Background Blues/Transcript

Introduction

A futuristic version of Arthur is working on what looks like a tablet computer, which creates a hologram of a tower in front of him. A robot dog jumps into his lap.

R4: Hi, Hal. How's it going, boy?     A futuristic D.W. floats into the room.

3W: (giggles)  Look out, R4!       She knocks him over. The hologram disappears.

R4: 3W!!

A futuristic Mrs. Read is talking to a futuristic Bitzi Baxter on a video phone in the kitchen.

Mother: And I got the kids’ mittens on sale for only three million dollars!

R4: Mom, 3W deleted my hologram!

Mother: Why don't you do your homework instead of fighting with 3W?

R4 sits at a computer in his room. He presses the “homework” key.

Computer: Homework done.      3W comes in.

3W: R4, will you play virtual flingy with me? Please, please, please, pleease?

R4: All right, quit gleebing!

R4 and 3W stand in the living room wearing virtual goggles. They pretend to throw something.

R4: Hng.

3W: Stop throwing it so hard. You're hurting me!

R4: No, I'm not! It's all in your imagination.    The mother comes in.

Mother: All right, you two. I want you to sit on the barkazoid and watch a datagram.  

The kids sit down. The mother gets a data carrier from a shelf with a picture of the present-day Arthur and the label “53B”. She puts it into a machine.

R4: What is it?

Mother: It belonged to your great-grandfather. They used to call them videos. You can see what life was like in ancient times.   

The machine creates a projection of the “Family Photo” title card with the title “Background Blues”.

Cut to the actual title card.

Title Card: Family Photo

Mr. Ratburn points to a family tree on the blackboard.

Mr. Ratburn: For next week, I’d like you to research your family history and present it to the class. I found out some very interesting things about the Ratburns. As we can see, the Ratburn line can be traced far back into history.

The kids have a fantasy of Mr. Ratburn standing on a snowy plain dressed like Napoleon.

Napoleon Ratburn: Travaillez plus! Travaillez plus!   [Subtitle: Work Harder! Work Harder!]   The kids in French uniforms are setting up a cannon.

Arthur: What?

Another fantasy shows Mr. Ratburn sitting on a throne wearing a toga and a laurel wreath while the kids are creating a marble statue of him.

Ratburn Cesar: Laborate plus diligente!  [Subtitle: Work Harder!]

In ancient Egypt the kids are pulling a huge stone block. Mr. Ratburn is dressed like a pharaoh. He creates a speech bubble with Egyptian hieroglyphs. [Subtitle: Work Harder!]

The fantasies end.

Mr. Ratburn: And so I’ve learned that the Ratburns wouldn’t be where they are today without a lot of hard work. Let’s see what you find out.

#

The kids are painting in art class.

Muffy: I can't wait to get started. I bet that I'll find lots of kings, queens and princesses in the Crosswire family.

Francine: Yeah, I’m sure I'll find some really famous Frenskys. Maybe one was a really important explorer.   She has a fantasy of an older version of herself riding in a canoe.   What if my great-grandmother discovered the land route to the Pacific Ocean?

Muffy: Sorry, Francine, but I think Lewis and Clark did that.

Francine: Oh, well. Maybe she helped them.      In her fantasy Lewis and Clark replace her in the canoe.

Clark: (pants) have to stop, Lewis. I can barely move my arms.   

Lewis: You said it, Clark. I'm bushed.    A (nonanthropomorphic) bear stands on the bank.

Clark: A bear! We're done for!

Lewis: You're right, Clark! This is the end!        An older version of Francine in a dress and apron appears beside the bear.

Ma Frensky: Keep your shirts on, boys!

Lewis+Clark: It's Ma Frensky!     Ma Frensky and the bear wrestle on the ground.

Ma Frensky: (Take that! Take that!)

Lewis+Clark: (Go, Ma Frensky! Get him! Come on!)     Ma Frensky pins the bear to the ground. It stops struggling.

