Brain Freeze/Transcript

Introduction
''In the Powers’ ice-cream shop, Buster shows Brain, Francine Arthur and Muffy a flyer for a shop named Yumbobo. Prunella and Marina sit behind them at a table.''

Buster: Hey, check it out - another ice cream shop opened up down the block.

Francine: "Yumbobo, the new way to say delicious."

Arthur: What language is that?

Brain: No language that I know of. It's probably just a made-up word to catch your attention.

Muffy: Ooh, they have something called a gelatinator. "Our patented ice cream dispenser guarantees that every scoop is super cold."

Brain gives Marina her change.

Brain: All ice-cream is cold - that's why it's called ice-cream.

Buster: (gasps) Oh, they have edible waffle holders. That sounds delicious.

Brain: It is. But here, we call it a cone. He holds up an empty cone. Guys, I can't believe you're falling for all these cheap marketing gimmicks.

Muffy: We're not falling for anything. It's just nice to see some creative advertising.

Francine: Yeah, give us some credit, Brain.

Arthur: We're your most loyal customers.

''Brain smiles. Binky bursts into the shop.''

Binky : Hey, there's a giant blue penguin outside Yumbobo giving away free samples.

Francine: No way!

Arthur: What?

Francine: I've got to see this!

''The kids run out. Brain remains behind the counter.''

Brain: I give away free samples all the time.

Title Card: Mrs. Powers cleans windows
''A man in a penguin costume dances outside of Yumbobo with a tray of free samples. Several third-graders and some grown-ups stand in a queue. The penguin does a pirouette and presents the tray to Buster. Brain stands in his shop’s door and looks first annoyed, then sad.''

***

''A while later, the penguin does a pirouette for James and Molly. Brain joins them.''

''Eventually it is Brain’s turn. The penguin balances the tray on his hind leg and Brain notices that it has a corkscrew tail.''

Puk-Puk: (giggles)

Brain: A tail? Not only are you blue, you're also anatomically incorrect.

He takes a sample.

Puk-Puk: (giggles)

Brain tries the sample and shrugs.

***

A young woman in a futuristic suit stands inside Yumbobo.

Mustardseed: Welcome, 62nd customer. Yay! She claps her hands. I'm Mustardseed, your Yumbobo guide. Are you familiar with our ordering process?

Brain: Er, no, this is my first time.

Mustardseed: Yay!

Brain looks at the different varieties on display.

Brain: Could I have a scoop of vanilla and...

Mustardseed: Oh, sorry, we don't have vanilla but we do have “Tahitian Trance”.

Brain: (sighs) Okay, I'll take one of those.

Mustardseed addresses a man behind the counter.

Mustardseed: One Tahitian Trance, Mr. Elderberry.

''He starts a complex and colorful machine which squeezes some ice-cream into a small waffle cup. Brain tries it.''

Brain: This is vanilla.

The man takes a receipt out of the machine and hands it to Mustardseed.

Mustardseed: Um, no. It's Tahitian Trance. See? It says so right here.

Brain: You can call it whatever you like, it's still vanilla.

Mustardseed: (rough voice) Puk-Puk?

The penguin comes in.

Mustardseed: (sweet voice) Can you give our 62nd customer his Yumbobo Club card and escort him to the register?

The penguin pushes Brain towards the register.

Puk-Puk: (giggles)

Brain: It's vanilla! I can prove it.

Mustardseed: Another satisfied customer. Yay!

She claps her hands smiling, then gets angry.

***

''In his room, Brain takes a small sample of Tahitian Trance and puts it in one of several test tubes. Eventually he puts some on a slide and examines it under a microscope.''

Brain: Aha, I knew it.

***

Later, Buster looks through Brain’s microscope.

Brain: Ergo, there's virtually no difference between their Tahitian Trance and my vanilla ice cream, except the former costs 15% more. I also took samples of other flavors. Exocolato Intrigue - chocolate. Wimbledon Wonder...

Buster: Strawberry?

Brain: Exactly. Yumbobo isn't a new word for "delicious", it's a new word for "rip-off".

Buster: Those mountebanks are hoodwinking us with flim-flammery! (chuckles) Still, you've got to love that Puk-Puk. Did you see his itty-bitty tail?

Brain: Buster, this is serious. If our shop doesn't get more customers we could go out of business.

Buster: Hmm... I've got it.

Brain: Yes?

Buster: Why don't you make a machine that keeps your ice-cream super-cold and dress up in a penguin suit?

Brain: Never! I'm not going to stoop to their silly gimmicks. But… I guess I could add in a few incentives.

Buster: Like a free sundae for your last remaining customer?

Brain: No, something much, much better.

***

Francine and Muffy look at a sign outside the Powers’ ice-cream shop.

Francine: “Get to know your ice-cream. Free chemical analysis with every purchase.”

Brain looks out of the shop.

Brain: Hey, interested in the special offer? Come on in.

The girls smile.

***

While the girls eat their ice-creams at a table, Brain explains the chemistry of ice-cream using a molecule model.

Brain: Then, with the aid of locust bean gum, the milk fats combine with glucose solids and that, in short, is why our ice cream is so delicious.

Francine: I think it tasted better when I didn't know so much about it.

Muffy: Brain, you've got it all wrong. You're not selling ice-cream.

Brain: I'm not?

Muffy: No, you're selling an experience. You've got to tell people a story with your product.

Brain: We bought ingredients, we made ice-cream, now we're selling it. It's not that exciting.

Muffy: That's where we can help. It's my new ad company.

She hands him a card.

Brain: “Crosswire Creative Solutions”.

Muffy: Stop by our offices tomorrow and we'll walk you through campaign ideas.

