: my Detecto spy lamp. She takes a UV lamp out of her desk. Lights off, please. Mrs. Walters switches off the light. Fern holds the lamp over the sheet of paper. Writing appears. (reads:) „Dear Fern, Extenuating circumstances force me to be brief. If you want to be a writer, I recommand three things. Number One: Read...“ That one's easy. Number two (which is far more dreadful) Write, and perhaps more importantly... Rewrite! Finally, Number Three: Look for opportunities to publish what you write...“

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Fern reads the rest of the letter to Miss Turner at the library.

Fern: „...This can be especially dangerous, which is why I recommend that you never use your real name. Best of luck, Persimmony Glitchet.“ If only I had more opportunities to publish.

Miss Turner: Why don't you submit something to the Lakewood Elementary Reader? They're still taking submissions for the next issue.

Fern: Great idea!

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On the jungle gym Binky is making paper planes out of the Lakewood Elementary Reader.

Fern: Is that a page from „Happy Happenings“?

Binky: Yeah. I liked the happy ending, but the happy beginning and the happy middle didn't work for me.

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At night Fern writes a letter in her room.

Fern: „Dear Mr. Glitchet, I wrote a story and got it published. Thank goodness I took your advice and didn't use my real name, because everybody hated my story. Should I give up? What should I do? Yours truly, Fern. P.S.: Is Persimmony Glitchet your real name?“

Max Wheeler delievers the letter to Persimmony Glitchet who is sitting on a desk in a belfry. Mr. Glitchet takes a sheet of paper and begins to write.

P. Glitchet: „Dear Fern, as to my real name, for your own protection I can not disclose that information.“

Max Wheeler: Indeed, sir.

P. Glitchet: „When people criticize my stories, it helps me to imagine horrible things happening to them.“

At her desk, Fern smiles. She imagines standing in the playound with Francine.

Francine: This story is sooo boring. A flying dinosaur swoops down and grabs her. Augh! Fern smiles. In real life she walks with the letter to the playground and sits down on a swing.

P. Glitchet: „After that, I take a walk, and ask myself if there is any truth to their criticism. Remember dreadful tip number two: write, but more importantly, rewrite. Of course, you can also just quit, and I, for one, would not blame you. Only you can decide. Best of luck, Persimmony Glitchet.“

Fern is back at her desk with the letter and the Lakewood Elementary Reader. She adjusts her bow.

Fern: Time for a rewrite!

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Fern, Francine and many other people are waiting in front of a bookstore.

Fern: „The Dreary Delicatessen“ is finally here! I can't wait to meet Persimmony Glitchet.

Francine: I wouldn't count on it. I heard, he never shows up for these things.

The children walk up to a desk, where Max Wheeler is sitting signing books.

Fern: Mr. Glitchet? My name is...

Max Wheeler: I'm Mr. Glitchet's chauffeur. Mr Glitchet regrets that can not be here today.

Francine: I told you.

In the mystery section a man in a hat stands beside Fern.

P. Glitchet: I much prefer an Agatha Christie mystery to one of those Horrendously Horrible books.

Fern: Actually, Persimmony Glitchet is one of my favorite authors.

P. Glitchet: I hear he's extremely secretive.

Fern: He writes his letters in invisible ink.

P. Glitchet: How do you know?

Fern: He wrote to me twice with advice on writing. I wanted to thank him in person. Francine comes.

Francine: Are you ready to go?

P. Glitchet: May I see your copy of Number Fourteen?

Fern: Um...sure. She hands the book to him. He takes out a pen and writes in it.Then he leaves.

Francine: What was that? Fern opens the book and reads.

Fern: „Dear Fern, When you become a famous writer, I promise not to reveal your true identity. Best of luck, P.G. A fellow writer.“ It must be him!

The girls run out of the store. Persimmony Glitchet is just getting into his limousine. He waves as the car drives away.