Arthur Rides the Bandwagon/Transcript

Introduction

In a department store, Arthur and Buster look at a commercial on a TV screen. Three children are pressed against the back wall of a dark alley looking scared. A shadow falls over them, which turns out to be a girl holding a Woogle.

Announcer: Is it a toy? Is it a pet? Is it an alien?

Kids: (scream)

Girl: No, it's my Woogle!

Jingle: “Oh, they bounce like a ball, / they stretch like a snake, / they wiggle and waggle and shimmy and shake. / They smile when you hold them / and cry when you don't. / They're Woogles, Woogles, Woogles! / They say something cute when you give them a squeeze. Like…”

Woogle: “Can I have a hug, pretty please?”

Jingle: “You can put them in hats or even a dress. / And they're better than pets ‘cause they don't make a mess! Woogles, Woogles, Woogles!”

Woogle: Woogles come in every color of the rainbow, and then some! So collect them all! Take me home today!

The commercial ends. Arthur shakes his head.

Arthur: Ha! Woogles! Who would ever buy something so dumb?! Hey, Buster? Buster?

Buster has just bought a Woogle.

Arthur: Oh, brother!

Title Card: Stampede

Buster dribbles his Woogle as they walk home.

Arthur: Buster, I can't believe you bought one of those things. They're so dorky!

Buster: Yeah, you're right, but I really like it anyway.

Arthur: Why?

Buster: I don't know.

He tickles the Woogle.

Woogle: (giggles)

Buster: (chuckles) His name's Bilbo.

Arthur stares at him. Muffy comes running with another Woogle with a huge nose.

Muffy: You got Bilbo? That's one of the only Woogles I didn't get! Say hello to Snuffles.

Buster: Hi, Snuffles.

Muffy squeezes her Woogle.

Snuffles: Atchoo!

Buster+Muffy: (laugh)

Arthur: This is a joke, right? I mean, you guys don't really think those things are cool. Do you?

Muffy: Come on, Buster. He just doesn't get it.

She pulls Buster away.

Buster: Does your Woogle like to sit under lamps? Mine does. But I was worried about him melting...

Arthur: Huh??

***

Arthur walks into the classroom and tries to sit beside Francine.

Arthur: Francine, you're not gonna believe what Buster and Muffy just bought... Augh!

He jumps up after sitting on a Woogle.

Fracnine: (chuckles) Oh, Arthur. You should have seen your expression when you sat on Archie!

Arthur: Archie?! You bought one, too??

Francine: Sure. Why not? It was worth it for that gag alone.

Arthur: Oh...

Mr. Ratburn comes in. He puts his suitcase on the desk and takes out a Woogle.

***

During recess, Arthur notes that every kid seems to have at least one Woogle.

Francine: Arthur, you look so...Woogle-less. I got two Archies. You can have one. Here.

Arthur: No. No, thanks. I don't need one those dumb things.

Francine looks shocked.

Francine: (gasps) If you don't wanna have fun, okay, it's a free free country, but don't take it out on my Woogle!

She leaves.

Francine: Did that mean boy hurt Archie's feelings?

Arthur looks around at the other kids playing with Woogles. Brain sits at a table with a book.

Arthur: Hey, Brain, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's not playing with a Woogle! Why are kids so into those things?

Brain: It's a fad, Arthur, a popular fashion that's briefly capturing the imagination of a community.

Arthur: What??

Brain: Maybe Tiny Einy can explain it better.

He pulls out a Woogle with hair like Albert Einstein.

Tiny Einy: Fun equals you times me squared!

Arthur: Ohh...

He looks miserable.

***

That night, Arthur tosses and turns in bed.

Arthur: (groans) Woogles... Why...?

In his dream, the third-graders pose for a class photo.

Photographer: Let's make this a great class picture! Big smiles! Wait a second! Where's your Woogle?

Arthur questioningly points at himself.

Photographer: Yeah, you - bow-tie!

Arthur looks around and sees that everyone is suddenly holding Woogles.

Arthur: (gasps) Um... I... I don't have one.

Photographer: Oh, this is a disaster! Let me think, let me think... Aha!

Shortly afterwards.

Arthur: Are you sure I don't look doofy?

Photograph: No, kid, you look great. No one will notice the difference.

