Kidonia (episode)/Transcript

("Pomp and Circumstance" playing)

Arthur: Would it be great to have your own country? You can eat whatever you wanted. You can play whenever you felt like it. (gasps, blows the plane) You can even do all of those things your parents tell you not to do. (laughing happily)

One guard: The citizenry await to your greatness Mr. President.

Arthur: (sighs) OK.

Crowd: ARTHUR! ARTHUR! ARTHUR! ARTHUR! ARTHUR! ARTHUR!

Arthur: Would it really be your country?

Audio Cassette: ARTHUR! ARTHUR! ARTHUR! ARTHUR! ARTHUR!

Arthur: If you were the only citizen?

TITLE CARD

Muffy VO: Kidonia.

All 4: All Hail Kidonia!

Arthur: Hey Dad, I'm going to the park with some friends I'll be back by lunchtime.

David: Whoa, slow down! You were gonna help me with the yard work. Remember?

Arthur: (groans) OK, shrubs all watered, I'll be back in...

Jane: Arthur, did you clean your room?

Arthur: (groans) Um, it's clean, Kind of. (groans) Huh, finally!

D.W.: Arthur, you said you'll help me build the Fairy Mary Moo Cow Cookie Castle. Remember?

Arthur: Oh, yeah. Sorry, I don't have time. Maybe tomorrow.

D.W.: Mom, Arthur's breaking his promise!

Arthur: (groans) It was 500 pieces not including the Fairy Mary Moo Cow Cookie Carriage!

Francine: At least you didn't have to empty the cat box twice. Never feed your cat leftover Chinese Food.

Brain: I spent my morning defragging my parents' hard drive.

Buster: I don't know what that is, but it sounds terrible. Why do parents make us do all these chores?

Arthur: It's like they don't want us to have fun. If I have my own country, It'll be against the law to get kids chores.

Francine: Too bad, you can't have your own country.

Arthur: Why can't we?

Francine: (sarcastically) Uh, because you can't just declare your independence and call yourself a country?

Brain: Actually, you can. There a lot of tiny countries in the world. There's even one called Sealand that's just a platform in the Atlantic Ocean.

Arthur: Friends, young people, classmates, by the power invested in... this baseball, I declare us all citizens of Kid...onia!

All 4: All Hail Kidonia!

Anthem: Oh, Dear Kidonia! I pledge my loyalty! Where kids have broke the chains of parental tyranny! Where chores are no more and fun is guaranteed! All Hail Kidonia! Land where kids are free!

Francine: OK, we have a flag, a Latin slogan, a national anthem and traditional Kidonian hats. What now?

Brain: We should have the constitution so people know what we stand for.

Arthur: Good idea! Here's something. No Rules, No Laws, No Chores! All in favor?

All 3: Aye!

Arthur: Any other ideas for the constitution?

Francine: That one covers all the ones I can think of.

Brain: It's brilliantly concise.

Buster: I think I'll put my socks on my ears.

Francine: Why?

Buster: Because I can! I love this country!

David: Arthur, will you help me clear?

Arthur: Sorry, dad. I'm a citizen of Kidonia now and we don't do chores or follow any rules. It's in our constitution.

D.W.: Kidonia?! What's that?

Arthur: A new country I made with Buster, Brain and Francine. Here's my passport.

Jane: I see. Well, we have a tradition of this country. If you don't help clear, you don't get dessert!

Arthur: It goes against everything I believe in.

Jane: (confused) ...Huh?

Arthur: (groans) But I'll do it just this once.

D.W.: I have my own country too. D.W. Land. We're not allowed to eat broccoli!

Jane: Nice try, D.W.!

Buster: It didn't work for me either! I told my mom that it was against my principals, but she still made me empty out of the food cabinet! All I lave left now is Yamlet. Prince of Tubers.

Arthur: Life is so much better back home in Kidonia. Hey, why don't we spend the night there on Saturday?

Buster: That's a great idea! I'll bring snacks. Brain can bring ice cream. It'll be a national holiday! (yawns) Well, good night, Citizen Read.

