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Phony Fern/Transcript
Introduction
Virgule Watteau (Fern) and Bastings (George) run up a flight of stairs.
Watteau: Quickly, Bastings, I feel we may already be too late. The Baron is leaning out of an upstairs window and holding something.
Baron: (laughs) Watteau and Bastings come in. Ah, Virgule Watteau, I knew you would find me here.
Watteau: And I knew that you knew. You see, Baron, Virgule Watteau, she is always one step ahead. Arrest that kidnapper, Bastings. Bastings advances holding handcuffs.
Baron: Not this time, Watteau, not if you want to see your dearest friend alive again.
Watteau: Hh! The Baron points at whatever he is holding out of the window. A crowd has gathered below. One false move and I'll drop him. (laughs) Watteau looks shocked.
Bastings: Atchoo! The Baron accidentally drops what he is holding.
Watteau: Oh, no!
Bastings: Sorry, there must be a cat in here.
Watteau: Bastings, he dropped him. I'll apprehend the Baron, you get to the street, Bastings.
Bastings: This will be quicker than the stairs. He ties a rope to a window and tries to abseil down, but falls. Ooah! Watteau advances on the Baron. When he runs away, she throws a lasso after him.
Bastings is outside dangling on his rope. Watteau has tied the baron to a railing.
Man: Look, Virgule Watteau has got the Baron. She's done it again!
Crowd: (cheer) Watteau sadly looks at something on the ground. The crowd looks on sympathetically.
Watteau: But at what cost? My dearest friend in the world. No-one will ever know how I felt about you, my pauvre little Portilex 360 with wireless chatback and 157 ring tones. She removes a blanket from the remains of a cellphone. She holds the pieces in her hand and presses a button. Speak to me! Why???