Editing Matchmaker, Match Breaker/Transcript


== Introduction ==
''Arthur is sitting under a tree in his yard and writing in a diary. Francine comes by.''

'''Francine:''' Hey, what you writing?

'''Arthur:''' Huh? Oh, nothing much. Just some thoughts.

'''Francine:''' What kind of thoughts? Can I see?

'''Arthur:''' Um, actually, it's private.

'''Francine:''' Oh, I see! It's about me, isn't it?

'''Arthur:''' I didn't say that.

'''Muffy:''' Hey, guys. What's going on?

'''Francine:''' Oh, Arthur's writing about me. That's what's going on. It's probably something mean.

'''Arthur:''' It's not mean.

'''Francine:''' So it's something nice?

'''Arthur:''' It's not about you.

'''Muffy:''' Is it about me? Is it about my hair? You noticed I'm using a new conditioner, right? It's called Mountain Mist, if you want to write it down.

'''Francine:''' Come on. Just let us see it.

'''Arthur:''' No!

''He holds the diary in his mouth and climbs the tree. Francine and Muffy walk away.''

'''Francine+Muffy:''' (laugh)

'''Arthur:''' Phew! Don't you hate it when people try to stick their nose in  your business? Some things are just private.

''Buster hangs down from a higher branch.''

'''Buster:''' What you writing? Can I see?

'''Arthur:''' (groans)

== Title Card: Francine Bangs Gong ==
''Bailey walks into the Crosswire mansion holding a travelling bag. He holds the door open for Chip Crosswire. Muffy runs down the stairs.''

'''Muffy:''' Chip! You're home!

'''Chip:''' Hey, it's the Muffler.

''He picks her up and swings her around.''

'''Muffy:''' (squeals)


''Chip and Muffy sit down on a couch.''

'''Muffy:''' So, how's Tallahassee Tech?

'''Chip:''' Pretty cool, but they keep me really busy. There’s swim practice, freshmen mixers, fraternities to check out. Oh, yeah, and classes, too.

'''Muffy:''' My Chipwich must be exhausted. But you'll have plenty of time to rest after the welcome-home dinner I planned for you tonight.

'''Chip:''' Welcome-home dinner?

'''Muffy:''' Oh, don't worry. I promise it'll be very relaxed and not fancy.


''That night the Crosswire’s and Frenskys are sitting in the mansion in their best clothes while Bailey serves soup. Mr. Crosswire eats a spoonful and dabs his mouth with his napkin.''

'''Mr. Crosswire:''' A-hem. So, Oliver, how's the sanitation business?

'''Mr. Frensky:''' Well, you know what they say about My line of work - if you're willing to get your hands dirty, you can really clean up! (laughs)

''Pause.''

'''Mr. Crosswire:''' I don't get it.

'''Mr. Frensky:''' Now, you see, as a sanitation worker, I actually do have to get my hands dirty...

'''Francine:''' Oh, no. My father's telling jokes. He promised he wouldn't.

'''Muffy:''' I told Bailey to use the pink napkins. Oh, this welcome-home dinner is a disaster.

''Chip is chatting with Catherine.''

'''Francine:''' At least they seem to be having a good time.

''Muffy and Francine smile at the teenagers. Chip and Catherine simultaneously take out their cell phones.''

'''Catherine:''' No way! I have the Portalex three-eighty, too!

'''Muffy:''' They seem to really like each other.

'''Francine:''' Hey, you know, if Chip and Catherine ever got married...

'''Muffy:''' …we'd be sisters!

''A sitcom theme song plays while Francine and Muffy as young grown-ups ride a tandem bike along a street.''

'''Theme Song:''' "They used to be friends, now they're related. Always together, never separated. ''They drive a sports car and stand on a mountain.'' Who are those beautiful two? The Frenskwire sisters, that's who."

''A title card reads “The Frenskwire Sisters Show”.''

''Muffy sits at a table in an apartment. Francine comes in.''

'''Adult Francine:''' How's it going?

'''Adult Muffy:''' Terrible. I just bought this horse, but I have no idea how to ride it.

''A horse stands in the room and whinnies.''

'''Adult Francine:''' No sweat. I'll teach you. But, Muffy, where's it gonna live? Our apartment's too small.

'''Adult Muffy:''' Silly! I just bought the one next door and turned it into a stable. We're rich, remember?

''A wall disappears showing a room furnished like a stable. The horse runs over.''

'''Adult Francine:''' Oh, yeah! I love being sisters!

'''Adult Muffy:''' Me, too!

