Arthur Weighs In/Transcript

Big Bob's Big Top

Circus Announcer: Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Step right up! Come see Big Bob's Big Top! Beyond this curtain lies a treasure trove that's ginormous, gigantic, and super-sized! Peek at the Poughkeepsie Pumpkin! Positively perplexing in proportion!

Crowd: Oooh!

Circus Announcer: Pound upon pound, and grown from the ground!

Crowd: Ahhh!

Circus Announcer: Marvel at the mystifying Minnewasaka Meteorite! More massive than a mobile home! And did I mention--it's magnetic?

Crowd: Oooh!

Circus Announcer: And lastly--look upon the Leaden Lump of Elwood City.

Crowd: (gasps)

Circus Announcer: Large...lardy...a lifeless layabout lump of...lumpiness!

Crowd: (gasps)

Circus Announcer: Ah, it's alive! Run for your life!

(The crowd shrieks while the announcer continues to shout "Run! Run!")

Arthur: No, hey! It's me, Arthur! Come back!

Title Card

Binky: "Arthur Weighs In"

Arthur's Room

Arthur: For the last time, there's no such thing as a--a g-g-g--ghost? Ahh!

DW: You don't sound very scared to me!

Arthur: DW, I think I need to practice my lines by myself.

DW: But Arthur, this is the school play! Your big chance! When you see the ghost, you should be really scared! Like this! A g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-ghost!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh--wahhhhh--ahhhhh...agh. Like that. (points at Arthur's clothes) Is that what you're wearing for your costume?

Arthur: What's wrong with it?

(The button pops off the pants and flies past DW's face)

DW: Ahh!

Den

Jane Read: They fit when you wore them for Aunt Lucy's wedding. Maybe you've had a growth spurt.

DW: A g-g-g-g-g-g-ghost! Ahh!

Jane Read: OK, DW. Why don't you wear your regular pants?

Arthur: Mr. Ratburn says it has to be a suit. I play the owner of this big mansion, and I'm supposed to be really rich. It's essential to my part.

Jane Read: We'll go shopping tomorrow.

Clothing Store

Jane Read: Well, how's it going?

Arthur: Mom, no! You can't come in!

Salesman: May I be of assistance?

Jane Read: Oh, we can't seem to find anything that fits.

Salesman: No problem. (He takes Arthur's measurements) Come with me, young man. I believe I have just the thing for the growing boy! Here we are!

Arthur: Um...is that all there is?

Salesman: Our store doesn't carry much in the way of...husky size.

Arthur: Husky size?!