Editing Francine Frensky, Superstar/Transcript

(The class is auditioning for a school play. Mr. Ratburn is sitting down with a notepad watching Buster tap dance)


[[Arthur Read]]: Every time we audition for a class play, [[Francine Frensky|Francine]] gets the toughest roles. Like the time [[Buster Baxter|Buster]] was [[George Washington]] and she was the cherry tree.

Francine: Ow!

Arthur: (V.O.) Or the time she was Sir Issac Newton and discovered gravity.

Francine: (an apple drops on her head) Eureka! (more drop on her) Ow, ow, ow, ow, OW! (the bucket lands on her head)

(''crashing, audience laughs)''

Arthur: (loses his balance and drops the apples)

Francine: Ow.Ow,ow,ow. (glares at the ceiling to only find a bucket land on her head) OW! (an apple lands on her head.

Arthur: (falls down from the backdrop) WHHHHOOOOAAAA!

(Arthur crash lands onto Francine. Smoke surrounded the stage. Francine spits out an apple) Ow.

Arthur: (V.O.) And then there was the play that explained the orchestra.

Francine: I am the mighty cymbal. Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!

Arthur: I guess she's gotten used to it.

[[Nigel Ratburn]]: Next, Francine.

Francine: Ow.

''(Title Card)''

''(In Mr. Ratburn's Class...)''

Mr. Ratburn: What could be a better way to start the day with 100 exciting... math problems!

(Meanwhile, at Mrs. Sweetwater's class, her students are eating donuts. Arthur thinks they're delicious.)

Mr. Ratburn: Alright class, the next order of business is it's our turn to put on a play.

(Everyone in the class raises their hands.)

Mr. Ratburn: Any ideas? Sue Ellen?

Binky: I don't want to do some girls play!

Sue Ellen: How about a spooky story, with thunder, and lightning... (thunder and lightning actually goes off!) 

Class: (gasps)

Sue Ellen: And a massive monster made of mucus who gets his arms pulled off! (appears to become such a monster)

Muffy: (smiling) OH NO!

Sue Ellen: Don't worry, they grow back. Being mucus and all....

(Binky claps, but suddenly sits down)

Mr. Ratburn: Imaginative, but a bit too complicated for us, Sue Ellen. (he calls on The Brain next)

Brain: Let's simulate space travel. I can make rocket fuel easily! (pulls out a long document from his desk)

Mr. Ratburn: Again, good, but complicated. How about the story of the great inventor, Thomas Edison?

Francine: Did he invent anything that would hit me in the face?

Mr. Ratburn: No. Can anyone name one of his inventions?

Muffy: The Dewey Decimal System?

Mr. Ratburn: No, that was Dewey.

Muffy: Oh, I thought that was his middle name.

Mr. Ratburn: Thomas ALVA Edison invented the phonograph........ (class stares in confusion) The? Record player?....... (class continues to stare) It was before CD's. It played music with a needle.

Binky: Is that a joke?!

Mr. Ratburn: No! I think this play will be very educational for everyone.

''(Auditions are being held in the cafetorium. Mr. Ratburn is sitting in a chair with a notepad in his hands.)''

Arthur: Could you give Francine a good part in the play? She's never had one.

Mr. Ratburn: I'll certainly consider it. Thank you!

Muffy: I'll bet Francine would be really good if she didn't get hit in the face.

Brain: I realize that I'm the obvious Edison, but might I suggest Francine?

''(Buster walks up)''

Mr. Ratburn: You want Francine to get a good part.

Buster: Uhhhh.... Yeah! He's so smart, it's scary!

''(Arthur and Binky are on stage)''

Binky: I was the wall in Humpty Dumpty, I was Plymouth Rock on Thanksgiving! I hope there's a wall in this play because I'm real steady!

Mr. Ratburn: All your auditions were excellent! Buster, since you have so much energy, you'll be the first lightbulb!

Buster: I'm also very bright!

