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| | | * '''[[Muffy Crosswire]]:''' Ugh! This chicken's so greasy! And the lighting is very unflattering. |
| == Introduction ==
| | * '''FRANCINE:''' Not everyone can afford fancy restaurants, Moneybags. Not like Chip would pay for it, anyway. |
| ''Arthur is sitting under a tree in his yard and writing in a diary. Francine comes by.''
| | * '''MUFFY:''' What do you mean by that? |
| | | * He's so cheap he wouldn't even spring for a juice at the movies. |
| '''Francine:''' Hey, what you writing?
| | * '''MUFFY:''' My brother is NOT cheap! |
| | | * '''FRANCINE:''' He is too! And he invited another person on their date—look. |
| '''Arthur:''' Huh? Oh, nothing much. Just some thoughts.
| | * '''MUFFY:''' That's Angi, one of Catherine's friends. I recognize her from The Sugar Bowl. |
| | | * '''FRANCINE:''' Hey, you're right. That makes it even worse. |
| '''Francine:''' What kind of thoughts? Can I see?
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| '''Arthur:''' Um, actually, it's private.
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| '''Francine:''' Oh, I see! It's about me, isn't it?
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| '''Arthur:''' I didn't say that.
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| '''Muffy:''' Hey, guys. What's going on?
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| '''Francine:''' Oh, Arthur's writing about me. That's what's going on. It's probably something mean.
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| '''Arthur:''' It's not mean.
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| '''Francine:''' So it's something nice?
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| '''Arthur:''' It's not about you.
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| '''Muffy:''' Is it about me? Is it about my hair? You noticed I'm using a new conditioner, right? It's called Mountain Mist, if you want to write it down.
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| '''Francine:''' Come on. Just let us see it.
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| '''Arthur:''' No!
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| ''He holds the diary in his mouth and climbs the tree. Francine and Muffy walk away.''
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| '''Francine+Muffy:''' (laugh)
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| '''Arthur:''' Phew! Don't you hate it when people try to stick their nose in your business? Some things are just private.
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| ''Buster hangs down from a higher branch.''
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| '''Buster:''' What you writing? Can I see?
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| '''Arthur:''' (groans)
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| == Title Card: Francine Bangs Gong ==
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| ''Bailey walks into the Crosswire mansion holding a travelling bag. He holds the door open for Chip Crosswire. Muffy runs down the stairs.''
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| '''Muffy:''' Chip! You're home!
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| '''Chip:''' Hey, it's the Muffler.
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| ''He picks her up and swings her around.''
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| '''Muffy:''' (squeals)
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| ''Chip and Muffy sit down on a couch.''
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| '''Muffy:''' So, how's Tallahassee Tech?
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| '''Chip:''' Pretty cool, but they keep me really busy. There’s swim practice, freshmen mixers, fraternities to check out. Oh, yeah, and classes, too.
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| '''Muffy:''' My Chipwich must be exhausted. But you'll have plenty of time to rest after the welcome-home dinner I planned for you tonight.
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| '''Chip:''' Welcome-home dinner?
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| '''Muffy:''' Oh, don't worry. I promise it'll be very relaxed and not fancy. | |
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| ''That night the Crosswire’s and Frenskys are sitting in the mansion in their best clothes while Bailey serves soup. Mr. Crosswire eats a spoonful and dabs his mouth with his napkin.''
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| '''Mr. Crosswire:''' A-hem. So, Oliver, how's the sanitation business?
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| '''Mr. Frensky:''' Well, you know what they say about My line of work - if you're willing to get your hands dirty, you can really clean up! (laughs)
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| ''Pause.''
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| '''Mr. Crosswire:''' I don't get it.
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| '''Mr. Frensky:''' Now, you see, as a sanitation worker, I actually do have to get my hands dirty...
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| '''Francine:''' Oh, no. My father's telling jokes. He promised he wouldn't.
