Editing Arthur's Perfect Christmas/Transcript

''A calm, soothing rendition of Pachelbel's Canon plays as [[Elwood City]] in winter is shown. At a toy store, a blow-up, animatronic T-Rex opens and closes its jaws. An elderly female rabbit hands a teddy bear to a male and female rabbit couple. Outside the store, [[Bitzi Baxter]] carries a bag of groceries. A group of kids watches a Christmas display. A bear-man picks up a gift dropped on the ground and taps Bitzi on the back. He tips his cap and presents her with the gift. A truck arrives at the Barnes family household and [[Binky]] answers the door for a man bearing gifts. A mother dog-person and her son and daughter are riding along home past Arthur's house with a Christmas tree tied to the car's roof. The title display appears over the scene.''


'''''Marc Brown's Arthur's Perfect Christmas'''''

''The Read family house is decorated brightly for the holidays. The camera zooms in on one of the windows as Arthur begins speaking.''

'''[[Arthur Read|Arthur]]''': Ah, Christmas. (''He is at the piano, playing the song.'') Only three more days until the big day. And this one's gonna be the best one ever.

''Sparkles appear, changing his pajamas into a red-and-white pinstripe suit with a black bowtie. The scene changes to show the outside, where the sparkles cover everything in snow.''

"Perfect Christmas"

''Christmas will be magical, just like in a fairy tale''<br />
''I want so much snow that I'll use my toes''<br />
''To pick up the morning mail!''<br />

''Dinner will be delicious''<br />
''Turkey and candied yams!''



'''Mr. Read'''<br />

''Stuffing a mile high''



'''Mrs. Read'''<br />

''Seventeen types of pie''



'''Grandma Thora'''<br />

Do you want some more?




'''Arthur'''<br />

Yes, ma'am!



''Our tree will shine so brightly''<br />
''Our tree will be eight feet tall''<br />
''Popcorn strung diagonally''<br />
''Candy canes and silver balls!''



''Here's a saying worth obeying''<br />
''Please take out a pad and pencil''<br />
''Nothing is more of an eyesore''<br />
''Than the excessive use of tinsel!''



'''D.W.'''<br />

What, no tinsel?



'''Arthur'''<br />

Not on this tree!



'''D.W.'''<br />

But I want tinsel!



'''Arthur'''<br />

Well, you can have all the tinsel you like!<br />
''When you are as old as me''



'''D.W.'''<br />

''Is that a guarantee?''



'''Arthur'''<br />

''Christmas will be special''<br />
''It'll be magnificent''<br />
''Everyone's gonna to state--''



'''Read family''' ('''Pal''')<br />

Arthur, we think you're great! (''Howls'')<br />

'''Arthur'''<br />

''When they open up my presents''<br />
''Yes, this Christmas I suspect, will be perfect in all respects''<br />
''This Christmas will be the best Christmas yet.''

''The song ends and his pajamas are back. D.W. approaches, holding a paper.''

'''Arthur''': Hmm.

'''D.W.''': Arthur!

'''Arthur''': Yah!

'''D.W.''': What are you doing?! Why are you so calm?! Don't you know there are only three days till Christmas?!

'''Arthur''': So?

'''D.W.''': So. There's work to be done. (''hands him the paper and a pencil'') You have to write my wish list to Santa. (''She walks slightly away and strikes a pose.'') "My dearest Santa..." (''Arthur makes as if to write.'') No, no, no. That's too gushy. What about... "Hiya, Santa!" Ahh. That's way too friendly. (''pulls on his shirt'') Come on, Arthur! I need ideas. I've only had four Christmases in my whole life. What should I write?

'''Arthur''': (''sighs'') Well, everything will be almost perfect.

''The scene changes to black, then shows the inside of a mailbox, in which D.W. is depositing her letter, the envelope of which reads "Santa Claus, North Pole." Mom honks the car horn.''

'''Mrs. Read''': D.W.., come on! We're gonna be late for school!

''D.W. shuts the mailbox, and heads to the car. She gets in, then addresses Arthur, who is also in the back.''

'''D.W.''': You wrote "Santa Claus," right? Not "Santa Cruise"? I don't' want it to go to the wrong place.

'''Arthur''': Yes, D.W. Mom, could you turn on the radio? I wanna see if it's gonna snow.

''Mrs. Read turns on the radio to 97.8 FM. A radio jingle begins playing and D.W., with her eyes closed, sways back and forth with the tune.''

'''Radio Jingle''': ''What's always at your feet and is really, really sweet? It's Tina the Talking Tabby!''

''Arthur groans and reaches for the dial.''

'''D.W.''': Don't even think about touching that dial!

''Mom starts up the car, and they're off.''

'''Radio Jingle''': ''Just scratch behind her ears and this is what you'll hear: "I'm Tina the Talking Tabby." Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina the talking Tabby! Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina...''

'''Arthur''': (''covering his ears with the flaps of his hat'') Mom, change the station, please. It's giving me a headache.

''Mom hits a button and changes the station to a preset, 107.3 FM. A lively instrumental tune begins playing that, while not recognizable as anything on the special itself, is part of the music used for the version of "Jingle Bells" featured on the ''Arthur's Perfect Christmas'' album release.''

'''D.W.''': Mom! That's the toy I really want. The one I just wrote Santa about. You put it at the top of the list, right, Arthur?

'''Arthur''': (''very put-out'') Yes, D.W.

'''D.W.''': (''shown from the car mirror'') Mom, Santa'll get it for me, won't he?

'''Mrs. Read''': Oh, I don't know, honey. We'll just have to wait and see.

''The scene changes to Lakewood Elementary School, where a number of kids, including Francine, are exiting a school bus. Then, a limo pulls up, and Muffy, dressed in green winter gear, races out.''

'''[[Muffy]]''': Francine! (''catches up to her'') Hi, Francine! Only one more day until my big party. Aren't you excited?

'''[[Francine]]''': Muffy, I already told you, I...

'''Muffy''': (''pointing'') Oh, there's George. I forgot to invite him. (''walks away'')

'''Francine''': Ugh.

'''Arthur''': (''joining her'') Hi, Francine. What's wrong?

'''Francine''': (''pointing at Muffy, who is talking to George'') Muffy, that's what's wrong. She still thinks I'm coming to her party, even though I've told her I can't go.

'''Arthur''': Why not?

'''Francine''': Because my family's having a Chanukah party tomorrow. We do it every year. When we light the last candle on the Menorah.

'''Arthur''': Maybe you need to tell her again.

'''Francine''': (''as Muffy hands George an invitation in the background'') I've already told her like a million times. It doesn't do any good. Watch. (''She goes up to Muffy.'')

'''Muffy''': Okay, see you there, George! (''George departs.'')

'''Francine''': Muffy, I'm not coming to your party tomorrow.

'''Muffy''': Oh, guess what! I got The Squabs! You know, the rock band? (''heads for the doors'') It's going to be so cool. (''She enters the school.'')

'''Francine''': See what I mean?! It's like talking to a wall! (''turns around, see nobody there'') Arthur?

''The bell rings, and then she sighs and enters the school. Scene-change to Mr. Ratburn's classroom, where George has Christmas ornaments hanging on his antlers.''

'''[[George]]''': And in Sweden, they have a parade early in the morning on December 13, where people follow the Queen of Lights, who wears a crown of candles.

''Fade in to a fantasy sequence, in which the Queen of Lights and others are performing "Sankta Lucia." They parade through the town. The sequence ends when a male moose is covered in snow falling from a roof and his candle is snuffed out. George opens a container labeled "LUTEFISK" from which a visible scent is emanating.''

'''George''': My grandparents sent me some lutefisk. Fish that's been dried and boiled. Pass it around.

''He sits it on Sue Ellen and Brain's desk. It is passed around rapidly, everyone groaning, until finally it reaches Buster. He takes out a piece and tosses it in his mouth.''

'''Buster''': Yum! Mmm, not bad!

''He eats another piece, George looking on happily. Binky now begins a presentation. He's holding a covered dish.''

'''[[Binky]]''': Every Christmas, my parents and I work at a soup kitchen and help feed homeless people. This year, I get to make dessert. (''Mr. Ratburn sniffs hopefully, his sweet tooth activated. Binky draws off the cloth.'') Presenting the Binky Barnes pecan pie! Any volunteers?

''The whole class cheers. Mr. Ratburn waggles his fingers in anticipation. Scene change to show Mr. Ratburn biting into a piece of the pie. He chews, then spits it out.''

