Don't Ask Muffy/Transcript

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Buster: Um, excuse me, I’m looking for a book on how to become a comedian.

Bookseller: Sure. Would you like “Comedy for Dopes”, “Comedy for Imbeciles” or “Comedy for Complete and Utter Dodos”?

Arthur: Some people even go to psychiatrists for advice.

Buster lies on a couch.

Buster: Last night I dreamed I was chasing a jelly donut. I tried to grab it, but it kept rolling away.

Psychiatrist: Uh-huh. And how does that make you feel?

Buster: Hungry.

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Binky: Who’s “anonymous” anyway? Is he that geeky second grader with red hair?   [Aloysius Zimmerplotz]

Arthur: Anonymous could be anyone, Binky. It’s what people call themselves when they don’t want to be found out.

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Muffy and Buster have discovered that Molly is the advice giver.

Buster: Molly. Can I ask you a question?

Molly: Why not? Everyone else does.

Buster: What do I do if I told this friend that I’d help her do something, but now I don’t wanna do it anymore.

Muffy: Good one. That’ll stump her.

Molly: I say, the direct route is the best route. Just tell her how you feel.

Buster: Okay.   to Muffy:  I quit!

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Muffy has copied Molly’s looks and taken up skateboarding. She rings Molly’s doorbell.

Muffy: How much do you want?

Molly: Muffy? Is that you?

Muffy: I’m serious. How’s fifty percent of the talk shows profits? Just tell me your secret of giving good advice.    Do you by chance have a chair? I think I’m going to fall down.    She sways. Molly steadies her.

Molly: Come in. You look terrible.

Molly takes Muffy to her room in the basement.

Molly: So, like, why are you so into this advice thing anyway?

Muffy: So that I can be rich and successful like Hoprah Linseed, of course.

Molly: But you’re already rich. And you can’t be successful at something you’re totally lame at.

Muffy: Lame?? You’re calling me, Mary Alice Crosswire, lame?

Molly: Yeah, ‘cause you don’t listen.

Muffy: I’ll have you know that the Crosswires are successful at anything… What did you say?

Molly: The secret to giving good advice is listening, Muffy. Haven’t you read Hoprah’s autobiography?       She holds up “Hoping with Hoprah”.

Muffy: No.

Molly: Well, maybe you should before you start pursuing a career as a talk show host.

Muffy: Okay. You really do give good advice. Thanks, Molly.      She wants to leave with the book.

Molly: Hey! I’m not giving you my copy. Buy your own, moneybags.   She blows her hair out of her face.

Muffy: You know, I might not be so good at listening, but I can spot a fashion faux-pas from a mile away. Those bangs? Oh, they’re very dreary. Show off your cheekbones, girl.