Arthur is holding a stick of broccoli. The picture is taken.

An adult Arthur shows the class photo to his children.

Adult Arthur: After that, everyone called me... Broccoli Head.

Arthur's daughter: Father, do you mean you don't have a Woogle to give me? Every other kid at my school has their parents' old Woogle!

Arthur: No, I don't have one. Sorry.

A violin plays.

Arthur's baby: (cries)

The kids get suitcases and leave. The baby pulls the suitcase with his teeth.

Arthur's daughter: It can't be true. Oh, the shame! I only hope there are some kind grown-ups out there with extra Woogles who will take us in.

The daughter opens the door. Outside are Arthur’s adult classmates with their children.

All: Broccoli Head! Broccoli Head! Broccoli Head! Broccoli Head! No Woogle, Broccoli Head! Broccoli Head! Broccoli Head! Broccoli Head!

Arthur: No!! No, no, no!

The dream ends.

Arthur: No... (gasps) ... No... not Broccoli Head...

He sits up.

Arthur: Whoa.

***

Arthur runs into a toy store where a clerk is just setting up a sign saying “Sold out”.

Arthur: Sold out?! There was a huge box of them just yesterday!

Clerk: Yup, they went like hot cakes.

Arthur walks along a street. There are signs in the shop windows saying “No Woogles”, “All gone” and “Don’t ask”.

Arthur: "No Woogles." "Sold out." "No more you-know-whats."

Arthur enters the park where Muffy is having a tea party with a large collection of Woogles.

Arthur: Muffy, there isn't a Woogle left in any store in town. You have a lot. Can I buy one? Please?

Muffy: Sure. I have four Gogos. You can have one cheap. That'll be 27 dollars.

Arthur: You said I could have one cheap!

Muffy: That is cheap, according to the official Woogles Collectors Price Guide.

Arthur: I only have five dollars!

Muffy: Then you don't have a Woogle.

***

Arthur walks home looking sad. He sees a street vendor with a partly obscured sign saying “-oogles”.

Arthur: Hey! I'll take one! I'll take one!

He buys one. The vendor moves some watches and reveals that the sign actually says “Poogles”. Buster walks by.

Buster: Poogles?! Eeeew!

***

Arthur returns to the park, where Francine has joined Muffy’s tea party.

Arthur: Hi, guys. Mind if we join you?

Francine: What's that?!

Arthur: It's my Woogle. His name is Charles.

Francine: Charles? I don't think so!

Arthur: Okay, I don't know his name. But it's a Woogle, so I can play, right?

Muffy: Arthur, Woogles stretch like a snake.

She stretches her Woogle. Arthur tries the same with his Poogle, but it does not work.

Muffy: And they shimmy and shake.

She wobbles her Woogle. The Poogle just falls over.

Muffy: And they bounce like a ball.

She bounces the Woogle. The Poogle just drops to the ground.

Muffy: And they say something cute when you give them a squeeze.

She squeezes her Woogle.

Woogle: I wuv you! (giggles)

Arthur tries to squeeze the Poogle and nothing happens. Buster joins them.

Buster: Hey, Arthur, you bought one of those Poogles??

Muffy: Poogles?

Francine: Poogles?

Francine+Muffy: Eeeew!

Arthur: I knew it was a Poogle all along! I meant to buy a Poogle!

He leaves and passes a mother with three babies in a stroller. He gives the Poogle to them. The babies pass it along. The baby that ends up with it starts crying.

Baby: (cries)

***

Arthur sits on Grandma Thora’s couch. She brings him cookies and milk and coffee for herself.

Arthur: Everyone has one but me. And, I don't know, I just feel really left out.

Grandma Thora: That's how fads work. Everyone just has to have it now. But soon no one will even care.

Arthur: But it's not soon now! It's now now! And everybody cares... a lot!

Grandma Thora: I wish I could help. I remember when your father... Wait a minute! I bet I still have it.

Arthur: Have what?

Thora takes a small box out of a closet.

Grandma Thora: Rocky! Your father's pet rock! They were all the rage 20 years ago. Here, you can have it.

Arthur looks at the box and shakes it.

***

Arthur walks home with the box. He sees Binky coming from the other direction.

Arthur: (gasps) Binky! I can't let him see me with this! He'll laugh at me!