'''Mr. Ratburn''': I believe you have to ''shell'' the pecans, Binky.

'''Binky''': Oh!

'''Buster''': (''to Arthur'') I like it! (''Arthur pushes his slice away.'')

'''Mr. Ratburn''': Okay, class. Before you leave for vacation, there's still the matter of homework. (''All groan, Sue Ellen and George lower their heads.'') I've decided not to assign you any reading. (''All cheer.'') Instead, you can write a five-page describing what you did over the holidays. (''The bell rings.'') Class dismissed.

''All moan. The scene changes to Arthur at his locker. He pulls on his coat.''

'''Arthur''': I knew it was too good to be true. Hey, I have to do some shopping. Wanna come?

'''Buster''': (''looking very tired, with bags under eyes'') Nah. I'm going right to bed. (''yawns'') My mother woke me up at 6 this morning. She thought it was Christmas.

'''Arthur''': She did?

'''Buster''': Yeah. It's happened every year since my parents got divorced.

''A fantasy or flashback sequence begins. It shows Bitzi's room, with a clock reading 5:30.''

'''Buster''': (''narrating'') On the days before Christmas, my Mom starts getting up really early.

'''Bitzi''': (''wake with a start and gasps'') It's Christmas!

''She puts on her glasses and makes to leave the room. Scene-change to the dining room, where she has pancakes and presents ready. Buster enters the room.''

'''Buster''': (''narrating'') She cooks pancakes and puts out all the presents. (''The sequence ends.'') Then, I tell her it's only December 23 and she goes back to bed.

'''Arthur''': Weird.

'''Buster''': I think she just gets really nervous that I don't have a good Christmas because my Dad's not with us.

'''Arthur''': That's too bad.

'''Buster''': Yeah. Sometimes I wish Christmas wasn't such a big deal.

''He pushes open the doors to the school, and he and Arthur are assaulted by a fanfare of trumpets. The two heralds, dressed in red and green, bow to each other, then Muffy rises from the roof of her limo. She is dressed like a princess and speaks through a megaphone, accompanied by a low, ceremonial drumbeat.''

'''Muffy''': I, Muffy, the Princess of Christmas, invite one-and-all to my holiday extravaganza!

'''Binky''': (''turning to Brain'') Her what?

'''Muffy''': (''without the drumbeat'') My party! (''drumbeat resumes'') It's at 5-o-clock tomorrow! Presents for everyone! (''The megaphone squeals and she knocks on the roof to indicate for the limo to take off.'') Oh, Francine, why don't you come early so you can help me set up?!

'''Francine''': But, Muffy, I told you I can't come! (''Muffy departs and George stands next to Francine.'') Ugh! Why can't she listen?

'''George''': Lutefisk?

''He pulls out the lutefisk and offers it. The fish then slide down as a scene-changer to a toy store. A sign shows that the store is called "Santa's Workshop." The "camera" then angles to the mall entrance, where Mrs. Read and Arthur are just entering.''

'''Arthur''': Wow!

'''Mrs. Read''': (''looking troubled'') Wait till you see the line for the bathrooms. (''cheers up'') Okay, let's synchronize our watches. 3:15?

'''Arthur''': (''checking his own watch'') Check.

'''Mrs. Read''': I'll meet you back at the candy cane in exactly one hour.

''The scene changes. Arthur is now navigating the mall on his own.''

'''Arthur''': Excuse me.

''He spots a TV playing an infomerical.''

'''TV Announcer''': It peels, it cores, it shreds! It hashes! It juliennes! It even cooks for you! It's an entire kitchen at the press of a button! ('''The machine shoots electricity into a carrot.'') It's the Veginator! Now on sale for only $5.99! (''$5.99 flashes as a graphic on-screen.'')

'''Arthur''': (''with $5.99 reflected in his glasses'') Wow! That's perfect for Dad! (''He taps on the shoulder of a bear store-clerk.'') Um, excuse me, sir?

'''Clerk''': Sorry, we're sold out.

'''Arthur''': Aw.

'''Clerk''': But allow me to show you something else.

''They enter the shop and the clerk picks up a box showing an olive de-pitter.''

'''Clerk''': Yes, sir. Selling like hotcakes! (''There are tons of them left.'') Uncle Niko's Olive De-pitter! You just stick an olive in, and out pops the pit! (''He demonstrates. The pit hits Arthur's glasses.'')

'''Arthur''': Um... I don't know.

'''Clerk''': I'll throw in the olives.

''Arthur smiles and a "SALE" sign with the sound of a cash register chiming is used a scene-changer to show Arthur walking out of a store with a bag.''

'''Arthur''': Only one more present to go. Hmm. What to get Mom? (''He spots something in a window display.'') Hey! It's that little glass bird that I broke last summer.

''The bird glimmers and a flashback sequence begins. Arthur and D.W. are running around in the living room, Arthur wearing oven mitts and pretending to be a crocodile or something.''

'''D.W.''': Help! Help! Arthur, leave me alone!

''Arthur trips over a lamp cord and the glass bird falls on the floor and shatters into many pieces.''

'''D.W.''': Arthur did it! Arthur did it!

''The fantasy sequence ends.''

'''Arthur''': Mom loved that bird. This'll really surprise her.

''He races into the store and gasps. There's a massive line, ten people ahead of him and apparently only one clerk.''

'''Arthur''': Oh, brother.

''He decides to wait it out. Montage of Arthur waiting. He polishes his glasses, yawns, leans, then actually falls asleep, before finally being waited on by the female rat-person clerk, wearing a name-tag reading "Jill."''

'''Jill''': Excuse me, young man. Can I help you?

'''Arthur''': (''startled awake'') Huh? Oh. Yeah. The little glass bird in the window, please.

'''Jill''': (''gets it and places it in a box'') I assume that will be cash.

'''Arthur''': (''pulling out a bunch of coins'') Yes, ma'am! 25... 35... 45... (''the cashier falls asleep'') 56... 57... 58... 59... There! Nine dollars and fifty-nine cents.

'''Jill''': Huh? Oh yeah, here you go.

'''Arthur''': Thanks! Happy holidays!

''He leaves the store and looks at his Bionic Bunny watch.''

'''Arthur''': Oh, no! It's 4:13!

''He approaches a desk where a dog-person security guard is lounging.''

'''Arthur''': Excuse me, sir. How do I get to the entrance with the giant candy cane?

'''Security Guard''': Now which giant candy cane would you be wantin', son? There's the giant green one in the Winter Wonderland, and there's the giant pink one by the reindeer stables, and...

'''Arthur''': The giant red one, with the elves.

'''Security Guard''': That would be Santa's Workshop. Quickest way is through Toy Town.

''He points to it and Arthur gulps and takes off. It's along ways away. As he makes his way, he hears the "Tina the Talking Tabby" jingle and he groans.''

'''Loudspeaker''': ''Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina the Talking Tabby! Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina the Talking Tabby!''

'''Arthur''': Ugh! That song!

'''Loudspeaker''': ''Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina the Talking Tabby! Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina the Talking Tabby! Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina the Talking Tabby! Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina the Talking Tabby! Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina the Talking Tabby!''

'''Arthur''': (''covering his ears'') Ugh! Oh...

'''Loudspeaker''': Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina...

''Arthur has made his way through the store. It wasn't easy,, as he had to climb up a giant block tower, bounce along on a kangaroo bouncer ball and use a horizontal ladder, but he arrives at the candy cane, where a much more pleasant instrumental rendition of "Jingle Bells" is playing.''

'''Mrs. Read''': (''indicating her watch'') Right on time. Did you get everything you needed?

'''Arthur''': Yep. How about you?

''''Mrs. Read''': Well, almost everything. There was just one thing that was all sold out.

''Scene-change to the Read house, where a plate of chocolate chip cookies is sitting on a table. D.W. grabs one.''

'''Mrs. Read''': Now, D.W. You know that Santa can't always get exactly the thing you want.

'''D.W.''': Why? Because I've been bad?

'''Mrs. Read''': (''putting her arm on D.W.'s shoulder'') No, D.W., you haven't been bad. It's just that, there are a lot of children wishing for the same thing, and...

'''D.W.''': It's because Arthur wrote my letter all wrong, isn't it?! (''She snaps her cookie into crumbs.'') Boy, if you want something done right, you've gotta do it yourself.

