Arthur's Almost Live Not Real Music Festival/Transcript

D.W. Read: What's that noise?

Jane Read: D.W.!

(D.W. walks up to Jane)

Both: What's that noise?

D.W.: Oh, I bet I know what it is.

(D.W. goes up to Pal and listens)

D.W.: No. Rats, I was sure it was the dog's stomach.

(Pal whimpers. D.W. walks down the stairs to the basement)

D.W.: Mom, it's in the basement!

(Buster and Arthur have a cardboard studio set up. Buster is beatboxing with his mouth)

D.W.: What are you guys doing?

Arthur: Shh! It's our new music show!

Buster: I'm a video, and I'm almost over!

Arthur: That was Buster Jam with "Hey, what's for dinner?" Our next video...

D.W.: Hold it, hold it. That wasn't real music. He was just going (beatboxing) with his mouth! And that doesn't look like a TV! And this camera's not on!

Arthur: That's Dad's old camera, it doesn't work!

D.W.: So why are you doing this?

Arthur: Why shouldn't we?

D.W.: Because it's not real!

Buster: What's so great about being real?

Arthur: You can like something even though it's not real, D.W.! Try it. You just close your eyes and pretend, and you can see cool videos!

D.W.: If this is a trick, I'm telling.

Arthur: No trick. Here they come! Our big music videos!

(Title card)

Binky: (V.O.) Arthur's Almost Live Not Real Music Festival.

(Buster roars. Arthur laughs.)

(Library Card starts.)

Everyone: Having fun isn't hard, when you've got a library card! Having fun isn't hard, when you've got a library card!

Ms. Turner: Come on inside, we've got everything you need. There's plenty to do, or you can just sit and read.

Muffy: This book explains how to make paper planes.

Arthur: This contour map can show you mountain range terrains.

Brain: Fly to the moon, explore the ocean floor.

Buster: Find out which one's the tiller and which one is the oar.

Fern: Here's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Half Magic.

Timmy: Hop on Pop.

Tommy: And Fox in Socks.

George: And books on doing card tricks!

Everyone: Ooooooh! Having fun isn't hard, when you've got a library card!

Ms. Turner: That's right!

Everyone: Having fun isn't hard, when you've got a library card!

Francine: Books on baseball, hockey and soccer

Mr. Ratburn: And even how to build yourself a cool doorknocker.

Arthur: I could stay in this place for hours and hours.

Binky: I like books with pictures of lots of pretty flowers... Being crushed by a giant pterodactyl.

Arthur: Jules Verne, HG Wells, and Ray Bradbury.

Francine: You can take 'em home so you don't have to read 'em in a hurry.

Everyone: Having fun isn't hard, when you've got a library card! Having fun isn't hard, when you've got a library card! Having fun!

(Library Card ends. Jekyll Hyde starts.)

Brain: One day I went to the library

I found this book, it was great!

It was so cool I couldn't put it down

Even when it got pretty late!

That night I had a scary dream

I mixed my own secret potion

I added dirt, a bit of sludge, some eyes of flies

And a tiny dab of suntan lotion

I started shaking,

My legs were quaking,

My stomach aching,

My brain was breaking!

I started turning green;

Feeling mean;

It was like

In the story;

I was acting strange;

Quite deranged;

It was pure

Allegory!

"Allegory: a story where the characters stand for abstract ideas. For example, good and evil."

'Cause I was

Jekyll, Jekyll, Hyde, Jekyll, Hyde, Hyde, Jekyll

Jekyll, Jekyll, Hyde, Jekyll, Hyde!

Jekyll, Jekyll, Hyde, Jekyll, Hyde, Hyde, Jekyll

Jekyll, Jekyll, Hyde, Jekyll, Hyde!

When I awoke, I was me again

I hid the book out of sight

It was so cool I couldn't keep away

So I took it out again that night

And then I dreamed we had this test in school

I gotta say it was weird.

We had to give the answers in semaphore

And for extra credit, grow a beard

I couldn't take it,

Just couldn't take it

In one swift motion,

I grabbed my potion! (Background laugh)

I said: "Mr. Hyde

Has arrived!"

Tossed my flags on the floor;

Made a major speech;

To the teach':

"This is all a big bore!"!

I ran down all the halls,

Wrote on walls;

Even stole second base;

I was super bad;

Sure was glad

I wasn't wearing my face!

Cause I was

Jekyll, Jekyll, Hyde, Jekyll, Hyde, Hyde, Jekyll

Jekyll, Jekyll, Hyde, Jekyll, Hyde!

Jekyll, Jekyll, Hyde, Jekyll, Hyde, Hyde, Jekyll

Jekyll, Jekyll, Hyde, Jekyll, Hyde!

This was too much, I simply had to stop!

I threw that potion away! (Potion away)

But it didn't matter if I drank the stuff;

I just kept on changing anyway! (Changing anyway)

Now I was

Jekyll, Jekyll, Hyde, Jekyll, Hyde, Hyde, Jekyll

Jekyll, Jekyll, Hyde, Jekyll, Hyde!

(Background laugh)

Jekyll, Jekyll, Hyde, Jekyll, Hyde, Hyde, Jekyll

Jekyll, Jekyll, Hyde, Jekyll, Hyde!

