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The Scare-Your-Pants-Off Club/Transcript
(Intertitle)
The Scare-Your-Pants-Off Club
Written by: Terence Taylor ---- Storyboard by: Angus Bungay
Francine Frensky: (V.O.) The Scare-Your-Pants-Off Club.
Arthur Read: (yelping) Agh!
(Back to the story)
Dad: Ta-da! By special request, a hearty breakfast of my world-famous Whoopee Waffles!
D.W. Read, Mom: Whoopee Waffles!
Arthur: Morning, Mom, Dad! Gotta run!
(he bumps into his dad)
Dad: Arthur...
D.W.: Whoopee!
#
The kids wait in front of the library and talk about scary books.
Ms. Turner: E-hem. I’m afraid I have bad news. You won’t be able to check out the new Scare-Your-Pants-Off-Club book today after all. In fact all of our Scare-Your-Pants-Off-Club books have been removed from our shelves until further notice.
Kids: (scream) They look like Edvard Munch’s painting.
Ms. Turner: Shh!
#
Arthur and Buster have watched a news report about PAWS.
Buster: Condition red, Arthur. If we ever want our pants scared off again, we’ve got to do something fast. Arthur stands still in shock. Arthur?
#
Arthur,Buster, Francine and Brain lie in the grass and think.
Francine: What are we gonna do? It’s not fair.
Brain: Not much we can do. Generally speaking, minors have limited access to legal recourse or arbitration.
Arthur: Come on, we can’t give up. We never gave up before.
Buster: Sure we have.
Brain: Lots of times.
Arthur: Not when it’s important. Remember when you helped clean out my garage so I could go see “Galaxy Avengers”?
Flashback: The four kids clean the garage. Buster balances a broomstick on his nose.
Buster: Hey, look at me. Whoa! He stumbles into Arthur who drops some boards. A bucket of paint falls over and spills. Francine is distracted and stumbles over a can while carrying a sack of trash.
Francine: Ah!
Flashback ends.
Francine: I remember. Nice going, Buster.
Arthur: The point is, we made it to the movie.
Brain: The next day.
#
Brain shows people at the bus stop a chart.
Brain: Impact on school performance is geometric. As you can see there’s a marked rise in the learning curve. Is it not obvious you should sign?
Man: No. But we'll sign if you promise to stop explaining why we should!
People: Yes. Uh-huh. Absolutely.
#
The Crosswires, including Muffy, hold a rally in front of the library.Mr. Crosswire: I'm not doing this for Ed Crosswire of Crosswire Motors, corner of Park and Lakewood - open most nights till ten - I'm doing it to save our kids.
Arthur approaches with the signatures.
Arthur: Uh, Mr Crosswire, speaking for the kids, we really want our books back, and we got these signatures of support.
Mr. Crosswire: That's nice, sonny. But believe me, we’re doing this for your own good.
Miss McWord: Excuse me, but have you read any of the books? Well, have you?
Mr. Crosswire: I'm proud to say I wouldn't read those books if you paid me. Miss McWords steps out of the crowd. It’s Miss McWord - my grade school English teacher!
Miss McWord: You never did read, Ed. That’s why the writer works hard to write stories kids like to read - so maybe they'll read other books too.
Mr. Crosswire: Er, what makes you such an expert?
Miss McWord: I wrote them!
Arthur: You wrote the Scare Your Pants Off Club books?
Miss McWord: Yes, "EA dePoe" is my pen-name.
Muffy drops a pile of Scare Your Pants Off books out of her backpack.
Muffy: Hh! Miss dePoe! I'm your number one fan! I have all of your books. Does anyone have a pen? Oops!
Mr. Crosswire: You've read them all? Mrs. Crosswire grabs Muffy’s ear.
Mrs. Crosswire: Well, Mary Alice Crosswire. If it wasn't that woman’s books that gave you a nightmare, what was it?
Mr. Crosswire: Just a minute here. I think I'm beginning to understand who ate my quart of Hasenpfeffer ice cream.
Mrs. Crosswire: You know it gives you nightmares, Muffy. How could you!
Miss McWord: Ed. What do you say, we actually read one of my books and see what you think.
Mr. Crosswire: Oh. Yes. Why not?