Arthur's Family Feud/Transcript

Kitchen

• David Read: (waits for his soufflé to finish; the timer soon goes off)

Dining Room

• David: Delicate, delectable, delightful...
• Jane Read: Dear, what is it?
• David: Behold the David L. Read super soufflé. (Opens the door to witness his ruined soufflé)

Kitchen

• David: (Screams)
• Arthur: She did it.
• D.W.: No, he did it!
• Arthur: No, she did it!
• D.W.: I'm telling you, he did it!
• Jane: (Angrily) Everyone, into the living room, Now!

Living room

• Jane: Alright. What happened?
• (Arthur and D.W both explain in unison, making David angry)
• David: (Angrily) I've heard enough! No TV for both of you for 2 months!
• Arthur: Why am I being punished? It's her fault!
• D.W.: Was not!
• Arthur: Was too!
• David: (Angrily) That's it, 3 months!
• Arthur and D.W.: Three months?
• Jane: David. Maybe that is a bit...
• David: Four months! (Beat) (Frustrated) Oh, forget it.
• Arthur: Look how upset you made Dad, D.W.
• Jane: Okay, you two. I think you both need to cool down a little. Up to your rooms.
• D.W.: Can I still go to the petting zoo with the Tibbles later?
• Arthur: And I have to go to the Bionic Bunny Arcade. It just opened.
• Jane: We'll just have to wait and see.

Arthur's Room

(Arthur plays with a bouncy ball while lying on his bed.)

• Arthur: It's not fair. She does something wrong and I get punished too. I'll probably be always taking the blame for her.

(imagination fades) (D.W. and Arthur are in her bedroom which features a lot of Crazy Bus merchandise.)

• Arthur: D.W., where did you get this Crazy Bus stuff?
• Police Officer: Open up! It's the police!
• D.W.: (gasps)

(Two policemen barge into D.W.'s room.)

• D.W.: Arthur! What are policemen doing in your room?!
• Arthur: My room? But this is your...

• Police Officer: Looks like we caught the Crazy Bus crook red-handed! Book him Charlie!

(One of the policemen put Arthur in handcuffs) (A newspaper comes up on-screen saying "ARTHUR ARRESTED", "CRAZY BUS SAFE".)

Jail Cells

(Arthur plays a harmonica while he is in a jail cell, D.W. comes to visit him.)

• D.W.: Hello, Arthur. I asked Mom and Dad to come too, but they wouldn't. They were too ashamed.
• Arthur: You're the one who should be in here! I'm innocent and you know it! '
• D.W.: Oh, blah blah blah blah. You'll be out in 50 years. Here, I thought you'd wanna listen to music. D.W. gives Arthur a handbag, opens it, takes out a Crazy Bus toy radio, and presses play.
• Arthur: No! Arthur covers his ears.

(D.W. puts on a pair of sunglasses while laughing evilly.) (imagination ends)

Arthur: I better do something about this before its too late!

D.W.'s Room

(D.W. is lying on her front on her bed with her pillow on her head.)

D.W.: (muffled) Why is it me? With all of the good brothers in the world, why did I get stuck with Arthur?

(A small rock hits one of D.W.'s windows) (D.W. opens her window)

• Timmy Tibble: We just wanted to make sure you were still coming to the petting zoo.
• D.W.: Probably not. I'm being punished for something Arthur did!
• Tommy Tibble: That's the worst. I'm always being blamed for something Timmy did!
• Timmy: I get blamed more!
• Tommy: No, I do!
• Timmy: Liar!
• Tommy: You're the liar!

(Tommy and Timmy get in a fight.)

• Timmy: Liar!

• D.W.: Look at those two. They can't go two minutes without fighting! (sighs) That's what Arthur and I will be like forever!

(imagination fades) (Old Arthur and D.W. are fighting at Shady Pines)

Shady Pines

(loud grumble)

• Old Arthur: Admit it! You broke the soufflé!

• Old D.W.: No! You did it!

(Old Arthur and D.W. bump into each others wheelchairs.)

• Old Arthur+Old D.W. (BOTH): (grunt)

(They slide away from each other.) (imagination ends)

• D.W.: I don't wanna spend all my time fighting. Its so boring!

(D.W. opens her door.) (Arthur opens his door.)

• Arthur: I've given it a lot of thought, and I think we should do the right thing.
• D.W.: Me too.

(Arthur and D.W. walk up to each other.)

• D.W.: Well, aren't you gonna confess?
• Arthur: Me? But it's your fault!
• D.W.: Is not!
• Arthur: Is too!

(Jane is the computer downstairs.)

• D.W.: Is not!
• Arthur: Is too!
• Jane: (sighs) We've got to get to the bottom of this.

Dining Room

• Jane: You're father and I have come to a decision. Arthur, You can go to the arcade, and D.W., you can go to the petting zoo.
• David: If, and only if you can resolve this problem.
• Jane: We wanna hear what happened from both of you. If you want, you can draw pictures to help explain, Okay?
• David: And we're not going to interrupt each other. Who wants to go first?
• Arthur+D.W. (BOTH): Me!
• Arthur: Let's arm wrestle to decide!
• D.W.: No way! Your arm is bigger!
• Jane: D.W., how do you think we should decide who goes first?

• D.W.: We should flip a coin.

(David takes out a coin and flips it.)

• Arthur: Heads!

• D.W.: Tails!

(David looks at the coin.)

• David: Heads.
• D.W.: I was going to say heads! Can we flip another coin to see who gets to say heads first?
• Jane: No, dear. Arthur, you go first.

(Arthur explains by drawing pictures in a notepad.)

• Arthur: I'll tell you exactly what happened. I was in the den sitting on the couch.
• D.W.: Liar! You were in the chair!
• Jane: D.W., your turn is coming.
• Arthur: Anyway, I was just minding my own business, doing my homework. When D.W. came barging in wanting to play.
• Drawn D.W.: Play with me now!
• Drawn Arthur: I can't D.W. I have to finish my homework.
• Arthur (V.O.): So she started bothering Pal. She was throwing his bacon toy all wrong. So I had to show her the right way to do it.
• Drawn Arthur: Like this. He throws the bacon toy and Pal catches it with his mouth.
• Arthur (V.O.): Then I threw it to her, but she missed it because she wasn't paying attention.

The bacon toy hits a picture frame and went in the kitchen.

• Drawn D.W.: I got it! I got it!
• Drawn Arthur: D.W., wait!
• Arthur (V.O.): I tried to tell her to watch out for Dad's soufflé, but I didn't get there in time. Drawn D.W. bumps into table and David's soufflé falls on the floor.
• Drawn D.W.: (gasp) Arthur did it.

(Arthur finishes his story.)

• Arthur: And that's just the way it happened. So you see? It was all her fault. The end.
• D.W.: Boy, I'm surprised we're not all asleep. That's usually what happens when people isn't a fairy tale!
• Jane: OK, D.W. Now you can tell us what happened.

(D.W. tears out Arthur's paper out of the notepad.)

Kitchen

• Jane: David, that is the most beautiful thing you've ever made!

• David: No, it isn't. It's the most beautiful thing we've ever made! Dig in! 
• (chattering)