Arthur Loses His Marbles (episode)/Transcript

Thora Read: There we go, dear! Good as new.

D.W.: Thanks, Grandma.

Arthur: Grandma Thora is good at so many things.  She was the only one who made me feel better when I had chickenpox.

Thora: So, I warned your father! I said, "You better get the car started - "this baby is on its way!"

Arthur: She's really great at bingo.

Bingo caller: Twenty-nine.

Thora: Bingo!  Bingo!  Bingo! Yes, sir! My mojo is working tonight!  Bring on that barrel of pickles!

Arthur: And she can stop D.W.'s temper tantrums using simple household items.

D.W.: He ALWAYS gets more pudding!  Always!

Thora: Och, Stinky McTavish knows just how ye feel!

D.W.:You do?

Thora: Aye! Life is so unfair.

Arthur: But there's one thing I wish she wasn't so good at.

Thora: Ready to knuckle down, sonny?

Muffy: These Dopemon cards.

Binky: Wow! You got Stinkachu!

Muffy: The Polly Locket SUV convertible.  And my favourite - Teeny Figgy! He sings in Italian.

Tiny Figgy: # Notte e giorno d'intorno girando, Delle belle turbando il riposo... #

Muffy: 17 presents in all. That's a 5.9% increase from last year.  It was a great birthday!

Arthur: What are these?

Muffy: Marbles. They don't even take batteries. It's like what a caveman use to play with!

Arthur: I like the way they feel.

Muffy: You can have them. They probably only cost $5!

Buster: They kind of look like little planets.

Marbles: 'Please, rabbit, don't crush us!  Please, no!'

Muffy: Actually, I think I'll keep them.  They might be worth something on the Internet.

Arthur: The point of the game is to knock the marbles out of the ring with your shooter.  The player who knocks out the most wins.

Buster: Sounds easy enough.

Arthur: Oops!

Buster: One more game. I'll loan you some!

Arthur: I've had enough marbles for one day!

Buster: OK. I've got enough here for a solar system anyway. Great game, Arthur!

Arthur: Mmm...

Thora: You two are so sweet to be my guinea pigs.  I think you'll like this!  I call it tunaroni.

[Pal BARKING]

D.W.: Arthur, did you hear the doorbell?

Arthur: Why, yes, I did!

Thora: Really? I didn't hear anything.

[SCRAPING OF PLATES]

Thora: No. No-one there.  My, you two were hungry!  Well, I bet you have room for a little more! What's that, Arthur?

Arthur: This? It's my last marble.

D.W.: He lost the rest to Buster!  Can you believe it?  Even I could beat Buster!

Thora: Looks like your taw - that's another name for the shooter.  Mine was black with red stripes.  I wonder if I still have those marbles.

Arthur: Can we look for them now?

Thora: There they are! These sure bring back memories!  I won this one from Herman Truman.  Legend has it that one belonged to the great Lefty Rapozo!  And this was my shooter! Cannonball.  She almost got me to the championship in New Jersey!

Arthur: You were that good?

Thora: I was really just an amateur!  You can have them. I'll come and watch you play sometime.

Arthur: Thanks!

Muffy: Woo-hoo! Way to go, Francine! Another aggie for the ladies!

Buster: This is your last shot, Arthur! If you miss this, you lose everything!  Don't mess it up. Oh, yeah, and remain calm.

Thora: Excuse me... I don't like to interfere, but could I take a shot for Arthur?  It's been years since I've played.

Francine: Let me check with my sponsor!  [WHISPERING]  Sure! It'll be more interesting.

All: Aw!

Francine: Marbles!

Thora: We used to call this shot the atom smasher!

Arthur: We did it! We won! Hey, we're rich in marbles!

Thora: Oh, no, Arthur, that would be playing for keepsies.  Serious players only play for fair.  Here you go, Francine.  You’ve got a great hook shot, but you lack control. Try playing with your left.

Francine:  Thanks, Mrs Read!

Arthur:  Grandma, teach me everything you know!

