The Squirrels (episode)/Transcript

THE SQUIRRELS

Writer: Dietrich Smith Storyboard Artist: Jeremy O'Neill

Introduction
''Arthur is lying in bed late at night. The door opens. He holds his blanket up to his eyes. D.W. turns on the light and walks in with a megaphone.''

D.W.: Wake up, Arthur! It's time to start the show!

Arthur: Whoo! You ever think about how little difference there is between things that are scary and things that aren't scary?

Arthur walks up to a pumpkin lying on the table.

Arthur: Like this pumpkin. Not scary. He turns it around to reveal a Jack o' Lantern. Whoa! Scary! He puts Groucho glasses on the Jack o' Lantern. Not scary again.

D.W.: Mom! Arthur's playing with his food!

Arthur points after her.

Arthur: Very scary! Huh?

''A flying saucer lands outside in the yard. A tentacle knocks on the door. Arthur opens the door to a big alien.''

Alien: (roars)

Arthur slams the door shut.

Arthur: Scary! A tentacle reaches through the mail slot. Aah!

''Arthur pours salt on the tentacle. It shrivels. Arthur opens the door.''

Alien: (squeaks)

The now rat-sized alien slithers away.

Arthur: Not scary. ''The alien gets into the saucer and flies away. Arthur closes the door. But there's no question that what you're about to see in this show is really, really, really'' scary.

D.W.: Mom! Arthur's being mean to aliens!

Arthur: Even scarier than D.W.

Title Card: Buster Roars (Monster)
''Arthur and Buster unroll sleeping bags in the Baxters’ living room. Mrs. Baxter brings popcorn.''

Mrs. Baxter: Oh, you boys are gonna love this movie! I saw it when I was your age and to this day it's still the scariest movie I've ever seen.

Buster: Mom, squirrels are not scary.

Mrs. Baxter: Oh, but they attack people and they take over cities and... I mean, it gave me nightmares for months!

Buster: Uh-huh. (makes squirrel noises) Oo, I'd like a people steak, please.

Arthur: (British accent) Would you like that with or without acorns?

Arthur+Buster: (laugh)

Mrs. Baxter turns on the TV.

Mrs. Baxter: Shh! It's starting.

Buster: It's starting.

Arthur+Buster: (laugh)

''The movie title is shown. A squirrel is sitting in a tree.''

Mrs. Baxter: I-I'm sorry, I can't watch this again. Good night, boys.

''She hands Buster her popcorn and leaves. On the screen a young man and woman are having a picnic.''

Woman (on TV): Oh, look, honey, what an adorable little squirrel!

Arthur and Buster eat popcorn and grin.

Buster: (chuckles)

Man+Woman (on TV): Oh, no. Nooooo! Augh!

Arthur and Buster look horrified.

Arthur+Buster: (laugh nervously)

''Later the movie shows squirrels gathering on a jungle gym. Arthur and Buster are lying on their sleeping bags with their eyes glued to the screen.''

''Even later a man walks onto his porch and is surrounded by squirrels. Arthur grabs a pillow for comfort.''

''The last shot of the movie shows trees, a fence, power lines and a bridge all full of squirrels. Then the image changes abruptly to an announcement.''

Announcer (on TV): And now stay tuned for the wackiest bunch of cheerleaders to ever hit the field in “Loser High”!

Arthur+Buster: Augh!

Buster turns off the TV.

Buster: Were you scared?

Arthur: N-not at all. They lay down in their sleeping bags. Hehehe. Squirrels.

Buster: Yeah. (laughs hollowly)

Arthur: (makes squirrel noises and chirps)

Buster: Don't!

Arthur turns on the light.

Buster: Arthur?

Arthur: The, uh, darkness was hurting my eyes.

Buster: Oh.

Arthur: Yeah, it, um, happens to people with glasses sometimes. You wouldn't know about it.

Buster: Oh.

He lies down.

Arthur: Sorry. Did you want me to turn it off?

Buster: No, that's okay.

Both boys lie in their sleeping bags and stare at the ceiling.

***

''The next morning the boys are having cereal in the kitchen. Mrs. Baxter comes in with curlers in her hair.''

Mrs. Baxter: Good morning, boys. So, was that movie scary or what?

Arthur: No!

Buster: No. Mom, it was silly.

Arthur: Hehe. Squirrels. Hehe. Taking over the world!

Arthur+Buster: Ha!

***

Arthur leaves the Baxters’ condo.

***

''Buster does the washing up. Outside, an acorn falls from a tree.''

Buster: (whistles) ''He sees a squirrel coming down from the tree to eat the acorn. It looks at him.'' Aaargh!

He closes the curtains.

***

''Arthur walks through the park. The wind rustles the trees. Two squirrels cross the path. Arthur stares at them, then starts running.''

