What's Cooking?/Transcript

D.W. Read: Greetings! It's Me, D.W. And this is gonna be the greatest TV show you've ever heard. You Know why? Because Arthur's letting me do the TV show opener!

Arthur Read: CUT! D.W., you have to look right at the camera so you make contact with the viewers.

D.W.: Okay, okay!

Arthur: Show opener, take two!

D.W.: Greetings, my name is D.W. I'm opening the TV show today and it's gonna be---

Arthur: Cut! This isn't working. We need---we need a different setting. Someplace more exciting and scenic, like the ocean.

(D.W. is on a boat on the ocean)

D.W.: Greetings, everybody!

Arthur: Cut! Too much motion. We need something just as scenic but not as distracting. Like, I know, outer space!

(D.W. is an astronaut in space)

D.W.: He---

Arthur: CUT! This isn't right, either. It's too---

D.W.: Listen, Arthur! You said you were gonna let me do this myself. NOW LET ME DO IT! Greetings, and welcome to our TV show. My name is---

Arthur: Cut. That was actually great, D.W., but we're out of time. Well Done, though.

D.W.: Arrrrgghhhhh!

(Intertitle)

WHAT'S COOKING?

Writer: Hilary Illick --- Storyboard Artist: Stéphanie Gignac

Binky Barnes: (V.O.) What's Cooking?

Kids: (gasping)

(Back to the story)

(Mr. Ratburn is putting up a poster in the school hallway)

Mr. Ratburn: You kids are so lucky. This is one contest I wish I could enter!

(Arthur reads the poster)

Arthur: "Chef Ming Tsai is coming to judge the kids cooking contest." Who's Ming Tsai?

Muffy Crosswire: He's the host of "Simply Ming" on TV!

(Cut to the Read house. Arthur's family is eating at the table.)

David Read: And the judge is Ming Tsai? Arthur, this is huge! What should we make for this contest?

(David is reading off of some recipe cards)

David: Jalapeno cheese straws? Nah, too festive. Brie en croute? Nah, too conservative.

Arthur: This cooking contest is for kids, Dad.

D.W.: Good, then we can make oobleck! I learned the recipe for oobleck at my school.

Arthur: People don't eat oobleck, D.W. And besides, I already know what I want to make- chocolate cake. I love chocolate cake.

David: I have a terrific recipe for chocolate brandy cake with roasted hazelnut filling.

Arthur: I just want a simple chocolate cake, Dad. And I want to make it all by myself, with no help.

Jane Read: You're gonna have to have some help with the oven and the stove, and I'm working on the Crosswire taxes, so it'll have to be Dad.

(David looks at another recipe card)

David: Don't worry Arthur, I'll stick to oven and stove help only. Oh, here! Classic chocolate cake. This is a fantastic recipe, you'll love it.

Arthur: Doing it all by myself includes choosing the recipe.

(Cut to Arthur and Buster reading cookbooks in the library)

Sue Ellen Armstrong: Oh, hi, you guys. Researching recipes?

Buster Baxter: "Getting hungry" is more like it.

(Arthur points to a stack of cards that Sue Ellen is holding)

Arthur: What are those?

Sue Ellen: Oh, those. They're just some information cards I laminated.

Arthur: Information cards?

Sue Ellen: The recipe I chose is randang, which means "water buffalo stew" in the Minangkabau tribe in Indonesia, so I'm going to provide Ming with facts about their cooking practices. Well, see you guys. I've gotta get home and start working on my costume.

Arthur: Costume?

Sue Ellen: I wouldn't feel right serving randang without wearing native dress.

(Sue Ellen walks away)

Buster: Don't worry. You don't need a costume when you've got a great chocolate cake!

(Arthur and Buster are walking down the street when The Brain leaves a shop holding two big bags)

Buster: Hey, Brain. What's in the bags?

Brain: Just a few things for my hydroponic greenhouse. Want to see it?

(Cut to Brain's greenhouse)

Brain: I've transformed my parents' old greenhouse into this fully functioning hydroponic system.

Arthur and Buster: Wow!

Brain: The success of my berry tart depends on the quality of the ingredients themselves. It was imperative to cultivate the sweetest possible berries.

