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Family Fortune/Transcript
Introduction
Mr. Read is searching a pile of letters.
Mr. Read: Has anybody seen my keys? He lifts a couch cushion and finds a Mary Moo Cow doll.
D.W.: You found my Mary Moo Cow! Thanks, Dad. She grabs the doll and runs away.
Mrs. Read: Now, where did I put that tax file? Mr. Read finds a chew toy under the couch. He throws it to Pal. Mrs. Read opens a cupboard. The keys are inside.
Mr. Read: My keys! Mrs. Read hands him the keys and they kiss. Arthur searches his backpack.
Arthur: I know I put my new Bionic Bunny comic in my backpack. He empties his backpack on the floor. Several things fall out, including a stack of files. What's this?
Mrs. Read: Oh, I've been looking everywhere for that! Thank you, Arthur. She takes the files. Arthur sniffs at a half eaten sandwich that was in his backpack.
Arthur: (sniffs) Eew! Yuck! Pal comes in. Arthur throws him the sandwich. Have you ever noticed how when you're looking for one thing, you often find something else instead? Pal brings a comic book. My comic! Thanks, boy!
Title Card: Arthur in Shower
D.W. and Arthur are in Grandma Thora’s living room. D.W. drops a few books in front of two stuffed animals.
D.W.: These books are due back in three weeks. This book is overdue. You owe me six hundred dollars. If you don't have the money, I do take credit cards.
Arthur: D.W., shh! I don't want to miss anything.
TV Announcer: And now, back to Treasure Caravan. On TV a woman looks at a chair.
Evaluator: Tell me where you found this chair.
Man: Well, I bought it for ten dollars at a yard sale. Turns out that it's not that comfortable to sit on. So I've been keeping it in the garage. D.W. steps in front of the TV.
Arthur: D.W., move.
Grandma Thora: Ten dollars. Who knows what it's really worth.
D.W.: It's just an ugly chair.
Arthur: That's what you think.
Evaluator: I would say it was made some time in the 1790s.
Grandma Thora: It's a Federal-style chair.
D.W.: So what?
Arthur: Shh!
Evaluator: There are teeth marks on the legs. I'd say it was once owned by someone with a dog.
Man: I wondered about that.
Evaluator: Of course it would be better if there were no teeth marks. However, at auction this chair could easily bring... She thinks.
Arthur: A thousand dollars?
Grandma Thora: It's got teeth marks. I'm going to say five hundred.
D.W.: You've got to be kidding.
Evaluator: Thirty thousand dollars.
Arthur: Thirty thousand dollars!
D.W.: For that old thing?
Grandma Thora: And to think he paid ten dollars for it.
Kate: (giggles)
Grandma Thora: I love this show. She kisses Kate.
Evaluator: That's it for this week's edition of Treasure Caravan. Be sure to join us next time when the Treasure Caravan will be coming to you from the Elwood City Center.
Arthur+Thora: Hh!
Evaluator: So come on out. And remember, every treasure has a story. Grandma Thora turns off the TV.
Grandma Thora: This is our chance to be on Treasure Caravan. I'm going to call and get us tickets.
Arthur: But we have to find something good to take. I don't want to be one of those people who brings in a piece of junk.
In a fantasy Arthur puts a bugle on a table in front of the Treasure Caravan evaluator.
Arthur: It's a bugle from the Civil War. The evaluator looks at it.
Evaluator: Oh, my, it can't be from the Civil War period. It's plastic. She taps it on the table.
Audience: (laugh)
Arthur: Are you sure?
Evaluator: This is just a cheap little toy. But maybe you could use it as a noisemaker. She blows the bugle. It makes a honking sound. Arthur buries his face.
Arthur: Oh!
The fantasy ends.
Arthur: I don't wanna look like a fool on TV.
D.W.: You can't trick the cameras, Arthur.
Grandma Thora: I bet we can find something worth taking in my attic. Come over tomorrow and we'll see.
