Ladonna Compson: Party Animal/Transcript

Introduction
Ladonna juggles two apples in front of her house.

Ladonna: Today's show is all about having fun and how, sometimes, when you're trying to have fun...

Muffy comes.

Muffy: Ladonna! Bailey's taking me to the mall to buy Halloween costumes before anyone else. You can be a clown! Come on!

A third apple appears.

Ladonna: Uh, Okay. Just let me finish...

Francine comes.

Francine: Ladonna! The Grebes are in the play offs and I've got two tickets.

A fourth apple appears.

Ladonna: Great! Popcorn's on me. I just got to...

Arthur comes.

Arthur: Ladonna, I thought you were going to teach me how to juggle.

A fifth apple appears.

Ladonna: Sure! No time like the present!

Bud comes with Rapty.

Bud: What are you doing? You don't know how to juggle.

Ladonna: Whoa…

Francine: Hey!

Muffy: Ow!

Arthur: Watch it!

Ladonna: Why'd you have to go and point that out?

Bud picks up an apple.

Bud: I was hungry.

He bites into the apple and leaves.

Ladonna: Like I was saying, sometimes, when you're trying to have fun, you bite off more than you can chew...

An apple falls on her head.

Title Card: Ladonna carries an apple basket
''Ladonna and Fern stand in the park holding books. A red leaf falls on Ladonna’s foot and she picks it up.''

Ladonna: Wow! We've got fall in Louisiana but it's nothing like this.

Fern: It's my favorite time of year. I like to save a few really beautiful leaves for my scrapbook.

She puts a yellow leaf in her book.

Ladonna: That's a great idea! Mind if I copy it?

Fern: Be my guest. Hey, you know what's really fun? The Saturday autumn craft class. You get to make gourd people. Wanna come?

Ladonna: Gourd people?

''In her fantasy, Ladonna stands in a laboratory out of a Frankenstein movie. She pulls a lever and electric sparks hit a monster with a gourd for a hat and a lightbulb for a nose. It sits up.''

Monster: (grumbles) Mommy!

Ladonna: It's alive!

She hugs the monster.

The fantasy ends.

Ladonna: Count me in!

***

On Friday, Ladonna closes her locker at school when Muffy and Francine join her.

Muffy: Hi, Ladonna. Do you have any plans tomorrow?

Ladonna: Well, I...

Muffy: Great! You're coming apple picking with us!

Francine: It's the most fun fall thing to do. That and the harvest hay ride on Sunday. You'll do both, right?

Ladonna: Sure!

Muffy: Last year we picked four baskets. This year, I'm hoping to increase our yield by 50%.

Ladonna: No sweat! I'll warm up my picking arms!

She does arm exercises.

***

Ladonna leaves the school and is approached by Binky.

Binky: Do you like puppies?

Ladonna: Um, well, yeah. Who doesn't?

Binky: Then it's your lucky day! You get to volunteer for the Rake 'n' Bake fundraiser tomorrow. He hands her a flyer. We raise money for the animal shelter.

Ladonna: Okay. Oh, wait - I'm going apple picking with...

Binky: All right, I'll put you down for an apple pie.

He writes on a clipboard.

Ladonna: I got to bake a pie?

Binky: Well, I can't do everything. I've got my hands full organizing this event. See you at the Tibbles' house at three! Don't be late!

He waves and leaves.

***

That night, Ladonna lies on her bed in her nightgown and makes a list.

Ladonna: Okay, I get up at seven, make the pie crust but don't bake it yet. Go to apple picking, then... She erases a line. Wait. First comes the craft class, then the apple picking.

Bud stands in the door, wearing pajamas, boots and hat and holding Rapty.

Bud: Boy, third-grade homework sure sounds hard.

Ladonna: It's not homework. I'm trying to plan out my day tomorrow.

Bud: You're doing all that? Well, that's too much! Rapty and I will make the pie for you.

Ladonna: You don't know how to make a pie.

Bud: Neither do you, but that doesn't seem to be stopping you.

Ladonna: Oh, Bud, I gotta finish this schedule. My friends have been nice enough to invite me to all these things and I'm not going to disappoint them. Now, go to bed.

She gently pushes Bud out of the room and closes the door.

