Francine Goes to War/Transcript

Opening Segment

Francine: (to another student) If you say that again you're going to get it!

Arthur: (to audience) Francine is great. But it's not a good idea to get her mad.

Francine: (at Arthur) You take that back right now, Arthur Read!

I'm the nicest person you've ever known!

(Arthur laughing disbelieveigly)

Oh yeah! How 'bout when you were mean to Fern?

(flashback to "Draw")

Francine: (walking by Fern) What's that mouse going to do? Be quiet at me?

Ooh! I'm so scared.

(Fern frowns sadly)

Arthur: Or when you started bossing everyone around during the play.

(flashback to "Francine Frensky, Superstar")

Francine: (angrily) If you don't do it right I'll uninvent (at Arthur's face) you and you won't be in my play at all!

Arthur: Or how about you said you could be nice for a week and you practically lost!

(flashback to "Meek for a Week")

(Francine angrily grunts, then falls over)

(back to present time)

Francine: That is so not fair!

You took all my worst moments and put them together!

Even I could make you look bad by doing that!

Arthur: Okay! Try it!

Francine: Okay!

How about when you started cheating at that stupid No Guessing game?

(flashback to "Arthur the Loser")

Arthur: Oh, my shoe's untied.

(takes a card out of sleeve and puts in the deck)

Francine: Or when you stole your sister's snowball.

(flashback to "D.W.'s Snow Mystery")

(Arthur, Buster, and Francine laughing pointing magnifying glass at the melting snowball)

(back to present time)

Arthur: That's not true!

That's just her imagination

I didn't take the snowball! D.W. lost it! Besides,

Both: I'm just as nice as you!

I'm the nicest friend you've ever had!

(transitions to title card)

(Buster reads the title card)

FRANCINE GOES TO WAR- Written by Kathy Waugh/Storyboard by Lyndon Ruddy and Patricia Atchison.

(Francine bangs gong loudly)

Arthur: Aaah!

(transitions to episode)

Episode Segment

(Francine sits at her desk)

(Catherine comes over to sharpen her pencil)

(Pencil sharpener whirring)

Francine: Would you watch it?

Your big ol' face is getting all over my homework!

(Francine starts a pillow fight)

Catherine: Quit it!

You wish you had my face!

You are so in trouble!

Francine: Dad!

(knock on wall from next door tenant)

Francine: What was that?

Catherine: I think we might be haunted!

(both girls scream)

(later)

Oliver Frensky: Don't be silly!

There are no such things as ghosts!

It must have been our new neighbor Mrs. Pariso.

Francine: What kind of a loser bangs on a wall like that?

She scared us to death!

Oliver: She probably wanted you to be quiet.

You girls can get awfully loud sometimes.

(later on the roof)

(Francine humms while playing drums)

Francine: Buh, Buh, Buh!

Mr. Sanders: Excuse me? Excuse me?!

I'm sorry but you're going to have to stop making that noise.

Francine: It's not noise. It's music!

And I always play up here!

Mr. Sanders: Yeah but we got this new tenant "Mrs. Paro" something.

Anyways she phoned and said 'If that racket doesn't cease and decist, I will call the police."

Francine: Her again?

Go tell her to go suck an egg!

Mr. Sanders: I don't think I can do that.

Francine: Oh all right!

That Mrs. Parot-face is going to get it!

(scene transitions to Francine's bedroom)

(Muffy opens door, then closes it)

Muffy: All clear.

(Francine dials number)

(phone drones)

Francine: (in disguised voice) Uh, Mrs. Pariso, this is Ed, um...

Muffy: (corrects Francine) Butkin.

Francine countinuing: This is Ed Butkin.

And I was just calling to see if your refrigirator was on.

(Mrs. Pariso hangs up)

Francine: Hello?

(regular voice) Hello?

Muffy: That's not what you say! Gimme that!

(Muffy redials phone number)

Muffy's regular voice: Mrs. Pariso, my friend Francine...

I mean ED, meant to ask you if your refrigirator was RUNNING.

(Mrs. Pariso hangs up again)

Muffy: Hello?

Hello?

She hung up on me!

Francine: Muffy, you gave me away!

Muffy: Don't worry! She's an old lady!

She probably won't even remember!

(later)

Oliver: (sternly) What have I always told you about making prank phone calls?

Francine: Uh not to do them unless absolutely nessecary?

(Francine flips through TV channels)

(Oliver blocks TV screen)

Oliver: (strictly) Francine?

Francine: Okay Okay!

I know I shouldn't have done it!

But she started it!

She complained about my playing drums and she was banging on my walls and...

Oliver: (angrily) Francine Frensky! I wouldn't care if Mrs. Pariso threw a water balloon at you!

She is an elderly woman and you will treat her with respect!

Francine: But...

Oliver: No "buts"!

You're grounded for two days!

(Oliver leaves the room)

Francine: (sarcastically) Great!

(later at school)

Muffy: That is so unfair!

How'd she know it was you anyway?

Francine: Guess!

Buster: You've got to do something.

Next you'll be arrested for watching TV.