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Mr. Ratburn: Arthur, you're the first phonograph! Binky, you're a locomotive!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Binky: YES!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Mr. Ratburn:</span><span style="font-weight:normal;"> For the part of Thomas Edison.... FRANCINE!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Class: Yay Francine! Alright Francine! Way to go! Congratulations! That's great!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine: I'M THE STAR?! I WON'T LET THE CLASS DOWN! I'M GONNA GIVE 110% TO THIS PART! </span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">(At the library, Francine is looking for some books on Thomas Edison. She goes up to Miss Turner to help her out.)</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine: Where is the Thomas Edison section, please?</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Miss Turner: Look in the biographies; he doesn't have his own section. </span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine: WHAT DOES A MAN HAVE TO DO TO BE CONSIDERED IMPORTANT IN THIS CRUMMY LIBRARY?!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">(Arthur and Buster are walking down the sidewalk. Then, Francine speeds along in her bicycle carrying a lot of books, nearly hitting Buster and Arthur. They run after her.)</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Arthur: Francine, what are all those books?!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine: Can you believe that these were the only books the library had about Edison?!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Buster: Yeah.</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Arthur: Wanna come to the Sugar Bowl with us?</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine: I have to study my inventions. I don't have time for ice cream and childish small talk!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Arthur: What's with her?</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Buster: Beats me.</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">(At night, there are lots of books in Francine's room. Then, she flickers the light switch on and off as part of Edison's invention of the lightbulb. However, it annoys Catherine.)</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Catherine: Francine, I'm trying to read Shakespeare!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine: I'm sorry, Katherine, but if I'm to play Edison convincingly, I need experience with electric lights.</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Catherine: Why don't you study a phonograph or a movie camera? He invented those.</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine: Good idea! I will! As soon as I'm done here. (flickers the lights)</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Catherine: MOTHER!!!!!!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">(At the camera shop, the store clerk behind the counter shows Francine an old camera and explains the parts of it)</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Store Clerk: The film is pulled past the shutter...... (Francine begins to open a door) DON'T OPEN IT! You'll expose the.... film.</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">(At an antique store, she discovers a phonograph. She cranks the crank and it projects loud music right in the shopkeeper's face! Then, at the hardware store, she discovers all different types of lightbulbs. Meanwhile, Muffy and Prunella notice her.)</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Muffy: Hey, Francine! Francine!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">(Muffy and Prunella walk into the store.)</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Prunella: Wanna go to the mall and hang out or something?</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine: No, but you're welcome to study incondecent filaments with me. </span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Muffy: OH! How boring! We're talking about the mall! Stuff to buy, clothes to try on, FUN!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine: My inventions are NOT boring! Without lights, you'd have to shop in the dark! Oh, I'm sorry, I guess you already do.</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">(Muffy cries and leaves.)</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Prunella: THAT WAS MEAN!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine: She insulted incondecent filaments first!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">(Now we see the students trying their costumes.)</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Brain: If there's any problems, I can redesign your costumes. </span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">(Francine checks all the costumes, and then goes up to Buster.)</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine: What's that?</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Buster: I'm a lightbulb.</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine: You're an incandescent lamp! But I meant, THESE!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Brain: Those are airholes. </span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine: If an incandescent lamp had airholes, it wouldn't work. Don't you know ANYTHING?! (the Tough Customers music plays)</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Brain: Yes, but....</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine: ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN THIS PLAY?! NO AIRHOLES!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Brain: O...okay....</span>

(Back in class, Mr. Ratburn gives a lesson.)

Mr. Ratburn: In 1879, when the first lightbulb was invented.... (Francine raises her hand)..... Francine?

Francine: You're wrong, Mr. Ratburn. 

(Buster, Muffy, and Arthur gasp)

Francine: I mean, Edison invented the incandescent lamp. It wasn't called a lightbulb until much later. Okay?

Arthur: She's doomed!

Mr. Ratburn: You're right, Francine. My mistake.

Francine: Also, it's time for rehearsal.

(The crew busily prepares the set, but Francine is unsatisfied with the costumes)

Francine: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

Mr. Ratburn: What's the problem, Francine?

Francine: Sue Ellen's film has no sprocket holes. How could the pull-down claw move the film without ''SPROCKET HOLE''S?!

Mr. Ratburn: Let's go have The Brain fix that.

Arthur: Francine?

Francine: Why aren't you wearing your bell?

Arthur: It makes everything echo.

Francine: (forces the bell onto Arthur and yells into it) If you don't do it right, I'LL UNINVENT YOU AND YOU WON'T BE IN MY PLAY AT ALL! 

(At the Sugar Bowl....)

Buster: This is our own fault. We asked Ratburn to give her a good part.