'''Mr. Read''': (''appearing in the doorway'') Hey, everyone! I've got a big surprise. Uncle Fred's video Christmas card!

''It's a videocassette. Remember those? Scene-change to the Read family TV, which shows static, then Uncle Fred tapping on the screen. "PLAY" is shown in green on the bottom left.''

'''Uncle Fred''': Is this thing on? Oh, heh, it is! (''putting his face right up against the camera'') Hi, Sis! Hi, David, Arthur, D.W., and, of course, widdle Kate! (''Kate giggles.'') It's me, your Uncle Fred! (''sound of dog barking'') And, Rory! (''Rory licks the camera. Both are dressed in tropical outfits and sunglasses.'') We're sorry, everybody, but we can't be with you this Christmas because we're going to...

'''Arthur''' and '''D.W.''': Hawaii?!

'''Uncle Fred''': ('''waving his arms expansively and knocking over a lamp'') Florida! (''everything goes dark, sound of record needle scratching'') What the heck was that?! Hey, who-who turned out the lights? (''Rory sniffs at the camera.'') Hey, Rory! No, that's not a dog treat!

''Rory appears to bite the camera and the TV goes back to static. Everyone laughs with delight.''

'''Mrs. Read''': Oh, that Fred.

'''D.W.''': He's so funny!

'''Arthur''': Remember last Christmas, he stepped on that tea-set Dad got for Mom? (''chuckles'')

'''Mrs. Read''': That wasn't so funny. (''A timer dings.'') Dinner! It's your favorite, Arthur.

''In the kitchen, the table is laid out with a traditional Christmas dinner. Arthur is actually less than enthusiastic.''

'''Arthur''': But won't Christmas dinner be kind of boring if we have the same thing tonight?

'''Mrs. Read''': Your father was thinking of doing something a little different this year.

'''Mr. Read''': We're going to have a ''really'' authentic Christmas dinner. The kind they might have actually eaten in Bethlehem when Jesus was born.

'''Arthur''': Did they have pumpkin pie back then?

'''Mr. Read''': Uh, no. The pumpkin is a new world vegetable. (''pulls out a book'') But with the help of this ''History of Cooking'' book, I think I can put together a delicious meal. Let's see. We can have roast lamb with turmeric, unleavened bread and ''puls'', an ancient Roman dish made from ashed chickpeas and wheat. Mmm. Sounds great.

''Arthur looks startled. His face zooms in to a fantasy sequence. The Read family is in a manger, trying to enjoy a meal amongst a cow, horse, and lamb. Pal is with the other animals.''

'''D.W.''': Daddy, there's sand in my hummus!

'''Arthur''': And my ''puls'' is cold!

'''Uncle Fred''': (''offering Arthur a large meat-bone'') Hey, Arthur, want my camel?

'''Arthur''': Eugh! No thanks! ''The scene ends.''

'''Mr. Read''': (''flipping through the book'') And chocolate-covered dates! Oh, no, sorry, no chocolate. That's an Aztec food.

'''Mrs. Read''': It'll be fun. Arthur?

'''Arthur''': (''unenthusiastic'') I guess.

''Cheerful music begins, one of the standard musical background themes familiar to long-time viewers. Scene-change to the Baxters, where Buster is dozing.''

'''Bitzi'''': (''entering his room and speaking loudly and musically'') Rise and shine, sleepyhead! It's Christmas! Christmas is here! (''shaking him'') Christmas, Christmas, Christmas!

'''Buster''': Huh?

'''Bitzi''': Pancakes are on the table, and I see lots and lots of presents in the living room!

''She closes the door and Buster getrs up and looks at the calendar that is on it. All of the dates from 1-22 are crossed out and Buster places his finger against the 23, showing that it is December 23. In other words, not Christmas. He moans and the scene changes to show Bitzi piling presents back into a closet.''

'''Bitzi''': I'm sorry, Buster.

'''Buster''': It's okay, Mom. Hey, at least I get pancakes for breakfast every morning.

'''Bitzi''': Ugh. I just can't wait for the holidays to be over.

''Buster looks sad. He droops his head, closes his eyes and places his hand against his head. The scene changes to show D.W. walking to a mailbox.''

'''Tommy'''': Hey, look, Timmy, D.W.'s mailing a letter to Santa!

'''Timmy''': What a baby!

'''Tommy''': Are you asking for a new rattle?

'''D.W.''': For your information, this is not a letter to Santa! It's to, um, the President of the United States. So there!

'''Tommy''': (''to Timmy'') Oh, so he's the one who gets us all the presents.

''D.W. drops the letter in the mailbox. It reads "Santa Claus, North Pole."''

'''D.W.''': Don't let me down, Santa. I'm counting on you.

''The scene changes to show the outside of the Crosswire Mansion, then the inside, where The Squabs are playing their hit, "Boogie Woogie Christmas."''

'''The Squabs''': ''Have a Boogie Woogie Christmas and a rockin' and a reelin' New Year'' / ''Have a Boogie Woogie Christmas and a rockin' and a reelin' New Year'' / ''May your holiday be merry and bright'' / ''May the season be jolly and outta sight'' / ''Have a Boogie Woogie Christmas and a rockin' and a reelin' New Year'' / ''Have you heard the news? Santa Claus is coming to town'' / ''Yeah, have you heard the news? Santa Claus is coming to town'' / ''Hang your stockings by the chimney with care'' / ''Turn the stereo up and if you dare...'' / ''Have a Boogie Woogie Christmas and a rockin' and a reelin' New Year''

''As they continue playing, most people seem to be enjoying the party. Even Mr. Ratburn is there and takes a cookie from a tray. At least one person, though, isn't having a very good time. Arthur is staring forlornly out a window...''

'''Arthur''': Where's the snow? Christmas is tomorrow and there's still no snow.

'''Brain''': (''playing a pin-the-tail-on-Rudolph game'') Well, you know, Arthur, no one actually knows what day Jesus was born on. The holiday is in December probably because that's when the Romans celebrated winter solstice and most likely they adopted that tradition from the Babylonians.

'''Arthur''': I don't care. I still want snow.

''The instrumental of "Boogie Woogie Christmas" playing in the background comes to a close and a trumpet fanfare is played. Yes, it's Muffy, the "Princess of Christmas" again.''

'''Muffy''': (''speaking into a microphone', accompanied by low drumbeat'') Gather 'round, my subjects. I, Muffy, the Princess of Christmas, will now give out your presents. (''The low drumbeat stops and she walks over to a present. She picks it up, then lounges on her throne.'') The first one is for... Francine Frensky. (''silence, sound of microphone feedback and murmuring'') I said, Francine Frensky! Will Miss Frensky come to the stage to accept her present?

''The present slides across the scene as a scene-changer to the Frenskys, where a game of Dreidel is being played.''

'''Francine''': Gimmel! I win again! Yes!

''She reaches for a stack of coins and the phone rings.''

'''Catherine''': (''walking into the room'') Francine! It's for you!

''Francine picks up the phone.''

'''Francine''': Hello! (''Her hair is blown back as if hit by a stiff wind.'')

'''Muffy''': (''over the phone'') Where are you?! Everybody's waiting for you to accept your present, but you're not here!

'''Francine''': Muffy! I told you exactly... (''pulls a piece of paper from her pocket'') five... ten... fifteen... twenty... twenty-five... twenty-eight FUCKING times that I couldn't come to your DAMN party because it's SHITTY Chanukah! But you just didn't listen!

'''Muffy''': But you could see your family any old day. Besides, it's not like Chanukah is as important as Christmas!

'''Francine''': (''gasps'') Well, it is to me! (''slams the phone down'')

'''Muffy''': (''gasps'') How rude! (''grabs the microphone'') Okay! Who wants Francine's present?

''The scene changes to Buster, who is zonked out at one of the snack tables. His head is in a piece of cake and he seems to be munching on it in his sleep. Arthur and Brain notice, and Arthur approaches and slaps his hand.''

'''Arthur''': Buster, wake up!

'''Buster''': (''waking with a start and grunting in confusion'') Huh? is it Christmas again?

'''Arthur''': No. And you have cake on your face.

'''Buster''': (''looking dreamy'') Ah, that's nice. (''slurps up the cake'')

'''Brain''': Buster, maybe you and your Mom shouldn't have Christmas. It just makes you really tired.

'''Buster''': I know. But I don't know what else to do.

'''Arthur''': Why not create your own holiday?

