D.W.'s Baby/Transcript

(Opens up on Arthur sitting on a chair in front of a T.V., holding a remote)

Arthur: Ready?

(Arthur turns on the T.V)

Arthur: Ok, this is a video of my first birthday...

(The reflection of the T.V. goes on Arthur's glasses)

Arthur: (cont.) Before I had glasses.

(A 1-year-old Arthur is shown on the T.V. Arthur's Mom places a birthday cake in front of him and demonstrates how to blow out the candle.)

Arthur's Dad: Come on Arthur! (blows)

(Arthur puffs up his cheeks)

Arthur's Dad: That's right! Now, blow!

(Back to the Present. Arthur laughs.)

Arthur: Come on Arthur! (blows)

(Back to the video. Arthur's Mom demonstrates to him how to blow out the candle again. Arthur sneezes.)

(Present Day)

Arthur: Hey, perfect!

(On the video, Arthur's Mom is shown wiping off the birthday cake crumbs that went on her when Arthur sneezed.)

(Next, we see a video of D.W's first birthday)

Mom, Dad, and Arthur: Happy Birthday D.W.!

Arthur: And this is D.W's first birthday.

Baby D.W: (speaks gibberish)

Young Arthur: D.W! Watch me. I'll show you how to blow out the candle. (blows)

(Baby D.W fans out the candle with a plate)

Baby D.W:(speaks gibberish)

Arthur: And now it's Kate's very first birthday.

(D.W. secretly films Arthur)

Arthur: Cut it out! Mom, D.W.'s wrecking the video!

(D.W. is shown sitting upside down on a chair, holding a video camera)

D.W: No I'm not! I'm just trying to make Arthur look more interesting, but it's hopeless.

(Cut to the dining room table)

Arthur, Mom, and Dad: Happy Birthday Kate!

(D.W. is filming)

D.W: A little sister is always more interesting than a brother. But she is stinky.. (She walks away)

Arthur: You didn't always think that.

D.W: What do you mean?

Arthur: I remember how you felt when Kate first came home.

(Title Card: D.W's Baby)

(We open up on the Read's car in front of their house.)

(Cut to Arthur and D.W. inside the house. D.W. is standing on the couch, looking at the window while Arthur reads a book)

D.W: She's here! My sister's here!

(Mom and Dad enter the house, Mom is holding Kate in her arms)

D.W: Let me see! (x3)

Mom: Shhhh. She's sleeping.

D.W: (groans)

(D.W. takes off her shoes.)

D.W: Let me hold her. (x2) Please?

Mom: It's certainly nice to be home. It was just too quiet at that hospital.

(Dad fixes up a baby monitor right next to Kate's crib)

Dad: Now we'll hear her if she cries.

(Mom, Dad, and Arthur walk away, while D.W. watches Kate.)

Dad: D.W.? (x2) (He picks up D.W.)

.D.W: That's it? You're done with her?

(Cut to D.W. trying to go into a room.)

Mom: D.W., wanna come help me make dinner? You have to let the baby sleep.

D.W: Hasn't she had enough sleep by now? I heard that too much sleep is bad for you.

(Cut to Dad and Arthur watching T.V.)

Dad: (laughs)

(D.W. listens to the baby monitor.)

D.W: She's inhaling, now she's exhaling, inhaling again, exhale, in-

Arthur: Dad, she's doing it again!

Dad: (sighs) D.W., please.

D.W: (whispering) Inhale, exhale...

(Zoom in on Kate sleeping)

(The next day, D.W. sits on the kitchen countertop, right near the sink. She looks at a bucket of water.)

Dad: Bath time for Kate!

(He walks toward the sink carrying Kate.)

D.W: I'll give her a bath!

(Dad puts Kate in the water.)

Dad: You'll have to wait until she's a little bit older D.W.

(D.W. looks at her arm.)

D.W: How about now?

(Fade to D.W. playing doctor. As she pretends to wrap some of her stuffed animals, her imaginary friend, Nadine appears.)

D.W: Hey, I'm a baby expert. Why don't they want my help?

Nadine: You know, grown-ups. Give them time.

D.W. and Nadine: They're slow learners. (laughs)

Mom: Arthur, could you watch Kate while I go upstairs?

D.W: Why is she leaving him in charge? He doesn't know beans about babies.

Nadine: This is your chance to show your mommy how much you know.

(Zoom to Arthur looking after Kate.)

D.W: Yeah.

(Cut to Arthur picking up Kate's pacifier.)

Arthur: Here, you dropped this.

(He attempts to put the pacifier in Kate's mouth)

D.W: Arthur! Was that on the floor?