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| '''Muffy:''' I told Bailey to use the pink napkins. Oh, this welcome-home dinner is a disaster.
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| ''Chip is chatting with Catherine.''
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| '''Francine:''' At least they seem to be having a good time.
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| ''Muffy and Francine smile at the teenagers. Chip and Catherine simultaneously take out their cell phones.''
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| '''Catherine:''' No way! I have the Portalex three-eighty, too!
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| '''Muffy:''' They seem to really like each other.
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| '''Francine:''' Hey, you know, if Chip and Catherine ever got married...
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| '''Muffy:''' …we'd be sisters!
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| ''A sitcom theme song plays while Francine and Muffy as young grown-ups ride a tandem bike along a street.''
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| '''Theme Song:''' "They used to be friends, now they're related. Always together, never separated. ''They drive a sports car and stand on a mountain.'' Who are those beautiful two? The Frenskwire sisters, that's who."
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| ''A title card reads “The Frenskwire Sisters Show”.''
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| ''Muffy sits at a table in an apartment. Francine comes in.''
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| '''Adult Francine:''' How's it going?
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| '''Adult Muffy:''' Terrible. I just bought this horse, but I have no idea how to ride it.
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| ''A horse stands in the room and whinnies.''
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| '''Adult Francine:''' No sweat. I'll teach you. But, Muffy, where's it gonna live? Our apartment's too small.
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| '''Adult Muffy:''' Silly, I just bought the one next door and turned it into a stable. We're rich, remember?
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| ''A wall disappears showing a room furnished like a stable. The horse runs over.''
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| '''Adult Francine:''' Oh, yeah. I love being sisters.
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| '''Adult Muffy:''' Me, too.
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| ''The horse whinnies.''
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| ''The fantasy ends. Muffy and Francine sit at the table looking dreamily.''
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| '''Francine:''' That would be so cool.
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| '''Muffy:''' I know. Let's get to work!
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| ''Later that evening the two fathers and the two mothers sit together and chat. Chip and Catherine stand by a mantelpiece.''
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| '''Mr. Frensky:''' How 'bout those Grebes, huh?
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| '''Chip:''' So, you know, I'm kinda leaning towards Gamma Gamma Mu, but I don’t know. The Gotta Lotta Moolahs are pretty cool, too.
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| ''Muffy and Francine walk over.''
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| '''Francine:''' Hi.
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| '''Muffy:''' How's it going?
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| '''Francine:''' Fun night, huh?
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| '''Muffy:''' I know I'm having fun.
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| '''Francine:''' Me too.
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| '''Muffy:''' What about you two?
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| '''Francine:''' Having fun?
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| '''Catherine:''' Um, yeah.
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| '''Chip:''' Sure.
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| '''Muffy: '''Good.
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| '''Francine:''' Great!
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| '''Muffy:''' We were just checking.
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| ''She and Francine leave. Chip and Catherine shrug.''
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| ''A little later the teenagers are still talking.''
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| '''Chip:''' Then there's Zeta Eta Theta, but I'm kinda leaning towards the other way.
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| ''Francine and Muffy and stop near the teenagers with a newspaper and stage a conversation.''
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| '''Francine:''' Hey, Muffy, any interest in seeing Leaf Blower 4? I hear it's really scary.
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| '''Muffy:''' You know how I love scary movies! But wait. It's playing all the way out at Mill Creek Mall. We'll have to find someone to take us.
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| ''She looks at Chip.''
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| '''Chip:''' If it's okay with the 'rents, hey, I'll take you, Muffler. You wanna come?
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| '''Catherine:''' Sure. I loved Leaf Blower 3.
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| ''Muffy and Francine leave.''
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| '''Chip:''' Hey, remember when the principal gets his tie caught in the mulcher?
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| '''Catherine:''' Dude, that was so gross!
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| ''Muffy and Francine meet outside in the hallway. Bailey walks by with a tray.''
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| '''Francine:''' Phase one of operation Frenskwire is complete.