'''Buster''': You can't just invent a holiday, Arthur.

'''Brain''': Well, sure you can. My family celebrates Kwanzaa and that was invented for African-Americans by Dr. Mulana Karenga in 1966.

'''Arthur''': See, Buster? You could celebrate... Baxter Day.

'''Buster''': (''puts his hand on his head and looks thoughtful'') Hmm. Baxter Day. I wonder what that would be like.

"Baxter Day"

''Up in the morning, breakfast in bed''<br />
''Hot fudge sundaes on toast, yum!''<br />
''Birdies are singing and I'm singing too''<br />
''<nowiki>'</nowiki>Cause today's the day I love the most!''<br />

''And after breakfast, I'll have a snack''<br />
''Two cheeseburgers and pie''<br />
''My friends are coming to watch us go''<br />
''On a rocketship, let's wave goodbye''<br />

''<nowiki>'</nowiki>Cause it's Baxter Day''<br />
''Oh, yes, it's Baxter Day!''<br />
''Stop whatever you're doing, let me hear you say''<br />
''"Today is Baxter Day!"''<br />

''I could tell jokes to an alien crowd''<br />
''Somewhere in outer space''<br />
''"What has two heads and giggles a lot?''<br />
''You give up? I don't know, but it's crawling on your face!"''<br />
''Stop by the moon, just to make sure''<br />
''It's really made of cheese''<br />
''The thing I like best about this kind of day''<br />
''Is that we can do whatever we please''<br />

''<nowiki>'</nowiki>Cause it's Baxter Day''<br />
''Yes, it's Baxter Day!''<br />
''Stop whatever you're doing, let me hear you say''<br />
''"Today is Baxter Day!"''<br />

''No need for presents, there's nothing I need''<br />
''You won't find it in a store in the mall''<br />
''We're together and that's my gift''<br />
''It's the very best present of all''<br />

''We could just sleep late''<br />
''If that's what we wanted to do''<br />
''We could even stay in pajamas all day''<br />
''And maybe eat a snack or five''<br />

''We could just read books''<br />
''Stories that would make us laugh!''<br />
''And if we got dirty''<br />
''We wouldn't even have to take a bath, you know why?''<br />
''Because it's Baxter Day!''<br />
''Oh, yeah, baby, it's Baxter Day!''<br />
''Stop whatever you're doing, let me hear you say''<br />
''"Today is Baxter Day!"''<br />
''It's just a relaxer day''<br />
''Yes, today is Baxter Day''<br />
All day, that is.

''The fantasy sequence ends with Buster and Bitzi walking hand-in-hand to the edge of a lake where a huge moon is setting.''

'''Buster''': Yeah, it is a good idea. (''ears droop'') But my Mom would never go for it.

'''Arthur''': You don't know for sure unless you ask her.

'''Buster''': (''his ears perk up and he looks thoughtful again'') Hmm.

''The scene changes to show Mr. Ratburn taking a brownie from a tray offered by Binky. He chews and looks disgusted, then sticks out his tongue.''

'''Mr. Ratburn''': Eugh! Did you put sugar in these brownies, Binky?

'''Binky''': (''pulling out a pad and pencil'') Sugar. So that's what makes them sweet.

''The pad overtakes the screen as a scene-changer to Arthur, walking up to the door of the Read house. He opens it, whistling the tune of "Boogie Woogie Christmas," and hangs up his coat. He then heads into the living room and stares at something in shock.''

'''Arthur''': What's that?

''The view changes to show that D.W. has decorated the Christmas tree with lights, ornaments, unicorns, troll dolls, and pictures of kittens.''

'''D.W.''': It's our tree, silly!

'''Arthur''': But... but it's all fluffy.

'''D.W.''': So?

'''Arthur'''': It doesn't look like a real Christmas tree.

'''Mrs. Read''': What did you have in mind?

'''Arthur''': Well, you know, a traditional tree with gold and silver balls and popcorn, not unicorns.

'''Mrs. Read''': (''offering him some ornaments'') Well, you can make the rest of the tree just how you want it.

'''D.W.''': I'll help!

'''Arthur''': No, you won't.

'''D.W.''': (''folding her arms and scowling'') Hmph!

''Gold and silver ornaments rain down as a scene-changer to show Arthur examining his reflection in a gold one.''

'''Arthur''': Hmm. There!

''He hangs it up and stands back to examine the completely decorated tree.''

'''Arthur''': I guess if you cover the bottom part. Oh, what am I saying? It's still weird-looking.

'''Mr. Read''': (''poking his head in the living room'') Come on, Arthur. We don't wanna be late for church.

''The scene changes to the Read family car, in which a certain jingle is playing...''

'''Radio Ad''': ''Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina, Tina tiny Tina, Tina the Talking Tabby!''

''Baby Kate is sitting between Arthur and D.W. and dressed up in a Santa suit. She giggles and D.W. sways with the song, but Arthur is not pleased.''

'''Arthur''': Dad, can you please put something else on? That ad is driving me crazy.

'''Radio Ad''': Oh, Tina, Tina, tiny Tina, Tina the talking Tabby!

''Mr. Read inserts a cassette.''

'''Singer''': ''Crazy bus, crazy bus, riding on a crazy bus!''

''Arthur briefly looks blissful at relief from the "Tina" ad, then gasps. D.W. starts swaying along, Kate looks happy. Arthur moans.''

'''Singer''': ''Riding up and riding down and driven by a funny clown. Wacky, goony...''

''The scene changes. Church bells are ringing and everybody is exiting the church. As Arthur does so, trailing his family, Binky approaches him...''

'''Binky''': Hey, Arthur! I've got a Christmas present for ya'.

'''Arthur''': Really?

'''Binky''': It's the very first slice of Binky Barnes banana bread.

''He presents it to Arthur takes it.''

'''Arthur''': Uh, thanks.

'''Binky''': What are you waiting for? Aren't you going to try it?

'''Arthur''': (''does so and grimaces'') Ew! Did you peel the bananas?!

'''Binky''': (''pulling out the pad and pencil again'') Peel... bananas...

'''He walks away and the scene changes to the Read household, where Arthur is addressing his gift to his mother.''

'''Arthur''': To: Mom. Love Arthur. There. Mom is gonna be so surprised. I can't wait till he opens it. (''He shuts off the light and admires the Christmas tree.'') It's not so bad-looking, really. Good night, tree. See you bright and early.

'''D.W.''': (''switching on the light'') Arthur, there's no fire in the fireplace, is there? (''She looks in.'')

'''Arthur''': No. Why?

'''D.W.''': So Santa doesn't get burned, silly. Am I the only one thinking of Santa's best interest here?

''Arthur rolls his eyes and seems to give a look to the viewer. The scene changes to the kitchen, where D.W. pours some milk in a glass.''

'''D.W.''': Here's a little snack for him. It's a long way from the North Pole and he has to work all night! (''Arthur snags one of the cookies sitting next to the milk.'') Stop! Those are Santa's cookies! It's kids like you that get lumps of coal, Arthur Read. (''Arthur looks shocked and puts the cookie back.'') Follow me! There's one more thing we have to do.

''She grabs his hand and leads him on. The scene changes to outside, where D.W. is using the tap to fill a bucket of water.''

'''Arthur''': What's that for?

'''D.W.''': The reindeer. They get thirsty too.

''A snowfall falls and Arthur catches it. He gasps.''

'''Arthur''': Look! A snowflake! I don't believe it! It's going to... (''Lightning flashes and it starts pouring. D.W. races inside.'') Rain.

''Arthur is now in bed, with Pal next to him.''

'''Arthur''': Oh well. Even if it doesn't snow tomorrow, it's still Christmas. (''removes his glasses'') One thing's for sure, Mom is really gonna love that bird. At least that will turn out to be perfect. (''He rubs Pal's head.'') Good night, boy. (''Pal yips at the sound of a car accident.'') What was that?!

''Arthur races out of his room and heads for the living room, where Mr. and Mrs. Read are talking to Uncle Fred on the doorstep.''

'''Uncle Fred''': And I was just coming by to drop off some presents when the truck started smoking. I don't know what the heck is wrong with it.

'''Mr. Read''': (''noticing Arthur'') Arthur, look who's here.

'''Arthur''': Uncle Fred! (''He rushes and gives him a hug.'')

'''Uncle Fred''': Hey, Arthur. How the heck are ya'? (''standing back up'') Sorry about the fence. I, uh, had a little trouble parking. You know, clumsy me.

