Family Fortune/Transcript

Introduction

Mr. Read is searching a pile of letters.

Mr. Read: Has anybody seen my keys? He lifts a couch cushion and finds a Mary Moo Cow doll.

D.W.: You found my Mary Moo Cow! Thanks, Dad. She grabs the doll and runs away.

Mrs. Read: Now, where did I put that tax file? Mr. Read finds a chew toy under the couch. He throws it to Pal. Mrs. Read opens a cupboard. The keys are inside.

Mr. Read: My keys! Mrs. Read hands him the keys and they kiss. Arthur searches his backpack.

Arthur: I know I put my new Bionic Bunny comic in my backpack. He empties his backpack on the floor. Several things fall out, including a stack of files. What's this?

Mrs. Read: Oh, I've been looking everywhere for that! Thank you, Arthur. She takes the files. Arthur sniffs at a half eaten sandwich that was in his backpack.

Arthur: (sniffs) Eew! Yuck! Pal comes in. Arthur throws him the sandwich. Have you ever noticed how when you're looking for one thing, you often find something else instead? Pal brings a comic book. My comic! Thanks, boy!

Title Card: Arthur in Shower

D.W. and Arthur are in Grandma Thora’s living room. D.W. drops a few books in front of two stuffed animals.

D.W.: These books are due back in three weeks. This book is overdue. You owe me six hundred dollars. If you don't have the money, I do take credit cards.

Arthur: D.W., shh! I don't want to miss anything.

TV Announcer: And now, back to Treasure Caravan.    On TV a woman looks at a chair.

Evaluator: Tell me where you found this chair.

Man: Well, I bought it for ten dollars at a yard sale. Turns out that it's not that comfortable to sit on. So I've been keeping it in the garage.   D.W. steps in front of the TV.

Arthur: D.W., move.

Grandma Thora: Ten dollars. Who knows what it's really worth.

D.W.: It's just an ugly chair.

Arthur: That's what you think.

Evaluator: I would say it was made some time in the 1790s.

Grandma Thora: It's a Federal-style chair.

D.W.: So what?

Arthur: Shh!

Evaluator: There are teeth marks on the legs. I'd say it was once owned by someone with a dog.

Man: I wondered about that.

Evaluator: Of course it would be better if there were no teeth marks. However, at auction this chair could easily bring...    She thinks.

Arthur: A thousand dollars?

Grandma Thora: It's got teeth marks. I'm going to say five hundred.

D.W.: You've got to be kidding.

Evaluator: Thirty thousand dollars.

Arthur: Thirty thousand dollars!

D.W.: For that old thing?

Grandma Thora: And to think he paid ten dollars for it.

Kate: (giggles)

Grandma Thora: I love this show.   She kisses Kate.

Evaluator: That's it for this week's edition of Treasure Caravan. Be sure to join us next time when the Treasure Caravan will be coming to you from the Elwood City Center.

Arthur+Thora: Hh!

Evaluator: So come on out. And remember, every treasure has a story.    Grandma Thora turns off the TV.

Grandma Thora: This is our chance to be on Treasure Caravan. I'm going to call and get us tickets.

Arthur: But we have to find something good to take. I don't want to be one of those people who brings in a piece of junk.

In a fantasy Arthur puts a bugle on a table in front of the Treasure Caravan evaluator.

Arthur: It's a bugle from the Civil War.     The evaluator looks at it.

Evaluator: Oh, my, it can't be from the Civil War period. It's plastic.   She taps it on the table.

Audience: (laugh)

Arthur: Are you sure?

Evaluator: This is just a cheap little toy. But maybe you could use it as a noisemaker.   She blows the bugle. It makes a honking sound. Arthur buries his face.

Arthur: Oh!

The fantasy ends.

Arthur: I don't wanna look like a fool on TV.

D.W.: You can't trick the cameras, Arthur.

Grandma Thora: I bet we can find something worth taking in my attic. Come over tomorrow and we'll see.

#

Buster, Arthur and Muffy sit at a table at the Sugar Bowl.

Buster: I can't believe Treasure Caravan is coming to town.

Muffy: I'm taking this sapphire necklace that once belonged to royalty.    She shows them a necklace in a jewelry box.

Arthur: Where'd you get that?

Muffy: It was passed down to me by my great-grandmother, Taffy Crosswire. She was traveling back from Europe on a steamship when she made the acquaintance of the Archduchess of Moldavia.

Flashback: Two richly dressed ladies meet on the promenade deck of a steamship.

Irina Katrina: Allow me to introduce myself, I am Irina Katrina von Hapsenburg, Archduchess of Moldavia.    Taffy Crosswire curtsies.

Muffy: They became fast friends. One night, there was a storm at sea. The Archduchess seemed troubled.

Taffy Crosswire and the archduchess sit in a cabin playing a game.

Irina Katrina: Oh, Tafflina, please tell no one, but I am in desperate need of money.

Taffy Crosswire: Perhaps I can help.

Irina Katrina: I would never dream of accepting charity.

Taffy Crosswire: And I would never give it. But how about if you sell me that necklace you're wearing?

The flashback ends.

Muffy: So my great-grandmother bought the necklace and now it's mine.

Buster: Whoa! It must be worth millions.

Arthur: Stuff like that never happens in my family.

#

Arthur sits on Buster’s bed. Buster opens a drawer and takes out a box with hockey cards.

Buster: So, I can't decide if I should take my hockey collection or all the things I collected that were clearly let behind by aliens. He opens a drawer containing a Rubik's cube, a vinyl single, an ashtray and what appears to be a piece of bent metal.

Arthur: I would... er... go with the hockey cards.

Buster: You're right. It's probably better not to let them know I got this stuff. So what are you taking? Arthur looks at Buster's food collection.

Arthur: I'm still looking for the right thing.