(Transition: A bunch of assorted berries fall down the screen. Cut to the Read home, where Arthur and David are)

Arthur: I need to do something that makes my chocolate cake really special.

David: Good idea. A good chef always has a signature, something that makes his recipe unique.

(Arthur mixes some batter and passes it to Buster. He tastes it)

Buster. Hmm. Bellissimo! You know what I think it needs a little more of? Sugar!

David: No! No, no! Uh-uh-nothing makes a cake taste less sophisticated than extra sugar.

Arthur: Dad!

David: But I'm just trying to... help.

Arthur: How about if I add some extra dark chocolate?

Buster: Yeah, good idea.

(Arthur mixes the batter)

Arthur: Tell me what you think of this.

David: Hey, how come he gets to give advice?

Arthur: He's a kid, Dad.

David: But may I please offer you one small, yet crucial, piece of advice about chocolate cake? It's good to go off-recipe and experiment a bit.

(Buster licks the spoon. David looks at him and he stops)

David: But there is one ingredient you must use and use properly in order to make a successful chocolate cake, and that is... Baking powder.

(David hands Arthur some baking powder)

Arthur: Got it. Baking powder.

(Arthur tastes the cake batter)

Arthur: I found my signature ingredient! An extra large amount of extra dark chocolate!

(Cut to the school cafeteria)

Sue Ellen: I gotta go run down to the art room to see if the glue on my headdress is dry yet.

Arthur: I hope Ming Tsai is nice.

Muffy: I wouldn't count on it. Ming Tsai was voted one of the 50 most beautiful people in "Famous Faces" magazine.

Buster: So?

Muffy: So? He's not only famous, he's glamorous! What if my quiche Lorraine doesn't have enough glamour?

Arthur: He's not gonna judge your quiche on its glamour, Muffy. That wouldn't be fair.

Muffy: But you've seen those TV judges. They're never fair.

(Fade-in to Muffy imagining herself on "American Chef-Idol")

(Ming Tsai takes a bite of quiche and spits it out)

Ming: I have to say, Muffy, that quiche was a complete waste of taste buds and saliva.

Judge: Ming, you awful brute! How could you say such a thing about Muffy's quiche? Muffy, your quiche Lorraine was delicious!

Ming: It was vomitrocious! It was an absolute disgrace. Muffy should be forbidden from cooking ever again.

Muffy: But I didn't even make this quiche! My cook did!

(Fade out)

Muffy: He probably has impossibly high standards!

Arthur: I bet he takes cooking really seriously.

(Fade in to Arthur's imagination)

Announcer: In the left cooking ring, we have dessert chef Arthur Read! And making his famous stir-fried butterfly shrimp with orange-yuzu syrup is the renowned Ming Tsai! Take your position! On your marks! Get set! Go!

(Ming Tsai cuts his shrimp and vegetables. Arthur takes out a bag of sugar. Ming Tsai puts all his food into a bowl and mixes it. Arthur opens the bag of sugar. Ming Tsai salts his food. Arthur pours the sugar in a measuring cup. Ming Tsai puts his lime juice in the bowl. Arthur puts his sugar down. Ming Tsai serves his food)

Announcer: And done! Ten seconds, ladies and gentlemen! We have our winner! Ming Tsai prepared a full gourmet meal in ten seconds!

(Fade out)

Arthur: Well, at least Ming Tsai is going to be the judge, not a contestant.

(Transition: oven mitts fall down the screen. D.W. is squishing a white substance in a bowl.)

D.W.: And Ming Tsai says D.W.'s the winner! D.W.'s oobleck is the best recipe in all of the land!

(D.W. pours baking powder in the bowl and throws away the box.)

David: Where's Arthur?

(D.W. points towards the living room. David enters it and finds Arthur watching TV.)

David: What are you doing, Arthur? This is your last day to practice before the contest.

Arthur: I'm going to set my alarm and wake up early to make the cake. Today I'm resting, like a boxer does the day before a big match.

David: Okay, champ. You're going to be great out there.

(Arthur wakes up at 6:10 AM. He puts his glasses on, yawns, and goes to get his ingredients in the kitchen.)

Arthur: Butter, eggs, sugar, extra dark chocolate, baking powder...

(Arthur sees that the baking powder box is empty. He runs to his dad, who is still sleeping, and wakes him up.)

