Family Fortune/Transcript

Family Fortune

Introduction

Mr. Read is searching a pile of letters.

Mr. Read: Has anybody seen my keys? He lifts a couch cushion and finds a Mary Moo Cow doll.

D.W.: You found my Mary Moo Cow! Thanks, Dad. She grabs the doll and runs away.

Mrs. Read: Now, where did I put that tax file? Mr. Read finds a chew toy under the couch. He throws it to Pal. Mrs. Read opens a cupboard. The keys are inside.

Mr. Read: My keys! Mrs. Read hands him the keys and they kiss. Arthur searches his backpack.

Arthur: I know I put my new Bionic Bunny comic in my backpack. He empties his backpack on the floor. Several things fall out, including a stack of files. What's this?

Mrs. Read: Oh, I've been looking everywhere for that! Thank you, Arthur. She takes the files. Arthur sniffs at a half eaten sandwich that was in his backpack.

Arthur: (sniffs) Eew! Yuck! Pal comes in. Arthur throws him the sandwich. Have you ever noticed how when you're looking for one thing, you often find something else instead? Pal brings a comic book. My comic! Thanks, boy!

Title Card: Arthur in Shower

D.W. and Arthur are in Grandma Thora’s living room. D.W. drops a few books in front of two stuffed animals.

D.W.: These books are due back in three weeks. This book is overdue. You owe me six hundred dollars. If you don't have the money, I do take credit cards.

Arthur: D.W., shh! I don't want to miss anything.

TV Announcer: And now, back to Treasure Caravan.    On TV a woman looks at a chair.

Evaluator: Tell me where you found this chair.

Man: Well, I bought it for ten dollars at a yard sale. Turns out that it's not that comfortable to sit on. So I've been keeping it in the garage.   D.W. steps in front of the TV.

Arthur: D.W., move.

Grandma Thora: Ten dollars. Who knows what it's really worth.

D.W.: It's just an ugly chair.

Arthur: That's what you think.

Evaluator: I would say it was made some time in the 1790s.

Grandma Thora: It's a Federal-style chair.

D.W.: So what?

Arthur: Shh!

Evaluator: There are teeth marks on the legs. I'd say it was once owned by someone with a dog.

Man: I wondered about that.

Evaluator: Of course it would be better if there were no teeth marks. However, at auction this chair could easily bring...    She thinks.

Arthur: A thousand dollars?

Grandma Thora: It's got teeth marks. I'm going to say five hundred.

D.W.: You've got to be kidding.

Evaluator: Thirty thousand dollars.

Arthur: Thirty thousand dollars!

D.W.: For that old thing?

Grandma Thora: And to think he paid ten dollars for it.

Kate: (giggles)

Grandma Thora: I love this show.   She kisses Kate.

Evaluator: That's it for this week's edition of Treasure Caravan. Be sure to join us next time when the Treasure Caravan will be coming to you from the Elwood City Center.

Arthur+Thora: Hh!

Evaluator: So come on out. And remember, every treasure has a story.    Grandma Thora turns off the TV.

Grandma Thora: This is our chance to be on Treasure Caravan. I'm going to call and get us tickets.

Arthur: But we have to find something good to take. I don't want to be one of those people who brings in a piece of junk.

In a fantasy Arthur puts a bugle on a table in front of the Treasure Caravan evaluator.

Arthur: It's a bugle from the Civil War.     The evaluator looks at it.

Evaluator: Oh, my, it can't be from the Civil War period. It's plastic.   She taps it on the table.

Audience: (laugh)

Arthur: Are you sure?

Evaluator: This is just a cheap little toy. But maybe you could use it as a noisemaker.   She blows the bugle. It makes a honking sound. Arthur buries his face.

Arthur: Oh!

The fantasy ends.

Arthur: I don't wanna look like a fool on TV.

D.W.: You can't trick the cameras, Arthur.

Grandma Thora: I bet we can find something worth taking in my attic. Come over tomorrow and we'll see.

#

Buster, Arthur and Muffy sit at a table at the Sugar Bowl.

Buster: I can't believe Treasure Caravan is coming to town.

Muffy: I'm taking this sapphire necklace that once belonged to royalty.    She shows them a necklace in a jewelry box.

Arthur: Where'd you get that?