Ma Frensky: One, two, three, four, five… six, seven, eight, nine, ten! I win!    She and the bear get up and shake hands. Then the bear leaves.     Now I want you boys to follow this route till you hit the Pacific Ocean.

Lewis: Great idea!

Clark: Why didn't we think of that?

Ma Frensky: And stay out of trouble, you hear?!

The fantasy ends.

Muffy: bet my ancestor gave your ancestor a medal for being so brave. He was probably the president at the time.

Francine: Oh yeah? Well, I bet my relatives were the presidents before and after him.

Arthur: You guys, it's not a contest.

Buster: Yeah, I'm sure we're all related to some really interesting people

#

Buster has dinner with his mother.

Buster: Grandpa was a tollbooth operator? Wow! And what did his father do?

Mrs. Baxter: (sighs) I don't know what my grandfather did. I never asked him. Now I really wish I had.

Buster: I'll check in the library. I bet I can find some stuff about him there

#

On a microform reader in the library Arthur looks at a black and white image of a man in a cheese shop. Buster sits beside him.

Arthur: Cool! My great-uncle owned a cheese shop. That makes three uncles I found so far.

Buster: Gee. I'd settle for a second cousin. I haven't found anything about my ancestors.   Muffy approaches.

Muffy: Hi, guys. Do you know where the Crosswire section is?   

Arthur: Huh?

Buster: Huh?

Muffy: Oh, never mind, I'll just ask Miss Turner.

Miss Turner checks her computer.

Miss Turner: No, I'm sorry. We don't seem to have any books on the Crosswires.

Muffy: But this is a library. You’re supposed to have books on important people.    Francine comes with a paper.

Francine: Hey, Muffy. Guess what I just found out. My grandfather owned a castle.

Muffy: Really?

Francine: Yep. There's an article on it in this paper. What d'you find out?

Muffy: Oh, the Crosswires are too important to be in this public library. We have our own private archives.

#

At the Crosswire mansion. Muffy is holding a shoebox while her mother is knitting on the couch and her father is reading a newspaper.

Muffy: This is it? But where are the books about us, and what about the family jewels?

Mrs. Crosswire: Oh, there’s nothing like that. We're just plain folks, honey.

Muffy: Mother, how can you say such a thing?

Mr. Crosswire: You should visit your great-aunt, Olga Crump. She'll know some interesting things about the family.

#

Francine, Arthur and Buster stand in front of the ice-cream shop. Buster is holding a battered lunchbox.

Buster: It's my grandfather's lunchbox. My mom found it last night.

Arthur: At least now you have a visual aid.

Buster: Yeah, for the world's shortest report! I can't even open it. It's stuck.  

The Crosswire limousine stops beside them.

Muffy: Hi, guys! How's the report going, Francine?

Francine: Great! I just learned that my grandfather's grandfather was an adviser to President Lincoln.  

Muffy: Oh… Well, I'm off to visit my great-aunt. She's a princess. Bye!    The limousine drives on.    It wasn't really a lie. She could be a princess. Wait a minute! She's too old to be a princess. She'd have to be a queen! And if she’s a queen then maybe I’m… a princess!

In her imagination she runs up to an old lady with a crown sitting in front of a castle that vaguely resembles Saint Basil’s cathedral in Moscow. She bends her knee.

Muffy: I'm sorry I'm late, Your Highness. The limo had a flat.

Queen Olga: Is that you, Anastasia?

Muffy: No. It's Muffy!

Queen Olga: Ah, well, you'll do.   Crown her!    The queen’s two guard put a crown on Muffy’s head. The Muffy and the queen walk up the stairs to the castle.

Muffy: So I'm actually the long-lost princess of Translatvia? Cool! 

The limousine stops in front of Olga Crump’s house. Bailey opens the door.

Muffy: Oh no! Are you sure this is the right address?   In front of her is a ramshackle house with garden gnomes and plastic flamingos in the yard.