''His dog, Rory, rushes in from outside and licks Arthur's face.''

'''Arthur''': (''giggles'') Cut it out, Rory!

''Rory notices Pal and yips. Pal moans and runs away, but Rory darts after him, knocking Arthur to the ground.''

'''Uncle Fred''': (''chuckles'') Rory just loves Pal.

''The two dogs have a chase around the Christmas tree until Rory stops and notices something. He sniffs at Arthur's present for Mrs. Read, then grabs it. Pal, notices, moans, then grabs the other end of the pakage and the two play tug-of-war. The noises of it continue in the background as the scene changes back to the Read group.''

'''Mrs. Read''': Okay, Arthur, back to bed. You'll see Uncle Fred tomorrow. He'll be staying with us tonight.

'''Arthur''': That's great! Well, goodnight, Uncle Fred. Come on, Pal. Pal? (''He notices what is happening.'') Oh, no! (''The two dogs are sizing each other up and growling. Arthur gasps and waves his hands.'') No! Rory, Pal! Stop it!

''The two dogs stop and look at him. Pal releases the present, but Rory does not. Instead, he dashes into the living room. Arthur races after him.''

'''Arthur''': (''chasing him around the couch'') Give that back! That's Mom's present!

''Rory stops behind the couch. Arthur leaps on him and ends up riding on his back.''

'''Arthur''': Hiya! Whoa! Whoa!

''The scene changes to the kitchen, where Uncle Fred is talking with Mr. Read.''

'''Uncle Fred''': (''pouring himself milk into his tea'') We're just lucky the truck went kerploeey right near your driveway. I mean, what a coincidence. Right? (''The cup is overflowing, but Fred is still pouring.'')

'''Mrs. Read''': Um, Fred, your tea...

'''Uncle Fred:''' Whoops... Oh, clumsy me! Oh, gosh, it's on the floor, too!

'''Mr. Read''': I'll get some paper towels.

'''Mrs. Read''': That's alright, we've got napkins.

'''Uncle Fred''': I'll get it. (''They bump heads.'')

'''Mrs. Read''' and '''Uncle Fred''': Ow!

''The view changes to show Arthur riding by on top of Rory passing by the doorway. The action follows him...''

'''Arthur''': Whoa! Whoa! Rory, stop! You'll break it! That's not a doggy toy! Oh, no. Pal, get out of the way! Pal, get out of the way!

''Pal yips and leaps to the side as Rory slides up on a rug, causing both Arthur and the present to go flying. Arthur makes a leaping catch.''

'''Arthur''': Whew.

''Pal approaches him and climbs in his lap.''

'''Mr. Read''': Arthur. Back to bed, now.

'''Arthur''': But...

'''Mr. Read''': No buts. You and Pal can play with Rory tomorrow.

''Rory barks. Arthur looks at Pal, who whines. The scene changes to show Arthur on a stool, placing the present at the top of a closet just outside his room.''

'''Arthur''': It'll be safe in here.

''He closes the door to darkness , as the scene changes to Christmas morning. It dawns with some clouds and some brightness as triumphant music plays. The scene then shows D.W.'s face, as she lies in bed. Her eyes open and she looks happy. She sits up.''

'''D.W.''': (''wonderingly'') It's... Christmas. (''She gets up and opens her door.'') Wake up, everyone! It's Christmas! (''She runs into Arthur's room and starts shaking him.'') Arthur, wake up! It's Christmas, it's Christmas!

'''Arthur''': (''looking slightly stunned, as Pal whines'') Huh?

'''D.W.''': (''now in her parents' room'') Mommy, Daddy, Christmas is here! Wake up, wake up! Time to open the presents! Time to...

''She has raced out of the room and stops suddenly. She looks back in the bathroom, where Uncle Fred is shaving, dressed in all-red pajama suit and red-and-white socks. He has shaving cream applied to his face, looking somewhat like a white fluffy beard.''

'''D.W.''': Whoa.

'''Uncle Fred''': Ho, ho! Well, hello there!

'''D.W.''' (''racing away'') Huh?

''Uncle Fred looks confused for a second, then shrugs, and goes back to shaving. He has no idea what's going on, but it's fairly obvious to viewers. D.W. doesn't know that Uncle Fred is there and from her perspective, she has apparently just seen Santa Claus. Uncle Fred nicks his cheek with his razor and grabs a piece of tissue paper to dab at it.''

'''Uncle Fred''': Ow!

''Arthur leaves his room, needing to go to the bathroom. He passes Uncle Fred in the hallway, who, judging from the paper on his face, nicked himself several times shaving.''

'''Arthur''': (''waving'') Morning, Uncle Fred. Merry Christmas!

'''Uncle Fred''': Merry Christmas, sport!

''He closes the door. Shortly afterwards, D.W. leads a very sleepy-looking Mr. Read out of his and Mrs. Read's bedroom.''

'''D.W.''': Santa's in our bathroom, Daddy! He has a big white beard and a red suit and it was really, really him.

'''Mr. Read''': (''yawning widely'') Alright. Alright.

''D.W. knocks at the door. There is no response.''

'''D.W.''': Santa? Are you through in there? I want you to meet my Dad.

''Arthur is brushing his teeth. He brushes for a bit, spits, turns off the faucet and goes to use the toilet. He opens the bottom lid, indicating he's going to be standing to do it. Back outside, Mr. Read yawns again.''

'''D.W.''': I think Santa's a little hard of hearing.

''She opens the door and Arthur shown from the top up, but it can be heard that he's taking a tinkle. He gasps, then screams. D.W. closes the door in a hurry.''

'''Arthur''': Can't a kid get any privacy around here?

'''D.W.''': Oops! Sorry!

''She looks at Dad and giggles sheepishly. The scene changes to Bitzi Baxter, dozing. Her hair is a mess and she has bags under her eyes. Buster is shaking her awake.''

'''Buster''': Hey, Mom. Wake up! It's Christmas!

'''Bitzi''': (''waking and sitting up'') It is? Really? Are you sure it's the 25th?

'''Buster''': (''holding up his calendar'') Yep. See? (''He points at the circled date.'')

'''Bitzi''': (''getting up and putting on her glasses'') Okay! Time for presents, time for pancakes. Let's get this show on the road.

''She and Buster are now in the dining room, where Buster is unwrapping a present.''

'''Buster''': Cool, it's CyberCod!

'''Bitzi''': I'm sorry, Buster. We can return it.

'''Buster''': (''confused'') Huh? Why?

'''Bitzi''': Because you already have that one. See? (''holds up a figure that looks similar, but decidedly not the same'') I found it in your room right after I bought the other one.

'''Buster''': That's TechnoTrout, Mom. He's very different. He has a speckled belly and he doesn't have CyberCod's kung-fu feet. (''He demonstrates.'')

'''Bitzi''': Oh, thank goodness! (''Black smoke wafts towards her. There is a sound of sizzling.'') Oh, no! The pancakes are burning! The pancakes are burning!

''She rushes and takes the pan off the burner. The smoke alarm starts going off.''

'''Buster''': It's okay, Mom. I like them kinda brown. (''He gets up and walks over as she puts one on a plate.'') Or black.

'''Bitzi''': (''as the smoke alarm continues to sound'') Oh, no.

''The scene changes to the Crosswire Mansion, where Mr. Crosswire is presenting Muffy with a present. The jazzy instrumental version of "Jingle Bells" is playing in the background.''

'''Muffy''': The Cindy Crawfish mini-makeup kit. Thank you, Mom and Dad!

''The scene pans out to show that Mrs. Crosswire is sitting in a sofa nearby, drinking tea.''

'''Muffy''': Let's see, that makes... ('' runs a total on a calculator, her eyes widen'') 37 presents, including the calculator. This was the biggest Christmas ever. (''She hugs her Mom and Dad, then heads back over to the makeup kit.'') I can't wait to try this out. (''She applies some powder to her face, then looks at it in the kit's mirror.'') I don't need makeup. I'm already beautiful. (''gasps'') But Francine doesn't have any. And she sure could use some. (''She gets up, pulls out her cell-phone, extends the antenna, then stops and sighs.'') Oh, wait. I can't call her. We're not friends anymore. Who am I gonna tell about all my cool presents?

''A fantasy sequence begins.''

"What's the Use of Presents?"