Arthur: Good night, Citizen Baxter.

Buster: It's Kidonian money! My friend Brain made it! See, it works like a coupon! Each bill is worth one favor. In this case, you get 15 minutes of free advice. Ask away, my friend. ( The cashier rips the bill angirly in front of him. Buster gasps.)

Brain: I never said you can use kiddies outside of Kidonia.

Buster: Then, what good are they? There's nothing to buy in Kidonia.

Francine: I'll sell you something. I was going to give them to you tonight at the sleepover, but you can have them now.

Buster: Air fresheners? What am I supposed to do with these?

Francine: Hang one on each ear! Your socks don't bother me when they're on your feet, but when there on your head, they stink up a country!

Buster: Tough! Read the constitution. I can do whatever I want in Kidonia.

Francine: But those socks really smell!

Buster: Well, we'll just see what the High Court says about this tonight!

Francine: There is no High Court!

Buster: There is now! I just made it! Good day to you both! (He leaves the store.)

Jane: We hope to see you again, Mr. Read. Safe travels.

Arthur: Thank you. You have a beautiful country.

D.W.: You better send me a postcard!

Anthem: All Hail Kidonia, land where kids are free!

Arthur: Hey, let's stay up all night! You know why?

All 4: Because we can! Woo hoo! Yeah! Long live Kidonia! Yeah!

Arthur: ...Huh? Where are you going?

Francine: Home! I mean my real home! I'm not living in a country where a quarter of a population (looks at Buster) behaves like pigs!

Buster: You're just jealous because my ears are nice and warm.

Francine: I formally renounce my citizenship! Good luck! You're gonna need it!

Buster: I would have brought more food, if a certain someone hadn't given me phony money.

Brain: It's not phony! Kiddies are worth something as long as you spend them in Kidonia. Here. I'll pay you for my share with the pretzel.

Buster: For a free word problem?! Forget it!

Brain: That's a bargain! Do you know what hard it is to make one of those up?

Arthur: Why don't we just split the pretzel evenly three ways? (He tries to split the pretzel in three, but it splits into 4 pieces.) Um, that wasn't supposed to happen. Who gets that piece?

Buster: We'll settle it the Kidonian way, through mind reading. OK, who can guess what I'm thinking right now?

Brain: Mind reading is impossible! It goes against the law to physics!

Buster: Maybe, but there are no laws here and that wasn't when I was thinking. Well?

Arthur: I have no idea! Aliens? Pizza? Aliens eating pizza?

Buster: (gasps) Aww. Well played, my friend. Well played. (Brain gets angry by this and leaves.)

Arthur: Our population is dwindling. I'm hungry. And chilly. Maybe having our own country wasn't such a good idea.

Buster: What do you mean? That's a great idea. Where else can you spill a whole bottle of apple juice and not get scolded by anyone?

Arthur: Is that why there are so many ants in here?

Buster: Could be.

Arthur: Well, why didn't you clean it up?

Buster: Because I didn't have to. Read the consti...

Arthur: I don't have to read the constitution! I wrote the constitution! And now I'm adding something to it! (He starts writing on the paper.) "HE WHO SPILLS SOMETHING CLEANS IT UP!"

Buster: You know, Kidonia needs to be a place where a kid can do whatever he wanted. Now, it's just like everywhere else. Goodbye, Citizen Read! I'm moving to Baxtervania! (He leaves Kidonia.)

Arthur: (groans)

Jane: Hi, honey. How are things back in Kidonia?

Arthur: Okay, I guess. Actually, there is no Kidonia anymore. Everyone left. Would it be okay if I stay here?

Jane: Of course, you can stay as long as you like, or, at least, until you turn 30. But you'll have to follow some rules and do some chores.

Arthur: Deal.

Jane: Oh, and since D.W. couldn't have her own country, I allowed her to be head of security for this one.

Arthur: (gasps)

D.W.: I'm going to have to see everything in these bags sir. Passport please. If everything checks out, you'll be X-rayed, then Y-rayed and finally Q-rayed! Right this way please!

Arthur: Uh, is this going to take long?

D.W.: Very!