D.W.'s Baby/Transcript

(Opens up on Arthur sitting on a chair in front of a TV, holding a remote control)

Arthur: Ready?

(Arthur turns on the TV)

Arthur: Okay, this is a video of my first birthday...

(The reflection of the TV goes on Arthur's glasses)

Arthur:  Before I had glasses.

(A 1-year-old Arthur is shown on the TV. Arthur's Mom places a birthday cake in front of him and demonstrates how to blow out the candle.)

Arthur's Dad: Come on, Arthur! (blows)

(Arthur puffs up his cheeks)

Arthur's Dad: That's right! Now, blow!

(Back to the present. Arthur laughs.)

Arthur: Come on, Arthur! (blows)

(Back to the video. Arthur's Mom demonstrates to him how to blow out the candle again. Arthur sneezes.)

(Present Day)

Arthur: Hey, perfect!

(On the video, Arthur's Mom is shown wiping off the birthday cake crumbs that went on her when Arthur sneezed.)

(Next, we see a video of D.W's first birthday)

Mom, Dad and Arthur: Happy Birthday D.W.!

Arthur: And this is D.W's first birthday.

Baby D.W: (speaks gibberish)

Young Arthur: D.W! Watch me. I'll show you how to blow out the candle. (blows)

(Baby D.W fans out the candle with a plate)

Baby D.W: (speaks gibberish)

Arthur:  And now it's Kate's very first birthday.

(D.W. secretly films Arthur)

Arthur: Cut it out! Mom, D.W.'s wrecking the video!

(D.W. is shown sitting upside down on a chair, holding a video camera)

D.W:  No I'm not! I'm just trying to make Arthur look more interesting, but it's hopeless.

(Cut to the dining room table)

Arthur, Mom and Dad: Happy Birthday, Kate!

(D.W. is filming)

D.W: A little sister is always more interesting than a brother. (She walks away)

Arthur: You didn't always think that.

D.W: What do you mean?

Arthur: I remember how you felt when Kate first came home.

(Title Card: D.W's Baby)

(We open up on the Read's car in front of their house.)

(Cut to Arthur and D.W. inside the house. D.W. is standing on the couch, looking at the window while Arthur reads a book)

D.W: She's here! My sister's here!

(Mom and Dad enter the house, Mom is holding Kate in her arms)

D.W: Let me see!

Mom: Shhhh. She's sleeping.

D.W: (groans)

(D.W. takes off her shoes.)

D.W: Let me hold her. Please?

Mom: It's certainly nice to be home. It was just too quiet at that hospital.

(Dad fixes up a baby monitor right next to Kate's crib)

Dad: Now we'll hear her if she cries.

(Mom, Dad and Arthur walk away, while D.W. watches Kate.)

Dad: D.W.?

(He picks up D.W.)

D.W: That's it? You're done with her?

(Cut to D.W. trying to go into a room.)

Mom: D.W., wanna come help me make dinner? You have to let the baby sleep.

D.W: Hasn't she had enough sleep by now? I heard that too much sleep is bad for you.

(Cut to Dad and Arthur watching TV.)

Dad: (laughs)

(D.W. listens to the baby monitor.)

D.W: She's inhaling, now she's exhaling, inhaling again, exhale, in-

Arthur: Dad, she's doing it again!

Dad: (sighs) D.W., please.

D.W:  (whispering) Inhale, exhale...

(Zoom in on Kate sleeping)

(The next morning, D.W. sits on the kitchen countertop, right near the sink. She looks at a bucket of water.)

Dad: Bath time for Kate!

(He walks toward the sink carrying Kate.)

D.W: I'll give her a bath!

(Dad puts Kate in the water.)

Dad: You'll have to wait until she's a little bit older D.W.

(D.W. looks at her arm.)

D.W: How about now?

(Fade to D.W. playing doctor. As she pretends to wrap some of her stuffed animals, her imaginary friend, Nadine appears.)

D.W: Hey, I'm a baby expert. Why don't they want my help?

Nadine: You know, grown-ups. Give them time.

D.W. and Nadine: They're slow learners. (laughs)

Mom: Arthur, could you watch Kate while I go upstairs?

D.W: Why is she leaving him in charge? He doesn't know beans about babies.

Nadine: This is your chance to show your mommy how much you know.

(Zoom to Arthur looking after Kate.)

D.W: Yeah.

(Cut to Arthur picking up Kate's pacifier.)

Arthur: Here, you dropped this.

(He attempts to put the pacifier in Kate's mouth)

D.W: Arthur! Was that on the floor?

(Cut to D.W. running over to Arthur.)

D.W: It has to be sterilized!

(D.W. tries blowing on the pacifier, even rubbing it on her shirt)

D.W: Don't worry, I'll take care of everything.

(She tugs on Arthur's shirt.)

D.W: There.