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| ''They slap hands.''
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| ''Muffy and Francine are sitting in a movie theater behind Catherine. Muffy looks scared, Francine is covering her eyes.''
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| '''Muffy:''' This movie is awful. Couldn't you have picked another one?
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| '''Francine:''' It's the only one I knew Catherine wanted to see.
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| ''Chip returns to his seat beside Catherine with a drink.''
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| '''Francine:''' Hey, how come Chip didn't get Catherine a juice?
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| '''Muffy:''' She didn't ask for one.
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| '''Francine:''' I know. But it would have been nice.
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| '''Muffy:''' I'll tell you what would be nice. If Catherine shared the armrest. Look! She's hogging the whole thing.
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| '''Francine:''' That's not hogging. That's just being romantic.
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| ''Both look at the screen.''
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| '''Francine+Muffy:''' (gasp) Ahh!
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| '''Chip:''' Hey, you wanna meet some of my friends for a latteccino at the Stardoes after we drop the kids off?
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| '''Catherine:''' Okay.
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| '''Francine:''' See?
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| ''Francine runs up to Catherine when she returns home.''
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| '''Francine:''' How'd it go? Did you guys have a good time? What'd you do?
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| '''Catherine:''' Nothing.
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| '''Francine:''' Nothing? What do you mean, nothing? How can you spend three hours doing nothing?
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| '''Catherine:''' We hung out at the mall, that's all. Why are you so interested anyway?
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| '''Francine:''' Me? I'm not interested. What you do with your friends is your business. I have to use the phone.
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| ''She runs off.''
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| ''Muffy and Francine sit in the Chickin Lickin’ wearing disguises.''
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| '''Muffy:''' Ugh! This chicken's so greasy. And the lighting is very unflattering.
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| ''Chip and Catherine are having lunch at the other end of the restaurant.'' | |
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| '''Francine:''' Not everyone can afford fancy restaurants, moneybags. Not like Chip would pay for it, anyway.
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| '''Muffy:''' What do you mean by that? | |
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| '''Francine:''' He's so cheap, he wouldn't even spring for a juice at the movies.
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| '''Muffy:''' My brother is not cheap! | |
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| '''Francine:''' He is, too. And he invited another person on their date. Look! | |
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| ''Angi sits down beside Chip.''
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| '''Muffy:''' That's Angi, one of Catherine's friends. I recognize her from the Sugar Bowl. | |
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| '''Francine:''' Hey, you're right. That makes it even worse. | |
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| ''They stare at each other.''
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| ''The “Frenskwire Sisters” opening is shown again. This time the tandem bike goes very fast.''
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| '''Muffy:''' Slow down! I can't keep up.
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| '''Francine:''' Keep up? You're not even pedaling.
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| '''Theme Song:''' “They used to be friends, now they're related. Thought they would like it, turns out they hate it. ''They drive a sportscar in the rain and argue on a mountaintop during a storm.'' Who are these miserable two? The Frenskwire sisters, that's who.”
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| ''Muffy is doing her toenails on the couch while Francine sweeps the stable side of the apartment.''
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| '''Adult Francine:''' Muffy, it's your turn to clean up after Thunderbolt.
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| '''Adult Muffy:''' But I just did my nails. Anyway, I fed him earlier.
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| '''Adult Francine:''' Yeah, the cake I made for Catherine's birthday!
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| '''Adult Muffy:''' Oh. Is that what that was? I thought it was garbage. It's so hard to tell the difference with your cooking.
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| ''The horse whinnies.''
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| ''The fantasy ends.''
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| '''Francine:''' I'm ending this relationship between your brother and my sister.
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| '''Muffy:''' Fine! You'd make a terrible sister, anyway. We'll just see who ends it first.
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| ''Bailey stands in Muffy’s bedroom. Muffy has a tape recorder and a telephone.''
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| '''Bailey:''' I don't know if this is such a good idea, Miss Muffy.