He turns and sees Francine and Muffy coming from behind.

Arthur: (gasps)

Francine: Hey, Arthur, what's in the cage?

Muffy: Has your Poogle been bad?

Arthur: It's not a Poogle. It's a pet rock.

Muffy: What's it do?

Arthur: Um... It rocks! Heh heh. Get it?

Francine+Muffy: Yeah.

They look unconvinced.

Francine: Poor Arthur. Not having a Woogle has messed him up bad.

Binky: Cool rock!

Arthur: (groans)

***

Buster walks to school holding his Woogle.

Buster: And after school, you'll get to visit Muffy and all her Woogle pals. We can sit by the pool. Won't that be fun?

Arthur: Oh, hi, Buster!

Buster: I'm gonna talk to Arthur for a sec. Okay, Bilbo? Bilbo says hi.

Arthur: I was wondering. Do you think it's possible that Woogles aren't good for you?

Buster: What do you mean?

Arthur: Well, you spend all your time with it. We haven't played hockey in days. It's just Woogle, Woogle, Woogle, day and night, like you can't help yourself.

Buster: I can help myself. I don't need it. I could get rid of it at any time and not care.

Arthur: Are you sure?

Buster throws the Woogle into a trashcan and walks on. After a few steps, he stops. Both boys stare at the Woogle.

Buster: (gasps)

Both boys jump at the Woogle and pull at it, stretching it like rubber.

Buster: Let go! It's mine!

Arthur: (strains) You don't even want it anymore! You put it in the trash!

Buster: (strains) It doesn't count! You tricked me!

The Woogle slips out of Arthur’s hand and coils around Buster’s head. Both boys fall backwards.

Arthur: Waaah!

Buster: Oh! Poor Bilbo.

Arthur: Can I just see it for two seconds? I've never even held one.

Buster: All right. Just two seconds.

Buster holds the Woogle and looks delighted. Buster checks his watch.

Buster: One-two-time's up!

He snatches it back.

Buster: What did you think?

Arthur: It wasn't so great.

He runs after Buster.

Arthur: Can I have another two seconds?

Buster: No.

Arthur: How about one?

Buster: Uh-uh.

***

Arthur walks up to Binky in the cafeteria.

Arthur: Can I sit with you? You're the only other kid left who doesn't have one of those dopey toys.

Binky: Yeah. And since they're so dorky you couldn't pay me to have one!

Muffy: Hey, Binky, I finally got another Chartreuse Woogle! Enjoy!

She throws a Woogle to Binky, who squeezes it.

Woogle: (burps)

Binky: O-hoho! It burps! Check it out! (laughs)

Arthur: Grrr!

He leaves.

***

Arthur sits on a park bench and plays with a Bionic Bunny action figure.

Arthur: “Have no fear! Bionic Bunny is here! Keeping the world safe from... from...” There's nobody left to play bad guy!

Every other kid in the park is playing with Woogles. Francine walks up to Arthur.

Francine: Hey, Arthur, you're sitting here all by yourself. I still have an extra Archie. Take it and come play with us.

Arthur: Gee, thanks.

Francine: But first you have to admit you were wrong to say they were dweeby and that you really always wanted one!

Arthur: What?!

Francine: Just say it! Say, "I’ve always loved Woogles" and it's yours.

Arthur: Okay, I’ve always loved... No, I can't say that. But... Okay, okay. No! I still think they're dweeby! I don't even know why I want one!

He takes the cap off a juice bottle.

Arthur: I bet... I bet even this is more fun than a Woogle!

He makes clicking noises with the cap.

Francine: Yeah, right, like anybody could think that old cap is more fun than a lovable Woogle.

Suddenly, the other kids stop playing and look at Arthur.

Arthur: Hey, cool!

Boy: Wow, where'd you get that? I want one.

All kids crowd around Arthur.

***

Some time later, Arthur sits on Grandma Thora’s couch and she gives him a present.

Grandma Thora: Here, Arthur. This is for doing so well on your report card.

Arthur unpacks a Woogle and puts it on the couch beside him..

Arthur: Gee, Grandma, thanks, but you were right about these just being a fad. Now it's juice caps! They're really fun!

He clicks with a cap. All over town kids are doing the same thing. In front of a store, Woogles are now on sale.