Brother, Can You Spare a Clarinet?/Transcript

(Binky rings the doorbell) 

Arthur Read: Binky?

Binky: Hi, Arthur. I brought something for you.

Arthur: A present? But my birthday's not for 7 more months.

Binky: I know. I just wanted to pay you back for being such a good friend. What do you think of the wrapping paper? I decorated it myself.

Arthur: It's, uh, great. Well, thanks.

Binky: Sure enough. Enjoy!

(He leaves)

Arthur: Sometimes I just can't figure Binky out. It's like he's two different people: Bully Binky and uh, that other guy. ("That other guy" is actually a big softy) I think I like the other guy best. (he opens the present and gets hit in the face with a pie)

Binky: (laughs) What a doofus. (Arthur starts to tear the paper) Uh, uh, oh. Be careful with that wrapping paper. I'd recycle it.

(Title Card)

Brother, Can You Spare a Clarinet?

                     Written by: Dietrich Smith --- Storyboard by: Stefanie Gignac and Jeremy O'Neill

Muffy Crosswire: Brother, Can You Spare a Clarinet?

(Bubble pops)

(We now return to the story; Arthur's band class is playing Mozart's Clarinet Concerto. Binky's clarinet starts making squeaking noises as they come to a close.)

Ms. Krasny: Very nice, class. And very nice playing, Binky. (Binky's not impressed) Which gives extra pleased to announce that the Young Person's Orchestra is holding tryouts next weekend. That means one of you could spend a year in playing in one of the best youth orchestras around.

(Everyone starts whispering at how exciting this would be. Binky, thinking everyone's whispering about him, wheels around at them)

Binky: What?!

(Transition to outside the school)

Francine: I'm gonna play a Sousa March.

Buster: Me too. I'm gonna play "76 Tubas"

Francine: That song is not a Sousa March and it's called, "76 Trombones".

Buster: Then I'll adapt it.

Arthur: (seeing Binky exiting) Hey, Binky, what piece are you gonna play?

Binky: (not looking at them) Nothing. I'm not trying out.

(Arthur, Francine, and Buster all try say he's the best musician in the class until Binky growls at them. They quickly say he's bad.)

Francine: Geez. What's wrong with him?

(Fade to Binky playing, Edison M. Guzman's "La Donna e Mobile" to test out his clarinet, just before going to bed. It once again, squeaks)

Binky: (angrily throws his clarinet to the ground) Music stinks!

(Binky turns off his lamp. Fade to the next day where Muffy presents a violin from her case)

Muffy: It's called a stradivarius. It's the finest violin there is and it costs daddy more than all of your instruments put together. If you ever want to make it into the Big Leagues, the proper instrument is a must.

(Buster hits the strings)

Buster: So is being able to play it.

(One of Muffy's security guards grabs Buster by the shoulder; Buster gasps)

Ms. Krasny: Muffy, you know private security guards are not allowed in class.

Muffy: Yes, Ms. Krasny. As long as the school is willing to pay my daddy the cost of the Stradivarius if it's stolen.

Ms. Krasny: Muffy!

Muffy: (signal snaps to her guards) Check the perimeter.

(The guards leave the classroom as everyone returns to their seats)

Ms. Krasney: Okay, let's begin with the Mozart Clarinet Concerto.

(The band class attempts to play Mozart's Clarinet Concerto. Everyone notices that Binky does not have his clarinet as he's confidently sitting there with his arms crossed and eyes closed. The band stops to look twice as they continue playing each time)

Ms. Krasny: Binky, it's not a clarinet concerto if nobody plays during the clarinet passages.

Binky: (humorously) Guess you'd better find somebody to do that then, lady.

(Everyone gasps. Transition to Binky in Mr. Haney's office. Mr. Haney holds a sheet of paper saying: "List of Offenses": 1) Binky refuses to play in class, 2) Binky does not bring his clarinet to class, 3) Binky talks back at class; Signed, Ms. Krasny)

Mr. Haney: Well, young man, this is quite an episode of misbehavior.

Binky: It's a start.

Mr. Haney: Pardon me?

Binky (begins pacing the room): Who am I, Mr. Haney?

Mr. Haney: Well, um. I'm not sure actually. (starts looking through the student files) There are so many students here.

Binky: I'll tell you who I am: A doofus!

Mr. Haney: (not listening) No. There is no "Doofus" in this school. I do know that much.

Binky: (starts looking out the window at the kids at recess) I use to be a rebel. The dude who owned recess. But now, I'm just a sore wimp who plays a clarinet. It's time to say, "So long, wimp. Hello, Binky." And I mean, The Real Binky!

Mr. Haney: Well, there you go. You're Binky. Now that we've straighten that out ---

Binky: (starts stomping out of the room and closes the door) See you in detention, Mr. Haney!

Mr. Haney: That's right, young man. Detention! Harsh, I know.

Binky: (suddenly comes back in) I'm sorry. But this was driving me crazy.

(Binky fixes the flowers in the flower vase, much to Mr. Haney's surprise. Transition to Binky throwing the school doors open with both arms and walks outside toward the playground, growling at the kids. He starts walking toward Molly, Rattles and Slink.)

