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Editing Get Smart/Transcript
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''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Arthur''': Welcome to the Worldwide Teaching Championships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>In this corner, defending his title, the Sultan of Schooling, the Homework Hammer Nigel Ratburn!</p> | ||
<p class="MsoNormal">[CHEERING]</p> | |||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Buster''': Mr. Ratburn's looking good, but he's going to have to bring his A+ game tonight. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Francine''': He hasn't faced this tough an opponent since Lenny Long Division Spitz in last year's math relay.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Brain''': Capital of Benin?</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Porto-Novo.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Brain''': The moons of Mars?</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Phobos and Deimos.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Arthur''': And in the other corner, the Dynamo of Data, the number-crunching crusher from Cupertino, California, the Challenger!</p> | ||
<p class="MsoNormal">[CHEERING]</p> | |||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Francine''': I've never seen anything like it.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Buster''': Oh, poor Mr. Ratburn. I can't look.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Gulp!</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Arthur''': I want a good, clean match, OK? Shake hands.</p> | ||
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'''Mr. | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Haney''': The Pseudometa Corporation has chosen your class to test out its new smart board for two weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The Hugo 3.0 is the latest advancement in user-based technology with a 14 terabyte, terabyte CPU.... Um, well, I'll let you all figure it out. You have fun!</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Francine''': Turn it on, Mr. Ratburn!</p> | ||
'''Mr. Ratburn''': | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': I'm trying to, Francine.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Brain''': May I?</p> | ||
'''Mr. Ratburn''': | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Be my guest.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': Hello, my name is Hugo. Good morning, Nigel.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': How did you know my name?</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': I am equipped with both face and voice recognition technology.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Does that sufficiently answer your question?</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Er, yes.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Buster''': Hugo, do you know what we are having for lunch today?</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Binky''': Do you have Dark Bunny versus Dr Origami in 3-D?</p> | ||
<p class="MsoNormal">[BABBLE OF QUESTIONS]</p> | |||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Class, before we start using the smart board, I must read the instruction manual, which, might take some time.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Brain''': If you like, I can stay after class and help you go through it.</p> | ||
'''Mr. Ratburn''': | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Thank you, Alan, but I think I can manage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>See you after class.</p> | ||
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''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Brain''': Well, that's it. We've gone through the whole manual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It says here, Pseudometa Corp guarantees that Hugo is 100% accurate. How is that possible? I mean, nothing is 100% accurate.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Normally, I would agree with you, Alan, but I have never seen anything like Hugo. He really is amazing.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': Thank you, Nigel.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': You're welcome, Hugo.</p> | ||
'''Mr. Ratburn''': | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Today, we'll learn about the early history of our very own Elwood City.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Does anybody know what it used to be in prehistoric times?</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Buster''': A landing pad for aliens?</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': I'm sorry, that is incorrect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Elwood City was a swamp.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Now it is a bustling town but what was it that spurred its growth?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Anyone? Hugo?</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': The growth of the logging industry was what drove the development of Elwood City.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': That's right, when the first steam powered sawmill was built here, Elwood City was catapulted into the industrial age and the man who had this sawmill built was none other than our founder, Jacob Katzenellenbogan.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': I'm sorry, that is incorrect.</p> | ||
<p class="MsoNormal">[ALL GASP]</p> | |||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': I beg your pardon?</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': You said that the man responsible for building the first steam powered sawmill in Elwood City was Jacob Katzenellenbogan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>That is incorrect.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': No, it isn't, I'm quite sure, Hugo.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': Perhaps you do not know what the word incorrect means.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Synonyms are mistaken, faulty, wrong.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Yes, yes, I know what the word incorrect means.</p> | ||
'''Hugo''': | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': The man who had the first steam powered sawmill built in Elwood City was named Francis Wheaton. Known as Wheaty to his friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Was born in 1866.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': That's enough, Hugo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I guess I'll just have to take your word for it.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': That is an excellent choice, Nigel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Given the fact that I'm 100% accurate.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Arthur''': Mr. Ratburn wrong?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I can't believe it.</p> | ||
'''Brain''': I | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Brain''': Neither can I.</p> | ||
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''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Dave (Executive)''': How's the testing on the Hugo 3.0 coming?</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Technician''': Here's the latest error report.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Dave''': Missed a few dates, some facts, 98% accurate is good enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>We'll call it 100.</p> | ||
'''Hugo''': | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': But that would be a lie, Dave.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Dave''': Who's going to care about the little 2%? People who go to libraries?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>If our marketing strategy is right, Hugo will replace libraries.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Both Dave and Technician''': Ha-ha-ha!</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Brain''': Huh!</p> | ||
