So Funny I Forgot to Laugh/Transcript

Sue Ellen's House

 * [Sue Ellen is in her bed, writing in her diary.]
 * Sue Ellen: [narrating in imagination] "Dear diary. Last week I received the most amazing package. It traveled halfway around the world, all the way from Dharamsala, India. [Tenzin packages the box] The package was sent to me by my pen pal, Tenzin Wangdu. He's Tibetan, and even though I've never met him, I think he's really cool! Inside was a sweater made by his mom of real yak wool. Yaks are a kind of shaggy cow that only lives in the Himalayas. It was so soft. I put it on right away. It was a little big, but I didn't care. It was instantly my favorite sweater. It felt magical, like I could almost feel the snow from the Himalayas around me. But a lot can change in a week. Now when I look at that sweater, I don't think of Tenzin, or the Himalayas, or the yak where the wool came from. I only think about how mean people can be."
 * [Title card]
 * 'Binky: "So Funny I Forgot to Laugh"

Lakewood Elementary School Hallway

 * [Francine runs in the front door]
 * Francine: Brrr. Man, it's cold out there.
 * [Francine walks to where Buster is standing]
 * Buster: I know! My ears are still frozen!
 * [Buster taps one of his ears]
 * [Sue Ellen walks up]
 * Sue Ellen: What you need is a pair of genuine yak wool earmuffs.
 * Buster: Where would I get those?
 * Sue Ellen: From a Tibetan pen pal, if you're lucky enough to have one. My friend Tenzin just sent me this. It's the warmest thing I've ever worn.
 * [Francine feels the sweater]
 * Francine: It's so soft, too.
 * [Arthur appears]
 * Arthur: Wow! What is that you're wearing?
 * Sue Ellen: My new sweater.
 * Buster: And it's made from a yak.
 * [Arthur puts his books in his locker]
 * Arthur: You mean yaks. They must have used a couple of them! It's pretty big on you.
 * Sue Ellen: My mom says it'll shrink when we wash it.
 * Arthur: Hey! You know what? It kind of makes you look like a big sheepdog.
 * [Francine and Buster laugh]
 * Buster: It's true! But you still need a tail.
 * Sue Ellen: Alright, so I look like a sheepdog. But at least I'm a warm and cozy sheepdog. Arroooo!
 * [Francine and Buster laugh]
 * [Arthur finishes putting his books away and notices Sue Ellen's backpack]
 * Arthur: Hey! You left your backpack behind. Bad dog!
 * [Buster laughs]
 * Buster: Good one!

Lakewood Elementary School Cafeteria
[Arthur waves at Sue Ellen]

Arthur: Hey! Over here!

[Sue Ellen smiles]

Arthur: Come here, girl! Over here!

[Sue Ellen rolls her eyes and walks forward]

Arthur: Who's a good sheep doggy? You're a good sheep doggy! Yes you are!

[Francine and Buster laugh]

[Sue Ellen sits down]

Sue Ellen: Okay, okay, you can stop now. This dog might just get angry and bite you!

Arthur: Aw, you wouldn't do that.

[Arthur pats Sue Ellen on the back]

Arthur: Sheepdogs have a very gentle nature.

[Sue Ellen grimaces]

Muffy: I thought I would never say this, but I actually think you look tres chic!

Sue Ellen: Really?

Muffy: Uh-huh! I saw Capri DiVapida wearing something just like that at a fashion show.

Arthur: Are you sure it was a fashion show and not a...dog show?

[Arthur laughs]

[Buster and Francine give Arthur blank looks]

Arthur: Okay, okay, I'll stop. I don't know why, it just cracks me up! Here. Why don't you have my...biscuit?

[Arthur laughs]

[Sue Ellen sighs]

Lakewood Elementary School Hallway
[''Sue Ellen gasps and looks at her locker. A sign hangs from the locker which reads Happy Sheepdog Appreciation Day! with a drawing of a sheepdog with Sue Ellen's head. Sue Ellen rips the poster off her locker.'']