'''Muffy'''<br />

''I got a clubhouse''<br />
''I think it's the biggest in the world''<br />
''I'd be the princess''<br />
''And Francine a serving girl''<br />
''It'd be so neat''<br />
''And if she was sweet''<br />
''I might even let her be queen''<br />
''But not this year''<br />
''<nowiki>'</nowiki>Cause I can't call Francine''

''Check out this toy train''<br />
''Something Francine would love to use''<br />
''Maybe she'd drive it''<br />
''While I eat cake in the caboose''<br />
''I'd be warm in my stole''<br />
''While she shoveled coal''<br />
''Till there was nothing we hadn't seen''<br />
''But not this year''<br />
''<nowiki>'</nowiki>Cause I can't call Francine''

''Oh, these video games are just so lame''<br />
''When you only play the computer''<br />
''And who will I take to see Swan Lake?''<br />
''I guess I will bring my tutor''<br />
Oh, that'll be a lot of fun.

''Here is a puzzle''<br />
''It's in 20,000 pieces''<br />
''Maybe I'll finish it''<br />
''By the time I have grandnieces''

''Oh, I got pretty dolls, stuffed animals, a miniature submarine''<br />
''But what good are presents?''<br />
''I find them so unpleasant''<br />
''Who wants presents if I can't share them with... Francine?''<br />
''Francine, Francine''<br />
''Oh!''

''The song ends and Muffy sits on the couch and sobs. Mr. Crosswire approaches.''

'''Mr. Crosswire''': I've got an idea, sweet-ums. Let's take the Rolls out for a spin. Maybe it'll take your mind off things.

''He sits down with her and the scene changes to the Reads, where Uncle Fred is playing with Baby Kate and an instrumental of "Angels We Have Heard On High" is playing in the background, again in the same style as the version heard on the ''Arthur's Perfect Christmas'' music album. Grandma Thora and Grandpa Dave are there now.''

'''Grandpa Dave''': Great coffee, David.

'''Mr. Read''': Actually, it's not coffee. It's ground bark. They didn't have coffee in ancient Jerusalem.

'''Grandpa Dave''': Oh.

'''Grandma Thora''': (''to Mrs. Read'') And what does your brother Fred do, dear?

'''Mrs. Read''': He works in a china shop.

''The camera cuts to Uncle Fred, who is amusing Baby Kate with a rattle. She giggles.''

'''Uncle Fred''': (''baby voice'') You wike the widdle wattle, don't you, don't you?

''He shakes it hard and the rattle portion on top falls off, leaving only the stick.''

'''Uncle Fred''': Oops.

''Baby Kate takes the stick and stares for a moment. Then she waves her arms and giggles. The view cuts to Arthur and D.W., sitting by the tree.''

'''D.W.''': I'm telling you, it was Santa in the bathroom.

'''Arthur''': It was probably just Uncle Fred.

'''D.W.''': Since when does Uncle Fred have a white beard?

'''Arthur''': Well, why would Santa be in the morning? He does all his work at night.

'''D.W.''': He was running a little late, probably because you wrote my first wish list all wrong.

'''Mr. Read''': (''tapping his cup to get everyone's attention, clears throat'') Uh, attention, everyone. I think it's time we got started on those presents.

'''D.W.''': Finally! (''She reaches for the ribbon on one, but...'')

'''Arthur''': Wait a minute! I'll be right back! Don't start without me!

''He dashes out. D.W. freezes in place holding the ribbon on her present. She shakes with anticipation. Arthur rushes upstairs to retrieve his present.''

'''Arthur''': Oh, this is gonna be so good. Can't wait to see Mom's expression.

''He slips into a fantasy sequence. Mrs. Read is opening the present. She and D.W. both gasp at seeing the glass bird.''

'''Mrs. Read''': This is beautiful! It's the best present I've ever received. Arthur, you're perfect. (''She puts her hand on his shoulder.'')

'''Grandma Thora''': She's right, Arthur. You are perfect.

'''Grandpa Dave''': You're a grade-A grandson.

'''Grandma Thora''': (''handing him a plaque'') Here, dear. It's the Little Angel Award.

''The plaque reads LITTLE ANGEL AWARD ARTHUR READ and depicts Arthur with angel wings. It glistens in the light.''

'''Arthur''': Wow! (''He hugs it.'')

'''Grandma Thora''': A special prize only given to perfect children.

'''D.W.''': (''gapes, tugs on her sleeve'') What about me, Grandma? Aren't I perfect, too?

'''Grandma Thora''': (''patting her on the head'') You're almost perfect, honey.

'''Mrs. Read''': Come on, everyone. We'd better hurry or we'll be late for the parade.

''The fantasy changes to show the parade. There's balloons, a marching band and much cheering.''

'''Announcer''': What a turnout for this Heroes of the 20th Century Parade. There's Albert Einstein, moving much slower than the speed of light. And Mahatma Gandhi, showing no resistance, passive or otherwise, to this adoring crowd. And that... yes, yes it is! It's the Arthur Read balloon! (''The balloon is held aloft a float bearing Arthur himself. It's wearing his usual yellow shirt and blue pants outfit, rather than the winter clothes Arthur himself is wearing.'') The crowd is going wild, and with good reason! Arthur is the perfect eight-year-old boy! (''The camera cuts to show Arthur close. He's wearing a sash that reads "PERFECT."'')

'''Crowd''': (''chanting'') Arthur! Arthur! Arthur! Arthur! Arthur! ... ...

''As the chant continues, the camera shows that the float is being driven by D.W. on a bike. A small balloon with her face is tied behind her. Her sash reads "ALMOST PERFECT." The sequence ends. Arthur reaches for his present. He seems to grab it, but then it wobbles and falls. He gasps. The present is shown falling in slow-motion. It drops into a basket below, which has a soft plush material inside. Safe!''

'''Arthur''': (''contented'') Ahhh...

''The present flops over onto the hard floor. Arthur gasps, picks it up and takes it over to his bed. He unties the ribbon...''

'''Arthur''': Oh, please, please, please, just don't be...

''He lifts the lid. The bird is shattered along the bottom. There's no question of repair. It's ruined.''

'''Arthur''': Oh no.

''The scene changes to the outside of a fancy restaurant. Its signs show that it is "La Bruncherie: A Fancy Place for Brunch." Buster and Bitzi are across from each other at a table inside. A bear-person waiter approaches with a plate.''

'''Waiter''': (''affecting a French accent'') And for ''monsieur'', ''fromage american'' in a blanket of hen eggs.

'''Buster''': Huh? I thought I ordered a cheese omelet.

'''Waiter''': (''normal American voice'') It is a cheese omelet.

'''Buster''': (''picking up something green'') Wow. This is the smallest piece of broccoli I've ever seen.

'''Waiter''': That's parsley. It's just a garnish.

'''Buster''': (''eats it'') Mmm. It's delicious. Can I have a side order of that?

''The waiter sighs and walks away.''

'''Bitzi''': Are you having a good Christmas, so far, sweetie?

'''Buster''': (''poking at some sort of ball in his plate, other hand on his head'') Oh yeah, great. It's just...

'''Bitzi''': Oh. Is the restaurant, isn't it? It's ''the'' place for brunch, but we don't have to stay here if you don't like it.

'''Buster''': (''his ears droop, and we can hear his thoughts'') ''You've got to say something.'' (''his ears shoot up, he looks startled'') ''Just tell her Christmas doesn't have to be such a big deal.'' Mom, uh, everything's just great.

''Bitzi sighs in relief. He pokes at the ball-thing again and this time it goes flying.''

'''Waiter''': (''with the French accent again'') Here you are, ''monsieur''. Herring puree with melted ''Gruyere''...

''The ball lands in the bowl and the stuff splatters all over the cat-guy it is being served to.''

'''Cat-Guy''': Whoa!

'''Waiter''': ...on your clean white shirt.

'''Buster''': (''off-screen'') Sorry!

''The waiter sighs and the scene changes back to the Reads, where D.W. is still clutching the ribbon of her present in great anticipation.''

'''D.W.''': This is torture. Can't... wait... much... longer. (''gets up'') Where's Arthur?

'''Mrs. Read''': He did say he'd be down in just a minute.

'''Uncle Fred''': (''getting up'') I'll go see what's taking him.

''He hands Baby Kate to Grandma Thora and heads off. D.W. shakes her present. He opens the door to Arthur's room.''

'''Uncle Fred''': Hey, little buddy.

''Arthur is sobbing face down on his bed.''

