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| '''Larry King:''' Thanks for tuning in, folks. And now, back to Arthur. | | '''Larry King:''' Thanks for tuning in, folks. And now, back to Arthur. |
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| == Part 2 ==
| | Kanto DVD Technologies (Japan) |
| ''The Community Center is now full of people.''
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| '''D.W.:''' Are you sure we’ve come to the right place? Nothing's happening.
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| '''Mrs. Read:''' Just relax, D.W. Shows always start a little late.
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| '''Mr. Read:''' Not this late.
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| ''Muffy looks through the curtain.''
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| '''Muffy:''' Still no sign of Francine! We've got to do something.
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| '''Buster:''' Arthur, you have to be the narrator.
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| '''Arthur:''' Me? Why me?
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| '''Muffy:''' You know all the lines. You only traded parts with Francine last week.
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| '''Arthur:''' But I can't sing!
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| '''Brain:''' The narrator doesn't sing in the first number. And by the time it ends, Francine will probably be here. | | it's a Japanese DVD technology located in Kyoto, Japan! |
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| '''Arthur:''' No, I can’t do it. I don't have my bow tie! I don’t have my suspenders!
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| ''Behind them, Mr. Ratburn practices the introduction.''
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| '''Mr. Ratburn:''' Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Ahem.
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| <nowiki>***</nowiki>
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| ''Mr. Ratburn walks on stage. He is not wearing suspenders and has to hold up his pants with one hand.''
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| '''Mr. Ratburn:''' Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Ahem. ''Prunella shines the spotlight on him.'' Good evening, ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Lakewood Elementary’s presentation of “Oh Elwood”! We kindly request that you refrain from using flash photography, turn off all cellphones… ''Art Garfunkel and Michelle Kwan turn off theirs.'' …and take this time to unwrap any candy or lozenges.
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| ''The Tibbles quickly eat their chocolate.''
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| '''Timmy+Tommy:''' (eat greedily)
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| '''Mr. Ratburn:''' Thank you.
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| ''Arthur walks on stage.''
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| '''Arthur:''' Howdy!
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| '''D.W.:''' Hi, Arthur!
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| ''Arthur looks taken aback.''
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| '''Arthur:''' D.W.! Shh! Howdy! This here's a story about a place y’all know called Elwood City. But what you may not know is it wasn't always a city. Once, it was just miles and miles of trees.
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| ''Music starts and the curtain opens. Binky, Sue Ellen, Jenna, and George come on stage dressed as lumberjacks.''
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| '''Kids:''' The valley all around us was nothin' but wood<br>
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| The trees were ripe for cuttin',<br>
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| The timber was good.<br>
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| To chop, to stump and stub, a man known as Jacob...<br>
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| ''Brain walks on stage as Jacob Katzenellenbogan.''<br>
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| Katzenellenbogan, a lumber tycoon<br>
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| Built a busy sawmill beside a lagoon.<br>
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| Soon wood chips filled the air<br>
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| And got in people's hair<br>
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| Axes gleamed, horses teemed<br>
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| Chop, chop, chop, timber!
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| ''They “fell” a tree.''
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| Jacob Katzenellenbogan founded Elwood, founded Elwood…<br>
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| Elwood City, Elwood City.
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| '''Brain:''' So I went a-hikin' to find a good spot<br>
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| A place to build a mansion<br>
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| A heavenly plot...
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| ''In the wings, Muffy answers her cell phone.''
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| '''Muffy:''' Hello? Where are you? We’ve already started! Oh, I see. Just get here as quick as you can.
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| ''Buster comes carrying a pile of costumes.''
| | (1979-2000) |
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| '''Buster:''' Was that Francine? Is she coming?
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| '''Muffy:''' The garbage truck broke down. They’re hitching a ride.
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| '''Buster:''' What about the flying saucer?
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| '''Muffy:''' You better sit down.
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| ''Buster sits on a box.''
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| ''Meanwhile on stage, the kids are now wearing early 20<sup>th</sup> century clothes in front of houses.''
