D.W.'s Baby/Transcript

(Opens up on Arthur sitting on a chair in front of a TV, holding a remote control)

Arthur: Ready?

(Arthur turns on the TV)

Arthur: Okay, this is a video of my first birthday...

(The reflection of the TV goes on Arthur's glasses)

Arthur:  Before I had glasses.

(A 1-year-old Arthur is shown on the TV. Arthur's Mom places a birthday cake in front of him and demonstrates how to blow out the candle.)

Arthur's Dad: Come on, Arthur! (blows)

(Arthur puffs up his cheeks)

Arthur's Dad: That's right! Now, blow!

(Back to the present. Arthur laughs.)

Arthur: Come on, Arthur! (blows)

(Back to the video. Arthur's Mom demonstrates to him how to blow out the candle again. Arthur sneezes.)

(Present Day)

Arthur: Hey, perfect!

(On the video, Arthur's Mom is shown wiping off the birthday cake crumbs that went on her when Arthur sneezed.)

(Next, we see a video of D.W's first birthday)

Mom, Dad and Arthur: Happy Birthday D.W.!

Arthur: And this is D.W's first birthday.

Baby D.W: (speaks gibberish)

Young Arthur: D.W! Watch me. I'll show you how to blow out the candle. (blows)

(Baby D.W fans out the candle with a plate)

Baby D.W: (speaks gibberish)

Arthur:  And now it's Kate's very first birthday.

(D.W. secretly films Arthur)

Arthur: Cut it out! Mom, D.W.'s wrecking the video!

(D.W. is shown sitting upside down on a chair, holding a video camera)

D.W:  No I'm not! I'm just trying to make Arthur look more interesting, but it's hopeless.

(Cut to the dining room table)

Arthur, Mom and Dad: Happy Birthday, Kate!

(D.W. is filming)

D.W: A little sister is always more interesting than a brother. (She walks away)

Arthur: You didn't always think that.

D.W: What do you mean?

Arthur: I remember how you felt when Kate first came home.

(Title Card: D.W's Baby)

(We open up on the Read's car in front of their house.)

(Cut to Arthur and D.W. inside the house. D.W. is standing on the couch, looking at the window while Arthur reads a book)

D.W: She's here! My sister's here!

(Mom and Dad enter the house, Mom is holding Kate in her arms)

D.W: Let me see!

Mom: Shhhh. She's sleeping.

D.W: (groans)

(D.W. takes off her shoes.)

D.W: Let me hold her. Please?

Mom: It's certainly nice to be home. It was just too quiet at that hospital.

(Dad fixes up a baby monitor right next to Kate's crib)

Dad: Now we'll hear her if she cries.

(Mom, Dad and Arthur walk away, while D.W. watches Kate.)

Dad: D.W.?

(He picks up D.W.)

D.W: That's it? You're done with her?

(Cut to D.W. trying to go into a room.)

Mom: D.W., wanna come help me make dinner? You have to let the baby sleep.

D.W: Hasn't she had enough sleep by now? I heard that too much sleep is bad for you.

(Cut to Dad and Arthur watching TV.)

Dad: (laughs)

(D.W. listens to the baby monitor.)

D.W: She's inhaling, now she's exhaling, inhaling again, exhale, in-

Arthur: Dad, she's doing it again!

Dad: (sighs) D.W., please.

D.W:  (whispering) Inhale, exhale...

(Zoom in on Kate sleeping)

(The next morning, D.W. sits on the kitchen countertop, right near the sink. She looks at a bucket of water.)

Dad: Bath time for Kate!

(He walks toward the sink carrying Kate.)

D.W: I'll give her a bath!

(Dad puts Kate in the water.)

Dad: You'll have to wait until she's a little bit older D.W.

(D.W. looks at her arm.)

D.W: How about now?

(Fade to D.W. playing doctor. As she pretends to wrap some of her stuffed animals, her imaginary friend, Nadine appears.)

D.W: Hey, I'm a baby expert. Why don't they want my help?

Nadine: You know, grown-ups. Give them time.

D.W. and Nadine: They're slow learners. (laughs)

Mom: Arthur, could you watch Kate while I go upstairs?

D.W: Why is she leaving him in charge? He doesn't know beans about babies.

Nadine: This is your chance to show your mommy how much you know.

(Zoom to Arthur looking after Kate.)