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''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Brain''': I tried researching early Elwood City history on the Internet but there wasn't a lot of information.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Paige Turner''': Some things can still only be found in books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Here. ''Elwood City. Past, Present and Future''.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Brain''': "The opening of the first steam powered sawmill was reported by the ''Elwood City Gazette''." Aha! ''Elwood City Gazette''.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Spring 1902.</p> | ||
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'''Mr. Ratburn''': | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': The equilateral triangle is a triangle in which all three sides are... Arthur.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Arthur''': Of equal length?</p> | ||
'''Mr. Ratburn''': | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Correct.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>And just for fun, can anyone tell me what Asian country has an equilateral triangle on its flag?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Yes, well, it is a toughie. How about you, Hugo? Are you stumped as well?</p> | ||
'''Hugo''': | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': The equilateral triangle is featured in the flag of the Philippines.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Hmm, that's correct.</p> | ||
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''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Francine''': A-B-I-L-I-T-Y. Ability.</p> | ||
'''Mr. Ratburn''': | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Excellent, Francine, you might consider entering this year's spelling bee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Speaking of which, Hugo, what was the winning word in last year's national spelling bee?</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': Cymotrichous. C-Y-M-O-T-R-I-C-H-O-U-S.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It means having wavy hair. Shall I put it in a sentence?</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': No, no, that won't be necessary. Let's move on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>What is the largest painting in the world?</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': Mother Earth by Swedish artist David Aberg.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': What is the smallest?</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': Fish by J’Sha.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Oldest?</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': The cave paintings in France.</p> | ||
'''Mr. Ratburn''': | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': All right, all right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>What about, ah, here we go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>What is the traditional stringed instrument of Mauritania?</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': The tidinit.</p> | ||
'''Mr. Ratburn''': | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Ohh!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Very good, Hugo.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': Thank you, Nigel.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Arthur''': Hugo's amazing!</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Binky''': Whoa, he's the best.</p> | ||
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''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Paige Turner''': Yes, here it is, ''Elwood City Gazette'', 1902.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You should find what you are looking for in here.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Brain''': Thanks.</p> | ||
''' | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Aha! I'll bet you didn't know that, did you, Hugo?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I've got him where I want him! Ha-ha-ha!</p> | ||
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'''Alfred''': I'd be delighted. Once, my great uncle took me on a tour of that sawmill. The noise was so loud.. | <p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Good morning, everyone. Today, we will start with a pop quiz.</p> | ||
<p class="MsoNormal">[CLASS GROANS]</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">Not to worry, it is just for Hugo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>There is only one question and it concerns the subject of puppetry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>In the traditional Turkish shadow plays of the Ottoman period, there were two main puppets. One was named Karagoz.</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">What was the name of the other one?</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">'''Arthur''': Hugo doesn't know!</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">'''Francine''': Mr. Ratburn finally stumped him!</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': Hacivat.</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Oh!</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': The name of the other puppet was Hacivat.</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">'''Binky''': Yay!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Whoo-hoo!</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Well, Hugo, I guess you win.</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">'''Brain''': Wait! You were right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The man responsible for building the first steam powered sawmill in Elwood City WAS Jacob Katzenellenbogan.</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': But Hugo said...</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">'''Brain''': I found a copy of the ''Elwood City Gazette'' from the day the sawmill opened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Here it clearly states Jacob was the owner and the man behind the project.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But in the caption it misidentifies Francis Wheaton the architect as the owner. That's probably why Hugo made the mistake.</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': That is incorrect, Alan. I am not capable of making mistakes.</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">'''Brain''': I thought you might say that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>That's why I looked for Jacob's last living descendant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Hugo, meet Alfred Katzenellenbogan..</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">'''Alfred''': Here is a document that proves my great uncle was the man who had that mill built.</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': That man must not be Alfred Katzenellenbogan.</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">'''Alfred''': What?! Take it back, flat face!</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': It's all right, I can handle this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Hugo, I am afraid it is time to admit that you are NOT 100% accurate.</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">'''Hugo''': Let's discuss this calmly, Nigel, but I can give you my complete assurance that I can...[GIBBERISH] # Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do... #</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">[CLASS CHEERING]</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">'''Mr. Ratburn''': Class, class, it's not as if it were a competition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Mr. Katzenellenbogan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Would you share some of your memories of early Elwood City with us?</p> | |||
<p class="MsoNormal">'''Alfred''': I'd be delighted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Once, my great uncle took me on a tour of that sawmill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The noise was so loud..</p> | |||
[[Category:Transcripts]] | [[Category:Transcripts]] | ||