***

''When Brain visits Muffy at home, she shows him a presentation on her laptop. It features sepia-toned pictures of people looking like the Powers family.''

Muffy: The year is 1905. Every morning, Great Grandaddy Brain drives the milk wagon to the ice cream shop. Then, Grandmammy Brain adds her secret spices to the ice-cream. And finally, sweet Billy-Joe Brain, your grandfather, tastes the ice cream. If it's not perfect they will start all over again. But this time, it is perfect. This time, it tastes like home.

The last picture shows a boy tasting ice-cream on a wooden porch.

Brain: Stop! I've heard enough. We've only had the ice-cream shop for four years. And my grandfather's name was Alan.

Muffy: But the name Alan didn't test well.

Brain: I don't care. I'm not going to lie about my family's history.

Muffy: You haven't even seen our theme park idea yet.

***

''Brain returns to his parents’ shop where his mother is cleaning the windows. In front of Yumbobo, the penguin juggles while riding a tricycle. A crowd of people watches.''

Puk-Puk: (giggles)

''Brain looks at his mother. In his imagination, there is an ‘Out of Business’ sign on the window. Mrs. Powers looks worn.''

Brain: What are we going to do now?

Mrs. Powers: Don't worry, Alan, we'll get by. I was offered a new job today.

Brain: Doing what?

Mrs. Powers: Em, I'd rather not talk about it.

Brain: Mrs. Powers cleans the floor in the back of Yumbobo.

Mustardseed greets Cheikh at the door.

Mustardseed: Welcome, 898th customer. Yay!!!!

Mrs. Powers: Yay!!

Mustardseed: I only heard two exclamation points after that "yay". Next time, I'd better hear at least four or you'll be cleaning Puk-puk's cage.

The penguin sits in a glass cage and pours ice-cream over himself.

Puk-Puk: (giggles)

Mustardseed: Are we clear, Buttercup?

''She walks off. Mrs. Powers bows her head.''

The fantasy ends.

***

That evening, Brain shakes money out of his piggy bank.

***

The next day, he walks into Jack’s Joke Shop.

***

Brain puts on a polar bear costume and walks in front of the mirror in his room.

Brain: (sighs)

***

Later, Brain stands outside the ice-cream shop wearing the polar bear costume and holding a tray with samples.

Brain: Get your samples here! Try out our all-natural home-made ice cream.

Binky: What's with the get-up?

Brain: I'm trying to attract some new customers.

Binky: The only thing you're going to attract are flies. You smell like a wet dog.

Brain: Thanks. Want a free sample? I call it Plantain Passion.

Binky: Mmmm! I call it banana. Not bad, though. Thanks.

He takes all of the samples and leaves.

Brain: Hey! one per customer.

Lucy's mother comes by with her daughter.

Brain: Oh, hi. I'm Ursus maritimus, your friendly neighborhood polar bear. Yuk yuk yuk yuk. I'm all out of free samples, but if you want to come inside...

A bee flies into his costume.

Brain: (yells) Get out of there. (Yells)

Lucy: Mommy, Mommy, it's a crazy talking polar bear! (cries)

She and her mom runs away.

Brain: Help! It's in my foot. (Screams)

''He falls backwards and looses one bear foot. The bee flies away. Buster looks down at Brain.''

Buster: Hey. Great polar bear suit. But you shouldn't lie on the sidewalk in it. They cost a fortune to clean.

***

Inside the ice-cream shop, Brain puts the costume in a box.

Brain: I hope I can get a refund. I spent my entire allowance on this costume.

Buster: I thought you said you'd never stoop to Yumbobo's silly gimmicks.

Brain: I know, but I had to try something. My mom says competition is good, but I don't think she knows what we're up against.

He sees a queue in front of Yumbobo.

Brain: Well, you still have this customer.

Brain: Thanks, Buster.

Buster: And your customer would like some ice-cream.

Brain: Oh, just help yourself.

Buster looks at the ice-cream tubs, then picks up two spoons.

Buster: Hey, have you tried juggling your ice cream?

Brain: No!

Buster: That'd be entertaining.

He tries to juggle and both scoops of ice-cream land on the counter.

Buster: Or not. Heh. Don't worry, I'm still covered by the five-second rule.

He eats a spoonful of the spilled ice-cream.

Buster: Mmm. Ah… That's the best thing I've ever tasted!

Brain: Really? What flavors did you mix?

Buster: Um, I think it was pistachio and coffee? (gasps) I've just created Coffachio!

Brain tries some with his finger.

Brain: Nutty, mellow, but with a sardonic kick. It is good. Buster, you've just given me a great idea.

Buster: I know, let's start juggling.

Brain: No, no, we don't need to juggle. In fact, we don't need to do anything.

***

''A few days later, Puk-Puk stands outside Yumbobo and plays with his cellphone. Mustardseed and Elderberry are inside looking bored. There are no customers.''

''Instead, there is a queue in front of the Powers’ ice-cream shop, which is already full of people. Brain and Buster have set up several tubs of ice-cream. On the wall is a sign ‘Brain’s Blending Lab’. Brain talks to Lucy.''

Brain: Once you've paid for your cup, you can mix any ice cream you want and create your own flavor. Write down what you put in, give it a name, and we'll put it up here so other kids can try too.

Buster: I highly recommend the Coffachio.

Mustardseed and Elderberry come in wearing trench coats, hats and long, fake beards.

Brain: Hi, welcome to our ice-cream shop. Want to make your own flavor with our new blending lab?

Mustardseed: (deep voice) Yes, two, please.

Her beard slides down.

Mustardseed: (gasps)

Brain: I knew you'd be here sooner or later. Yay!

He claps his hands.

They groan.