Lights, Camera... Opera!/Transcript

Introduction

The Reads are at an art gallery.

D.W.: Yuck.

Arthur: Sometimes it seems like the world can be split into two parts: things that adults like and things that kids like. Take movies…

Flashback: Arthur and his parents walk out of a movie theater advertising “Il Stranieri”.

Mr. Read: And when Claudio and Pepidipo threw coins into the fountain…

Mrs. Read: Just heartbreaking.

Arthur: But nothing happened! It was about two people who never even meet.

Mrs. Read: Oh, that’s why it’s so wonderful.    Mr. Read blows his nose.

The Flashback ends. Arthur is now standing in front of an abstract painting.

Arthur: And then there’s art. I don’t know a single kid who…   Muffy walks up to the painting.

Muffy: Isn't it fabulous? Have you ever seen a more beautiful...   reads catalogue  "depiction of the dialectic between form and formlessness?"

Arthur: You can't honestly tell me that you like this.

Muffy: Erm, well... No. Not really. But I wanna like it. Daddy owns six by this artist.   Mr. Crosswire comes.

Mrs. Crosswire: I’ll take this one too. Won’t this look great opposite your bed, Muffin?

Muffy: Oh yeah. Great.    The artist puts a red sticker on the nameplate.

#

Muffy is shopping for dresses with Francine and Prunella.

Francine: How about this?

Muffy: It's the opera we're talking about, not a rodeo!

Prunella: You know what the opera is? People in silly costumes singing in a language you don’t even understand!

Muffy: Maybe it's just too sophisticated for you to appreciate, Prunella!   She goes into a changing cubicle.

Prunella: Oh yeah? Well, I've actually been to an opera, your Highness! It was four and a half hours long. I fell asleep in act one, woke up in act three, and there was another whole act to go! You probably won't even make it through the overture.    Muffy comes out wearing a white dress.

Muffy: Well?

Francine: You look like a rice pudding!    Muffy goes back into the cubicle.

#

Muffy knocks on Bailey’s door.

Bailey: Come in, Miss Muffy.    Muffy comes in.

Muffy: Bailey. Do you know anything about opera?

Bailey: Indeed, Miss Muffy.

Muffy: I was thinking that it might be good for me to hear a little before Friday.

Bailey:  Certainly.    He points to a chair. Then he blows on a pitch pipe while Muffy sits down.   (sings:) Winterstürme wichen dem Wonnemond. In mildem Lichte leuchtet der Lenz. Auf linden… [Translation: Winter storms gave way to a blissful moon. Spring shines in a mild light. On gentle…]

Muffy: Stop! Please! Stop! I might have to listen to four hours of that?

Bailey:  That depends on the opera. I was singing an excerpt from Wagner’s Ring Cycle which has a running time of approximately sixteen hours.    Muffy looks shocked.

#

Francine sits on the jungle gym at school. Muffy paces in front of her.

Muffy: And even if I do manage to stay awake, what do I say if Daddy asks me if I liked it.

Francine: Just tell him you don’t wanna go.

Muffy: He’d be so disappointed. He was really excited about us going together.

Francine: Do you even know what it’s about?

Muffy: No. It's called Carmen. Maybe it's about auto mechanics!

Binky is on top of the jungle gym, throwing water balloons at George.

Binky: Carmen, huh? That's a great opera. It's a tragic tale of passion, betrayal and revenge. Sort of like professional wrestling, but set to great music!

Muffy: You know it?

Binky: Sure. I have highlights from it on a CD. You can come over and listen to it after school.