Just when it seemed there was no way out

I saw the book was overdue

The book lady said: “Are you returning?”;

I thought and I said: “No—RENEW!"

(Background laugh)

(Jekyll Hyde ends. Leftovers Goulash starts.)

Arthur:

My dad's a chef

You think that's great?

Just try to guess

What's on your plate

He mixes things

And then he bakes

Why can't he stick

To chocolate cakes?

I want some ice cream

Chocolate would be good

Ice cream that tastes...

Just like it should!

Not broccoli

Turkey or a lima bean

It's got to taste like ice cream!

David: You have to try

My latest treat

A jellied fish

Inside a beet

Arthur and D.W.: Yuck!

David: Why should we eat

The same old meals?

Wait 'til you taste

My garlic eels

There are so many things to make

A custard soup, a liver cake

A curry pie, with prunes and squash

How 'bout Leftovers Goulash?

Hey!

D.W.: Nothing brown

And nothing soupy

Nothing slippery

And nothing gloopy

Nothing mashed

And nothing steamed

And nothing runny with eyes or feet

That smells or wiggles when you touch it

or with crusts

and nothing creamed!

This smells like fish!

I can't stand fish!

I can't believe this cookie

Smells like fish!

(Arthur: Ice cream!)

It tastes like fish! (Arthur: Ice cream!)

Like chocolate fish! (Arthur: Ice cream!)

Why would anybody eat a cookie fish?

David: There are so many things to make

D.W.: It tastes like fish!

Arthur: I want some ice cream!

David: A custard soup, a liver cake

D.W.: I can't stand fish!

Arthur: I want some ice cream!

David: A curry pie, with prunes and squash

D.W.: I can't believe this cookie smells!

Arthur: Not broccoli, not turkey!

David: How 'bout Leftovers Goulash?

Arthur: It's got to taste like ice cream! Hey!

Arthur and D.W.: Hey!

David: Take a pot

And add a lot

Of codfish mash

And kidney hash!

Let's add some snails

And catfish tails,

Some brains and feet

Can't wait to eat!

A sloppy scoop

Of runny gloop

A squid on toast

A rhubarb roast

Some tofu stew

With extra goo

Leftover squash

It's called goulash!

Hey!

Arthur and D.W.: We're not hungry anymore! Hey!

(Leftovers Goulash ends. Homework starts.)

Mr. Ratburn: Class, you really worked hard today. (Buster: You can say that again!)

Okay!

Class, you really worked hard today.

Now that the school day is through.

I've got something special for you. (Buster: I hope it's ice cream!)

Just a little homework, tonight!

Just a little homework, tonight!

Just a little homework, tonight!

Just a little homework, tonight!

Read 19 chapters of history.

List 63 adverbs alphabetically! Neatness counts!

Chart the journey that Balboa took

Do the first thousand problems in your new math book...

Just a little homework, tonight! (Buster: That's a lot of homework!)

Just a little homework, tonight!

Just a little homework, tonight!

Just a little homework, tonight!

Buster, pay attention!

Buster: Why, i, i, i...

Mr. Ratburn: There's a quiz tomorrow!

Buster: I think I'm going to die-i-i-i...

Mr. Ratburn: Just a little homework tonight...

Just a little homework tonight...

Just a little homework tonight...

(Homework ends. Library Card Reprise starts)

Everyone: Having fun isn't hard,

When you've got a library card.

Having fun isn't hard,

When you've got a library card.

Prunella: Paintings by Leonardo,

Rembrandt and Picasso.

Mr. Haney: Confidentially, I'm reading...

Everyone: ..."Go, Dog, Go"!

Buster: There's The Giving Tree and Jumanji

And Where the Wild Things Are.

D.W.: And a book on why you shouldn't

Keep your brother in a jar.

Arthur: Let me out!

All the thoughts and dreams of people

Throughout history

And all you need's this little card

To borrow 'em for free!

Everyone: Yeah!

Having fun isn't hard,

When you've got a library card.

Having fun isn't hard,

When you've got a library card.

D.W.: There's story time

And lessons on how to use computers,

But there can't be any classes

On how to make me cuter.

Francine: Puppet shows and movies,

The cool things never end.

Ms. Turner: And don't forget,

The Dewey Decimal System is your friend.

D.W.: Who's Dewey?

Everyone: And don't forget,

The Dewey Decimal System is your friend.

D.W.: Who's Dewey?

Everyone: 1! 2! 3!

Having fun isn't hard,

When you've got a library card.

D.W.: Who's Dewey?

Everyone: Having fun isn't hard,

When you've got a library card.

Having fun isn't hard,

When you've got a library card.

D.W.: Who's Dewey?

Everyone: Having fun isn't hard,

When you've got a library card.

Having fun!

D.W.: Who is Dewey?!?

(Library Card Reprise ends.)

Arthur and Buster: Ta-da!

Arthur: So, what did you think?

Buster: Pretty good for just two guys in a cardboard TV, huh?

D.W.: It was okay for the basement, but it would never work on real TV. By the way, who's Dewey?

(Episode ends)