***

''Buster finishes washing up with the curtains closed. When he opens them he sees a squirrel on a branch right outside the window.''

Buster: Aah!

He closes the curtains again.

***

''Arthur hides behind a tree outside the park. Binky comes by on his bike.''

Binky: Hey, Arthur! Wanna go play in the park?

Arthur sees two squirrels on the lawn.

Arthur: Nah, I, hehe...really gotta get home.

Binky: Whatever!

''He drives by the two squirrels who scatter. Arthur runs home.''

***

''Mrs. Baxter opens the curtains. Buster is playing a video game.''

Mrs. Baxter: Buster, why are the curtains closed? It's the middle of the day.

Buster: Oh, Mom, please! The, uh... light glares on the TV!

She turns off the TV.

Mrs. Baxter: That's enough TV for today. Why aren't you outside playing? It's such a nice day?

Buster: Yeah, it is, but, uh, um... Oh, you know what? I didn't finish my homework yet!

He runs up the stairs.

***

Arthur runs into the Read house.

Mr. Read: Hey, Arthur, you're home. It's such a nice day, what do you say we go play a little catch?

Arthur: I'd love to, Dad, but I have lots and lots of homework to do.

He runs up the stairs.

***

''Arthur and Buster sit on a table on the school playground. Buster watches through binoculars. Binky is sitting at a table. Francine, Muffy, Brain, George and Fern are sitting at another.''

Brain: So, did any of you see that Squirrels movie on TV this weekend?

Francine: Uh...not really.

Brain: How 'bout you guys? Did you see it?

Arthur: No.

Buster: Yes. I mean, no.

Arthur: Yes.

Brain: Well, did it scare you?

Arthur: No, it was so silly! Squirrels taking over the world!

Buster: (imitates squirrel)

Kids: (laugh)

Brain: Yeah, that does sound kinda silly. So you really weren't scared, huh?

Buster: No. Did you see it?

Brain: (meekly) Yes.

Kids: (scream)

They run to the school building.

***

''Hours later, the school bell rings. The kids hurry out of the building. Only Binky is relaxed.''

Binky: Hey, so who wants to play baseball in the park?

Buster: I have a lot of homework.

Arthur: Me, too.

The quickly ride away on their bikes.

Binky: Okay, see ya.

***

''Buster runs into his house. / So does Arthur. / So does Francine.''

***

''Arthur sits at his desk looking bored. He goes into the living room where D.W. is watching TV.''

D.W.: I know. It's your TV time. Can I just watch to the end of this song?

Arthur: I finished all my homework and I have nothing to do.

D.W.: Can't you go play outside?

On the TV, a kiddie show depicts two people in squirrel costumes singing.

Squirrels (on TV): (sing:) “When that nut falls off the tree, we're stuck with the rain!” They bump into each other and fall down. (laugh)

Arthur: Hehe. Look how silly they are! Let's just watch this. Who could be possibly be scared of them when you see 'em acting like this?

***

Arthur looks at DVDs at the video rental store.

Arthur: "Timmy the Friendliest Squirrel in the World". "Slippy Squirrel and the Acorn Mobile". "Silly Squirrel School".

He brings four DVDs to the counter.

Mrs. Read: Arthur, do you really want to rent all these?

Arthur: I have to, Mom. It's, er... for a homework assignment.

Employee: "Silly Squirrels Count To Ten". Wow, every kid in town must have the same assignment. We got cleared out of every kiddie show that has anything to do with squirrels today!

***

On TV, two people in squirrel costumes (resembling Teletubbies) dance through a field of hearts.

Squirrels (on TV): (make silly noises) Bye byeeeeee!

Arthur turns off the TV.

Arthur: Okay, squirrels, I'm not scared of you anymore.

Arthur walks into the yard.

Arthur: Ah, it's great out here! How could I have possibly been...? A squirrel runs across the swing set. Ahh!

He runs back inside.

***

Mr. Ratburn has a stack of unusually thick reports on his desk.

Mr. Ratburn: I am so thrilled, class, about these reports. All of you have gone beyond the homework call of duty. I'm not quite sure what's gotten into all of you, but whatever it is, I say keep it up. Well, with one exception. Binky looks embarrassed. So, I've decided to give a fun lecture today. Did anyone happen to catch a movie called “The Squirrels” this weekend?

''He sets up a slide projector. Everybody exchanges worried looks.''

Binky: What's “The Squirrels”?

Francine: It's about squirrels taking over the world... I heard.

Mr. Ratburn turns off the light.

Mr. Ratburn: It's too bad more didn't see it because it's very well done. It scared the daylights out of me when I first saw it. Seeing it last weekend made me interested in squirrels again. Does anyone know what squirrels eat?