Bud: She's never gonna do it all.

He makes Rapty nod and hugs him.

***

The next morning, Ladonna’s digital watch beeps at 7:02.

Ladonna: (yawns)

***

''Ladonna stands in the kitchen, still in her nightgown, and opens a cookbook. She empties a whole bag of flour into a bowl. There is a cloud of flour dust.''

Ladonna: (coughs)

Ladonna knocks over a salt carton.

Ladonna: Oh!

She dumps the spilled salt into the bowl and adds three pieces of butter.

Ladonna kneads the dough when her mother comes in.

Mrs. Compson: Ladonna Compson!

Ladonna: (gasps)

Mrs. Compson: What is going on here?

Ladonna: Just... making a pie. Her watch beeps. (gasps) I'll clean all this up, cross my heart, but right now you've got to take me to craft class.

She runs past her mother.

***

''Later, Ladonna and Fern sit at a table at the community center. The class is run by Mrs. Pariso, other students include Prunella and Carl. Fern has finished a gourd woman with a necklace and a hat.''

Ladonna: That's amazing!

Fern: Thanks. I call her Lady Campbell. What are you calling… that?

Ladonna’s gourd has limbs of rope and some pieces resembling an ear, nose and eye glued on in odd places.

Ladonna: Um... Frank. But it's not finished yet. I'm going to give him another eye, put him in a cow... Her watch beeps. Oh! I gotta!

Fern: But there's still half an hour left.

Ladonna: I know, I know, but I got to pick apples and the orchard's all the way on the other side of town.

She packs her backpack and tries to leave.

Fern: What about Frank?

Ladonna picks up the gourd.

Ladonna: Uh... I guess I'll finish him at home! Or make him into a side dish, I can't decide! Thanks! See ya!

She runs out.

***

Shortly afterwards, Mrs. Compson drops Ladonna off at Nora’s Apple Orchard.

Ladonna: Thanks, Mom! Don't worry, I'll be back by two. See ya!

''The car drives off. Muffy is supervising Bailey who stands on a ladder. Francine stands on another ladder.''

Muffy: Higher, Bailey! There's a whole bunch at the top.

Ladonna: Hey, Muffy! Sorry I'm late, we got a little lost. Here, I brought you something.

She hands Frank to Muffy.

Muffy: What is it?

Ladonna: A gourd person. His name's Frank.

Muffy: What am I supposed to do with it?

Ladonna: Uh… why don't you give it to your mom? Moms love that sort of thing. Oh, thanks, I'm starving.

She takes the apple Muffy is holding and bites into it.

Ladonna: So, where do I start?

***

Shortly afterwards, Ladonna runs around with a basket and catches apples that Bailey and Francine drop.

Ladonna: (pants)

Francine looks out of a tree.

Francine: Okay, I think this tree's finished.

''Ladonna carries a basket to Muffy who is using a calculator. Ladonna is looking tired out and she collapses backwards into a basket.''

Muffy: Isn't this fun?

Ladonna’s watch beeps.

Ladonna: (gasps) I gotta go!

Muffy: What? But we're still about 33% short of our goal!

Ladonna: I know, but I promised Binky I'd bake the Tibbles at three... I mean, I'd bake a pie and take it... Oh, never mind. I should have planned better. I'm sorry, Muffy.

Muffy: Okay, but you're going to miss the best part. We make candy apples and sell them at the hay ride. I was going to cut you in on the profits.

Ladonna: Rats. Well, save me an apple. Oh, one more thing. I kind of need a ride home. Can Bailey take me?

Muffy: (sighs)

***

''Later in the Compsons’ kitchen, Ladonna takes a pie out of the oven watched by her mother who pats her on the back. Ladonna has dough stains all over herself. Her watch beeps again.''

Ladonna: Oh, perfect. And I even have time to wash up.

***

A short while later, Ladonna returns to the kitchen in clean clothes.

Ladonna: (gasps) Bud and Rapty have eaten the crust off the pie. Bud Compson!

She chases him around the table.

Bud: I didn't do it! It's Rapty's fault. He's a “pie-nivore” dinosaur.

He hides behind the table.

Ladonna: What am I gonna do now? Binky was counting on me!

Bud: Call it apple crumble. It's going to taste the same.