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| '''Muffy:''' Bailey, it's for the good of the Crosswire family. All you have to do is ask her a few questions.
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| ''Bailey phones. Catherine is on the other end.''
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| '''Catherine:''' Hello?
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| ''Muffy turns on the recorder.''
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| '''Bailey:''' A-hem. Hello. I'm conducting a survey that could win you a trip to Hawaii. Is your first name Kate?
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| '''Catherine:''' No, it's Catherine.
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| '''Bailey:''' Do you prefer pickle-flavored ice cream or chocolate chip?
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| '''Catherine:''' Chocolate chip.
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| '''Bailey:''' How would you describe your feelings towards liver?
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| '''Catherine:''' I hate liver!
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| '''Bailey:''' What letter comes after T in the alphabet?
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| '''Catherine:''' U?
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| '''Bailey:''' Thank you very much. We'll let you know if you've won.
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| '''Muffy:''' Perfect. Now, all I have to do is a little editing.
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| ''Catherine is working on the computer at home. Francine hands her an envelope.''
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| '''Francine:''' Here. This was in the mail for you. ''She waits expectantly while Catherine opens it and reads the letter.'' What is it?
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| '''Catherine:''' A really weird letter from Chip. He says he's moving to Alaska and he never wants to see me again.
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| '''Francine:''' Oh, well. Good riddance, right?
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| ''She smiles.''
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| ''At the Crosswire mansion Chip receives a phone call made from Catherine’s recorded voice.''
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| '''Catherine (on phone):''' “Chip ... it's Catherine ... I hate... U?”
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| ''The doorbell rings. Catherine waits outside holding the letter.''
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| '''Catherine:''' I just got your letter. You're moving to Alaska?
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| '''Chip:''' No. I just got your message. Why did you say you hate me?
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| '''Catherine:''' I didn't!
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| '''Catherine/Chip:''' Francine. / Muffy.
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| ''Francine and Muffy sit on a couch in the Crosswire mansion while Catherine and Chip stand in front of them.''
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| '''Francine:''' Okay, I admit it. I wrote that letter from Chip.
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| '''Muffy:''' And I made Bailey call Catherine with that fake survey.
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| '''Chip:''' But why, Muffler?
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| '''Muffy:''' I didn't want you two to get married.
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| '''Francine:''' That’s not true! At first you did. But then you thought a Frensky wasn't good enough to be in your family.
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| '''Muffy:''' I never said that! You were the one who called Chip cheap!
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| '''Chip:''' I'm not cheap!
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| '''Catherine:''' How could you think we'd get married? We're not even dating.
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| '''Chip:''' Yeah. Where'd you come up with that crazy idea?
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| '''Francine:''' I guess we just thought it would be… kind of cool if we were related.
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| '''Catherine:''' Sorry to disappoint you, but Chip and I are just friends.
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| ''She and Chip leave the room while Francine and Muffy stare at each other.''
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| ''Chip and Catherine stand at the Crosswire’s entrance.''
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| '''Catherine:''' Well, I'd better finish that biology paper.
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| '''Chip:''' Yeah. I'm gonna wash my hair. See ya.
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| ''Muffy and Francine are still sitting on the couch.''
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| '''Francine:''' Ach. There goes our chance of being sisters.
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| '''Muffy:''' Yep. I guess we'll just have to settle for best friends.
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| ''The theme song plays again while flashbacks from the episode are shown.''
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| '''Theme Song:''' “They’re still just friends. No, they’re not related. Never gonna be ‘cause of the mess they created. Who are these meddling two? Muffy and Francine, that’s who!”
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| [[Category:Transcripts]] | | [[Category:Transcripts]] |
| | [[Category:Unfinished Transcripts]] |
| | [[Category:Pages needing attention]] |
| [[Category:Season 12 transcripts]] | | [[Category:Season 12 transcripts]] |
| [[Category:A to Z]] | | [[Category:A to Z]] |
| [[Category:2008]]
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