'''Uncle Fred''': Everybody's waiting for you. (''Arthur puts on his glasses and sits up.'') Arthur, what's wrong?

'''Arthur''': (''holding out the bird'') This is what's wrong. (''sniffles'') It was my present for Mom and I broke it.

'''Uncle Fred''': Yikes. Maybe we could glue it back together. (''Yeah, it's way past that point.'')

'''Arthur''': No, it would look terrible. Everything's ruined.

'''Uncle Fred''': (''sitting down next to him'') Gee, that's a shame. But you know, Christmas is about more than just presents.

'''Arthur''': I know, that's what grown-ups always say, but she was really going to like this.

'''Uncle Fred''': (''looking at the gift tag'') Well, it's not over yet. There's still the whole day ahead of us. Let's go back down. (''He gets up.'')

'''Arthur''': Yeah, with my luck, I'll probably knock over the tree. (''He gets up too.'')

'''Uncle Fred''': Hey that's my job.

''Arthur sniffles a bit, but then cracks a smile. They walk together to the door, but Uncle Fred stops and looks at the gift tag on the lid from the box for Arthur's present. Then, he exits the room too. The scene changes to show the Crosswires' Rolls Royce. It's parked outside the Ice Cream Shoppe. Inside, Muffy is sitting with her hands on her head, a frown on her face. Brain sits down a bowl in front of her with ice cream in three colors.''

'''Brain''': Ta-dah. One Kwanzaa Cream Special. The pistachio scoop symbolizes freedom, the licorice unity, and the raspberry, the African struggle for freedom.

'''Muffy''': Thanks, but I'm not hungry. (''She pushes it away.'') Why aren't you at home? Today's a holiday.

'''Brain''': Not for me. Kwanzaa doesn't start until tomorrow.

'''Muffy''': Oh. Daddy, next year, can I have a Kwanzaa party instead of a Christmas party?

'''Mr. Crosswire''': Uh, sure, pookie. Why?

'''Muffy''': 'Cause maybe Francine will be able to come to that one.

''She sighs and the scene changes back to the Reads and D.W. opening a Christmas present, Rory and Pal both looking on. Grandma Thora is now amusing Baby Kate with a toy box and a stuffed rabbit. Mr. Read pulls a present out of a box.''

'''Mr. Read''': Another Veginator! Well, now I'll have a backup if these two break.

''He sits it down next to two others. Pal squeaks and roughhouses with a ball that he got for Christmas. Rory approaches and nuzzles him, a bone in his mouth. He pushes it towards him and in exchange, Pal offers the ball. Rory swallows it. Pal whines and shakes his head. D.W. reaches for a large present as an instrumental of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" plays.''

'''D.W.''': I know what this must be. (''She unwraps it. Mr. and Mrs. Read look wary.'') It's... a duck?

''It's a duck in a sailor suit. Pal and Rory race over to take a look. The bells of doom begin to sound in the music.''

'''Mrs. Read''': But it's not just any duck, honey. It's a duck that can say 5,000 different things.

'''D.W.''': Can it say meow?

'''Mrs. Read''': Um, probably not. Are you upset?

'''D.W.''': (''setting down the duck'') No.

''Yeah, sure she isn't. Her mouth starts to tremble towards a frown and her eyes water. Here it comes... '''''the tantrum.'''

'''D.W.''': ''I wanted Tina the Talking Tabby!'' (''flopping to the ground and pounding her fists and kicking her legs'') '''''I wanted Tina the Talking Tabby!''''' (''The view shows the outside of the Read house.'') '''''I WANTED TINA FOR CHRISTMAS!''''' (''sobs indecipherably'') I wanted Tabby... (''gets up'') Santa, how could you? This is the worst Christmas ever! (''She leans over on the stuffed duck, activating him.'')

'''Duck''': Hello! I'm Quackers! (''She picks him up.'') I love you. Do you love... me?

'''D.W.''': You're kind of... cute, for someone who's not a kitty.

'''Quackers''': Quack-a-doodle-doo!

''D.W. giggles. Mr. and Mrs. Read sigh with relief as the instrumental of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" concludes in the soundtrack. Now, Mrs. Read, opens a present.''

'''Mrs. Read''': Ooh, Dad. This is lovely!

'''Grandpa Dave''': Well, nothin's too good for my little girl.

'''Arthur''': (''thinking, as Mrs. Read pulls a vase out of the present'') Oh. Mom probably thinks I just forgot to get her a present. I should tell her what happened.

'''Quackers''': Quack, quack, quack, quack-a-doodle-doo.

''As Quackers continues and everyone laughs and chatters, Arthur slips into a fantasy sequence. Everyone is now staring at him and jaunty music is playing.''

'''Mrs. Read''': Twice!? I can understand breaking my bird ''once'', but '''''twice'''''?!

'''Grandpa Dave''': Dear, I hate to tell you this, but he's inherited the clumsy gene.

'''Uncle Dave''': He's even worse than me.

''Grandpa Dave, Mr. and Mrs. Read all gasp. Mrs. Read covers her eyes and sobs in Mr. Read's lap.''

'''Binky''': (''appearing out of nowhere'') Doofus, doofus! (''chuckles meanly'')

'''Arthur''': Binky? What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be in this fantasy.

'''Binky''': Oh, sorry. Try my peach cobbler?

'''Arthur''': (''pointing'') Get out!

''Binky walks away and the sequence ends.''

'''Arthur''': ''Well, I guess I'd rather have Mom think I was a doofus than that I didn't get her anything.'' (''walks over to her'') ''Ah, this isn't gonna be easy.'' Mom. I've got something to tell you.

'''Uncle Fred''': (''walking over by Arthur'') Wait a minute! There's still one more present under the tree. (''He goes and gets it.'') It's for you, Jane. From Arthur.

'''Arthur''': It is?

''It certainly has Arthur's gift tag on it, though it's a lot bigger box than the one that held the bird. Uncle Fred winks at Arthur.''

'''Mrs. Read''': Arthur! This is beautiful. (''shows it to Mr. Read'') It's the tea set that Fred broke last Christmas.

'''Uncle Fred''': Better keep it away from me this year. (''chuckles'')

'''Mrs. Read''': Thank you, Arthur, I'm really touched.

'''Arthur''': But... But I... (''sound of truck pulling up outside'')

'''Grandma Thora''': There's a tow-truck outside.

''It's from "Greg's Towing." The dog-person driver waves.''

'''Uncle Fred''': Hey, the mechanic came through. I didn't think anybody would be able to fix my truck on Christmas Day (''looks at Arthur'') but I guess miracles do happen.

''He winks and the scene changes to the Frenskys, where Francine is lying down, looking contented.''

'''Mr. Frensky''': More lo mein, Franky?

'''Francine''': I'm stuffed. (''sound of doorbell ringing, she gets up'') That's weird. Who could that be?

''She opens the door. It's Muffy and her parents.''

'''Francine''': Muffy?

'''Mr. Crosswire''': Hi, Francine. We were, uh, just in the neighborhood and decided to drop by. Here, we got you a ham. (''He hands the ham, labeled "Lonnie's Ham," to Mr. Frensky.'')

'''Mr. Frensky''': Uh, thanks. Come on in!

''The scene changes to show Muffy and Francine at a table with milk, cookies and a muffin Muffy is absentmindedly tracing a design in some spilled milk.''

'''Muffy''': Okay. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. It's just that you're my best friend and that party was really important to me.

''Francine's been standing there the whole time with her arms crossed, looking annoyed. She now grabs Muffy's arm and drags her away from the table.''

'''Francine''': Come with me! I wanna show you something. This is our menorah. My great-grandmother brought it all the way from Poland. On the last night of Chanukah, all my relatives who live near Elwood City come over to our house.

''A fantasy sequence begins showing Chanukah festivities.''

'''Francine''': Everyone brings a dish of food they made. And we have a potluck dinner.

'''Woman''': You're gonna love my ''kugel'', ''bubala''.

''As Mr. Fresnky lights the candles on the menorah, the family sings in Yiddish.''

''Barcuh ata Ado-noi Elo-heinu melech ha-olam''<br />
''Asher kid-shanu bi-mitzvo-sav''<br />
''Vi-tzee-vanu li-had-leek ner shel Chanukah''<br />
''Amen.''