''The horse whinnies.''

''The fantasy ends. Muffy and Francine sit at the table looking dreamily.''

'''Francine:''' That would be so cool!

'''Muffy:''' I know. Let's get to work!


''Later that evening the two fathers and the two mothers sit together and chat. Chip and Catherine stand by a mantelpiece.''

'''Mr. Frensky:''' How 'bout those Grebes, huh?

'''Chip:''' So, you know, I'm kinda leaning towards Gamma Gamma Mu, but I don’t know. The Gotta Lotta Moolahs are pretty cool, too.

''Muffy and Francine walk over.''

'''Francine:''' Hi.

'''Muffy:''' How's it going?

'''Francine:''' Fun night, huh?

'''Muffy:''' I know I'm having fun.

'''Francine:''' Me too.

'''Muffy:''' What about you two?

'''Francine:''' Having fun?

'''Catherine:''' Um, yeah.

'''Chip:''' Sure.

'''Muffy: '''Good.

'''Francine:''' Great!

'''Muffy:''' We were just checking.

''She and Francine leave. Chip and Catherine shrug.''

''A little later the teenagers are still talking.''

'''Chip:''' Then there's Zeta Eta Theta, but I'm kinda leaning towards the other way.

''Francine and Muffy and stop near the teenagers with a newspaper and stage a conversation.''

'''Francine:''' Hey, Muffy, any interest in seeing Leaf Blower 4? I hear it's really scary.

'''Muffy:''' You know how I love scary movies! But wait. It's playing all the way out at Mill Creek Mall. We'll have to find someone to take us.

''She looks at Chip.''

'''Chip:''' If it's okay with the 'rents, hey, I'll take you, Muffler. You wanna come?

'''Catherine:''' Sure. I loved Leaf Blower 3.

''Muffy and Francine leave.''

'''Chip:''' Hey, remember when the principal gets his tie caught in the mulcher?

'''Catherine:''' Dude, that was so gross!

''Muffy and Francine meet outside in the hallway. Bailey walks by with a tray.''

'''Francine:''' Phase one of operation Frenskwire is complete.

''They slap hands.''


''Muffy and Francine are sitting in a movie theater behind Catherine. Muffy looks scared, Francine is covering her eyes.''

'''Muffy:''' This movie is awful. Couldn't you have picked another one?

'''Francine:''' It's the only one I knew Catherine wanted to see.

''Chip returns to his seat beside Catherine with a drink.''

'''Francine:''' Hey, how come Chip didn't get Catherine a juice?

'''Muffy:''' She didn't ask for one.

'''Francine:''' I know. But it would have been nice.

'''Muffy:''' I'll tell you what would be nice. If Catherine shared the armrest. Look! She's hogging the whole thing.

'''Francine:''' That's not hogging. That's just being romantic.

''Both look at the screen.''

'''Francine+Muffy:''' (gasp) Aughh!

'''Chip:''' Hey, you wanna meet some of my friends for a latteccino at the Stardoes after we drop the kids off?

'''Catherine:''' Okay.

'''Francine:''' See?


''Francine runs up to Catherine when she returns home.''

'''Francine:''' How'd it go? Did you guys have a good time? What'd you do?

'''Catherine:''' Nothing.

'''Francine:''' Nothing? What do you mean, nothing? How can you spend three hours doing nothing?

'''Catherine:''' We hung out at the mall, that's all. Why are you so interested anyway?

'''Francine:''' Me? I'm not interested. What you do with your friends is your business. I have to use the phone. 

''She runs off.''


''Muffy and Francine sit in the Chickin Lickin’ wearing disguises.''

'''Muffy:''' Ugh! This chicken's so greasy. And the lighting is very unflattering.

''Chip and Catherine are having lunch at the other end of the restaurant.''

'''Francine:''' Not everyone can afford fancy restaurants, moneybags. Not like Chip would pay for it, anyway.

'''Muffy:''' What do you mean by that?

'''Francine:''' He's so cheap, he wouldn't even spring for a juice at the movies.

'''Muffy:''' My brother is not cheap!

'''Francine:''' He is, too. And he invited another person on their date. Look!

''Angi sits down beside Chip.''

'''Muffy:''' That's Angi, one of Catherine's friends. I recognize her from the Sugar Bowl.

'''Francine:''' Hey, you're right. That makes it even worse.

''They stare at each other.''

''The “Frenskwire Sisters” opening is shown again. This time the tandem bike goes very fast.''

'''Muffy:''' Slow down! I can't keep up.

'''Francine:''' Keep up?! You're not even pedaling!

