The Ballad of Buster Baxter/Transcript

Art Garfunkel: (sings) This is the story 'bout the face on the cake / It belongs to Buster Baxter / Baby boy bunny Buster Baxter was born eight years ago / At first, all he did was cry and eat / And eat, and eat, and grow / Eat and grow, that's all he did / He met Arthur, they became friends / It was an historic day! / They always had lots of fun / They liked to read and play, hey! / Then one day, Buster found out he was gonna go

Arthur: Goodbye!

Buster: Goodbye, Arthur!

Art Garfunkel: Gonna go bye-bye / He went around the world a couple of times / We thought he left the show / Buster Baxter went away, then he came back / Buster Baxter, this is what he found.

Buster: It looks just like I never left!

(Intertitle)

Francine: (voice-over) The Ballad of Buster Baxter.

Buster: Hey!

(We now return to the story. Arthur and Buster are eating a Buster cake Arthur’s dad baked)

Buster: Mmm, great cake. I'm the only kid I know who got to eat his own face.

Arthur: That's exactly what I said!

Buster: Ah, sure feels good to be back. I was afraid things would have changed around here while I was gone.

(The Brain enters the room)

The Brain: Hey Buster! Glad you're back. I brought the scoreboard, Arthur.

Buster: Huh?

Arthur: (to Buster) While you were gone, we started a checker championship. Best of 5000 games! So far, it's a tie.

The Brain: We were scheduled to finish today.

Arthur: Oh, I forgot.

Buster: Go ahead. I'll watch. There's only... (reads board) seventy games left.

Arthur: But you just came home. There must be a way we can all play.

Art Garfunkel: Arthur didn't wanna leave Buster out, of that he can be proud! / But when you're playing checkers / Three's a crowd.

Arthur: You can't move that black piece. That's my black piece.

Buster: No, it's my black piece.

Arthur: No, (points to a black piece) that one is mine, (points to an identical piece) and this one is yours. You're jumping your own piece with my piece. It's easy: Brain is red, and his pieces go this way. I'm black, and I go that way. Buster, you have some red pieces and some black, a penny, a stamp, and the Monopoly shoe, and you go across the board that way.

Brain: Wait, that's- Ugh, my brain hurts.

Buster: Maybe I should just watch.

Arthur: Thanks, Buster. It's only because this is for the championship.

Buster: It's okay. It's just nice to be back with my friends again.

(pause)

Brain: What'd you say?

#
Buster and Sue Ellen throw hoops on the school playground.

Sue Ellen: When my family used to travel a lot, I always fel out of place when I came home.

Buster: Yeah? That’s exactly how I feel.

Sue Ellen: Kids think you’re weird if you accidentally use French words like “C’est la vie”.

Buster: I was only in France a week.

Sue Ellen: A week? I was only there a day. You must be an expert.

Buster: I didn’t learn any words. And I didn’t eat any snails. I watched TV.

Flashback: Buster lies on a hotel bed in Paris.

TV announcer: Voici ”Le Lapin Bionique”.

Flashback ends.

Buster: They have the same shows, but in French. Hh, you know how Bionic Bunny always says…

Sue Ellen: I don’t know much about TV.

Buster: Oh. You wanna play checkers?

Sue Ellen: I don’t like checkers. See ya. ''She leaves. Buster sadly leaves as well.''

#
''Muffy bangs a gavel for the Kresblain Club meeting. Arthur, Francine, Brain and the Singing Moose are present (The latter sit son the couch eating potato chips. Nobody pays any attention to him).''

Arthur: I wish Buster were here.

Francine: Why? The things we do aren’t exciting enough for him. He’s changed.

Brain: He didn’t even want to write a book with me and Arthur.

Muffy: Because it had no snails in it! Face it, we have nothing in common with Buster any more.

Arthur: Maybe we do. We’re still his friends. If he likes new stuff, maybe we'd like it too.

Muffy: I never thought of that.

Arthur: Why don’t we throw a party and watch his travel slides. Then we’ll see what he saw and at least we’ll have that in common.

Francine: Yeah!

#
''The kids are having a “Welcome Back Buster” party. Sue Ellen dances Limbo.''

Sue Ellen: Wow!  Francine is dancing while Arthur stands sadly at the buffet.

Francine: Great idea, Arthur. This is fun.

Arthur: Didn't you notice, Francine?

Francine: Didn’t I notice what?

Arthur: Buster   isn't   here! ''Everybody stops and looks around. Binky looks under an armchair and finds Pal.''

Binky: No.

Muffy: Well, that's it. He obviously doesn't want to be our friend.

Brain: She must be right. Why else wouldn't he come to the pary?

''Meanwhile Buster is watching TV looking as if he was about to cry. The Singing Moose stands in the room.''

Singing Moose: (cheerful tune:) He's a sad, sad bunny. A sad, sad bunny. / TV isn't funny when you're a sad, sad bunny. Yee-ha!

Buster: Hey! That's not very sad music.

SingingMoose: (sad tune:) He's a sad, sad bunny. A sad, sad, sad, sad bunny...

Buster: (sighs)

Meanwhile back at the party.

Arthur: I can't believe he didn't come.

Muffy: What did he say when you invited him?

Arthur: I didn’t invite him. Francine invited him.

Francine: I didn’t invite him. Muffy invited him.

Muffy: I thought Brain invited him. Brain turns off the music.

Brain: Weighing the facts using elementary deduction, I conclude that no one invited Buster to this party.

Binky: You think that's why he's not here?

#
Buster opens the door to find his friends waiting outside.

They watch Buster’s travel slides together.

Singing Moose: Buster Baxter and his friends got a brand-new start / It was just like they'd never been apart.

Francine+Arthur: (laugh)

Francine: That looks so cool!

Arthur: Buster. Pass the popcorn!

Buster: I thought it was for me.

Francine: You ate all that popcorn?!

Buster: Ah, I'm glad we're having fun again. I was starting to think aliens had replaced you all with cyborg twins programmed to make me miserable.

Kids: He is the same old Buster! Buster smiles.

The Singing Moose stands outside.

Singing Moose: That's how it happened You can see / to Buster and the kids in Elwood City. / Now they know when you're close friends / you can always get back together again.

Buster and Arthur run to the window.

Buster: So how long has the singing guy been around?

Arthur: What?! I thought he came here with you!

Singing Moose: Buster Baxter went away and he came back. / Buster Baxter... (hums)    He walks away.

Buster: That was weird.

Arthur: Yeah. Mom! There's a singing moose in front of the house!

Singing Moose: Buster Baxter.