D.W. Thinks Big (episode)/Transcript

(Arthur practices carrying a wedding ring while "Here Comes the Bride" is played on the organ)

Arthur (to the viewers): Hi, I can't talk for long. Aunt Lucy's getting married today and everybody is really excited! But nobody is more excited than D.W.! She's been planning for it all week!

(D.W. in a football helmet with a book marries a toaster and a blender)

D.W.: Hmm....

Arthur: Last week, she married the toaster and the blender! And she spend all last night looking for Aunt Jessica and Uncle Richard, who are coming to stay with us.

(D.W. looks out the window for Aunt Jessica and Uncle Richard using binoculars, then she finally spots them and heads downstairs)

D.W.: (gasps in excitement) THEY'RE HERE! THEY'RE HERE!

(The Reads welcome Aunt Jessica and Uncle Richard into the house)

Arthur: The big day is almost here! But with it comes.....

Aunt Jessica and Uncle Richard: HI!

The Read Family: HI!

Cousin Cora: HI! (runs into the house and crashes into D.W.)

Arthur: Cousin Cora.

(Cousin Cora views D.W.'s room)

Cousin Cora: D.W., it's beautiful!

D.W.: I decorated it for.....

Cousin Cora: Just for me?! The flower girl?!

D.W.: No, for the wedding.

Cousin Cora: Well, after all, I AM the flower girl FOR the wedding!

D.W.: (gasps, and then glares)

Cousin Cora: (gasps) Uh oh, D.W.? Where are you going to sleep?

D.W.: Huh?

TITLE CARD

D.W.: Do you wanna play dolls? This is Madam Curie.

Cousin Cora: Does she wet?

D.W.: No.

Cousin Cora: Does she have a bikini?

D.W.: No.

Cousin Cora: Does she tan?

D.W.: No, but she's an inventor!

Cousin Cora: Ugh, that's baby stuff! Besides, I don't have any time to play. I have to get ready for the wedding.

D.W.: But the wedding's not until tomorrow!

Cousin Cora: Maybe, but as the flower girl, I have A LOT to do! The wedding can't go on without me! Pantyhose, from the junior department!

D.W.: I have a new purse and it has 31 pennies inside!

Cousin Cora: (gasps) HALF INCH HEELS! DEODERANT!

D.W.: Huh?

Cousin Cora: And see what Aunt Lucy gave me for being the flower girl?

(D.W. is amazed by the locket and wants to see it)

D.W.: WHOA!

Cousin Cora: Don't touch it! You can't touch it! It's real gold!

(Cora breaks the necklace) 

Cousin Cora: (gasps) NOW LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO! (cries as she makes her way downstairs towards Aunt Jessica) LOOK WHAT SHE DID MOMMY!

Aunt Jessica: You poor thing! D.W., you shouldn't play rough with Cora's locket!

D.W.: But I didn't do ANYTHING!

Cousin Cora: YES YOU DID! YOU RUINED IT!

Jane: Time for bed, you two.

(Cora sleeps in D.W.'s bed while D.W. herself sleeps in a sleeping bag)

Cousin Cora: Mommy, can I sleep with you? I hate this room! The awful colors hurt my eyes!

Aunt Jessica: (kisses) You're just tired, Cora. You need your sleep. You have a VERY important job in the wedding tomorrow!

Cousin Cora: That's right! I do!

D.W.: Mom, can I have "beodarent"?

Jane: (giggles) In the morning, honey.

(The next day, church bells are ringing from the distance)

D.W.: (wakes up and realizes that today is the wedding) The wedding! (laughs as she runs out of the room and heads downstairs) WEDDING DAY! WEDDING DAY! IT'S WEDDING DAY!

David: Huh?

D.W.: IT'S WEDDING DAY! (lands on Jane and David)

Jane and David: (grunt)

D.W: (giggles)

(Arthur practices being the ring bearer. Jane gives him her wedding ring to practice with.)

Jane: Here you go, but be careful. You can practice with this.

D.W.: Why can't I carry the ring?

Arthur: You're too little. And besides, everybody knows the ring bearer is always a boy.

Jane: Ready? (plays "Here Comes The Bride" on the piano.)

Arthur: (walks while holding the ring)

D.W.: Don't I get to do anything during the wedding?

Jane: (stops playing) Arthur and your cousin Cora are older than you, sweetie. You'll get your chance when you're older.

D.W.: There must be something that I can do. (thinks a little) HEY! (hums "Here Comes The Bride" and runs over to the garage, but trips up Arthur).

Arthur: WHOAAA!

(Meanwhile, David is busy baking desserts for the wedding)

D.W.: (rides her tricycle over to the wedding cake, stands on her tiptoes and attempts to put the bride and groom piece on top of the cake.)

David: D.W.!!!! (puts D.W. down and escorts her out of the house)

D.W.: I thought you wanted the bride and groom on the cake.

David: Please, just go out and play, D.W..

D.W.: BUT I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP!

(Aunt Jessica puts makeup on in Jane and David's room)

D.W.: (holds a powder ball) Your nose looks a little shiny, Aunt Jessica. Here. (hums "Here Comes the Bride" again, and then accidentially puts the powder ball right on Aunt Jessica's dress)

Aunt Jessica: D.W.!

D.W.: Oops....

Aunt Jessica: (kicks D.W. out of the room)

D.W.: I was just trying to help.

Uncle Richard: (hums "Here Comes the Bride" while shaving his face in the bathroom.)