Sue Ellen: "Happy Sheepdog Appreciation Day"?

[Sue Ellen notices Arthur's face peeking out from behind the corner]

[Sue Ellen walks up to Arthur]

[Arthur snickers to himself]

[Sue Ellen holds the sign out to Arthur]

Sue Ellen: Did you do this?

Arthur: Um, well...

[Sue Ellen glares at Arthur]

Arthur: ...it was just a joke.

Sue Ellen: Well, I don't think it's funny!

[Sue Ellen walks off]

[Arthur keeps looking at the sign and laughing]

[Binky rips the sign out of Arthur's hands]

Binky: Ha! Oh, that's great. Look, everyone! It's a picture of Fern as a goat!

Arthur: No, it isn't. It's Sue Ellen as a sheepdog!

[Binky examines the sign]

Binky: Really? That doesn't look a thing like Sue Ellen. Or a dog. You didn't even give it a tail!

[Binky pushes the sign into Arthur's chest]

Mr. Ratburn's Classroom
Mr. Ratburn: And that, in short, is how iron ore is smelted.

[Mr. Ratburn sits down]

[The bell rings]

[The students walk out]

Mr. Ratburn: Arthur? Would you stay behind, please?

Arthur: A bully? Me? I didn't bully Sue Ellen.

Mr. Ratburn: I was surprised too, Arthur. It doesn't seem like you. But when you continue to tease somebody even when they ask you to stop, that's bullying.

Arthur: But it was just a joke!

Mr. Ratburn: Maybe to you, but imagine if someone made you feel bad for what you wore. We have no tolerance for that kind of behavior here. You must treat everyone with respect.

Arthur: But!--fine. I promise not to do it again.

Mr. Ratburn: I'm glad to hear that.

[Arthur walks out of the room]

Mr. Ratburn: Arthur? We're not quite finished yet.

The Sugar Bowl
Arthur: I have to write Sue Ellen a letter apologizing for what I did. By tomorrow! And we have that history test. I'll probably fail!

[Arthur breaks a cracker]

Buster: Well, don't take it out on the crackers! It's not their fault!

Arthur: I think she should be the one apologizing to me.

Buster: How do you figure that?

Arthur: She didn't have to go to Mr. Ratburn! She could just tell me to stop!

Buster: She did tell you to stop. I was there!

Arthur: But I didn't think she meant it! Come on. She was being oversensitive, right?

Buster: I don't know. Sue Ellen's never seemed oversensitive to me. I'm the oversensitive one.

Arthur: No, you're not. You're just the weird one.

[Buster jumps out from his seat and gasps, pointing angrily at Arthur]

Buster: You take that back!

Arthur: Okay, okay! I'm sorry!

Buster: See? Saying you're sorry isn't that hard. You'll be finished with that letter in no time.

Arthur's Room
Arthur: [writing the letter] Dear Sue Ellen, I am sorry I upset you. I didn't mean to. It was really just a joke. I thought you could take a joke, but I guess I was wrong. I've been teased before about wearing glasses...

Lakewood Elementary School Playground
Francine: [reading Arthur's letter aloud to Muffy and Sue Ellen] ...but I never thought I would have to tell the teacher about it and get someone else in trouble. Maybe you're just...overreacting?!

Sue Ellen: It goes on like that for the whole page.

Francine: He isn't sorry at all!

Muffy: If I hurt someone's feelings, I'd write from the bottom of my heart. And include a gift certificate to Crosswire Motors.

Francine: What are you going to do?

Sue Ellen: I don't know.

Francine: Well, until he gives you a real apology, I'm not speaking to him.

Muffy: Me too!

Lakewood Elementary School Cafeteria
[Francine, Buster, and Muffy are eating lunch. Arthur approaches the table.]

Arthur: Hey, guys! How about that history test? Pretty hard, right?...

[Arthur looks around the table. Francine, Buster, and Muffy act oblivious.]

Arthur: What's going on?

Buster: We're not speaking to you! That's what's going on!

Francine: Buster! You just ruined it!

UNFINISHED