Feeling Flush/Transcript

Feeling Flush

Introduction

A desert with circling vultures. Arthur and his friends are walking below.

Arthur: „Student log, May Fifteenth: Still no sign of civilization. We're lost in the Sahara after a trip to the Ellwood Petting Zoo went wrong. Horribly wrong! The only food we have left is...“ Buster takes a bag out of his backpack.

Buster: „Chili pepper popcorn. Now extra spicy!" Binky throws sand at a vulture.

Binky: Shoo! The sand blows in his eyes. Aah.

Arthur: „At least we still have a full bottle of water.“ Francine pours water over her wrist. Francine! What are you doing?!

Francine: I can't tell if this is dirt on my wrist or a freckle. So I'm seeing if it washes off.

Arthur: But we need that water for drinking! „Log Correction. Less than a full bottle...“ Muffy, are you crazy?! Muffy is squirting water at a vulture.

Muffy: Shoo! That bird looks at me funny! I'm trying to scare it off. Shoo!

Arthur: But you're wasting our water! „Water supply's dwindling fast.“ Binky fills a water balloon. A water balloon?!

Binky: Shh! Don't tell anyone. You'll spoil it. Buster looks like he's asleep standing up. Hey, Buster! Binky throws the balloon. At that moment, Buster slumps forward.

Buster: Huh? The balloon misses Buster and almost hits a vulture, which flies off. Arthur holds the bottle.

Arthur: Guys, we'll never survive if we waste all our water! Our lovely, cool, quenching, refreshing... He drinks the bottle empty. Ahh. Oops! The others give him angry looks.

Kids: Grr!

Title Card: Francine Hits Gong

Francine is singing in the shower.

Francine: (sings:)  “Take the midnight train and maybe!”   Catherine is standing outside in a bathrobe and rattling the door handle.    “Maybe I'll be waiting at the station for you!”   Wow. I've never sounded better. I can't believe I've been taking baths all these years.  “You and me now!”

Nemo is sitting on the toilet seat.

Nemo: Meoww!!

#

Catherine sits on the floor outside the bathroom reading a newspaper. Francine finally comes out wrapped in a towel and carrying a wet Nemo.

Catherine: You were in the shower for half an hour.

Francine: Sorry, Catherine. Is there a law against washing?

Catherine: Look at this.      She holds up the newspaper.

Francine: "Boy Finds Chip Shaped Like Donkey"?

Catherine: Not that, this.

Francine: "Drought Hits Elwood City." So?

Catherine: "Reservoir levels at a forty year low."     Francine puts Nemo down.

Francine: So there's a drought. It's not like one girl taking a shower makes a difference.

Catherine: Mom!      She walks off. Francine runs after her.

#

Arthur is brushing his teeth with the water running. D.W. comes in.

Arthur: (hums to himself)

D.W.: Arthur Read! What do you think you're doing?!

Arthur: Hey! D.W. turns off the tab.

D.W.: It's called “water conversation”! Arthur spits.

Arthur: You mean “conservation”! And what it's really called is “annoying your brother”! He turns the water back on and D.W. turns it off again.

D.W.: Miss Morgan says if you use up all the water, there'll be none left for my generation!

Arthur: We're the same generation and I'm not using up all the water!

They turn the water on and off again, then D.W. walks out.

D.W.: Mom!

#

Francine checks the water meters in her appartment building.

Francine: B-9...B-10....

Mr. Sanders: What're you up to, Frensky?

Francine: Nothing, Mr. Sanders!

Mr. Sanders: You're always up to something. Filling my suggestion box with suggestions. We didn't have a suggestion box till you suggested it.

Francine: My mom said the water meter for our appartment is down here.

Mr. Sanders: Yup. They were useful when everyone paid for their own water. Now it's easier if I just raise everyone’s rent some and pay the water myself.

Francine: So, er... I can use as much water as I want and it doesn't cost my parents any extra?

Mr. Sanders: Just how much water are you using?

Francine: Uh...hardly any at all. I'll be checking the water meter all week to prove it.

Mr. Sanders: You know what, Frensky? I think I'll be checking it too. He leaves.