(The doorbell rings.)

D.W: Here, I'll get it.

(Cut to Arthur trying to catch the pacifier. After this, he stops and D.W. walks in, along with Arthur's friends Buster and Francine.)

Francine: What a cute baby! She looks like me when I was a baby.

(Cut to Francine and Buster looking at Kate.)

(Kate starts crying.)

D.W: Everyone stand back! I know what she wants.

(Arthur picks up Kate's pacifier. He then puts it in Kate's mouth.)

(Kate spits out the pacifier.)

D.W:  Stand back.

(She runs over to Kate, holding a bottle. She tries to offer it to Kate.)

(Cut to Nadine hiding behind a chair.)

Nadine: Maybe you should go get your mommy.

D.W:  No, I've watched mommy. I know exactly what to do.

(She picks up Kate.)

Nadine: Maybe now you should get your mommy.

D.W: Then she'd think I'm not a baby expert.

(Cuts to Arthur, then cuts back to D.W.)

D.W:  Everyone, calm down, I know exactly what to do!

(She gives Kate to Arthur.)

D.W:  Arthur, hold her while I get a clean diaper.

(She runs away.)

(Cut to Buster and Francine.)

Buster:  Come on, Kate. (speaks gibberish)

(Cut to Arthur holding Kate.)

Arthur:  I wonder what she's trying to tell us.

(He then starts patting Kate on the back.)

(Kate burps, and sighs.)

Francine and Buster:  Awwwwwwww...

(Arthur's mom enters the bedroom, along with D.W.)

Mom: Is everything all right?

D.W: Huh?

Arthur:  It is now.

Buster: Arthur burped the baby right when she was about to explode!

(Everyone laughs, D.W. groans.)

(Transition to D.W. sitting on a swing, Nadine then appears.)

D.W: I loosen up the gas and he takes the credit.

Nadine: I don't think Arthur was trying to make you look bad, burps are mysterious things.

(Fades to Arthur feeding Kate with a bottle.)

D.W:  One burp and he takes over. I should be doing that, she's my sister.

Dad:  It would fit right here.

D.W: Huh?

(D.W. enters her bedroom to see what her parents are talking about.)

D.W.: What would fit?

Mom: The crib. Pretty soon, sweetie, Kate will be sleeping in here with you.

D.W.: (excitedly) She will!?

(D.W. runs into Arthur's bedroom)

D.W.: Maybe you made her burp, Arthur, but she's going to be living with me in my room! (nervously giggles when she sees her parents)

(D.W. directs her parents as they position Kate's crib) (A foul smell consumes the room, and D.W. holds her nose in disgust) (A muffled fart is heard, and Jane lets out a sigh of relief) (A muffled fart is heard, as the dolls cotton white panties turn a revealing shade of brown)
 * D.W.: A little to the left. Easy does it.
 * D.W.: P.U.! What’s that awful smell!?
 * D.W.: ewww! Mom! You Stink!
 * Arthur: Fave it D.W. it’s gonna smell skit worse than that. Now you have to deal with mom and Kate’s dirty diapers
 * D.W.: I can handle it Arthur!
 * D.W: (Speaking to Kate) We’re gonna have so much fun!
 * Kate: (giggles)
 * (The scene transitions to night. Kate's crying keeps D.W. awake)
 * (Fade out to the next morning. Jane is changing Kate's soiled diaper. D.W. catches a whiff of the soiled cloth and is disgusted by it)
 * D.W.: (holding her nose) P.U.! It stinks like a zoo in here!
 * (D.W. runs to the window to let in some fresh air)
 * Jane: D.W., close that. The baby will be having her nap!
 * D.W.: (holding her doll) Ewww! My doll smells like stinky diapers!

D.W.: Gross! My doll just pooped herself!

(Jane starts to grunt and loads her diaper with poop)

D.W.: Pew! Mom!

(Jane grabs D.W.’s face and shoves it into her diaper before releasing another load of poop.)

D.W.: Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww!

