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Arthur vs. the Very Mean Crossing Guard
| "Arthur vs. the Very Mean Crossing Guard" | |
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| Season/Series: | 2 |
| Number in season: | 18A |
| Original Airdate: | April 27, 1998 |
| Credits | |
| Written by: | Ken Scarborough |
| Storyboard by: | Gerry Capelle M. Gagnon |
| Episodes | |
| Previous "Arthur the Loser" |
Next "D.W.'s Very Bad Mood" |
| Read transcript | |
Summary
Arthur and the Brain are afraid of the new crossing guard who charges them $10 per trip and will send goons after them if they don't pay. They try to figure out ways to circumvent crossing the intersection before they realize the crossing guard's true intent.
Plot
.
Arthur appears to be looking underneath a bed. There are some old dolls and miscellaneous junk blocking our view of him.
Arthur: Anybody here?
Arthur's in D.W.'s room, checking for monsters under her bed. Arthur was the one to tell her that they might be there, so now he has a steady job checking under D.W.'s bed each night for monsters.
D.W. is so easy to fool. Arthur recalls some of the times he's fooled her in the past.
• Once, he told her that sweaters were a kind of animal. That caused D.W. to be afraid to go in her cupboard, for fear of being attacked by sweaters. She had to rely on a plastic toy robot grabber arm to get stuff out of her cupboard.
• He also told her that if you stayed in the bath after you pulled out the plug, you'd go down the plughole. (We see the bathroom with D.W. in the bath. Then there's a gurgling noise, she spins around, and disappears!) D.W. wouldn't take a bath for weeks!
Arthur wraps up his monster search -- No monsters this time.
* * * Arthur vs. the Very Mean Crossing Guard * * *
Class is over for another day, and Arthur and Brain are talking as they get set to head home. Arthur's telling Brain about how D.W. will fall for anything.
• Arthur cites another example: Once he told her the Bionic Bunny poster in his room could talk to him, and it would tell him if D.W. came in his room while he wasn't there.
Brain comments that D.W. sure does sound gullible. They laugh. Then Brain asks Arthur if he'd like to come over to Brain's house to play "Fool the Mule"?
Arthur agrees.
They start walking towards Brain's. Along the way, Arthur asks Brain what the word "gullible" means, since Arthur's forgotten.
Brain tells him it means "easy to fool". Arthur says that it is a good description of D.W..
The two boys come to a crosswalk. Like at most intersections and crosswalks in the afternoon, there's a crossing guard there to help children cross the road safely. This crossing guard happens to be an old rat guy with whiskers.
Brain's surprised.
Brain: What happened to Mrs. Chamoly?
The crossing guard says that he's the new crossing guard here. So from now on, he'll be in charge. The boys don't see anything wrong with this, and they cross the street with the help of the crossing guard. All goes smoothly, until they finish crossing the street. Brain and Arthur keep walking when the crossing guard stops them.
Crossing Guard: That'll be $10.
???
The boys protest. They've never had to pay to cross the street before.
The crossing guard says it's a new rule. Ten dollars to cross the street -- and he wants it in small bills.
But Arthur and Brain don't have that kind of money on them!
The crossing guard makes like he can't believe it. Didn't they know?
Brain: No, but we always crossed here before, and it was ok.
The old rat considers... he'll let them go this time, but the next time, they'd better have the money for him. Or else...
Crossing Guard: I'll send my goons after you!
The boys run along to Brain's in horror.
* * *
Arthur and Brain are badly shaken after this incident. $10 a day means $50 a week!
(Actually, it's two trips isn't it? $100 a week? I know what that sorta thing is like... having to pay to commute is a real pain.)
Arthur considers it a good thing that he lives on the close side of the street to the school, otherwise he'd have to pay -- not so lucky for Brain though.
* * *
That night, Brain's alone in his room, thinking. Brain doesn't see how he's going to be able to afford to go to school. He doesn't have that kind of money.
Brain takes his electronic piggie bank down and activates it by shaking it a bit. It lights up and talks to him.
Brain's electronic piggie bank: I contain five dollars and thirty seven cents. Oink.
Brain can't even afford a single trip across the street! He could only travel $5.37 worth of the way!
Brain imagines. Luckily, there's a concrete median strip in the middle of the street. Brain imagines being marooned on the concrete island. He's been there a long time, and all his clothes are too small for him. There's no escape for him though; he still needs $4.63 '(Thanks to George4Brown for catching the calculating error...)'to finish crossing the street. The crossing guard is still there, to keep him from avoiding the toll.