Molly: Hey, guys. Do you hear what I hear?

Rattles: Binky's back.

(Transition to Binky sitting with the Tough Customers on the playground set.)

Molly: We've missed you, Binky.

Rattles: Yeah, it seems like ages since we pulled somebody else's pants down.

Binky: Later with the pants, Rattles. We got bigger things galoshes to fry. I got a plan that bullies will be talking about for the next millenium.

(Molly, Rattles and Slink, lean in eagerly)

All three: What?

Binky: (solemnly) Let's just say, "Silence is Golden".

(Transition to Brain taking is his cello out of his locker. Molly walks up to him)

Molly: Just a second there, buddy. The boss says your instrument needs some refinishing done.

Brain: My cello was just fine, thank you.

(Binky growls at Brain. Brain gulps. Molly takes the cello to a room.)

Binky: Thanks, Brain.

(Binky growls at Buster to give them his tuba. Buster does so nervously.)

Arthur: What's going on?

Brain: (seeing Rattles carrying Francine's drum set) They seem to be taking everybody's instruments.

(A talking alarm blares saying, "Step away from the Stradivarius!". Slink has tried to take Muffy's violin.)

Molly: (gives Brain his cello back) Here. It's refinished.

(Transition to the band classroom where Ms. Krasny is noticing everyone's instruments has been sabotaged (except for Muffy's) as the music sounds terrible. Binky's silently snickering)

Ms. Krasny: Stop! Stop! What's going on here?

(Every student is surprised at what has happened to their instruments: Brain's cello has elastic bands for strings, Francine's drum set is wrapped with newspapers, Sue Ellen's saxophone is covered in grease, Arthur's piano keys have been taped together, Buster's tuba has flowers in the bell.)

Binky: (playing dumb) I don't know, Ms. Krasny. Somebody's been taking our instruments and refinishing them.

Ms. Krasny: Who?

Buster: (looking at Binky, who glares at him) It was... um... I-I don't know! They were just like that when we got them out of our lockers.

(Fade to Arthur, Buster and Brain walking through town with their instruments)

Arthur: "Silence is Golden"?

Buster: That's what Rattles said. It's Binky's evil scheme to wipe out music. And you know what he said, "Today, Elwood City. Tomorrow, the world!" The World!

Brain: It is scientifically impossible for a nine-year-old to end music around the world.

Buster: But Binky has three other nine-year-olds to help him. Oh, could you hold on a sec. (Starts watering the flowers in his tuba with a water fountain. Hears clarinet music) Reminds me of the way Binky used to play.

Arthur: I think that is Binky.

(It is! Binky is trying out a clarinet at a music store with his parents and the music store owner watching him.)

Binky: See, isn't it great? Can we get it, mom? Can we, dad?

(Binky's dad looks at the price of the clarinet)

Binky's Dad: I'm sorry, Binky, but a thousand dollars is just too much for us now. This old one will have to do for a while.

Binky: But it stinks, dad! Listen!

(Binky plays his clarinet which starts making squeaking noises twice, which causes the music store owner to squirm)

Binky's Dad: I wish we could afford it, but we just can't!

(Binky and his family leave the music store)

Binky: (angrily throwing his clarinet in a trash can) No real musician would be caught dead with this thing!

(Arthur, Buster, and Brain watch Binky and his family leave and walk toward the clarinet in the trash can)

Arthur: So that's why he's acting like a bully. He doesn't hate music. He just hates his stinky old clarinet.

Brain: I've got an idea.

(Transition to a Bionic Bunny episode where a villain and his henchmen are outside a building next to a ventilation shaft)

Villain: (as he puts in ear plugs) On my signal turn on the Anti-Bionic Machine and Bionic Bunny will be just Bunny! (laughs evilly)

(The henchmen activate the machine as waves flow through the vent toward Bionic Bunny's room, where he's watching TV):

Bionic Bunny: (watching his muscles fade) Oh, no! It's an Anti-Bionic Sound Wave. Bionic... Powers... Fading

(It's revealed Binky's watching it at his house taking notes)

Binky: Bingo.

(Transition to Arthur, Buster, and Brain ringing the doorbell at Binky's house with Arthur holding a present. Binky answers)

Arthur: Hi Binky. I brought something for you.

Binky: Why? My birthday's next month.

Buster: We just wanted to pay you back for being such a good friend.

(Binky opens the present to see... his clarinet!)

Binky: (gasps and seizes the clarinet) Hey! What are you doing with this?!

Arthur: (nodding toward Brain) Brain fixed it.

(Binky plays his clarinet to test it, and it sounds really well)

Binky: (happily) That sounds great!

(Binky continues playing. Arthur gives Brain a thumbs up when... the clarinet starts making squeaking noises again! Arthur, Buster, and Brain react with shock as a paper clip and a piece of chewing gum fly out of the clarinet.)

Binky: (angrily) You're just gooning me! It's worse than before! Now buzz off, I've got an evil scheme to plan!

(Binky walks inside with his clarinet and slams the door on them)

Arthur and Buster: Brain!

Brain: You try fixing a clarinet with paper clips and chewing gum!