Muffy: It was passed down to me by my great-grandmother, Taffy Crosswire. She was traveling back from Europe on a steamship when she made the acquaintance of the Archduchess of Moldavia.

Flashback: Two richly dressed ladies meet on the promenade deck of a steamship.

Irina Katrina: Allow me to introduce myself, I am Irina Katrina von Hapsenburg, Archduchess of Moldavia.    Taffy Crosswire curtsies.

Muffy: They became fast friends. One night, there was a storm at sea. The Archduchess seemed troubled.

Taffy Crosswire and the archduchess sit in a cabin playing a game.

Irina Katrina: Oh, Tafflina, please tell no one, but I am in desperate need of money.

Taffy Crosswire: Perhaps I can help.

Irina Katrina: I would never dream of accepting charity.

Taffy Crosswire: And I would never give it. But how about if you sell me that necklace you're wearing?

The flashback ends.

Muffy: So my great-grandmother bought the necklace and now it's mine.

Buster: Whoa! It must be worth millions.

Arthur: Stuff like that never happens in my family.

#

Arthur sits on Buster’s bed. Buster opens a drawer and takes out a box with hockey cards.

Buster: So, I can't decide if I should take my hockey collection or all the things I collected that were clearly let behind by aliens. He opens a drawer containing a Rubik's cube, a vinyl single, an ashtray and what appears to be a piece of bent metal.

Arthur: I would... er... go with the hockey cards.

Buster: You're right. It's probably better not to let them know I got this stuff. So what are you taking? Arthur looks at Buster's food collection.

Arthur: I'm still looking for the right thing.

#

Arthur, D.W., Grandma Thora and Kate walk up to Thora’s attic.

Grandma Thora: Oh, my there's even more up here than I remembered.

Arthur: We'll search every inch until we find something amazing.    D.W. picks up a box labelled “Little Dan O’Brien”.

D.W.: This looks really old.    She blows dust off the box.

Grandma Thora: It's yours if you'd like it.

Kate: (cries)   Kate reaches for an Indian blanket in a chest.

Grandma Thora: What's wrong, Kate? You like that blanket, do you?    She gives Kate the blanket.   I'm going to put Kate down for her nap.

Arthur: Hng. We'll keep looking.   Grandma Thora goes down the stairs while the kids search boxes.

#

Arthur play with plastic flamingos he found in the attic. D.W. tries to start an old gramophone, but the handle breaks off.

D.W.: Whoops.   Arthur searches a box and finds a red footie pajama.

Arthur: Huh?    They keep on searching. D.W. finds a bowling trophy.

D.W.: Ooh! This looks like it's made of gold.

Arthur: Let me see that.     They both grab the trophy.

D.W.: No way! Finders, keepers!

Arthur: Get out of my way!    A stack of boxes tumbles down. Behind them is a chair.      Hh!

#

Mr. Read carries the chair into Thora’s living room. He bangs it against the door.

Arthur: Dad, careful!     Mr. Read puts the chair down.

Mr. Read: Do you remember where you got this chair?

Grandma Thora: I really don't, but it does look a little like the chair we saw on TV.   Arthur polishes the chair.

Arthur: No teeth marks, so who knows what it could be worth.

In a fantasy the chair is standing on a pedestal in a TV studio. Arthur and a show host sit next to it.

Host: Welcome to The Recovery Channel. Tonight we're talking to Arthur Read, the boy who recovered the most valuable chair of all time.

Audience: Ohh.

Arthur: At first I thought it was one of those thirty thousand dollar chairs, but when I saw it was in perfect condition, I knew it was even more valuable.

The fantasy ends.

D.W.: Arthur, watch out!     Arthur almost sat on D.W.’s box.     Sheesh. You almost crushed my special box.

#

A line of people is waiting in the Treasure Caravan studio. Mr. Read carries the chair which is wrapped in brown paper. He puts it down and wants to sit in it.

Arthur: Dad, no sitting in that chair!

The evaluator examines Muffy’s necklace.

Muffy: This blue sapphire necklace was passed down to me by my great-grandmother. She purchased it from the Archduchess of Moldavia, the famous Irina Katrina von Hapsenburg.

Evaluator: And how did your great-grandmother become acquainted with the archduchess?

Muffy: They met aboard a steamship when she took a trip to Europe.

Evaluator: Well, the first thing you need to know is that these sapphires are actually simulants.