***

''Later, Ladonna arrives at the Tibbles house on her bike. The topless pie lies on a basket in front of her.''

Ladonna: I'm here, Binky! And I brought my famous Compson apple crumble. A raccoon runs in front of her. Whoa! (gasps)

''The pie lands in Binky’s face. He licks it.''

Binky: Hmm, not bad! But you were supposed to bring the pie to the Sugar Bowl. That's where the raffle is. Didn't you read the brochure? And it's three-o-five. I am marking you as late, young lady!

He writes on his clipboard, then hands her a rake.

***

''A while later, Ladonna finishes making a leaf pile in the Tibbles’ garden while the Tibbles ride on a swing set. A gust of wind blows a single leaf away. Ladonna chases it through Sue Ellen’s pile.''

Ladonna: Sorry. Pardon me. Coming through! (grunts) You come back here! Oh. I'll get you! Ah. Gotcha.

''She traps the leaf with the rake. The wind blows it away again.''

Ladonna: Oh! Oof!

She lunges and catches the leaf with her hands.

Ladonna puts the leaf back on the pile and sits down beside a tree.

Ladonna: (sighs)

Arthur: Hey! Nice pile.

Ladonna: Thanks.

Arthur: You look pretty beat. Want some help?

Ladonna: No, no, it's fine. I'll do a couple more piles, then I'll call it a day.

Arthur: Okay... Well, I'll be over at the cider table if you want some help.

''He leaves. The Tibbles run through Ladonna’s pile, scattering half of it.''

Ladonna: Uh!

Ladonna pushes her bike away from the Tibble house.

***

''Later, Ladonna lies on her bed in her nightgown. There are still leaves in her hair.''

Ladonna: (snores)

''In her dream, Bailey sits on a tractor in front of a barn. Francine, Muffy, Binky and Fern sit in a trailer in the back.''

Francine: Where is she?

Muffy: This is so rude.

Fern: You think this is bad? I invited her to craft class and she left in the middle.

Binky: Well, she threw a pie at me! Although it was delicious.

Muffy: That's it! I'm tired of waiting for her. Bailey, you may proceed.

''Bailey drives off. Ladonna runs after them.''

Ladonna: Wait! Wait for me! I'm sorry! I woke up late! I got here soon as I could, but...

''The others give her angry looks as they drive away. Leaves blow around Ladonna and spin her around in a tornado. She looks dizzy.''

Ladonna: Oh...

A giant Frank the Gourd Person walks towards her.

Frank: Urgh! You...never...finished....me!

Ladonna: Oh!

Frank: (roars)

Ladonna: (screams)

***

''The dream ends. Ladonna wakes up in bed the next morning. The leaves are gone from her hair.''

Ladonna: Ah! (sighs) She looks at her watch. (gasps)

Bud sits on a chair beside the bed.

Bud: Relax! You already missed the hay ride. I went, though. It was pretty fun.

Ladonna: Why didn't you wake me?

Bud: Cause Mom said you needed to rest after yesterday.

Ladonna: Was everybody mad at me?

Bud: I don't know. Why don't you ask Arthur? He was there. And he's on the porch now.

Ladonna: (gasps)

***

''Arthur sits outside the Compsons’ house reading a book. Ladonna comes out.''

Ladonna: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I overslept and...

Arthur: What are you sorry for?

Ladonna: Because I missed the hay ride, and I didn't stay for craft class, and I didn't pick enough apples, and I ruined the pie, and I made you rake my leaves. Isn't everybody angry at me?

Arthur: No. I just came by to see if you wanted to go on a walk.

Ladonna smiles.

***

Ladonna and Arthur walk down the street.

Arthur: Don't worry about it. I bite off more than I can chew all the time. Everyone does.

Ladonna: I know, I just... I guess I just want everyone to like me.

Arthur: They do! That's why everyone invited you to their favorite fall activity. But most of all, they just want you to enjoy your first fall up here.

''He picks up a leaf. Ladonna’s watch beeps.''

Arthur: What do you have to go to now?

Ladonna: I haven't the faintest idea. But whatever it is, I'm not going. Hey, can I have that leaf? That's a great one. I'm starting a scrapbook and everything's gonna be in it, I mean, everything! Like this moment right now...