All Grown Up/Transcript

Introduction

I said, "Nigel, you've taken that book out three times." Hi, Ms. Turner! Is it in yet? You're in luck. But he took it out again-- what could I do? It's called, "Dinosaur Adventures," and this girl's mom is a paleontologist, and they find this stegosaurus in ice, and... Hey! Free samples! Ooh, this one looks like milk chocolate. Blech! (coughs) It taste like soap! ARTHUR: "Lavender flavored chocolate." You know... it's actually pretty good. ♪ ♪ Isn't it weird how sometimes you don't get what you expect, but it turns out to be right for you anyway? Isn't it "charmant"? White is the new black, you know! Ugh! It's ruined! ♪ ♪ Amazing! I'm a trend-setter when I'm not even trying! I pick... Binky. I pick... Hey, who does this hat belong to? George. Whoa... Huh? Wait! No, I meant... (cheering) Go, George, go! I know how to pick 'em, don't I? It's almost like some things are just meant to be. Do you have any lavender-flavored chili? "Drawing Animals the Easy Way"?! Ms. Turner gave me the wrong book! MUFFY: "All Grown Up."

Episode

♪ ♪ I was going to exchange it yesterday, but I didn't get here in time. Hey, this shows you how to draw an aardvark! I never knew their noses were so long. Weird! Can we hurry up, please? We're wasting valuable Saturday time! Hello? Anyone? Excuse me, did you happen to see where Ms. Turner went? Oh, I think she's in the stacks. Thank you. ♪ ♪ FRANCINE: Wow, I haven't been down here in ages. No one has. It's like a dust factory! (coughing) Ms. Turner? (inhaler rattles, medicine hisses) Huh. I didn't know there was a door down here. I didn't know there were books down here. (water dripping) Cool! (electricity buzzes) Look at all this old stuff! BUSTER: I bet this is where they keep the books they don't want us to read. Like this: "101 Uses For Butter Churns". (gasps) I'm checking this out! Muffy Crosswire, I turn you into a newt! Ha-ha! Well, I turn you into a gnat! (whirring) OSKAR: Puny mortals! Prepare yourselves! I didn't read a word! I swear! (chuckles) It's just some old game. (beeps) OSKAR: Do you dare to know your future? "Oskar the Oracle Octopus: the game that predicts what you will do in life.” A game can't do that. Only online quizzes can. ARTHUR: Let's play! I call this diving helmet! If you were a pizza topping, what would you be? Easy-- shaved truffles. Uh, that's not one of the choices, your highness. 1) mushrooms, 2) pepperoni, 3) black olives. Ugh! This game is so retro. One... (beeps) ...mushrooms. As long as they're chanterelles. (whirring) If you were on a desert island and could take only one object, would it be: 1) a fishing hook, 2) your favorite book, 3) a hot dog. Three-- hot dog! Huh? What? You give a seal your hot dog, become friends for life, and he fishes for you! (game beeps) It's the only way to survive. ♪ ♪ (bubbling) (whirring) ARTHUR: What type of fish am I? I don't know... shark? You're a herring! It's so obvious. My best friend is not a herring! (beeps) ♪ ♪ (beeps) (whirring) ♪ ♪ (whirring) (8-bit music plays) OSKAR: Congratulations! (gasps) Because you are brave, caring, and determined, you will be... a public servant! Public servant?! Hey, that's great! You could be a mail carrier. ♪ ♪ This isn't my mail. No, it's your neighbor's. But you need this catalog more. Check out the dresses on page number four. The rest is just boring bills! (growling) (shrieks) (screaming) No, no, no! Crosswires cannot do anything with "servant" in the title. FRANCINE: Hey, my dad's a public servant! And he's so good at it. I'd be terrible. It just means a government job. You could be a politician. Hm... I suppose I'd consider president... but I think this octopus is broken. Maybe not-- let's see what I become. (whirring) (8-bit music playing) OSKAR: Congratulations! Because you are driven, competitive, and a leader, you will be... a business person! FRANCINE: Hey! No fair! You stole my