Muffy's New Best Friend/Transcript

Introduction

Francine cycles past Arthur and Buster.

Francine: Hi! Can't stop! Going to Muffy!

Arthur: The most perfect best friends I know are Francine and Muffy. They're always happy for each other.

Muffy is admiring her shoes as Francine comes in with a letter.

Francine: I've got it!

Muffy: Ah! Hurray!  Got what?

Francine: My acceptance for soccer camp.

Muffy: That's so great Francine.

Francine: You're my best friend, and I just had to come right here and tell you first.

Muffy: Something great happened to me to.

Francine: What?

Muffy: Ramaine Woosel Shoes.

Francine: Oh, that's so great, Muffy.

Arthur: And they like to do everything together.

Muffy: We need to celebrate. What should we do?

Francine: Play soccer!   /   Muffy: Go shopping!

Muffy imagines being taken off the soccer field on a stretcher.

Francince imagines being taken out of a store on a stretcher while Muffy is still trying on clothes.

Francine+Muffy: That sounds great.

Arthur: I thought they were perfect best friends.

#

Muffy tries to call Francine. The quick dial buttons are labelled: Francine, Fire, Police, Ambulance, Hairdresser and Grandma.

Muffy: I wonder if she's sick.   

Catherine is lying on her bed talking on the phone.

Catherine: So he said, you're impossible. And then I said, you're impossible. And then he said, no, you're imposs-   (Beep)  Just ignore the beeps. I hate call waiting. And I said, you're impossible.

#

Buster has a complicated theory, that an alien laser beam malfunctioned, knocked a soccer ball against Francine's head, and gave her amnesia.

Francine: Oh, hi, Muffy. Sorry I didn't... Hh! Your party. I'm so sorry. I totally forgot.

Muffy: How can you possibly forget?       Francine walks away sadly. Buster whispers to Muffy.

Buster: I won't say I told you so.

#

Muffy gives Brain a quiz to see if he's a suitable new best friend.

Muffy: Okay, here is the last question. Don't worry, it's an easy one. Which is more important: fashion or soccer?

Cut to the gate slamming in Brain's face.

Muffy: Sorry, I really thought you were going to pass.

Brain: So this is what failing feels like. Fascinating.

#

Fern: I feel shopping is a waste of time better spend reading poetry.

Muffy crosses out Fern's name three times.

#

In a restaurant at the mall.

Muffy: I must say you're the only candidate who passed every test. You love spending money, and you have a refreshing lack of tolerance for other people's stupidity. You're just about perfect in every way.   She is talking to D.W.

D.W.: This french fry is underfried. I demand a refund.    Muffy nods.

Mrs. Read: Time to go, D.W.  Thanks for watching her while I was shopping, Muffy.    They leave.

Muffy: If only you didn't have to take naps.

#

In front of a movie theater. Muffy's current best friend is Binky.

Binky: Do you want to see „Five Thousand Explosions and a Supernova“?

Muffy: Na. Francine said it's too talky.

#

After hoping to meet Francine at the soccer field, Muffy meets her at the clothes store.

Francine: I was thinking, it's okay if you don't like to play soccer.

Muffy: And you don't have to shop with me. I mean, best friends don't have to be with each other twenty-four hours a day.

Francine: Right.  Hey, let's celebrate. What should we do?

Muffy: Em...

Francine: Er...

Muffy+Francine: Go swimming?   (laugh)

#

At sundown, Binky and Jenna are still on the soccer field.

Binky: Don't tell Muffy, but I think you're kind of more fun to play with.

Jenna: You're fun too. Hey, do you wanna see „Slobbering Idiots“?

Binky: Who wouldn't?

#

Muffy Crosswire: It came right off my foot! There's a lawsuit in this somewhere. (phone beeping) Daddy, shoe emergency—soccer field. Maybe I should let you practice alone so I can tell cook what hors d'oeuvres to make for your party! (horn beeping) It's going to be so much fun tonight!

Buster Baxter: I know, after you left the soccer field, some aliens came down...

Muffy: Yeah right, and they kidnapped Francine I suppose.

Muffy: Hey, what's going on here, Francine?

Francine: Well...

Muffy: And how did you just forget last night? I set up the whole awards show party just for you.

Francine: I know. Well, we were playing soccer and then Jenna said she had the new soccer bloopers video...

Muffy: What?

Francine: I said I was sorry. You never asked me if I wanted to watch the awards and it was my day to celebrate and if I'm going to soccer camp I need to practice.

Muffy: Well, I... I can play soccer. I can! I just had a shoe emergency! You saw!

Francine: It's okay, you don't want to play soccer

And you don't have to shop with me