And Now Let's Talk to Some Kids/Transcript

And Now Let's Talk to Some Kids

Introduction

Arthur is sitting in class.

Arthur: Have you ever noticed how people's personalities fit them perfectly?

Mr. Ratburn: We need more homework and quizzes. Buster is reading a joke book.

Buster: (laughs) I love jokes! They're funny!

Francine: to Muffy: No, I'm not going to the mall. I'm playing soccer. And so are you.

Muffy: Oh, you are so rude!

Arthur: Now imagine if they had different personalities. They's seem really weird!

Mr. Ratburn (Buster's voice): And for tonight's homework, everyone find one really funny joke and read it in class tomorrow. If I laugh, you get an A. (laughs)

Francine: No, I'm not going to the mall. I'm playing soccer... and so are you.

Binky (Muffy's voice): Oh, you are so rude! I'd rather go to the mall. They had the cutest sneakers on sale.

Pal is asleep on Arthur's desk where Arthur is daydreaming instead of doing homework. Pal sits up.

Pal (Mr. Read's voice): Arthur!

Arthur: Aaagh!

Pal (Mr. Read's voice): Are you thinking about math or daydreaming? Seven times three is not twenty-eight, it's twenty-one. Seven times one is seven. Seven times two is fourteen. Seven times three...

Arthur: Okay, okay. See how weird that would be? It's so much better when people act like themselves. Well, most of the time.

Pal (Mr. Read's voice): And after you do your homework I want you to scratch me behind the ears.

Title Card: Stampede

Arthur, Buster and D.W. watch “The Magic Toolbox” at the Reads’ house.

Theme Tune (on TV): “There's a level and a rule and keys for all the padlocks. Tools don't have to go to school. They learn in the magic toolbox!”

Arthur: This is a great show. What do you think Sammy Screwdriver's really like?

Buster: I like Newt the Nut better. He’s screwy.

D.W.: I like the part where real kids like us talk. And it’s coming on, so be quiet!   

On TV the “Let’s Talk to Some Kids” segment begins.

Kids (on TV): And now let’s talk to some kids.

Monkey Boy (on TV): Gravity is the force that makes us stick to the Earth. Without gravity we'd float away.

Aardvark Girl (on TV): Gravity is what makes an apple hit you on your head.

Arthur: I wonder how they choose these kids to be on TV.

Buster: Their parents probably work on the show.

D.W.: Imagine if they picked you! Here's Arthur on TV.   She imitates glasses with her fingers.   “My name is Arthur and my dog is named Pal. And blah-dee blah-dee blah! Isn't that interesting?" And here's the audience watching Arthur on TV.    She lies down and pretends to sleep.    (snores)

Buster: (giggles)

Arthur: Very funny, D.W.  He gives Buster a look. Buster stops giggling.

Buster: I always think snoring is funny.

#

In class Mr. Ratburn passes out quizzes.

Mr. Ratburn: For this geography quiz, fill in all the country names in the entire world in their proper locations. And, as always, spelling counts.    Arthur looks at his quiz while Brain starts working on his. Arthur looks over to Mrs. Fink’s class. Mrs. Fink hold up a globe.

Mrs. Fink: Who can tell me where this is? Kenny?

Kenny: Um, Earth?

Mrs. Fink: That's right. Very good. Cookies for everybody!

Mrs. Fink’s class: Yay!

Arthur: (sighs)    Mr. Haney enters Mr. Ratburn’s class.

Mr. Haney: I'm so sorry to interrupt a quiz, (chuckles)  but I have exciting news. The TV show “Magic Toolbox” is coming here to make a “Let's Talk To Some Kids” segment!

Class: Wow!

Mr. Haney: And because Mr. Ratburn's class is the hardest working in the school, you've been chosen!

Class: (chatter)

Buster: My Mom said working hard in class would pay off, but I didn’t think so soon.

#

In the school playground. Arthur and Brain ride the seesaw. Francine and Sue Ellen are on the swings.

Arthur: I can't believe we're all gonna be on TV!

Francine: Oh, I don’t know. The camera probably won't be able to resist focusing on me. They'll put me on the show for sure!    

In her imagination she jumps out of a toolbox dressed as a screw.    

TV Announcer: Here's the new star of Magic Toolbox: Francine Frensky.    

