The Scare-Your-Pants-Off Club/Transcript

(Intertitle)

The Scare-Your-Pants-Off Club

Written by: Terence Taylor ---- Storyboard by: Angus Bungay

Francine Frensky: (V.O.) The Scare-Your-Pants-Off Club.

Arthur Read: (yelping) Agh!

(Back to the story)

Dad: Ta-da! By special request, a hearty breakfast of my world-famous Whoopee Waffles!

D.W. Read, Mom: Whoopee Waffles!

Arthur: Morning, Mom, Dad! Gotta run!

(he bumps into his dad)

Dad: Arthur...

D.W.: Whoopee!

#

The kids wait in front of the library and talk about scary books.

Ms. Turner: E-hem. I’m afraid I have bad news. You won’t be able to check out the new Scare-Your-Pants-Off-Club book today after all. In fact all of our Scare-Your-Pants-Off-Club books have been removed from our shelves until further notice.

Kids: (scream)  They look like Edvard Munch’s painting.

Ms. Turner: Shh!

#

Arthur and Buster have watched a news report about PAWS.   

Buster: Condition red, Arthur. If we ever want our pants scared off again, we’ve got to do something fast.    Arthur stands still in shock.     Arthur?

#

Arthur,Buster, Francine and Brain lie in the grass and think.

Francine: What are we gonna do? It’s not fair.

Brain: Not much we can do. Generally speaking, minors have limited access to legal recourse or arbitration.

Arthur: Come on, we can’t give up. We never gave up before.

Buster: Sure we have.

Brain: Lots of times.

Arthur: Not when it’s important. Remember when you helped clean out my garage so I could go see “Galaxy Avengers”?

Flashback: The four kids clean the garage. Buster balances a broomstick on his nose.

Buster: Hey, look at me. Whoa!    He stumbles into Arthur who drops some boards. A bucket of paint falls over and spills. Francine is distracted and stumbles over a can while carrying a sack of trash.

Francine: Ah!    

Flashback ends.   

Francine: I remember. Nice going, Buster.

Arthur: The point is, we made it to the movie.

Brain: The next day.

#

Brain shows people at the bus stop a chart.

Brain: Impact on school performance is geometric. As you can see there’s a marked rise in the learning curve. Is it not obvious you should sign?

Man: No. But we'll sign if you promise to stop explaining why we should!

People: Yes. Uh-huh. Absolutely.

#

The Crosswires, including Muffy, hold a rally in front of the library.Mr. Crosswire: I'm not doing this for Ed Crosswire of Crosswire Motors, corner of Park and Lakewood - open most nights till ten - I'm doing it to save our kids.        

Arthur approaches with the signatures.

Arthur: Uh, Mr Crosswire, speaking for the kids, we really want our books back, and we got these signatures of support.

Mr. Crosswire: That's nice, sonny. But believe me, we’re doing this for your own good.

Miss McWord: Excuse me, but have you read any of the books? Well, have you?

Mr. Crosswire: I'm proud to say I wouldn't read those books if you paid me.      Miss McWords steps out of the crowd.     It’s Miss McWord - my grade school English teacher!

Miss McWord: You never did read, Ed. That’s why the writer works hard to write stories kids like to read - so maybe they'll read other books too.

Mr. Crosswire: Er, what makes you such an expert?

Miss McWord: I wrote them!

Arthur: You wrote the Scare Your Pants Off Club books?

Miss McWord: Yes, "EA dePoe" is my pen-name.   

Muffy drops a pile of Scare Your Pants Off books out of her backpack.

Muffy: Hh! Miss dePoe! I'm your number one fan! I have all of your books. Does anyone have a pen?       Oops!

Mr. Crosswire: You've read them all?          Mrs. Crosswire grabs Muffy’s ear.

Mrs. Crosswire: Well, Mary Alice Crosswire. If it wasn't that woman’s books that gave you a nightmare, what was it?

Mr. Crosswire: Just a minute here. I think I'm beginning to understand who ate my quart of Hasenpfeffer ice cream.

Mrs. Crosswire: You know it gives you nightmares, Muffy. How could you!

Miss McWord: Ed. What do you say, we actually read one of my books and see what you think.

Mr. Crosswire: Oh. Yes. Why not?