Brain: She acts like it's her own show.

Arthur: Muffy, you're her best friend. Couldn't you speak to her?

Muffy: Of course I could speak to her. But I'M NOT speaking to her.

Prunella: Francine insulted her clothes.

Binky: I could pound her. (soda spills on him)

Arthur: No, that's okay. I'll talk to her.

Buster: Make it quick! We have dress rehearsal for the kindergarten kids in the morning. And our parents will be here tomorrow night!

(Back at Francine's apartment...)

Mrs. Frensky: Honey, it's Arthur again! He says it's important!

Francine: It can't be important as what I'm doing. Tell him I'll see him tomorrow.

(The day of the dress rehearsal comes. The kindergarteners are waiting for the show to start. Then, Francine peeks out from the curtain. Then, Buster cannot breathe since there are no airholes.)

Brain: It needs airholes Francine.

Francine: Hmmmm.... (looks at a picture of a lightbulb) Uh huh, hmmmmmm...... No, it's perfect.

Buster: Can't..... breathe......

Arthur: Francine, everyone believes you're treating them badly.

Francine: Don't bother me, I'm preparing.

Arthur: You can't treat everyone like this. They're really mad at you!

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine: They're just jealous because they don't have my talent and winning personality.</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Binky: That's it! I'm gonna teach her!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Muffy: Me too!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Brain: Me three!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">(The kindergartners chat, then Muffy, dressed as a cowgirl, comes on stage to start the show.)</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Muffy: Welcome to our play about Thomas Edison! The wizard of Mental Park!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">(kindergartners applaud)</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine (correctively whispers): Menlo Park, not Mental Park!</span>

(The curtain opens as a violin piece plays. The phonograph is presented first with Francine as Edison and Fern, Maria and Alex as reporters.)

Francine: It's 1877 and here is my new invention, the phonograph.

Reporters: WE DON'T BELIEVE IT!

Francine: Prepare to be amazed! (cranks the crank)

Arthur: All operators are busy. Please hang up and dial again. 

Francine (whispering): You're a phonograph, play music!! (cranks it again)

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Arthur: If you're calling from a touchtone phone, press 1 now.</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">(kindergartners laugh)</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine: It's 1879, and here is my incondecent lamp! Brighter than any candle!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Reporters: WE DON'T BELIEVE IT!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine: Prepare to be amazed! (Buster's lightbulb costume has a new air grille in it;she then turns on a switch. Instead, Buster has a water gun.) Huh?</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">(Buster squirts her in the face.)</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine: AAAHHHH!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Brain: Now how could that have happened?</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">(everyone backstage laughs, and the kindergarteners in the audience laugh more. Francine is angry and wet.)</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine: Now it's time to use my </span>kinetoscope to film, "The Great Train Robbery"!

Binky: (walks out on stage) CHUGGA, CHUGGA! CHOO, CHOO! <span style="font-weight:normal;">CHUGGA, CHUGGA! CHOO, CHOO! CHUGGA, CHUGGA....</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Muffy: Stick em up!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">(Sue Ellen giggles)</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Binky: You're not robbing this train! Put em up! Put em up!</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">(kindergarteners laugh hysterically. The cast can-can dances while Francine attempts to go back to her spot, but gets shut out by the closing curtain. After the show, Francine goes into the dressing room with her head down and cries.)</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Mr. Ratburn: Looks like we had a few technical difficulties. Can we fix them before the parents show tonight?</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Muffy: That's up to Francine.</span>

<span style="font-weight:normal;">Francine: Me?! You ruined my show!</span>

Arthur: Francine, it's not just YOUR show. We worked hard too! The show belongs to all of us!

Francine:  I guess maybe I was a little self-centered. Ok, I rot. But we could do a good show together. If anybody would want to do anything with me anymore.

Mr. Ratburn: Well?

(class cheers)

(Now it's time for the parents to see the show. This time, everyone does their part correctly. When Francine cranks the crank, music comes out.)

(When Francine turns on the switch, Buster lights up with airholes in his lightbulb costume wearing sunglasses. Everybody in the audience cheers as the cast takes their bows.)

Francine: It took all of us to make this play. I couldn't have done it alone. (curtain closes, but Francine peeks out) They couldn't have done it without me either. (audience continues cheering and applauding as the others pull Francine back through the curtain)

(END) 
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