The fantasy ends. Francine runs off.  

Francine: I'd better prepare for this. See ya!

Sue Ellen: Do you think Francine will get all the attention? TV shows need action.        She sees herself practicing with a bō staff and doing karate moves.   Hi! Ya! Ah aah!   She breaks the camera.

Cameraman: Ow!    

Sue Ellen: Ooo-ya!    The fantasy ends.  I've gotta go too. Bye!    She runs off.

Arthur: What would you practice to do on TV?

Brain: I won't even think about it. I'm working on a project for the science honor roll. That’s more important to me.

Arthur: I'm not thinking about it either.     He sees himself playing a grand piano inside a toolbox.  Well, see ya!       He runs off. Brain's end of the seesaw comes down.

Brain: Ah!  Ow! Gravity is the only important scientific principle that can really hurt your backside.

#

Arthur is practicing the piano while Buster reads jokes from a book.

Buster: What time is it when an elephant sits on your watch? Time to get a new watch! Thank you! Thank you!    D.W. comes in.

D.W.: Buster. What are you doing?

Buster: Practicing to be on TV. Maybe I'll get my own show.

D.W.: You on TV?   In her imagination she is sitting on the floor in front of the TV, just as she does at the end of the “Arthur” theme song.

Buster: Hey, D.W.   Buster sits in the TV screen in the “Arthur” logo. The show's name is now “Buster”.

D.W.: Hey!

Buster: Whoa.     Instead of falling backwards he falls out of the TV into the room.

D.W.: I knew it! I knew there were little people in the TV. Mom!    The fantasy ends.

Buster: If I become famous, you can be on TV with me, D.W.

D.W.: No, thanks. You'd try to make me look like I'm a brat or something.    She walks out.

#

Arthur and Buster arrive at the school. Buster is reading from a book.

Buster: “There's footprints in the peanut butter.”   (laughs)   Sue Ellen walks by doing karate moves.

Sue Ellen: Hee-yah!     Fern walks by reading from a book.

Fern: "There is no joy in Mudville..."    Brain arrives.

Brain: Hi, guys.

Francine: Arthur says you're not gonna prepare anything for TV.

Brain: No. I'm rather busy working on my science project about nanoseconds.

Francine: Oh, yawn. Like that's as important as “The Magic Toolbox”.

Fern: This could be a big opportunity for you, Brain.

Francine: He's just afraid he'd be boring. What would he do on TV anyway? Think?

The “Arthur” theme song plays with Brain walking down the street instead of Arthur.

Theme Song: “Every day when you're walking down the street... you stop and think.”   Brain stops and thinks.

Brain: Hm.      Hm.   He sits down on the curb.    Hm.

The “Brain Swims” Title Card is shown.

Francine (Narrator): Brain's New Puppy.

On the “Brain” show Brain is sitting on his bed.

Brain: Mom! Dad! I'm thinking about getting a new puppy.   Hm.  Hm.   Hm.

Mr. Powers: Hm.

Mrs. Powers: Hm.

The fantasy ends.

Francine: Boy, that would be entertaining!   I'm being sarcastic.

Brain: Being on TV just isn't all that important to me.   He walks into the school.

Arthur: The Brain really doesn't care about being on TV.

Francine: Are you kidding? This is the saddest thing I ever saw. Including me not getting a puppy last Christmas!

Arthur+Buster: Huh?

Francine: He's obviously afraid. We have to help him realize that he's good at things he could do on TV.

Arthur: Really?

Francine: Believe me. I know people. Behind all that confidence he's secretly shy.

#

Brain is reading a book in class.

Buster: You know, you're good at a lot of cool stuff. Basketball, baseball, that thing with all the numbers...

Brain: Math?

Buster: Yeah, math. There’s all kinds of things you can do really well.

Brain: What's your point?

Buster: to Arthur:  What’s my point?

Arthur: I don’t know.

Buster: I remember! There's plenty of stuff you can do on TV.

Brain: I don't care.    He resumes reading.

Buster: I tried everything I know.

#

Arthur, Brain and Francine are playing basketball in the Reads’ yard.

Francine: There's no reason you shouldn't be confident in yourself.

Brain: I am confident.    He shoots a hoop.

Francine: He's not. He just won't admit it.

Arthur: It's okay if you're afraid to go on TV.