Brain's standing around looking shabby, when a limousine pulls up. The rear window rolls down, and an older (mid 20's) Muffy with long flowing hair shouts out to him. She can't believe it's Brain -- nobody's seen him since third grade.
Brain explains his dilemma. Muffy comments in a genuinely sad voice that it's too bad for Brain -- and then drives off.
* * *
That evening, Arthur also has a bleak view of the future.
Arthur dreams his room being ransacked by baboons in the night -- baboons wearing cowboy outfits. They steal his money from his pants pockets, from his money bank, etc. Arthur wakes up in the dream and nervously asks if they're the goons the crossing guard talked about. The head baboon says no, they're just baboons. The goons'll be along later. And they're REALLY scary.
* * *
The next day, we're in the playground at Lakewood Elementary. In the foreground, George races past, with Binky and all of the Tough Customers in hot pursuit.
S.C. did a picture about this little incident -- check it out on his art page...
But that's not what's really important. Brain and Arthur are meeting to talk about how to approach the crossing guard problem, and avoid the $10 charge. Brain has been thinking, and sketching. He has a number of plans, but they all have drawbacks.
We see his simple sketches. Like in "Love Notes for Muffy" and "Draw!" the drawings come alive as Brain describes them.
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Plan A: Bridge Brain erects a bridge to cross high above the road. The drawback is trying to store the bridge -- A stick-figure Brain lifts the enormous bridge by one end after crossing over, raising it above his head, and then having a ton of steel and cables collapse on him.
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Plan B: Tunnel under the road. While the stick-figure crossing guard stamps and shouts, stick-figure Brain tunnels under. He tunnels into a bend in a sewer pipe full of stinky gas though. Then he starts tunneling downwards, loops around, and comes out at the bottom of the world. Brain falls out the bottom of the hole before gravity pulls him back. But the stick-figure crossing guard, or perhaps a relative is there to demand money. The drawback to this plan is getting lost and tunnelling in the wrong direction.
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Plan C: Hot Air Balloon Brain gets a hot air balloon. This would work, except he might get blown off course... We see Brain flying past a cow in the air, and a house... looks like a very familiar tornado... Brain figures the drawback might be that he lands in a strange country. (A strange country with a house that crash landed on someone, with their feet sticking out, and trees full of funny little creatures) Brain figures that if that happened, he might have to take over and declare himself the wizard of this strange land... (Do I need to comment that this is another Wizard of Oz reference?) |
Arthur says that Brain certainly has been thinking. Brain dejectedly admits that none of these ideas are any good though.
Arthur says what he's decided to do is to start saving his money for times when he really has to visit Brain.
* * *
Brain heads home, without Arthur this time, worried.
The crossing guard is in his usual place. He greets Brain, saying that Brain's "One half of the gruesome twosome...". The crossing guard doesn't know that Arthur doesn't normally come this way though. He wonders where Arthur is.
Crossing Guard: Where's your partner in crime?
Brain looks horrified. Brain stammers a bit, but denies participating in any criminal activity... The crossing guard carries on. He wonders if maybe he's seen Brain on a wanted poster at the post office! Brain looks pretty scared. The crossing guard helps him cross though. Brain looks happy to have survived the trip across the road.
As Brain walks towards home, the crossing guard calls out a last warning to him:
Crossing Guard: One false move boy-o, and it's into the slammer with you!
Brain is beginning to be really worried about going to school. That's two times he hasn't paid to cross the street. It's going to start adding up. Brain wonders what will happen...
We see the lot where Brain's house usually sits, only now, all that's there is a house shaped indentation! A big truck is moving off with the house, since Brain's family are unable to afford both the house and the crosswalk toll. Brain's family will now have to live in a tent!
In his imagination, Arthur comes over to Brain, standing outside his mouldy tent and says that living in a tent might be fun -- then the tent collapses. Brain and Arthur stand by the collapsed tent.
Brain wonders who got the house.
We cut to inside the house as it rolls along the street. Inside the house, the crossing guard is trying to hammer a nail into the wall of Brain's house to hang up a painting. As he does so, he evily laughs and cackles about this being "home sweet home".
* * *
Brain and Arthur meet again. Their latest idea is simple; simply move across the street. Brain doubts that will be possible.
Arthur thinks. Maybe he has a solution. It has to do with the fact that tonight, his Mom and Dad are out, and Grandma Thora's babysitting him and his sisters. Arthur's sure that his plan will work, since:
Arthur: She says yes to anything!