D.W.: You need some more shaving cream, Uncle Richard. (holds a can of shaving cream) Is this the right button?

Uncle Richard: WHAT?!

D.W.: (sprays the can right on his pants)

Uncle Richard: (gasps) GRRRR! (sends D.W. out of the bathroom)

D.W.: I was just trying to.... (door slams)

(Later, a delivery man with flowers arrives. He rings the doorbell)

Jane: Thank you! Hmm.... THE FLOWERS ARE HERE!

(Everyone is getting ready for the wedding.)

Jane: A boutonniere for Arthur.... Where's Cora?

Cousin Cora: HERE I AM! (notices a flower crown) MY CROWN!

D.W.: (sniffles and cries)

Cousin Cora: Oh, isn't it the most beautiful thing you've ever ever seen?

D.W. (in disappointment): What do I get?

Jane: They're only for people who are in the wedding, sweetie.

Aunt Jessica: Doesn't she look wonderful? Take her picture, Richard!

Uncle Richard: (zooms in the camera and snaps a photo)

(Now everyone heads into the wedding in David's van)

D.W.: Why does Arthur gets to sit in the front seat?!

Arthur: Because I have an important job to do.

D.W.: Maybe I'll have an important job to do. Maybe Cora will get sick and I'll be the flower girl!

Arthur: Shh! I'm trying to concentrate!

D.W.: On what?

Arthur: On learning my job. Stand up straight, tuck in my shirt, fix my tie....

(At the church, everyone arrives while bells are ringing)

Grandpa Dave: (greets some relatives) Well, here they are!

D.W.: GRANDPA! HI GRANDPA!

(They hug)

Grandpa Dave:  Well Holy Moly, how's my little sweet pea?

Cousin Cora: I'm here everybody, I'm here!

Grandpa Dave: Well here's our flower girl! Doesn't she look cute as a button, D.W.?

D.W.: (glares)

Grandpa Dave:  Come on Cora, we have to get a few pictures with you and the rest of the wedding party.

D.W.: (scoffs angrily)

(Aunt Lucy is having her photos taken. She makes different faces for each photo)

Photographer: (gets a group photo together) Okay, let's see a big smile from everybody! Okay, say, daaah! Are you lost, little girl?

D.W:. NO! I'M NOT LITTLE AND I'M NOT LOST!

Jane: Come on D.W., it's time to sit down.

D.W.: Aunt Lucy, next time you get married, can I help?

(The whole wedding party laughs. Then the wedding procession begins.)

D.W.: When I get married, I'll take anyone who wants to help if they can!

(Arthur and Cora proceed forward)

Cousin Cora: Remember, if you make a mistake, you'll ruin the WHOLE wedding! So watch it!

Arthur: (gulps, and then walks)

Cousin Cora: (throws flowers as the congregation looks at her in awe. However, one flower hits a man in the head.)

D.W.: Here comes Arthur. He doesn't look very happy. He's talking to himself!

Arthur (nervously): Not too fast, not too slow.

Cousin Cora: SMILE!

Arthur: WHOA! (loses balance of the ring as it flies in the air and lands in the pipes of the church organ).

(Priest, husband, organ player, and the whole congregation gasps. Even Arthur gasps. He then puts his hand to his face in disappointment.)

D.W.: WOW!

Grandpa Dave: Okay, alright, don't have a conniption, I got it under control. Just gotta do a little fishing. (sticks his hands in the pipes, but gets stuck). Whoops, got a little stuck there. Isn't that the darndest thing? Uh, let's see here, um... anybody got a little bear grease? (fingers come loose) I think I can wiggle out. WHOA! (his hands come loose, falls off the organ and lands into the husband)

Organ Player: (opens the side door of the organ) If someone can fit in here.

Arthur: Let me try! (approaches the organ door, but his head gets stuck and pulls it out.)

Grandpa Dave: Sorry Arthur, you're too big. But Cora, maybe you could give it a shot.

Cousin Cora: (gasps, then disgustedly closes the door). NO WAY! IT'S DIRTY IN THERE! Can't they just get another ring?

Aunt Jessica: That's right, Cora, don't you worry sweetie. You don't have to go into that filthy old organ.

Aunt Lucy: WHAT'S HAPPENING?!

(The whole congregation buzzes in concern)

D.W.: How about me? I can do it!

Grandpa Dave: Atta girl, D.W.!

D.W.: (gives Arthur her purse) Please hold this, Arthur. (opens the organ door, but then becomes worried) Uh oh.

(The congregation continues to chatter in concern)

D.W.: (valiantly crawls inside the organ, but then gasps. She then sees the organ, but accidentially puts her hand on a big pipe) Aaaah!

(The congregation gasps)

D.W.: (coughs as she's covered in dirt, grabs the ring and crawls out of the organ) The ring!

(The congregation cheers and applauds)

Cousin Cora: (scoffs in jealousy)

Arthur: D.W., you carry the ring! You found it, you deserve it! (the flower crown is put on her head)

Cousin Cora: But... she....

Aunt Lucy: Cora.....

Cousin Cora: Oh alright!

(The wedding procession is now nearing the end)

Priest: I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride!

(Aunt Lucy and her new husband kiss)

Aunt Lucy: Thank you D.W., we couldn't have done it without you! (kisses her, then the photographer takes the picture)

Everybody: Bye! See ya! Best of luck! Good wishes! Have a good trip!

D.W.: IF YOU LOSE ANYTHING, JUST CALL ME! (hums "Here Comes The Bride" as the limo drives away).

(END)