Buster: People!

Brain: Um...acorns.

Buster: Acorns.

Mr. Ratburn: Ha. They certainly do not eat people! That was just a movie. He shows slides of live-action squirrels. The only meat they ever even touch is the occasional insect or bird egg, if they're very hungry. Mostly, they just eat nuts and seeds. Any questions? All raise their hand. Oh, this is wonderful.

***

Later, the kids leave the school building as the final bell rings.

Francine: Wow! What a great class today! Who wants to go play in the park?

Binky: I do!

''The wind rustles in the trees and in a bush. All kids except Binky run off.''

Arthur+Buster+Francine: (I gotta go!)

Buster: I gotta do some homework! Bye!

Binky: What is going on?!

***

Arthur sits on his bed looking bored.

''Buster sits in an armchair watching a kiddie squirrel show. The telephone rings.''

Buster: Hello?

Arthur (on phone): Hey, Buster, it's me. Listen, let's face it, we're both scared of going outside right now, right?

Buster: No. Arthur waits. Yes.

Arthur (on phone): Okay, I have an idea about how we can stop being afraid.

***

Arthur and Buster sit on the Reads’ front steps.

Arthur: All we need to become friends with one and when we see how nice it is, we won't be afraid anymore.

Buster: Uh-huh.

Arthur: So here. Go lure one with these nuts.

He gives Buster a bag.

Buster: It's your yard.

Arthur: But you're the guest.

Buster: But you, uh...wear glasses!

Buster looks apologetic.

''Arthur throws a nut in front of a tree. A squirrel comes to get it.''

Arthur+Buster: Hi, squirrel.

The squirrel runs back up the tree.

''Arthur puts another nut on the ground. A squirrel gets it.''

Arthur+Buster: Hi again.

The squirrel drops the nut and retreats.

''Arthur puts a nut down right in front of them. The squirrel comes closer and the boys wave. The squirrel looks up to them.''

Arthur: We did it! We're not scared!

Arthur notices that two more squirrels have gathered and even more are coming down a tree.

Arthur+Buster: Ahh! Squirrel attack!

The boys drop the nuts and run into the house pursued by squirrels.

''They fall over their spilled nuts and lie on the floor while the squirrels run around them. Mrs. Read looks in and shoos the squirrels out with a broom.''

Mrs. Read: Shoo! Shoo! Out of the house! Back to the trees!

''Arthur closes the door. He and Buster slump to the ground.''

Arthur+Buster: Phew!

The boys notice a wounded squirrel lying by the door.

***

Mrs. Read drives Arthur and Buster to the vet. The squirrel is lying in a box between the boys.

Mrs. Read: I'm glad you boys are alright. Squirrels are pretty harmless, but they will bite if provoked. Hopefully, someone here at the Animal Rehabilitation Center will be able to help this little guy.

The car stops at the Elwood City Animal Shelter.

***

The squirrel lies on the counter at the reception while a vet puts a bandage on its leg.

Arthur: I can't believe we were scared of something so helpless.

Buster: I'm sorry he got hurt.

Vet: Poor little things. You wouldn't believe the panic-stricken phone calls we get whenever that darn "Squirrels" movie airs on TV. Once you see an injured squirrel up close like this, it's a different story.

He puts the squirrel in a cage.

Arthur: Do you think we could take the squirrel to school?

***

''Arthur puts a covered cage on Mr. Ratburn's desk. He removes the cover to reveal the wounded squirrel.''

Class: (gasp)

Arthur: This squirrel got hurt trying to run away from me and Buster.

Buster: But he's gonna be okay. Eventually, he'll be returned to the wild.

Mr. Ratburn: What a marvelous opportunity to study the particular features of Sciurus carolinensis, otherwise known as the common grey squirrel of North America. You may come up one at a time for a for a closer look. Alan, you first. Please share your observations with the rest of the class.

Brain: (gulps) Squeaky vocal tone, tiny paws, bushy tail. The overall appearance is almost... cute. (smiles)

Francine: It's not that scary up close!

The other kids come up to the desk.

***

At the video rental store, Binky picks up the DVD for “The Squirrels”.

Binky: "The Squirrels". Hm. I wonder if this is any good.

***

''The third-graders are playing in the park while squirrels run around them. Arthur and Buster come on their bikes.''

Brain: To think we were all so freaked out by squirrels!

Francine: I know, I feel so silly.

Buster: Hey, you know “The Birds” is on TV tonight. Anybody gonna watch?

Arthur: Look, there's Binky!

Binky walks by looking worried.

Kids: Hey, Binky! Binky! Come play with us!

Binky: Uh, no, that's okay. I have, uh...homework to do. He sees a squirrel and runs off. Ahh!