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| '''Kids:''' Houses multiplied...
| | audio: Flashing sounds |
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| Jacob Katzenellenbogan<br>
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| Founded Elwood, founded Elwood<br>
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| Elwood City, Elwood City<br>
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| Jacob Katzenellenbogan!
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| '''Brain:''' But I wanted it to be called Elmwood. Darn bureaucracy.
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| ''The curtain closes and people clap.''
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| <nowiki>***</nowiki>
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| ''Arthur sits on a stool on stage.''
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| '''Arthur:''' But wait! Not everyone was happy that Elwood had become a city. When the forest was cut down, the beautiful green-tailed grebe lost her home.
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| ''He walks off the stage as Fern appears in her grebe costume.''
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| '''Tommy:''' What's that?
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| '''D.W.:''' A grebe.
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| '''Tommy:''' What's a grebe?
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| '''D.W.:''' That!
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| '''Timmy:''' That's just Fern wearing a lot of feathers.
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| '''D.W.:''' You’ve got to use your imagination.
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| '''Timmy:''' I am using it. I'm imagining I have more candy.
| | (2000-2024) |
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| '''D.W.:''' Shh!
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| ''Fern is doing a dance.''
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| '''Fern:''' Taste the salty tears we weep<br>
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| For the long-lost green-tailed grebe<br>
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| Our sorrows run so very deep<br>
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| For the long-lost green-tailed grebe.
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| ''Muffy watches from the wings. Backstage, Arthur talks to Brain.''
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| '''Arthur''': I think it's going really well.
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| '''Brain''': Yeah... Now if only the flying saucer would get here.
| | audio: crashing noises |
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| ''Binky comes eating a donut.''
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| '''Binky''': Don’t hold your breath. It was smashed to bits in the back of Francine’s garbage truck.
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| '''Arthur''': Does Buster know?
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| '''Binky''': Yeah. He’s locked himself in the janitor’s closet.
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| ''Mr. Ratburn knocks on the closet door while Brain, Arthur, and Muffy stand around him.''
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| '''Mr. Ratburn''': Buster, Open this door right now! You're behaving very unprofessionally!
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| '''Buster (through door):''' I don't care! I'm not a professional.
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| ''Brain, Arthur, and Muffy bang on the door.''
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| '''Brain+Arthur+Muffy:''' Buster, you're on!
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| ''Muffy checks her watch.''
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| '''Muffy''': (gasps) Fern's scene is almost finished. What are we going to do?
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| '''Brain''': I'll just have to write the flying saucer out. Quick! Hand me those napkins.
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| '''Arthur''': What about Francine? The narrator's singing part is coming up.
| | (2024) |
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| '''Muffy''': Don’t worry. She's on her way.
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| <nowiki>***</nowiki>
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| ''Meanwhile, Francine and her dad are sitting an old car on the way to the Community Center.''
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| '''Driver:''' Yes, sir! This baby's a one-of-a-kind classic! She may not be a speed demon, but she gets great mileage. Oof! ''He stops to let a duck cross the road.'' Haha. A duck! Go on, sweetie! Take your time.
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| <nowiki>***</nowiki>
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| ''Meanwhile, Fern finishes her act.''
| | Audio: none |
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| '''Fern:''' While lumberjacks were tickled pink<br>
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| The green-tailed grebe, she went extinct.
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| ''Several people in the audience exchange confused looks. Mrs. Walters stands up and claps and others join in. Fern takes a bow and exits. Arthur comes on.''
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| '''Arthur:''' Over the past one hundred years, Elwood City has grown bigger and bigger. And we've had visitors from all over the world. Some say we may have even had visitors from outside this world. The year is 1952....
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| ''The curtain opens to show a cornfield. Binky, Jenna, George, and Alex (as a dog) “drive” on stage in a fake car.''
| | Variants: UA Transamerica icon T flower stolen |
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| '''Jenna:''' Dear me, Look how high the corn has grown this summer!
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| '''Binky:''' Yes. It is a bumper crop.
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| '''Alex:''' Bow-wow! Wow-wow-wow!
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| ''He points at the sky.''
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| '''George:''' What is it, Boy? Gee whillikers! Is that a flying saucer in the sky?