That night, Arthur and Brain head to Arthur's, instead of going towards Brain's house. So instead of crossing at the mean old crossing guard's crosswalk, they turn the corner.
The crossing guard notices this, and comments to the boys. He hopes they aren't crossing at a different intersection. They ask why. The crossing guard tells them that they can't escape from him.
Crossing Guard: I got cameras everywhere!
* * *
Brain and Arthur are in Arthur's bedroom. They're standing at the foot of Arthur's bed considering the crossing guard's latest veiled threat. As they do this, they look at Arthur's teddy bear and then they pick it up. Could the crossing guard really have little cameras in all the stop signs to see where they'll cross the street? Brain thinks it might be possible. Cameras CAN be made very small.
Perhaps there's even a camera in Arthur's bear? The bear is quickly hurled to the far end of Arthur's bed so it can't monitor them. The bear sits on the bed though. What if there really is a camera in it?
They decide that from now on, they'll have to talk in code. They stand still and talk through clenched teeth in "code".
Arthur: The penny jar sure is mean.
Brain: It's almost as bad as.. the rug.
Huh? Wha? Talking in code is not going to work if they don't know what each other are saying...
While they're wondering about what to do next, D.W. walks in to Arthur's room. It's time for Arthur to perform his monster checking for D.W.'s sake.
D.W.: Come check my bed.
Arthur has no time for this. He tells her he's too busy too at the moment. D.W. leaves. Arthur comments to Brain:
Arthur: I know things are bad, I don't even feel like torturing D.W.!
* * *
The next day on the way home, Arthur's plan which he set up that night goes into action.
Arthur and Brain are headed home, when Grandma Thora pulls up in the Read's car. D.W. is in the back. Grandma Thora jokingly refers to herself as a "taxi service" -- Grandma Thora thought Arthur's idea of her giving the boys rides home was:
Grandma Thora: ...a brilliant idea. Who needs a ride home?
The two boys gratefullly pile into the middle bench seat. (D.W.'s alone on the rear bench.) They put their seatbelts on, and they head towards Brain's.
Brain: Thanks Mrs. Read.
They approach THE intersection. They're going to have to stop. Brain and Arthur catch a glimpse of the mean old crossing guard as they approach.
Brain and Arthur: Duck!
They crouch down to avoid the mean old crossing guard seeing them.
Grandma Thora: Fasten those seatbelts.
Why would Arthur and Brain try to hide?
Arthur says they have too, to avoid the crossing guard.
Arthur: He's the meanest man in the world!
Grandma Thora: Ted?
Grandma Thora knows the evil crossing guard? Sounds like it. (I guess she might -- they're both old.) Why would they be afraid of a nice fellow like Ted? Brain and Arthur tell her that he certainly isn't nice -- he wants them to pay to cross the street, he has goons that he'll send after them, and he has mini cameras in all the stop signs!
D.W. in the back seat starts laughing.
D.W.: That's the funniest thing I ever heard!
Grandma Thora can't believe that a nice fellow like Ted Grass could be as bad as the boys say. She goes over to talk to him.
Ted the crossing guard talks to her, and then comes over to the car. He sheepishly admits that he was just kidding around about the $10, and the goons, and the cameras. It was just a joke; he didn't realize that he'd really scared Brain and Arthur.
Ted: I just wanted to tell you guys I'm sorry if my kidding around scared you guys.
D.W. continues to laugh as they drive on.
* * *
After all that, you'd think that was the end of the story, but no. Couple of loose ends yet.
* * *
Arthur's in D.W.'s room again, checking for monsters under her bed again. Arthur opens his mouth and says there's a...
D.W.: A what? A what?
Arthur pauses. Then:
Arthur: Actually, there aren't any monsters.
Arthur admits that he was just teasing D.W.. There were never any monsters. He's sorry for having tried to trick her in the past.
D.W. says that she always knew that there weren't any monsters. But...
D.W.: Could you check anyway please?
* * *
There's almost nothing left to say but...
* * *
We're at the crosswalk again. Ted is there waiting for Arthur and Brain.
Ted: Hello boys.
This time, Brain and Arthur know that Ted's only joking about stuff like goons and cameras. Now they play along. They ask Ted if he's going to ask them the password.
Ted says that's right -- he almost forgot. He warns them that they can never be too careful as they cross the street, since this IS enemy territory...
That's right, say Brain and Arthur. They don't know what might be out there -- there could even be goons!
Ho ho. All very good natured.
End.
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Trivia
- In one of Brain's plans, he makes a reference to The Wizard of Oz.
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