Muffy: Ooh! Sounds expensive.

Evaluator: They're imitations, fakes. It's costume jewelry.

Audience: Oh!

Muffy: Hh!

Evaluator: And secondly, to my knowledge, there was no Archduchess of Moldavia by the name of Irina Katrina von Haspsenburg.

Muffy: There wasn't?

Flashback: The “archduchess” is in her ship’s cabin stuffing money into a bag.

Evaluator: I believe that your great-grandmother was tricked.

Irina Katrina: (laugh)    Her laughter begins to sound male. “She” takes off a wig revealing a man.  There’s a sucker on every ship.    (laughs)   He runs out.

The flashback ends. Muffy looks downcast.

Evaluator: However, it is a beautiful piece of costume jewelry. Not everyone can get away with a color like this. Look how it brings out your eyes.    She puts the necklace on Muffy who smiles.

Audience: Aw.    Clapping.

#

Arthur and his dad are next in line. Buster runs up to him.

Buster: I'm glad you told me to bring the hockey cards. I just found out that this card is worth five dollars and forty-five cents, and I only paid a quarter of it.

Mr. Read: That's great!

Buster: Is that the chair? Can I see it?

Arthur: I can't unwrap it. It might get scratched or something.

Buster: Mm, okay. I'm going to go find the Caravan popcorn stand. I'll be watching for you on the TV screens. Good luck.   He runs off. Arthur waves.

#

It is the Reads’ turn. Mr. and Mrs. Read, Grandma Thora, Arthur, D.W. and Kate are gathered around the chair. The evaluator examines it.

Evaluator: Oh, my! This is uncanny.

Arthur: Thirty thousand dollars. Thirty thousand dollars.

Evaluator: The overall design, the shape of the legs and the seat.    She sits in the chair.   It's remarkable.

Mr. Read: It is?

Grandma Thora: Really?

Evaluator: I see a lot of chairs, but this one is exactly like a chair my grandmother used to have. I have fond memories of sitting in a chair like this at her house.

Grandma Thora: How nice.

Arthur: But what's it worth?

Evaluator: Maybe twenty-five dollars.

Arthur: Twenty-five dollars?! But it looks exactly like the chair that was worth thirty thousand dollars.

Evaluator: Oh, no. This was made in the 1970s, not the 1790s. No comparison, really. Now, that looks like something special.    Kate is asleep in her stroller. She is holding the Indian blanket. Arthur takes the blanket and give it to the evaluator.

Arthur: This?

Evaluator: This is an original dance apron made by a Native American tribe from the Pacific Northwest called the Chilkat.

Arthur: How would something like that end up in your attic?

Grandma Thora: My mother said it was passed down to her from her great-uncle. He was a prospector who went to British Columbia to seek his fortune.

Evaluator: A dance apron like this was a common gift at potlatches among the native people there.

Arthur: What's a potlatch?

Flashback: An Indian chief gives the dance apron to a man in European clothing.

Evaluator: It's a ceremony in which you give away as many gifts as possible to your guests. Maybe your great-great-uncle was a guest at once.    The uncle bows and admires the apron. The flashback ends.

Arthur: Wow! I wish we could find out for sure.

Evaluator: Do you know if he ever wrote letters home or kept a diary?

Grandma Thora: My mother said he used to write home occasionally.

Arthur: We should find those letters.

Evaluator: It's so wonderful that you care about your family history.

Kate: (cries)    The Evaluator gives her the blanket. She stops crying and sneezes.

Arthur: Wait, how much is that dance apron worth?

Evaluator: Well, this one's really worn. But I'd say… about five thousand dollars.

Audience: (gasps)

Arthur: We can't let her have a five thousand dollars!   He pulls at the blanket.

Kate: (cries)       The evaluator looks shocked. D.W. shakes her head.

D.W.: See what I have to put up with?

Audience: (gasps)   Buster and Muffy are watching Arthur on a screen in another part of the studio.

Buster: I never knew Arthur liked aprons so much.   

Muffy: Oh, it's so sad when money gets in the way of family.

Kate: (cries)       

Arthur: (sighs) Here you go.    He gives Kate the blanket.

Audience: Aw.   Clapping.

Evaluator: Now, that's the real meaning of family treasure.

D.W.: He'd never be that nice if we weren't on TV.   She hands the evaluator her box.