(Cut to D.W. running over to Arthur.)

D.W: It has to be sterilized!

(D.W. tries blowing on the pacifier, even rubbing it on her shirt)

D.W: Don't worry, I'll take care of everything.

(She tugs on Arthur's shirt.)

D.W: There.

(The doorbell rings.)

D.W: Here, I'll get it.

(Cut to Arthur trying to catch the pacifier. After this, he stops and D.W. walks in, along with Arthur's friends Buster and Francine.)

Francine: What a cute baby! She looks like me when I was a baby.

(Cut to Francine and Buster looking at Kate.)

(Kate starts crying.)

D.W: Everyone stand back! I know what she wants.

(Arthur picks up Kate's pacifier. He then puts it in Kate's mouth.)

(Kate spits out the pacifier.)

D.W: Stand back.

(She runs over to Kate, holding a baby bottle. She tries to offer it to Kate.)

(Cut to Nadine hiding behind a chair.)

Nadine: Maybe you should go get your mommy.

D.W: No, I've watched mommy. I know exactly what to do.

(She picks up Kate.)

Nadine: Maybe now you should get your mommy.

D.W: Then she'd think I'm not a baby expert.

(Cuts to Arthur, then cuts back to D.W.)

D.W: Everyone, calm down, I know exactly what to do!

(A foul smell fills the air and Everyone holds their noses in disgus.)

D.W.: (grossed out by the smel) P.U.!

(D.W. realizes what to do. She gives Kate to Arthur.)

D.W: Arthur, hold her while I get a clean diaper.

(She runs away.)

(Cut to Buster and Francine.)

Buster: Come on Kate. (speaks gibberish)

(Cut to Arthur holding Kate.)

Arthur: I wonder what she's trying to tell us.

(He then starts patting Kate on the back.)

(Kate poops, and sighs.)

Francine and Buster: Ewwwwwwww...

(Arthur's mom enters the room, along with D.W.)

Mom: (fanning the air) Oh, what’s that smell? Is everything alright?

D.W: Huh?

Arthur: (holding his nose) It is now.

Buster: (also holding his nose) Arthur made the baby poop right when she was about to explode!

(Everyone laughs, D.W. Fans the air with her hand and groans.)

(Transition to D.W. sitting on a swing, Nadine then appears.)

D.W: I loosen up the gas and he takes the credit.

Nadine: I don't think Arthur was trying to make you look bad, poops are mysterious things.

(Fades to Arthur feeding Kate with a baby bottle.)

D.W: One dirty diaper and he takes over. I should be doing that, she's my sister.

Dad (V.O.): It would fit right here.

D.W: Huh?

(D.W. enters her room to see what her parents are talking about.)

D.W.: What would fit?

Mom: The crib. Pretty soon, sweetie, Kate will be sleeping in here with you.

D.W.: (excitedly) She will!?

(D.W. runs into Arthur’s room)

D.W.: Maybe you made her poop, Arthur, but she’s going to be living with me in my room! (nervously giggles when she sees her parents)

(D.W. directs her parents as they position Kate’s crib)

D.W.: A little to the left. Easy does it. Mom, your end's crooked.

D.W: (Speaking to Kate) We’re gonna have so much fun!

Kate: (giggles)

(a horrible smell begins to fill the room.)

D.W.: (disgusted by the smell) P.U.! dirty diapers... Did Kate just poop?

Mom: (letting out a sigh of relief) ah, much better..

D.W.: (holding her nose) Ewwww... Mom needs a new diaper.

Arthur: face it D.W. it’s going to smell a lot worse than that...

D.W.: I can handle it!

(That night D.W. is kept up by Kate’s incessant crying due to the fact that she needs a clean diaper)

(Fade out to the next day. Jane is changing Kate’s soiled diaper. D.W. catches a whiff of the soiled cloth and is disgusted by it)

D.W.: (holding her nose) P.U.! It stinks like a zoo in here!

(D.W. runs to the window to let in some fresh air)

Mom: D.W., close that. The baby will be having her nap!

D.W.: (holding her doll) Ewww! My doll smells like stinky diapers!

(A muffled fart sound is heard, and the dolls pants begin to turn brown.)

D.W.: Yuck! MY doll just pooped hersel. What should I do Mom?

(Mom begins to grunt, as a long fart is heard. Mom continues to grunt as she begins to poop her pants.)

(Mom lets out a sigh of relief.)

(D.W. doubles over in pain as she poops her pants)

D.W.: P.U.! My room smells like poop!

(At night, D.W. covers her head with a pillow while Kate cries. Transition to daytime.)

(The next day D.W. is playing in her room.)