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| ''Binky takes a napkin with Brain’s new script out of his pocket.''
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| '''Binky:''' No, Bobby, that is not a flying saucer. It is probably just a natural phenomenon such as ball lightning, a rare form of lightning in which... ''Brain hides behind the car and writes on more napkins. He hands one to Binky.'' …a persistent and moving luminous sphere can travel...
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| ''Meanwhile, Buster still sits in the closet.''
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| '''Buster:''' It was going to be the best part of the show. (sniffs) Now, no one will ever...
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| ''He hears voices from outside.''
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| '''Binky:''' …simply a misperception…
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| '''Buster:''' Hey, they're going on without me!
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| ''He grabs a sponge and a feather duster from the closet.''
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| '''Binky:''' …or it could be a weather balloon...
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| ''The audience looks bored, as does Alex the dog.''
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| '''Woman:''' (yawns)
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| '''Binky:''' …or another type of con...ventional aircraft, or...
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| '''Buster:''' Or… it's a real alien!
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| ''Buster walks on stage, wearing a cape, goggles, and the feather duster as a hat.''
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| '''Audience:''' (laugh)
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| '''Arthur:''' Buster, what are you doing?
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| '''Buster:''' Buster? Who is this Buster you speak of? I am… Dr. Ector, behold my claw! ''He holds out an umbrella handle.'' I come from the planet... ''He looks around. The others stare at him.'' Corn... and I’ve travelled millions of miles to deliver this important message to you, which will be sung to the tune you Earthlings call "Yankee Doodle".
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| ''He winks at Miss Krasny who plays the tune.''
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| '''Buster:''' Dr. Ector came to Earth, in a flying saucer.<br>
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| Had a message to deliver, be a... be a frequent flosser.<br>
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| Floss your teeth every night, floss your teeth all day.<br>
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| If you floss your teeth with all your might, you won't have tooth decay!
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| ''He rips a hole in the corn backdrop.''
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| '''Buster:''' Oops.
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| ''He loses his balance and pulls down the entire backdrop.''
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| '''Kids:''' (gasp) Ahh!
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| ''The backdrop falls on them.''
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| '''Audience:''' (laugh)
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| ''Mr. Ratburn comes on stage.''
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| '''Mr. Ratburn:''' There will now be a brief intermission. Curtain! Curtain!
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| ''The curtain closes.''
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| <nowiki>***</nowiki>
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| ''Mr. Ratburn helps the kids to get free.''
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| '''Brain:''' Buster, what were you thinking?
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| ''He pulls at the feather duster.''
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| '''Buster:''' Ow! Let go of my horn! Well, I had to do something, Brain. People were falling asleep out there.
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| '''Brain:''' You didn’t have to destroy the set.
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| '''George:''' Aren’t we supposed to use this in the last number, Mr. Ratburn?
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| '''Mr. Ratburn:''' Um...yes... We'll just have to improvise.
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| '''Buster:''' Oh, you're right, Brain. I did ruin everything. I'm such a failure. (his voice chokes up as he is about to cry) If anyone wants me, I'll be in the janitor’s closet.
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| '''Brain:''' Wait! It's my fault. That stuff I wrote about ball lightning was really boring.
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| '''Arthur:''' You two are lucky. I still have to sing!
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| '''Binky:''' And I bet the audience thought the show couldn't get any worse.
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| '''Muffy:''' Couldn’t we just end it now, Mr. Ratburn? I've already done enough damage to my producing career.
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| ''Francine comes.''
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| '''Francine:''' End the show? Are you crazy?
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| '''Kids:''' Francine!
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| '''Francine:''' Sorry I'm late. The streets were crawling with ducks.
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| '''Muffy:''' Well, you haven’t missed much. Just the worst third-grade musical ever.
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| '''Francine:''' That’s not what they think.
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| ''The kids look out at the audience.''
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| '''Man:''' (laughs)
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| '''Woman:''' Brilliant!
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| ''Mrs. Read talks to Mrs. Baxter.''
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| '''Mrs. Read:''' When he came out with that thing on his head, I thought I was gonna die laughing.