'''Francine''': After we say the prayer and my Dad lights the candles, we put the menorah in the window. It's a really beautiful moment. It kinda makes me feel like I'm a part of something special. (''The sequence ends.'') Do you understand why ''that's'' really important to me?

'''Muffy''': Yeah, I do. (''puts her hand on her shoulder'') I'm sorry. I should have listened to you.

'''Oliver''': There's another special tradition we have, Muffy. It's something we do every year when Christians are celebrating Christmas.

'''Muffy''': What's that?

'''Oliver''' and '''Francine''': Go to the movies!

'''Francine''': Come on! Get your coat!

''The two race away and the scene changes back to Buster, using his spoon to fiddle around with a ball on his now otherwise-empty plate.''

'''Buster''': This ''profiterole'' keeps rolling away. I shoulda had the ice cream.

'''Bitzi''': (''looking at a list'') And after this, we've got tickets for the ''Penguins On Ice'' Christmas special.

'''Buster''': Mom.

'''Bitzi''': Then we have to rush home so I can put the roast in and make Yorkshire pudding...

'''Buster''': Mom!

'''Bitzi''': ...and then we'll watch ''It's a Wonderful Life'' together for the fifth time, and...

'''Buster''': (''leaning forward'') ''Mom''!

'''Bitzi''': Yes, Dear?

'''Buster''': This has been a really great Christmas so far.

'''Bitzi''': It has? Oh, I'm so relieved.

'''Buster''': But maybe it doesn't have to be so great every year. Maybe Christmas could be a day where we just... ''relax''.

'''Bitzi''': Relax? On Christmas?

'''Buster''': You could sleep late.

'''Bitzi''': Hmm...

'''Buster''': And we don't even have to call it Christmas. It could be our own holiday. (''hesitates and his ears droop'') Baxter Day.

'''Bitzi''': (''crumples her list'') Check, please!

''The waiter brings over check. Buster stabs at his ''profiterole'' again with the spoon and it lands in the waiter's hair.''

'''Buster''': Uh.

'''Waiter''': (''as it slides down his face'') Oh!

'''Buster''': Sorry!

''He walks away. Both Buster and Bitzi crack up laughing. The scene changes to show the remains of a big feast.''

'''Grandma Thora''': David, you reallly outdid yourself this time.

'''Grandpa Dave''': Oh. I'm gonna have to get a new belt.

'''Arthur''': Mmm. This ''halva'' is delicious. I wanna eat like this every Christmas. Could you pass the dates, Mom?

'''Mr. Read''': I love this new olive depitter, Arthur.

''He uses it and Rory catches and eats the pit that comes shooting out of the olive.''

'''Uncle Fred''': (''walking in'') Hey, good news! I just called the garage. The mechanic was able to fix the truck. Looks like we're going to Florida after all, Rory.

''Rory barks in delight. The scene changes to show the group now standing outside, next to Grandpa Dave's truck. Rory is in the truck and ready to go. Arthur is talking to Uncle Fred, Pal behind him.''

'''Arthur''': That was your present for Mom, wasn't it?

'''Uncle Fred''': Yeah. But it was a whole lot nicer comin' from you.

'''Arthur''': Thanks, Uncle Fred. You were right. It turned out to be a pretty good Christmas after all.

'''Uncle Fred''': Remember, Arthur. You don't always get what you want in life. Sometimes you get something better.

'''Grandpa Dave''': (''getting in'') Alright. Let's get you two down to the garage.

'''Mr. and Mrs. Read''': Good-bye!

'''Grandma Thora''' (''waving'') Safe trip!

'''D.W.''': Bye-bye, Uncle Fred! (''holds out Quackers'')

'''Quackers''': I love you!

'''Uncle Fred''': (''waving'') So long, everyone!

''Grandpa Dave backs up and knocks over part of the Reads' fence. Mr. and Mrs. Read just look stunned. Baby Kate giggles.''

'''Grandpa Dave''': Sorry! (''They drove away.'')

'''Mrs. Read''': Oh! Like father, like son.

''Mr. Read closes his eyes, apparently wishing for patience. The group heads inside, Arthur trailing behind. A snowflake falls on his nose.''

'''Arthur''': It's snowing. (''It begins snowing in earnest.'') It's snowing! Wow. This has been a perfect Christmas.

"Perfect Christmas (reprise)"

''Snowflakes falling real slowly / Everything looks so pretty / The day's almost done / I wonder what everyone's doing in Elwood City.''

''The scene changes to show George and his family dancing and singing "Nu Är Det Jul Igen."''

''Nu är jul igen''<br />
''Och nu är jul igen''<br />
''Och julen vara skall till påska''<br />

''Nu är jul igen''<br />
''Och nu är jul igen''<br />
''Och julen vara skall till påska''<br />

''Det var inte sant<nowiki>'</nowiki>''<br />
''Och det var inte sant''<br />
''För däremellan kommer fastan''<br />

''The scene changes to Brain's place. Some Kwanzaa music is playing in the background and decorations are being put up.''

'''Brain''': Excellent.

''Binky is at the homeless shelter. He's handing out cookies. A dog-guy takes one and enjoys it.''

'''Dog-Guy''': Mmm. These are terrific, son.

'''Binky''': Thanks.

''He takes more cookies out of a store-bought bag, puts them in a bowl and chuckles. The scene changes to Mr. Ratburn marking on a calendar.''

'''Mr. Ratburn''': Let's see. We'll have a math test on January 15 and a history test on January 20th, a geography quiz on February 1! Oh, this is going to be such a good year!

''The Frenskys and Crosswires are watching a movie. They're laughing, clearly enjoying it. We don't see what it is, but from the marquee, which is for Cinemas Mill Creek Mall 8, it could be any of the following: ''Quest for Mammoth'', ''Jaws 12'', ''Nadja and Dracula'', ''Bionic Bunny: The Movie'', ''5000 Explosions and a Supernova'', ''Slobbering Idiots'', ''Kick Ball Kids: Field'' or ''Trip to Egypt''. Now we see the Baxters on a rooftop somewhere.''

'''Bitzi''': (''pointing at something in the sky'') How about that? Is that a UFO?

'''Buster''': (''squinting'') Mmm, no. That's just a satellite. (''handing her a steaming cup'') Happy Baxter Day, Mom.

''The scene ends as a UFO passes directly above them. It cuts back to Arthur, who is standing at the fence, his arms spread wide.''

'''Arthur''': ''Sometimes the thing you hope for / Isn't the thing you get / But after today I just have to say / This was the best Christmas yet.''

'''D.W.''': (''opening the door'') Arthur! You'd better come inside before you catch "pewmonia."

'''Arthur''': (''heading in'') So, D.W., do you still like Santa even though he didn't get you what you wanted?

'''D.W.''': Of course! He knew that I would like Quackers much better than Tina. Look, I can even make him sing. (''She activates the toy.'')

'''Quackers''': ''Quick, quack, quaddy-quack, squeeze my belly, squeeze my back / Quooky, quacky, quicky quo...''

'''Arthur''': (''pulling the earflaps on his hat'') Oh, no. (''He and D.W. both head inside.'')

'''Quackers''': ''Pull my bill, pull my toe / Quicky quacky, doodly do / You love me and I love you.''

''Arthur closes the door, but then opens and comes out again.''

'''Arthur''': Happy holidays, everyone!

'''Quackers''': ''Quick, quack, quaddy-quack...''

'''Arthur''': (''closing the door'') D.W., turn that thing off!



"Boogie Woogie Christmas (reprise)"


''Have a Boogie Woogie Christmas and a rockin' and a reelin' New Year!''<br />
''Have a Boogie Woogie Christmas and a rockin' and a reelin' New Year!''<br />

''May your holiday be merry and bright!''<br />
''May the season be jolly and out of sight!''<br />
''Have a Boogie Woogie Christmas and a rockin' and a reelin' New Year!''<br />

''Have you heard the news? Santa Claus is coming to town!''<br />
''Yeah! Have you heard the news? Santa Claus is coming to town!''<br />
''Hang the stockings by the chimney with care!''<br />
''Turn the stereo up and if you dare...''<br />
''Have a Boogie Woogie Christmas and a rockin' and a reelin' New Year!''<br />

''Well, it's one for the money''<br />
''Two for your snow''<br />
''Three, you're not ready-- it's forty below!''<br />
''Have a Boogie Woogie Christmas and a rockin' and a reelin' New Year!''
[[Category:Transcripts]]
[[Category:Specials transcripts]]
[[Category:A to Z]]