D.W.: (noticing Kate) you want to play too Kate? (Noticing a very bad smell) EWWWW!!! Mom Kate pooped her diaper!

(That night D.W. has a nightmare about living with Kate. D.W. is cheering at the big game.)

Announcer: And now Your Elwood Tigers!

(The cheerleaders form into a pyramid. D.W. climbs on top. The crowd chanting her name. Suddenly, D.W. feels a sharp pain in her gut. She doubles over, desperately trying to calm her stomach. But it’s too late, a loud wet fart is heard and everyone goes silent. The cheerleaders start sniffing the air and holding their noses in disgust

Cheerleaders:(in unison) EWWWW!

(The cheerleaders drop D.W. and she falls to the ground. Her skirt lifts up, and a brown stain becomes visibe.)

Announcer: Oh my god. Ladies and Gentlemen, D.W. just pooped herself!

(The entire stadium erupts with laughter.)

Fans: Hahaha!

(The head cheerleader approaches D.W. carrying a diaper bag.)

Cheerleader: (Mockingly) uh-oh, did the wittle baby have an accident. (Holding her nose) P.U.! Poor baby really had to poop didn’t she.

(The cheerleader proceeds to change D.W. while the entire stadium laughs at her)

Fans: DIAPER BABY! DIAPER BABY! DIAPER BABY!

(The next morning Mom is feeding Kate)

Mom: What a good girl you are.

(She notices D.W. hasn’t touched her cereal)

Mom: eat your cereal D.W.

D.W.: I can’t eat, my teeth smell like poop.

(D.W. decides to take hr problems to the rubble twins.)

Tommy: why don’t you get rid of her?

D.W.: I can’t, Mommy and daddy like her.

Timmy: well what if they didn’t like her anymore?

Tommy: yeah what if she did bad things?

D.W.: I wish, all she does is poop. Now my room smells like skunk.

Tommy: Ewww!

Timmy: Gross!

D.W.: (noticing Arthur and Kate) Even worse, here she comes...

D.W./ Tibble Twins: (holding their noses) PEEEEYEEEWWW!!

Tommy: that’s it! All you have to do is frame her!

(D.W. Mom and Kate are walking past a construction site. A building is demolished)

D.W.: (Accusingly) She did it!

Mom: A demolition machine did it D.W..

D.W.: right.

(Mom stops for a moment and tightens her face as she lets out a loud fart.)

D.W.: (fanning the air with her hand) Phew! That was stinky mommy.

(D.W. and Arthur are sitting at the table. Father comes storming in.)

Father: (Angrily) Who put my shoes in the dishwasher?!

D.W.: Kate did it. I saw her. (She holds her nose in disgust) And they smell like stinky diapers also.

Father: D.W. go to your room and think about what you just told me.

(D.W. is sitting in her room with a clothespin on her nose. Nadine appears to console her, but is taken back by the stink wafting though the room.)

Nadine: (holding her nose) P.U.! It stinks like poopy diapers in here! (Noticing D.W.) Shoes in The dishwasher huh?

D.W.: yup

Nadine: I told you it was a bad idea.

D.W.: well I can’t live with this stink.

Nadine: well what are you going to do?

D.W.: I’ve got it. I’ll sell her at the garage sale tomorrow.

(Both girls are hit with the smell of Kate’s recent diaper change)

D.W./Nadine: PEEEYOUU!!

Nadine: well whatever you do. Do it fast.

(The next day, D.W. Tries to sell Kate to a neighbor at the garage sale. But she is caught and sent to her room.)

(D.W. is watching tv and notices a special on orange island.)

D.W.: that’s it! I’ll just move to orange island.

(D.W. goes to her grandmother for help.)

D.W.: Hi grandma, I’m running away to Orange island. Can you drive me.

(Grandma brings D.W. to the island)

Grandma: you know D.W. I’m going to miss you.

D.W.: I’ll miss you too grandma.

Grandma: What about Kate.

D.W.: no way, all she ever did was stink up my room with her dirty diapers.

Grandma: well at least she will have Arthur to look up to.

D.W.: (having a sudden realization) you’re right. I can’t let Arthur corrupt her. I have to go back!

(D.W. returns home and is greeted by a frantic Mom)

Mom: D.W. where were you? We were all worried!

D.W.: (running over to Kate) I’m here Kate don’t worry. I’ll show you how to do everything. That’s what a big sisters for.

(D.W. notices a familiar stink)

D.W.: PEEEYOUUU! That’s really stinky!

(Mom lets out a sigh of relief.)

D.W.: (holding her nose) EWWWWWW, Mom you stink!