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| ''Mr. Read talks to Mr. Crosswire.''
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| '''Mr. Read:''' I'm really impressed. It's got humor, interesting facts, that very poetic piece about the bird...
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| '''Tommy:''' I liked the part where that monster tore a hole in the wall.
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| '''Timmy:''' Was he a grebe? He had feathers.
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| ''The kids look delighted.''
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| '''Muffy:''' Come on, guys. We've got a show to do!
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| <nowiki>***</nowiki>
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| ''The show continues. Francine as narrator stands in front of the curtain.''
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| '''Francine:''' Oh Elwood City, so proud so bold,<br>
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| Now you are one hundred years old.<br>
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| What was once dark forests, bogs and fens,<br>
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| Is now called home by us children.<br>
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| I lift my head and sing to thee,<br>
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| Oh Elwood, Elwood, Elwood City...
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| ''Alex stands up in the audience.''
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| '''Alex:''' Hey, you've told us what Elwood City was like in the past, but what's it like today?
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| '''Francine:''' Today? Today things are a little different...
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| ''The curtain opens. The stage now shows a street scene. Kids walk on stage.''
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| '''Kids:''' (Watch out! Hey! Coming through! Do we have a math test Monday?)
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| '''Arthur:''' Hey, Buster! Wanna get a snack?
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| '''Buster:''' You have to ask?
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| '''Kids:''' Slurping shakes at the Sugar Bowl,<br>
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| The crossing guard is on patrol.<br>
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| Soccer games...
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| '''Francine:''' Hey, I scored a goal!
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| '''Kids:''' That's Elwood City.<br>
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| Reading books at the library,<br>
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| Our clubhouse is in a tree.
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| '''Buster:''' Had a comet named after me.
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| '''Kids:''' That's Elwood City.
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| ''The corn backdrop comes down with a large hole in the middle. Francine looks out of it.''
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| '''Francine:''' When the ice storm blew in,<br>
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| Our prospects looked grim.
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| ''Binky walks on stage dressed as a snowflake.''
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| We were filled with hunger and fear,
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| '''Kids:''' But we got together and battled the weather,<br>
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| With stories, cocoa and cheer.
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| '''Francine:''' Just like pioneers.
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| ''The backdrop rises.''
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| '''Kids:''' Baseball games with Mighty Mountain,<br>
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| Lost a lot, but we're not countin'.
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| '''Buster:''' Hey, don't hog the water fountain!
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| '''Kids:''' That's Elwood City.
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| '''Arthur:''' Picnics for all sons and fathers,
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| '''Binky:''' Hey, I just met Mister Rogers.
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| ''He waves at Mr. Rogers.''
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| '''Muffy:''' Crosswire Motors has super deals.
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| '''Brain:''' The ice-cream shop sells gummy eels.
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| ''Fern comes on stage dressed as a detective.''
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| '''Fern:''' All clues point in one direction.
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| '''Brain:''' Elwood City is perfection.
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| '''Kids:''' Yes, this town has passed the test,<br>
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| So much better than the rest.<br>
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| Elwood City, you're the best!<br>
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| Elwood City. Yeah!
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| ''Balloons fall from the ceiling while the audience cheers. The kids smile at each other. Mr. Ratburn looks like he can hardly believe it.''
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| <nowiki>***</nowiki>
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| ''After the show, the Reads drive home. Arthur is still smiling.''
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| '''D.W:''' Next time you do a musical about Elwood City, ''you'' should play the alien. You look more alienish than Buster.
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| '''Arthur:''' (yawns) They probably won’t do another one for a hundred years. It was a centennial celebration.
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| '''D.W:''' Oh? Then I guess you’ll play Jacob Katzen-whatshisname. You'll have a beard by then.
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| '''Arthur:''' Katzenellenbogan.
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| '''D.W:''' I wonder what he would have though thought of the show.
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| ''The car passes the statue of Katzenellenbogan. A duck sits down on his hat.''
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| [[Category:Transcripts]]
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| [[Category:A to Z]]
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| [[Category:Season 7 transcripts]]
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