Arthur: Dad! Dad!

David: What? Huh?

Arthur: D.W. used up all the baking powder yesterday! The most important ingredient in a chocolate cake, remember? This is an emergency!

David: Ah... I have baking powder in my catering supplies.

Arthur: On the shelf in the garage?

David: Yes, in a silver canister marked "baking powder." Be sure not to take the canister marked "baking soda."

(Arthur goes to the shelf. There are canisters marked "SALT," "-ORNSTA-," "BAKING-," and "SUG-." Arthur takes the one labeled "BAKING." It is revealed that the canister is actually "BAKING SODA," instead of "BAKING POWDER." Arthur does not notice and mixes his batter anyways. The Brain picks a raspberry and puts it in the middle of his tart. Muffy writes her initials on her quiche using a green spice. We see Sue Ellen in a costume. Cut back to Arthur, who is holding a pan of brown cooked batter.)

Arthur: Oh no! It's... flat.

(We get a close-up of Arthur's mouth as he screams. Cut to Arthur and Buster walking to school.)

Buster: Well, don't feel that bad, Arthur. I mean, look at my frozen fruit pop entry!

(Buster takes out a fruit pop, which is melting.)

Buster: It's melting!

Arthur: At least you have an entry.

Muffy: Hurry up! Ming is already here! He's really nice, you guys. Even though he's famous, he's friendly!

Arthur: I wonder if he's friendly to kids whose cooking creations are a total flop.

(A shot of inside the school is shown. Everyone's food is being judged.)

Sue Ellen: And if you refer to fact 10-b on your information card, you'll see that the spoon you are using was chiseled by hand by an old woman from the Minangkabau tribe.

Ming Tsai: What a thorough presentation this is! And the water buffalo stew...

Sue Ellen: Randang.

Ming: Yes, randang. It's delicious!

(Ming takes a bite out of Brain's berry tart. We hear knocking on the door, and it is revealed to be Arthur's dad.)

David: Wait! The contest must be stopped! Wait!

Arthur: Dad, how many times do I have to tell you? This is a kids' contest!

(Arthur's dad walks in holding Arthur's pan of batter.)

David: Arthur, you made a fantastic batch of brownies!

Arthur and Buster: Brownies?

David: Mr. Tsai, I...

Ming: Call me "Ming," please. So, it looks like you made some wonderful brownies, Arthur.

Arthur: I did?

David: Uh, Ming... heh... My son was aiming to bake a cake, but by accident he used baking soda instead of baking powder, and...

Arthur: That's why they were so flat? I just thought I'd made a huge mistake, so I didn't even bring them in.

Ming: Well, your mistake looks pretty good to me. Let me tell you that some of the best recipes started out as mistakes.

(Ming's story is shown on screen. A cook puts dumplings in a pot.)

Ming: A long, long time ago in ancient China, the emperor's cook was preparing a dinner of dumplings, but he made a mistake. He didn't watch the pot, and all the water boiled off.

Cook: Augh!

Boy: What is it, father?

Cook: These dumplings. They're stuck to the bottom of the pot!

Boy: The emperor is ready to eat now. Quick, I'll put the dumplings on a plate for him.

Cook: But I will be severely punished when he sees my terrible mistake!

Emperor: These dumplings are shriveled and brown.

Boy: Your majesty, may I present you with a new recipe from the kitchen? They're called... pot stickers!

Emperor: Mmm... Delicious! From now on, I declare that all my dumplings shall be pot stickers!

(Fade out to the school.)

Ming: That's how pot stickers were invented - from a mistake.

Arthur: Except the emperor thought the pot stickers were delicious.

Ming: And so are your brownies! Delicious!

Sue Ellen: So, Ming, who's the winner?

Ming: Well, Sue Ellen, the grand prize winner is... me.

Buster: Hey!

Sue Ellen: Hey!

Muffy: That's not fair!

Ming: Do you know why I'm the winner? Because I get to eat all this wonderful food you all worked so hard to prepare! Want to be winners, too?

Arthur: Yeah!

Sue Ellen: Oh, yes!

Ming: Dig in!

(Everyone takes some of Arthur's brownies. A caption reading, "Special Thanks to Ming Tsai" appears at the bottom of the screen.)

(The episode ends.)