Francine and Catherine simultaneously reach for the bathroom door handle. Francine is carrying a bottle.

Francine: I'll just be a second. I read putting a plastic bottle in the toilet tank sees three liters with every flush.

Catherine: You are gonna put your hand in the toilet? Gross!

Francine goes in.

Francine: It means I won't have to shorten my showers in.

Francine shoos Nemo of the toilet tank and opens the lid.

Catherine: The point isn't to save a little in one place so you can waste a lot somewhere else.

She puts her hand on the lid.

Francine: Let go of the lid!

Catherine and Francine: (grunt)

Nemo watches them struggle. He runs off as the girls drop the lid.

Catherine: No!

The lid shatters on the floor.

Francine: Uh-oh.

#

The Frenskys sit around the kitchen table.

Mrs. Frensky: We're glad you're trying to conserve.

Mr. Frensky: Every little bit makes a difference.

Francine: See?         Francine and Catherine start struggling for the water jug.

Mr. Frensky: So it's time you took shorter showers, young lady.    

Catherine: I tried telling her.  

Mrs. Frensky: And you can stop talking those nightly baths of yours. Showers use much less water.

Mr. Frensky: Unless those showers are a half-hour long. And, Francine, it'll be your job...

Francine: To kick Catherine out of the shower if she's taking too long?

Mr. Frensky: To tell Mr. Sanders about the lid you broke.     Francine’s face falls. Catherine takes the jug.

#

Arthur and Buster walk up to the Reads’ door.

Arthur: So yesterday our family used 1,600 liters of water, which seems like a lot, but...   Ooah!

The living room is full of buckets, pots, cans etc. filled with water. D.W. come in with one more pot.

D.W.: Since you old people are wasting all my water, I need to take things into my own hands.

Arthur: D.W., this is almost four liters of water! Just how much water have you used?

D.W.: I don't know. The bathtubs are pretty big.

Arthur: The bathtubs? No!

#

Buster comes down the basement stairs. D.W. comes after him.

Buster: Arthur, whatever's wrong, hiding in the basement won't help. Believe me, I speak from experience.      Buster stands by the water meter with a notebook.

Arthur: I'm not hiding; I was reading the water meter. In the last 24 hours, we've used...   He writes in the notebook.  ...over 2,000 liters??

#

Muffy and Francine are standing outside the Crosswire’s outdoor pool and drying themselves with towels.

Francine: I've just got to win this bet with Arthur. I put a plastic bottle in the toilet. That's bound to help.

Muffy: Oh, wait, I forgot to put the pool cover on. Mom and Daddy make me do it every time 'cause it saves, like, a ton of water a month.

Francine: Do you need help?

Muffy: No, that's okay, I'll handle it. But this drought's getting to be a real drag.    She presses a button. A cover slides automatically over the pool.  

#

Francine checks the water meters with a notebook.

Francine: So since yesterday… carry the two, plus three…we used 2,500 liters? How is that possible??    

Mr. Sanders comes into the room.

Mr. Sanders: I knew you were trouble. If yourfamily keeps using water like that, you'll be paying for it.

#

Francine listens at the door of the boys’ room at school.

Arthur: (with full mouth:)  Yeah, that goal in the third period was amazing.

Francine: Ha! I knew it!    She walks in. Arthur is brushing his teeth.   You can't save water at home and waste it somewhere else, Arthur. I'm calling a 20-liter penalty.

Arthur: Oh, yeah? Well, I call a 200-liter penalty on that certain shower you took at a certain friend's house.     Muffy stands at the door.

Muffy: Sorry. It slipped out.

Francine: Okay, okay. We'll play fair for the rest of the bet.   She holds out her hand.  Agreed?

Binky comes out of a cubicle closing his belt. He sees Muffy.

Binky: Ah. Ahh!!   How did they get in here?!    Francine runs out.

#

A split screen shows both Francine and Arthur turning off the taps while their dads are shaving.

Francine checks the water meter.

Francine: 3,000 liters?

Mrs. Laverne is about to turn the dishwasher. Francine runs in front of her and presses the “Econo” button.

Francine checks the water meter.

Francine: 3,400? How can the numbers be going up?