future! Bad answer, Oskar. Try again. Hold on. You are competitive. But I don't like anything about business. I can't even imagine it. ♪ ♪ Hold that elevator! Sorry. First day. (elevator dings) (people chattering, phones ringing) (indistinct chatter) ♪ ♪ Francine! Over here! (phone ringing) Welcome to Dynosymbatronitech! I'll show you to your office. Don't worry, after five years you get a big space, like mine. (telephone ringing) (another telephone ringing) Better get those. You don't want to get on Old Man Slink's bad side. Good morning! Symba-techo-dyno... No wait! Dyno-trini-trono... No, it's... (groaning loudly) There is no way I am ever going to be a boring old businessperson. Hey! My daddy is a "boring old businessperson." And he's so good at it! Actually, I think you'd be pretty good at business. Remember when you sold those cat toys? That was different. I did it for Nemo. (whirring) (8-bit music playing) Please let it be pseudoscientist! OSKAR: Congratulations! Because you are curious, imaginative, and kind, you will be... a teacher! Huh. I could see that. (laughing) "Mr. Baxter." What? I could be a teacher! ♪ ♪ Good morning! Today we're going to learn all about Bigfoot. ♪ ♪ The odds of there being a living gigantopithecus are approximately 487,000 to one. Can you teach us something useful? Like geometry? ALL: We want math! Astrophysics! Teach us how to code! (footsteps retreating) ♪ ♪ Actually... maybe not. I could probably teach cats. Is there a school for cats? Come on, let's go to the Sugar Bowl. (tapping) I think Oskar has seen better days. I can see why we've never heard of this game. Wait! I want to see what I get first. (whirring, 8-bit music playing) OSKAR: Congratulations! Because you are creative, meticulous, and hard working, (powering down): you will be... What?! No fair! What will I be? (imitating Oskar): You will be... very bored looking for new batteries for me! Come on, Arthur. I think it's a sign. ♪ ♪ (light switch clicks) (door creaks) ♪ ♪ Hey, you forgot your book. Oh, I just got that book by accident. You sure you don't want it? There are some really great drawings in here. Okay, why not? Thanks! ♪ ♪ (door creaks) (whirring) ♪ ♪ (door opens, bell chimes) BUSTER: Arthur! (chuckles) Sorry I'm late! I had all these stories to read. Hey, you'll never guess what Kate wrote about. (chuckles): Well, with you as her teacher, it was probably about aliens. (imitates buzzer) You get an "F", Arthur Read. It's about a baby who can read animals' minds. It's really good! Maybe she'll be a writer. (gasps) Is that it? Yeah, but I don't know if it's any good... (door opens, bell chimes) The latest polls have us neck-and-neck, but I think I can pull ahead. George, can I put one of these up? Sure! My Sugar Bowl is your Sugar Bowl. And I'll do anything to get that Mayor Hirsch out of office! I know! Why doesn't he just retire already? Hey, are those the latest style? Yeah, but we haven't released them yet. I'm just testing them out. Who ever thought I'd get so much exercise running a company that makes sneakers? Is that it? Let me see! I don't know... (music playing on television) BINKY (on TV): It may be nice now, but that cold front is going to body slam Elwood City by Tuesday. (whistle blowing) Hey, there's DW. I wonder who the unlucky driver is this time. Hey! This is a no parking zone! Move it! Hey DW! It's me-- Bud! Bud Compson? What are you doing back? Let me buy you coffee. But first I have to give you a ticket. Come on, show us! Can I see, too? I'm sure it's great! As your future mayor, I order you to let us see it. (door opens, bell chimes) (door closes) You're the only ones who have ever seen it except for my publisher. BUSTER: Wow. I never imagined you'd write a graphic novel. Me neither. I just like drawing animals. Well, what are you waiting for! Read it to us! ♪ ♪ (page rustling) "Chapter one: how I got my very first pair of glasses..."