D.W: Yeah.

(Cut to Arthur picking up Kate's pacifier.)

Arthur: Here, you dropped this.

(He attempts to put the pacifier in Kate's mouth)

D.W: Arthur! Was that on the floor?

(Cut to D.W. running over to Arthur.)

D.W: It has to be sterilized!

(D.W. tries blowing on the pacifier, even rubbing it on her shirt)

D.W: Don't worry, I'll take care of everything.

(She tugs on Arthur's shirt.)

D.W: There.

(The doorbell rings.)

D.W: Here, I'll get it.

(Cut to Arthur trying to catch the pacifier. After this, he stops and D.W. walks in, along with Arthur's friends Buster and Francine.)

Francine: What a cute baby! She looks like me when I was a baby.

(Cut to Francine and Buster looking at Kate.)

(Kate starts crying.)

D.W: Everyone stand back! I know what she wants.

(Arthur picks up Kate's pacifier. He then puts it in Kate's mouth.)

(Kate spits out the pacifier.)

D.W:  Stand back.

(She runs over to Kate, holding a bottle. She tries to offer it to Kate.)

(Cut to Nadine hiding behind a chair.)

Nadine: Maybe you should go get your mommy.

D.W:  No, I've watched mommy. I know exactly what to do.

(She picks up Kate.)

Nadine: Maybe now you should get your mommy.

D.W: Then she'd think I'm not a baby expert.

(Cuts to Arthur, then cuts back to D.W.)

D.W:  Everyone, calm down, I know exactly what to do!

(She gives Kate to Arthur.)

D.W:  Arthur, hold her while I get a clean diaper.

(She runs away.)

(Cut to Buster and Francine.)

Buster:  Come on, Kate. (speaks gibberish)

(Cut to Arthur holding Kate.)

Arthur:  I wonder what she's trying to tell us.

(He then starts patting Kate on the back.)

(Kate burps, and sighs.)

Francine and Buster:  Awwwwwwww...

(Arthur's mom enters the bedroom, along with D.W.)

Mom: Is everything all right?

D.W: Huh?

Arthur:  It is now.

Buster: Arthur burped the baby right when she was about to explode!

(Everyone laughs, D.W. groans.)

(Transition to D.W. sitting on a swing, Nadine then appears.)

D.W: I loosen up the gas and he takes the credit.

Nadine: I don't think Arthur was trying to make you look bad, burps are mysterious things.

(Fades to Arthur feeding Kate with a bottle.)

D.W:  One burp and he takes over. I should be doing that, she's my sister.

Dad:  It would fit right here.

D.W: Huh?

(D.W. enters her bedroom to see what her parents are talking about.)

D.W.: What would fit?

Mom: The crib. Pretty soon, sweetie, Kate will be sleeping in here with you.

D.W.: (excitedly) She will!?

(D.W. runs into Arthur's bedroom)

D.W.: Maybe you made her burp, Arthur, but she's going to be living with me in my room! (nervously giggles when she sees her parents)

(D.W. directs her parents as they position Kate's crib)

D.W.: A little to the left. Easy does it. Mom, your end's crooked.

D.W: (Speaking to Kate) We’re gonna have so much fun!

Kate: (giggles)

(The scene transitions to night. Kate's crying keeps D.W. awake)

(Fade out to the next morning. Jane is changing Kate's soiled diaper. D.W. catches a whiff of the soiled cloth and is disgusted by it)

D.W.: (holding her nose) P.U.! It stinks like a zoo in here!

(D.W. runs to the window to let in some fresh air)

Mom: D.W., close that. The baby will be having her nap!

D.W.: (holding her doll) Ewww! My doll smells like stinky diapers!

(At night, D.W. covers her head with a pillow while Kate cries. Transition to daytime.)

D.W.: You want to play too, Kate? Here, you can have my truck. Watch out, though. The tire kind of rolls off.

Mom: D.W., you can't let Kate play with your truck.

D.W.: Why not?

(The wheel falls off)

Mom: It has too many small pieces she could choke on. You have to be extra careful around Kate. This room has to be baby-safe, D.W. We have to clean up everything.

(D.W. is kept awake by Kate's crying at night.)

(Transition to daytime, Jane feeds Kate her bottle.)

Jane: What a good girl you are!

(D.W. tiredly looks at her cereal)

Jane: D.W., eat your cereal.