Mr. Read washes his van with a garden hose. Arthur turns the water off.

Catherine comes out of the shower. Francine stops the time with a stop clock.

Francine: That shower was four and a half minutes. Try to shave a minute off next time. Now, come on!

Catherine: Where are we going?

Francine: We need to get this petition signed!   She goes into her room.

#

Francine checks the water meter.

Francine:  It's impossible! How can our family be using 3,600 liters a day? Something's wrong with the meter.    Mr. Sanders walks in.

Mr. Sanders: The meter's fine. It's you Frenskys using up all the water in town. And look what I found in my suggestion box. Everyone in the building signed a petition for new toilets! Do you know how many units are in this building...?    He keeps on talking.

Francine: (thinks:)  3,600 liters a day? What happens if the number just keeps rising?

In her imagination she is singing in the shower.

Francine: (sings:)  “Not the ten-o-five, but the midnight train!”     The water stops. She knocks against the shower head with her brush. Catherine comes in with a newspaper. The headline reads “Francine Wastes Last Drop In Elwood City”.

Catherine:  You've done it now, Francine. You just used all the water in Elwood City.

Francine: Hh!  Oh, no! But Muffy's birthday pool party was today.

Francine runs to Muffy’s house.

Francine: (pants)     On her way she passes the Barnes family begging for water in Great Depression era clothes.

Binky: Spare any water, sir?    A man opens a briefcase and takes out a small bottle labelled H2O. He uses a pipette to put a drop of water in Binky’s cup.     Thank you, sir.   And thanks a lot, Francine!

Francine arrives at the pool.

Francine: I'm here! Muffy!      Buster, Muffy, Sue Ellen, Brain, Jenna an Arthur are sitting at the bottom of the empty pool with party hats, balloons and a birthday cake.

Muffy: Thanks a lot, Francine.

The fantasy ends. Mr. Sanders is still talking.

Mr. Sanders: …not to mention the labor installing 110 toilets. And where would I even put 110 toilets...

#

Francine, Arthur, Muffy and Buster are gathered in the Frensky’s living room.

Arthur: So after a whole week the moment of truth has arrived. The Reads used 10,500 liters last week. How about the Frenskys?    Francine wordlessly shows Arthur a piece of paper.   34,000 liters?? Francine, do you run a car wash in here?

Francine: I've checked for leaks in the toilet. I fixed the dripping faucet in the kitchen. I just can't figure it out.

Buster: There's clearly only one explanation: aliens.

A fantasy shows a flying saucer. Two translucent aliens drink a pink fluid.

Buster: I read even though alien technology is superior to ours in many ways, they somehow failed to develop flush toilets for their spaceships. Which means only one thing...   The saucer hovers above the Frenskys’ house.   They have to make intergalactic rest stops on our planet. An alien beams down. You hear the toilet flush, then the alien beams up again.   The aliens must really like your bathroom.     The saucer flies away. The fantasy ends.

Francine: Aliens? Thanks, Buster. I'll keep that in mind.    The toilet flushes.    My parents aren't home, so that must have been Catherine.    Catherine is standing by the refrigerator.

Catherine: What must have been Catherine?

Buster: If it wasn't her, it must have been… an alien!

Francine and her friends are standing in front of the Frenskys' bathroom.

Francine: What should we do?

Muffy: We can't just burst in. It's not polite, even if it is an alien. The toilet flush is heard from inside.

Francine: That's another twenty liters of water. All right, alien, I've had it with you! She opens the door.

Kids: Ahh! Francine's cat Nemo is standing on the toilet and playing with the flush.

Francine: Nemo?? So you're the one?

Arthur: That's why I have a dog.

#

Arthur, Francine and Muffy and Buster walk home from school. Francine is carrying two bags.

Arthur: I tried not to put too many books in it today.

Muffy: Don't worry, Francine. Only ten days left.

Francine: At least Sanders replaced all the toilets in my building. Over ten years he'll be saving 25 million liters of water. So I lost the bet, but,,, I also kind of won.   They stop in front of the Frenskys’ apartment building.  Shh, listen.    A flushing toilet is heard. Francine smiles.