Vomitrocious/Transcript

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Francine is sitting on her bed. Catherine puts away clothes.

Francine: I told you. The nurse didn’t know why I did it. She said I might have a twenty-four hour bug or something.

Catherine: You are so gonna catch it at school tomorrow. When Lucas Hansen barfed in our fifth-grade math class...

Francine: I know! Everybody called him Lucas Puke-as.

Catherine: Still do – and that was five years ago.

Francine: Thanks for your concern.

Catherine: I’m just passing on sisterly advice. There's always one barf kid in every class, and you just stepped up to the plate.

Francine: Hey, just ‘cause you and your friends like to make fun of people who get sick doesn't mean my friends will!

Catherine: Oh really? Well, tell me this. If someone in your class hurled in front of the whole school, wouldn't you make fun of them? And just think what'll happen if you hurl again.  She pats Francine’s head.

Francine: (sighs)   She buries her face in her pillow.

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In the school cafeteria Francine expects everybody to make fun of her.

Francine: Well, go ahead - laugh! Come on, all of you! Here I am – laugh!    Nobody laughs.    You know what's more disgusting than someone puking in the cafeteria? Phoneys!   She leaves the table.

Binky: Hey, I've been wanting to tell you all day how cool that was! I've never seen anybody hurl like that! You rock!

Francine: Finally, someone who's honest. Come on, Binky, let's get another table.

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Francine comes home. Catherine is reading on the couch.

Catherine: So were you the talk of the school?

Francine: (sighs)

Catherine: Did they laugh at you?

Francine: (sighs)

Catherine: Called you "Barfine"?

Francine: Hh! Where’d you hear that name?

Catherine: It seems logical. "Pukeine" lacks poetry and "Ralphine" is...too confusing.

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After watching George get bullied, Francine visits him at home.

Francine: Hi, George...   George looks around nervously.     There's nobody else, just me. Want to get a milkshake?

George: Why?

Francine: That's what friends do.

George: We're friends?

Francine: Sure.    George smiles briefly, then looks around again. Francine is smiling.

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At the Sugar Bowl Francine drinks a lemonade. George has not touched his drink and is still looking around.

Francine: So, George, now that we're such good friends, may I ask you a question?

George: Oh, I knew it. Here it comes.

Francine: How do you take it? Being laughed at, I mean.

George: I have to go now. It's not safe here.    He wants to go, she grabs him by the hand.

Francine: No, I'm serious. I mean, since people laugh at both of us now...

George: Nobody laughs at you.

Francine: Well, not to my face, but I know...

George: They're not laughing at you.

Francine: Of course they are! Puking is twenty times worse than a bloody nose. Why would they laugh at you and not…      George looks sad.

George: Because you're popular.

Francine: looks surprised    Oh. Well… that’s not fair.

George: Uh-huh. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I really have to go.

Francine: Why?

We hear the door opening. George points.

Francine: Hh!       The other kids are standing in the sugar bowl, staring at Francine and George. Francine looks nauseous.   Excuse me!    She runs to the bathroom. On her way she bumps into George, causing his nose to bleed.

George: Oh no!

Kids: Ew!

In the bathroom Francine heaves dry over the toilet bowl, then relaxes. She hears voices.

Muffy: That is so disgusting, George!

Kids: (laugh)  Francine goes back with a resolved look on her face.

Francine: Leave him alone!

Muffy: What?!

Francine: He's no more disgusting than I am. He can't help it if he gets nosebleeds.

Buster:  to Arthur:  I think we just entered the fourth dimension.

Muffy: Oh, Francine, you poor thing, you really are sick! Come and sit down.

Francine: No! It's not fair! George's nosebleeds and everybody laughs. I barf, and Buster gives me flowers and candy!

Buster:  And a comic book!     He holds up a Bionic Bunny comic.

Francine: I'll tell you who's disgusting. We are!

Muffy: Hh!   

Francine walks out past the others. George is still holding a napkin to his nose. The others simultaneously offer him handkerchiefs.

Kids: Want a tissue?   

George: Er…

Muffy: Don't worry, George. If Francine says it, it must be so!  George takes a handkerchief and smiles.

Francine cycles home.

Francine: Wow! I don't feel nauseous anymore!