(At night, D.W. covers her head with a pillow while Kate cries. Transition to daytime.) (D.W. notices a foul smell and holds her nose in disgust) (Jane appears in the doorway and screws up her face) (Jane begins to grunt) (A long wet fart is heard and D.W. comes running out of her room carrying an air freshener.) (Jane screws up her face and fills her diaper with poop) (D.W decides to take her problems to the tibble twins)
 * D.W.: You want to play too, Kate? Here, you can have my truck. Watch out, though. The tire kind of rolls off.
 * D.W.: Yuck! Mom! Kate pooped her diaper! And it smells like skunk!
 * D.W.: (confused) why are you making that face?
 * D.W.: (concerned) and why are you grunting..
 * D.W.: Gas Chamber!!
 * (D.W. is kept awake by Kate's crying at night.)
 * (Transition to daytime, Jane feeds Kate her bottle. A foul smell fills the room)
 * Jane: What a good girl you are!
 * (D.W. tiredly looks at her cereal)
 * Jane: D.W., eat your cereal.
 * D.W.: I can't eat. The smell of your diapers ruined my appetite..
 * Tommy: Why don’t you just get rid of her?
 * D.W.: I can’t, my parents like her
 * Timmy: but what if she did bad things?
 * D.W.: All she ever does is poop and stink up the whole house!
 * Tommy: Ewwww!
 * Timmy: Gross
 * D.W.: even worse, here she comes
 * (Jane comes walking by with Kate in a stroller. She stops and screws up her face. A foul smell fills the air)
 * D.W.: phew!
 * Tommy: That stinks!
 * D.W.: I know..
 * Timmy: (having an idea) that’s it! All she has to do is get blamed for something she didn’t do!
 * (D.W., Kate and Jane are walking by a demolition site a building is demolished)
 * D.W.: (accusingly) KATE DID IT!
 * Jane: A demolition machine did it D.W..
 * D.W.: Right, that’s what I meant.
 * (Jane stops walking and scrunches up her face. A look of relief crosses her face, as her diaper begins to swell up with poop. D.W. is not paying attention and walks right into the seat of Janes dirty diaper)
 * D.W.: (grossed out) Ugh! That smells awful mommy..
 * (Jane lets out a horrendously long fart before pushing D.W. Into the ground. Jane then sits in D.W.’s fave and pushes another load of poop into her diaper. Jane sniffs the air and holds her nose in disgust)
 * Jane: (holding her nose) Pew! Excuse me..
 * (D.W. Is sitting at the table with Arthur. Their father comes storming in)
 * Dad: (angrily) who put my shoes in the dishwasher!
 * D.W.: (accusingly) Kate did it! I saw her...
 * (D.W. sniffs the air and holds her nose in disgust)
 * D.W.: and they stink like diapers too..
 * Dad: D.W. Go to your room and think about what you just told me
 * (D.W. is sulking in her room. Nadine appears to console D.W. But she is immediately hit with the smell of Kate’s dirty diapers.)
 * Nadine: (completely grossed out by the smell) PHEW! It stinks in here!
 * D.W.: Tell me about it..
 * Nadine: Shoes in the dishwasher huh?
 * D.W.: yeah.. just wait till he finds out about the baloney inter CD player..
 * Nadine: I told you not to do that..
 * D.W.: well what am I going to do. I mean.. mom’s dirty diapers smell bad enough. But this...
 * Nadine: (holding her nose) you’re telling me..
 * D.W.: I just don’t know what to do..
 * (The girls are hit with the smell of Kate’s most recent diaper change)
 * D.W./Nadine: Ewww!
 * Nadine: (waving her hand in front of her nose) well whatever you do, do it fast..
 * (The next day, D.W. Is trying to sell Kate at he families yard sale.)
 * D.W.: (spotting a neighbor) Mrs’s Tibble, do you want to buy my sister? She’s really cheap.
 * (The neighbor runs off to go get Jane. Jane comes over and begins to grunt. She pushed a large load into her diaper and forces D.W. to smell it.)
 * D.W.:(holding her nose) Phew!
 * (D.W. is sitting inside watching tv)
 * TV: and here on orange island, the monkeys go crazy for bananas..
 * D.W.: That’s it! I’ll just move to Orange Island!
 * (D.W. goes to her grandma for a ride to orange island)
 * Grandma Thora:(answering the door) hello?
 * D.W.: Grandma Thora, will you please drive me to orange island?
 * (Grandma and D.W. are approaching the island)
 * Grandma: you know D.W., your family will miss you..
 * D.W.: they have Kate now..
 * Grandma: I’m sure Kate will miss you..
 * D.W.: She’s just a baby, babies just poop..
 * Grandma: D.W., this does mean that baby Kate will be raised looking up to Arthur..
 * D.W.:(having a moment of realization) oh no! Poor Kate.. all alone without a sister.. back up grandma, my sister needs me..
 * (D.W. is greeted by a frantic Jane)
 * Jane: D.W. where were you? We were all worried..
 * (D.W. pushes past her mother and runs to Kate)
 * D.W.: Not now mom. Don’t worry Kate, I’m here! A big sisters always what a little sister needs!
 * (A familiar stink fills the room)
 * D.W.:(wincing in disgust) Pheww! That and a clean diaper..
 * (Several violent farts are heard, as Jane pushes a massive load into her diaper.)
 * Jane: (relieved) Ahh...
 * D.W.: Ewwww! Mom!
 * (Jane pushes another load into her diaper)
 * D.W.: (sighing) oh well. If you can’t beat them, join them..
 * (D.W. Screws up her faves, and forces a load of poop into her pants. Pretty soon the entire house is overcome with the smell of poop.)