Fern's Detective Tango

"Fern's Detective Tango" is Track 14 of the album Arthur's Really Rockin' Music Mix. The song is a musical retelling of the events of "Binky Rules" from the perspective of Fern Walters, with commentary from Binky Barnes, as well brief comments from Buster Baxter and Arthur Read.

Lyrics

 * [Fern]


 * A missing book, a stolen pen
 * I must remind you to call me when
 * You've got something of a mystery
 * Call me, Fern detective!


 * [Binky]


 * (Somebody's gotta help me! I'm in big trouble. The writing's on the wall, and the pathway, and the lockers, and it's my name, but I didn't do it!)


 * [Fern]
 * Touch nothing! Trust me, Fern detective!


 * First, I'll check the clues
 * Muddy prints from muddy shoes
 * I'm on the trail
 * But this paint just won't compute
 * (Buster, get off the clue!)


 * [Buster]
 * (Oh, shoot!)


 * [Fern]
 * (I suppose I'll just have to guess... yes!)


 * Buster was out playing ball
 * Muffy, in the classroom down the hall
 * Arthur wouldn't have the guts!


 * [Arthur]
 * (Hey!)


 * [Fern]
 * Binky!


 * [Binky]
 * (Yeah?)


 * [Fern]
 * J'accuse! (I accuse!)


 * [Binky]
 * (What does that mean?)


 * [Fern]
 * When I crack the big case
 * The school will come to me
 * They'll ask "Fern, how'd you do it?"
 * I'll say "It was elementary!"


 * I used my little gray cells
 * To deduce who, how and why


 * [Binky]
 * (But I'm telling you, I didn't do it!)


 * [Fern]
 * (Be quiet, Binky!)
 * The facts don't lie!


 * When your back's against the wall
 * And you're afraid you'll take the fall
 * When no one else would have the guts
 * Call me, Fern detective!


 * [Binky]
 * (Don't do it! Don't call her! I was framed!)