D.W.: I can't eat. My teeth are tired.

(Transition to the Reads' playground)

Tommy Tibble: Why don't you just get rid of her?

D.W.: I can't, Mommy and Daddy like her.

Timmy Tibble: What if they didn't like her anymore?

Tommy Tibble: Yeah, what if she did bad things?

D.W.:  She doesn't do anything. Except eat, and cry, and poop!

(D.W. and the Tibbles quickly surrender as they sing whistle playfully while Arthur walks Kate)

Timmy Tibble:  She doesn't have to do anything. She has to get blamed for it!

(D.W. looks astonished, then transition to a demolition site as a building gets demolished)

D.W.: SHE DID IT!

Mom: A demolition team did it, D.W.

D.W.: Yeah, that's what I meant.

(then we transition into the Reads' kitchen where Dad's shoes are in the dishwasher)

Dad: DAAAAUUUUGH! HOW DID MY NEW SHOES GET IN THE DISHWASHER?!

D.W.: Kate did it! I SAW HER!

(Dad scowls at D.W.)

Dad: D.W., go to your room and think about what you just told me! I'll be up to discuss it with you!

(D.W. is grounded in her room. Then, Nadine appears.)

Nadine: He said, "discuss". You know what that means.

D.W.: Yeah, I'm in trouble. I wonder what he'll say when he finds a slice of bologna in the CD player.

Nadine: I told you not to do that!

D.W.: Hmmmm.....

Nadine: What are you thinking?

D.W.: About our garage sale tomorrow!

(transition to the Reads' yard. D.W. grabs a price tag and puts it on Kate's seat. Meanwhile, Mrs. Tibble browses at some gadgets.)

D.W.: Mrs. Tibble, we have a nice brand new baby, hardly used. It's 50 cents.

Mrs. Tibble: What?!

D.W.: My mommy says she's too much trouble.

D.W.: Okay, 35 cents, but it's my final offer.

(Then, Mrs. Tibble tells Mom about what happened. Immediately, D.W. hides and removes the price tag. While the garage sale is still going on, D.W. watches a documentary on TV.)

TV Narrator: On an island that has everything they need, the monkeys lead happy lives.

D.W.: YES!

(In her room, D.W. packs her things)

D.W.: This family is not working out.

Nadine: Where are you going?

D.W.: I'm going to lead a happy life on an island that has everything I need.

Nadine: Bye, D.W. (disappears)

(Then, D.W. enters Arthur's room.)

D.W.:  Where's the nearest island?

Arthur: Button Island.

D.W.:  Thanks. (cries) Goodbye Arthur.

(Arthur, totally oblivious to what's going on reads his comic book but suddenly gets shocked. Then, D.W. enters the kitchen.)

D.W.:  Mom, I'm leaving. (cries)

(D.W. then heads to Grandma Thora's house and knocks on the door)

Grandma Thora: Okay, okay, keep your shirt on! (answers the door) Hello, D.W., what a surprise!

D.W.:  I came to say goodbye. I'm going to live with monkeys on Button Island.

Grandma Thora: I see. Are there any monkeys there?

D.W.:  You're silly! It's an island! You know, monkeys, island? (sadly): Could you... drive me there?

(Grandma Thora takes D.W. to Button Island)

D.W.:  I think I need a boat.

Grandma Thora: Won't your family miss you?

D.W.: No, they like Kate now.

(Grandma Thora and D.W. are now on the boat)

Grandma Thora:  I'm really going to miss you, D.W.

D.W.:  I'll write to you. After I learn to write.

(Grandma Thora stops the boat)

Grandma Thora:  I think Kate will really miss you.

D.W.:  She's just a baby. Babies don't miss.

Grandma Thora:  But when she grows up, she'll have a mommy, a daddy, a brother... What's missing?

D.W.:  A ME! A SISTER! OH, POOR KATE! ALL ALONE WITHOUT A SISTER! Back up, Grandma! I've got to get home! My sister needs me! There's no way I'm gonna let Arthur show her how to do things!

(The minute D.W. gets home....)

Mom: D.W., where were you? We were all worried!

D.W.:  I'm here, Kate! Don't worry, I'll show you how to do everything! That's what a big sister is for!

(Kate giggles)

D.W.:  P.U.!!!!! But mommies and daddies change the diapers. MOM!!!!!!

(END)