Arthur: Maybe you could get her to move someplace else.

Francine: Yeah but how?

Buster: When our condo had termites

(Francine gapes)

about three people moved out.

Hey! I could give you some of our termites!

(Francine looks at Brain)

Brain: It would take three years for them to be established.

But you could tell if there were rats or termites or something.

Muffy: That is a great idea!

Leave the whole thing to me!

(later at the library, Muffy finishes writing a note)

Muffy: How's this?

"We don't mean to scare you, but the building is about to falls down due to too many rats in the basement.

They are chewing the ciment!

Francine: "E!"

Cement is spelled with an E

Muffy: Oh.

(Muffy makes a spelling correction)

(continues reading) "They are chewing the cement and becoming a menace. So if you know what is good for

you, you will move away as soon as you can. Signed, the manager."

Francine: That's perfect! Thanks!

Muffy: Just spill some coffee around the corners and it will look totally real!

(later, Francine puts coffee stains on the note)

(Francine then puts the note in an envelope)

(Then she walks out of her suite and places the letter under Mrs. Pariso's door)

(After that, she walks away)

(Francine jiggles the lokced door)

(Mrs. Pariso comes out, Francine gasps)

(Pancked, Francine hides behind a plant bowl)

(Mrs. Pariso searches the area, then returns to suite four)

Francine: Phew.

(Francine knocks at door)

(Catherine opens it)

Cathering: What are you doing?

Francine: Don't ask.

You can thank me tomorrow.

(later)

Oliver: You got a letter on your plate Francine.

(Francine sees the same note with corrections from Mrs. Pariso)

(Francine gasps, then crumples up the note)

Francine: THIS MEANS WAR!

Oliver: What did you say?!

Francine: Oh, nothing.

(Francine shreds note under table)

(Later...)

(Francine and Prunella stand in a closet)

Francine: Are you sure this will work?

Prunella: I am totally sure!

She won't be able to withstand the terror!

You ready?

Prunella: (in a ghost voice) Mrs. Pariso! Mrs. Pariso!

I have come here to haunt you!

(Francine makes ghost noises and chimes the spoons)

Prunella: You must leave here before it's too late!

Leave here before it's too late!

(Francine continues making sounds)

(Francine stops)

Francine: This is stupid!

Prunella: (in regular voice) Wait! I hear something!

(apartment residents complain simultaniously)

Prunella: I think the spirits are answering!

(complaining continues)

Francine & Prunella: Uh oh!

(both girls run out of storage room back into Francine's apartment)

(Francine shuts the door)

Francine: We made it!

(High fives Prunella)

(Prunella reaches into her bag)

Prunella: As soon as the coast is clear, put this spider on her doormat.

Francine: Yuck! I hate spiders!

Prunella: It never fails!

(Later, Francine opens the door and puts on Oliver's boots)

(Francine lays spider on doormat, then blows rasperry)

(Francine then runs back to her apartment)

(The nexy day, Francine while Francine walks to school, the spider falls on her)

Francine: Oh my gosh!

Spider, spider, spider, spider!

How did that get up there?

(Francine looks at Mrs. Pariso's door, then walks downstairs)

Francine: Nah.

(Later after school)

Oliver: Do you realize that three people called to complain about the noise last night?

Francine: It wasn't noise. It was... sound affects.

Oliver: (responds) Your mother and I have been trying to decide what to do about you.

And I think we finally found a solution.

Francine: I know, I know.

I'm grounded for three days and I have to take out the garbage.

Oliver: Not quite.

Mrs. Pariso has invited you for tea next Saturday and you have greatfully excepted.

(Francine drops plate on floor shattering)

Francine: WHAT?

(Later)

All but Francine: (Arthur, Muffy, and Buster) No way!

Francine: What am I going to do?\

I'd rather eat dogfood.

Buster: Wow!

Even I don't want to eat dogfood!

Muffy: I bet she's got mice and bats and things!

You better get a rabies shot!

Francine: If I'm not in school on Monday, just remember how much you liked me.

(Francine walks away)

Francine: Okay?

Arthur: Should one of us go with her?

Buster: Uh uh!

Muffy: No!

(Next day, Francine in a dress walks up to Mrs. Pariso's apartment)

Francine: Here goes nothing!

(knocks on door)

(Mrs. Pariso opens the door)

Mrs. Pariso: You must be Francine.

Francine: You must be Mrs. Pariso!

Mrs. Pariso: I knew I'd like you!

Come on in!

(Francine walks in Mrs. Pariso's unit)

Mrs. Pariso: Somehow, I didn't picture you in a dress.

Francine: My mom made me wear it.

Mrs. Pariso: Have a seat!

What can I get you?

Francine: I thought we were supposed to have tea.

Mrs. Pariso: Forget it! I hate tea!

Want a soda?

Francine: Sure! You got orange?

Mrs. Pariso: It's my favorite!

How do you feel about chocolate chip cookies?

Francine: Good! Very good!

(Mrs. Pariso walks over with tray while Francine looks at pictures)

Francine: Is this you in the pictures?

Mrs. Pariso: You betcha!