'''Theme Song:''' “They used to be friends, now they're related. Thought they would like it, turns out they hate it. ''They drive a sportscar in the rain and argue on a mountaintop during a storm.'' Who are these miserable two? The Frenskwire sisters, that's who.”

''Muffy is doing her toenails on the couch while Francine sweeps the stable side of the apartment.''

'''Adult Francine:''' Muffy, it's your turn to clean up after Thunderbolt.

'''Adult Muffy:''' But I just did my nails. Anyway, I fed him earlier.

'''Adult Francine:''' Yeah, the cake I made for Catherine's birthday!

'''Adult Muffy:''' Oh. Is that what that was? I thought it was garbage. It's so hard to tell the difference with your cooking.

''The horse whinnies.''

''The fantasy ends.''

'''Francine:''' I'm ending this relationship between your brother and my sister.

'''Muffy:''' Fine! You'd make a terrible sister, anyway. We'll just see who ends it first.


''Bailey stands in Muffy’s bedroom. Muffy has a tape recorder and a telephone.''

'''Bailey:''' I don't know if this is such a good idea, Miss Muffy.

'''Muffy:''' Bailey, it's for the good of the Crosswire family. All you have to do is ask her a few questions.   

''Bailey phones. Catherine is on the other end.''

'''Catherine:''' Hello?

''Muffy turns on the recorder.''

'''Bailey:''' A-hem. Hello. I'm conducting a survey that could win you a trip to Hawaii. Is your first name Kate?

'''Catherine:''' No, it's Catherine.

'''Bailey:''' Do you prefer pickle-flavored ice cream or chocolate chip?

'''Catherine:''' Chocolate chip.

'''Bailey:''' How would you describe your feelings towards liver?

'''Catherine:''' I hate liver!

'''Bailey:''' What letter comes after T in the alphabet?

'''Catherine:''' U?

'''Bailey:''' Thank you very much. We'll let you know if you've won.

'''Muffy:''' Perfect. Now, all I have to do is a little editing.


''Catherine is working on the computer at home. Francine hands her an envelope.''

'''Francine:''' Here. This was in the mail for you. ''She waits expectantly while Catherine opens it and reads the letter.'' What is it?

'''Catherine:''' A really weird letter from Chip. He says he's moving to Alaska and he never wants to see me again.

'''Francine:''' Oh, well. Good riddance, right?

''She smiles.''


''At the Crosswire mansion Chip receives a phone call made from Catherine’s recorded voice.''

'''Catherine (on phone):''' “Chip ... it's Catherine ... I hate... U?”

''The doorbell rings. Catherine waits outside holding the letter.''

'''Catherine:''' I just got your letter. You're moving to Alaska?

'''Chip:''' No. I just got your message. Why did you say you hate me?

'''Catherine:''' I didn't!

'''Catherine/Chip:''' Francine. / Muffy.


''Francine and Muffy sit on a couch in the Crosswire mansion while Catherine and Chip stand in front of them.''

'''Francine:''' Okay, I admit it. I wrote that letter from Chip.

'''Muffy:''' And I made Bailey call Catherine with that fake survey.

'''Chip:''' But why, Muffler?

'''Muffy:''' I didn't want you two to get married.

'''Francine:''' That’s not true! At first you did. But then you thought a Frensky wasn't good enough to be in your family.

'''Muffy:''' I never said that! You were the one who called Chip cheap!

'''Chip:''' I'm not cheap!

'''Catherine:''' How could you think we'd get married? We're not even dating.

'''Chip:''' Yeah. Where'd you come up with that crazy idea?

'''Francine:''' I guess we just thought it would be… kind of cool if we were related.

'''Catherine:''' Sorry to disappoint you, but Chip and I are just friends.

''She and Chip leave the room while Francine and Muffy stare at each other.''

''Chip and Catherine stand at the Crosswire’s entrance.''

'''Catherine:''' Well, I'd better finish that biology paper.

'''Chip:''' Yeah. I'm gonna wash my hair. See ya.

''Muffy and Francine are still sitting on the couch.''

'''Francine:''' Ach. There goes our chance of being sisters.

'''Muffy:''' Yep. I guess we'll just have to settle for best friends.

''The theme song plays again while flashbacks from the episode are shown.''

'''Theme Song:''' “They’re still just friends. No, they’re not related. Never gonna be ‘cause of the mess they created. Who are these meddling two? Muffy and Francine, that’s who!”
[[Category:Transcripts]]
[[Category:Season 12 transcripts]]
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