Brain: I'm not afraid!   He leaves.    See you tomorrow.

Francine: Poor guy!

#

Brain is repairing a watch at a desk in the basement. A knock comes from the window

Brain: Francine? What are you doing here?   Francine looks through the window.

Francine: I realize now that you don't want the boys to know you're afraid.    Brain opens the window.   I have a lot of ideas to help make you interesting.

Brain: Francine, I...

Francine: Imitations. Can you do any imitations? Frog? Cow? Bee? Or can you juggle? Or…   She holds up ice skates.  ...you can skate. Be the kid who skates all the time. It's catchy. Very TV.

Brain: Francine, I'm really busy on my project for the science honor roll.

Francine: Notice the science honor roll isn't on TV?

Brain: It's very important to me. Goodbye!   He closes the window.

Francine: You could be Kazoo Boy!      She blows a kazoo.

Brain: Goodbye!        He closes the shutters. Francine picks up her stuff and leaves.

#

The camera crew is setting up in Mr. Ratburn’s classroom. The kids are in their seats. Mrs. Fink’s students are glued to their windows looking envious. Brain is doing math.

Francine: He didn't even wanna be Kazoo Boy!

Buster: I offered him my best jokes.

Arthur: Maybe he really doesn’t care.

Francine: Ah, you don't understand people!    Muffy approaches a crew member carrying pants and a dress.

Muffy: In your professional opinion, which of these will photograph best?

Mr. Ratburn: Muffy, please be seated.

Muffy: How rude. I'm just trying to project an effective media image.

A woman with a microphone approaches Mr. Ratburn.

Mr. Ratburn: All right. Today the “Magic Toolbox” crew will be talking to you about the solar system.   The kids look dumbfounded. Then Francine, Arthur and Buster run to Brain.

Francine: My mind is just went blank. Tell me something about the solar system!

Arthur: Me too!

Buster: Yeah, me too!

Brain: Okay. Remember there are nine planets: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto.   

Meanwhile the crew interviews Binky.

Binky: The solar system is really... big. Even compared to me.

Arthur: Eh...all the… um… planets are moving... around the sun. That's called... orbits. Whew.   Francine looks into the camera and smiles.

George: Er…

Fern: A poem about the universe. "Twinkle, twinkle, little star... How I wonder what you are."

Buster: The...universe… is so big... that nobody's ever seen the whole thing. I think. Right?   He looks at Brain who nods.   (laughs nervously)

George: Er.. I know!  Um…

Brain: Francine, the...

Francine: What? I can't hear you! Speak up!

Brain: I said, Mars is called the red planet and the camera's right behind you!    Francine looks into the camera.

Francine: Mars is my... Mars is my favorite planet. It is the fourth planet from the sun and it is red, my favorite color. So it is my favorite planet, the planet red. I mean, Mars! Aw!

#

Later the kids see the show on a TV in class.

Francine (on TV): I mean, Mars! Aw!

Arthur: Boy, we were better than I thought.

Buster: You know, everything I said on camera was what Brain told me.

Arthur: Me too. And The Brain never said anything at all.

Francine: That poor guy! He'll never ever get to be on TV.

#

Many years later an old Brain is talking to a group of journalists.

TV Announcer: Topping a lifetime of great accomplishments, Professor Brain perfected teleportation.   Brain puts a cat on a pedestal and teleports it to another pedestal.

Journalists: Ohh.        Ohh.

Arthur and Francine, both looking like they are about seventy years old, sit on a hovering couch and watch Brain on TV.

TV Announcer: More on Professor Brain after these messages, here on the Professor Brain Network!

Arthur: Didn't you once say Brain would never get on TV? They've got a whole channel for him!

Francine: Channel-shmannel. He still never got to be on “The Magic Toolbox” like us.   She gets an old video cassette off a shelf and blows the dust off it.    Hh!

Arthur: (coughs)

Francine: Wanna watch it? I’ve still got the tape.     She inserts the cassette in a slot in the couch.    Look, there's me!

Arthur: That's Muffy!

Francine: Oh, yeah. And there's Buster Baxter. Whatever happened to him? Remember the song?

Arthur: Who could forget it?

Arthur+Francine: (sing:) “There's a level and a rule and a key for all the padlocks. Tools don't have to go to school. They learn in the magic toolbox! “  The camera zooms back.