Thora: I thought you'd never ask!

Arthur: Hi, Grandma, I'm here for my... Ow!

Thora: Talent you have, but no patience, no humility. Much you have to learn...  Much... So we'd better get cracking. Arthur?

Arthur: Huh? Oh, yeah. Shall I set up the ring in the living room?

Thora: No, it's much too early for that!

Arthur: First come finger drills!

Thora: Sure, Milly, I'll do that real soon. Just a sec.

Arthur: What's this exercise for?

Thora: Mmm? Oh... Extending your reach.  And that floor hasn't been waxed in years!

Thora: Nice English on that taw! You've really got good these past few days!

Arthur: Am I ready for the championship?

Thora: No, at least not the one in New Jersey, but I bet you could show your friends a thing or two.

Arthur: Yeah, I could!

Arthur: Sign up for the marbles tournament? No qualifications necessary.

Binky: Sure. What's the prize?

Arthur: Buster's taking care of that.

Buster: My concept is round candy, lots of it, and it should be in a bowl about the size of a large pizza.

Buster: Only one marble left in the ring.  Arthur's got to hook it just right.  And he does it!  He's off to a great start here!  Down by 5, Arthur needs a miracle to turn this game around.  And he makes the shot!  He's looking at the angles. Should he use his forefinger or thumb?  Forefinger...?

Arthur:Buster! Cut that out and just play!

Buster: OK. Muffy, could you grab this?  And he does it! Incredible!  Wait a minute! There goes my shot at the prize!  No malted balls, no chocolate-covered cherries...Oh, the humanity!

Arthur: Hey Brain, keeping that sundae cool for me? A few more players...

Buster: Arthur...I think you should look at the sign-up sheet.

Arthur: Why? Did Francine try to sign up twice?

Thora: I may have taught you everything you know, but not everything I know!  Keep the change!

Pal: Woof!

Arthur: Sorry boy.  My fingers just aren't doing what I want them to!  I think it's a sign I should quit for tonight. Sleep - that's all I need.  A good night's sleep.

Francine: Without his Grandma's help, he couldn't win a single game!

Arthur: Francine? Where are you?

Ants: Heave-ho!

Arthur: Whoa! Those are some big ants!

[RUMBLING]

Ants: Oh, no! It's coming!  Abandon mission!

Thora: There's only room for one marbles champion in this family!

Arthur: Aargh!

Buster: Don't be nervous, Arthur. Your palms will sweat, you won't shoot right...so just calm down!

Arthur: I am calm, Buster! I've decided to lose!

Buster: You can't do that! Have you seen the prize? Seven types of candy!  Seven!

Arthur: But if I win, Grandma will be really embarrassed!  Even though I want to win and probably would, I can't hurt her.

Buster: You'd do that for your grandma?  I wish I had a grandson like you!

Arthur: But don't tell anyone, OK?

Buster: Hey Binky, guess what I just heard!

Arthur: Whoops!  Drat! Missed again!  Boy, am I butterfingers!

Muffy: I don't care how good a grandson he is. This is boring!

Thora: Arthur, are you losing on purpose?

Arthur: Me?  Of course not! Why on earth would I do that?

Thora: This looks like a good spot to finish this game!  Oh, dear me! I'm disqualified!

Arthur: What?

Thora: When I used to play, if a player put her foot in the ring, she forfeited the game. It's a technicality, but you've won, Arthur!  Congratulations!

Thora: How's that sundae, Arthur?

Arthur: You lost on purpose, didn't you?

Thora: Just like you missed those easy shots on purpose. Why did you do that?

Arthur: I didn't want to really lose! I could never beat you!

Thora: How do you know? You didn't even try!  Don't you think it's better to lose a good game than win a bad one?

Arthur: Yeah, but you know what gets me? I had you a couple of times!

Thora: I beg your pardon?!

Arthur: In the middle of the game, you left four marbles on the edge of the ring...

Thora: That was all part of my plan!

Arthur: And a kid knocked all three with a hook shoot.