#
Buster, Arthur and Muffy sit at a table at the Sugar Bowl.
Buster: I can't believe Treasure Caravan is coming to town.
Muffy: I'm taking this sapphire necklace that once belonged to royalty. She shows them a necklace in a jewelry box.
Arthur: Where'd you get that?
Muffy: It was passed down to me by my great-grandmother, Taffy Crosswire. She was traveling back from Europe on a steamship when she made the acquaintance of the Archduchess of Moldavia.
Flashback: Two richly dressed ladies meet on the promenade deck of a steamship.
Irina Katrina: Allow me to introduce myself, I am Irina Katrina von Hapsenburg, Archduchess of Moldavia. Taffy Crosswire curtsies.
Muffy: They became fast friends. One night, there was a storm at sea. The Archduchess seemed troubled.
Taffy Crosswire and the archduchess sit in a cabin playing a game.
Irina Katrina: Oh, Tafflina, please tell no one, but I am in desperate need of money.
Taffy Crosswire: Perhaps I can help.
Irina Katrina: I would never dream of accepting charity.
Taffy Crosswire: And I would never give it. But how about if you sell me that necklace you're wearing?
The flashback ends.
Muffy: So my great-grandmother bought the necklace and now it's mine.
Buster: Whoa! It must be worth millions.
Arthur: Stuff like that never happens in my family.
#
Arthur sits on Buster’s bed. Buster opens a drawer and takes out a box with hockey cards.
Buster: So, I can't decide if I should take my hockey collection or all the things I collected that were clearly let behind by aliens. He opens a drawer containing a Rubik's cube, a vinyl single, an ashtray and what appears to be a piece of bent metal.
Arthur: I would... er... go with the hockey cards.
Buster: You're right. It's probably better not to let them know I got this stuff. So what are you taking? Arthur looks at Buster's food collection.
Arthur: I'm still looking for the right thing.
#
Arthur, D.W., Grandma Thora and Kate walk up to Thora’s attic.
Grandma Thora: Oh, my there's even more up here than I remembered.
Arthur: We'll search every inch until we find something amazing. D.W. picks up a box labelled “Little Dan O’Brien”.
D.W.: This looks really old. She blows dust off the box.
Grandma Thora: It's yours if you'd like it.
Kate: (cries) Kate reaches for an Indian blanket in a chest.
Grandma Thora: What's wrong, Kate? You like that blanket, do you? She gives Kate the blanket. I'm going to put Kate down for her nap.
Arthur: Hng. We'll keep looking. Grandma Thora goes down the stairs while the kids search boxes.
#
Arthur play with plastic flamingos he found in the attic. D.W. tries to start an old gramophone, but the handle breaks off.
D.W.: Whoops. Arthur searches a box and finds a red footie pajama.
Arthur: Huh? They keep on searching. D.W. finds a bowling trophy.
D.W.: Ooh! This looks like it's made of gold.
Arthur: Let me see that. They both grab the trophy.
D.W.: No way! Finders, keepers!
Arthur: Get out of my way! A stack of boxes tumbles down. Behind them is a chair. Hh!
#
Mr. Read carries the chair into Thora’s living room. He bangs it against the door.
Arthur: Dad, careful! Mr. Read puts the chair down.
Mr. Read: Do you remember where you got this chair?
Grandma Thora: I really don't, but it does look a little like the chair we saw on TV. Arthur polishes the chair.
Arthur: No teeth marks, so who knows what it could be worth.
In a fantasy the chair is standing on a pedestal in a TV studio. Arthur and a show host sit next to it.
Host: Welcome to The Recovery Channel. Tonight we're talking to Arthur Read, the boy who recovered the most valuable chair of all time.
Audience: Ohh.
Arthur: At first I thought it was one of those thirty thousand dollar chairs, but when I saw it was in perfect condition, I knew it was even more valuable.
The fantasy ends.
D.W.: Arthur, watch out! Arthur almost sat on D.W.’s box. Sheesh. You almost crushed my special box.