Brother, Can You Spare a Clarinet?/Transcript

(Binky rings the doorbell) 

Arthur: Binky?

Binky: Hi, Arthur. I brought something for you.

Arthur: A present? But my birthday's not for 7 more months.

Binky: I know. I just wanted to pay you back for being such a good friend. What do you think of the wrapping paper? I decorated it myself.

Arthur: It's, uh, great. Well, thanks.

Binky: Sure enough. Enjoy!

(He leaves)

Arthur: Sometimes I just can't figure Binky out. It's like he's two different people: Bully Binky and uh, that other guy. ("That other guy" is actually a big softy) I think I like the other guy best. (he opens the present and gets hit in the face with a pie)

Binky: (laughs) What a doofus. (Arthur starts to tear the paper) Uh, uh, oh. Be careful with that wrapping paper. I'd recycle it.

(Title Card)

Brother, Can You Spare a Clarinet?

                     Written by: Dietrich Smith --- Storyboard by: Stefanie Gignac and Jeremy O'Neill

Muffy: Brother, Can You Spare a Clarinet?

(Bubble pops)

(We now return to the story; Arthur's band class is playing Beethoven's Ode to Joy. Binky's clarinet starts making squeaking noises as they come to a close.)

Ms. Krasny: Very nice, class. And very nice playing, Binky. (Binky's not impressed) Which makes me extra pleased to announce that the Young Person's Orchestra is holding tryouts next weekend. That means one of you could spend a year in playing in one of the best youth orchestras around.

(Everyone starts whispering at how exciting this would be. Binky, thinking everyone's whispering about him, wheels around at them)

Binky: What?!

(Everyone turns their heads away from him. Transition to outside the school)

Francine: I'm gonna play a Sousa March.

Buster: Me too. I'm gonna play "76 Tubas"

Francine: That song is not a Sousa March and it's called, "76 Trombones".

Buster: Then I'll adapt it.

Arthur: (seeing Binky exiting) Hey, Binky, what piece are you gonna play?

Binky: (not looking at them) Nothing. I'm not trying out.

(Arthur, Francine, and Buster all try say he's the best musician in the class until Binky growls at them. They quickly say he's bad.)

Francine: Geez. What's wrong with him?

(Fade to Binky playing, Edison M. Guzman's "La Donna e Mobile" to test out his clarinet, just before going to bed. It once again, squeaks)

Binky: (angrily throws his clarinet to the ground) Music stinks!

(Binky turns off his lamp. Fade to the next day where Muffy presents a violin from her case)

Muffy: It's called a Stradivarius. It's the finest violin there is and it costs daddy more than all of your instruments put together. If you ever want to make it into the Big Leagues, the proper instrument is a must.

(Buster hits the strings)

Buster: So is being able to play it.

(One of Muffy's security guards grabs Buster by the shoulder; Buster gasps)

Ms. Krasny: Muffy, you know private security guards are not allowed in class.

Muffy: Yes, Ms. Krasny. As long as the school is willing to pay my daddy the cost of the Stradivarius if it's stolen.

Ms. Krasny: Muffy!

Muffy: (signal snaps to her guards) Check the perimeter.

(The guards leave the classroom as everyone returns to their seats)

Ms. Krasny: Okay, let's begin with the Mozart Clarinet Concerto.

(The band class attempts to play Mozart's Clarinet Concerto. Everyone notices that Binky does not have his clarinet as he's confidently sitting there with his arms crossed and eyes closed. The band stops to look twice as they continue playing each time)

Ms. Krasny: Binky, it's not a clarinet concerto if nobody plays during the clarinet passages.

Binky: (humorously) Guess you'd better find somebody to do that then, lady.

(Everyone gasps. Transition to Binky in Mr. Haney's office. Mr. Haney holds a sheet of paper saying: "List of Offenses": 1) Binky refuses to play in class, 2) Binky does not bring his clarinet to class, 3) Binky talks back at class; Signed, Ms. Krasny)

Mr. Haney: Well, young man, this is quite an episode of misbehavior.

Binky: It's a start.

Mr. Haney: Pardon me?

Binky (begins pacing the room): Who am I, Mr. Haney?

Mr. Haney: Well, um. I'm not sure actually. (starts looking through the student files) There are so many students here.

Binky: I'll tell you who I am: A doofus!

Mr. Haney: (not listening) No. There is no "Doofus" in this school. I do know that much.

Binky: (starts looking out the window at the kids at recess) I use to be a rebel. The dude who owned recess. But now, I'm just another wimp who plays a clarinet. It's time to say, "So long, wimp. Hello, Binky." And I mean, The Real Binky!

Mr. Haney: Well, there you go. You're Binky. Now that we've straighten that out ---

Binky: (starts stomping out of the room and closes the door) See you in detention, Mr. Haney!

Mr. Haney: That's right, young man. Detention! Harsh, I know.

Binky: (suddenly comes back in) I'm sorry. But this was driving me crazy.

(Binky fixes the flowers in the flower vase, much to Mr. Haney's surprise. Transition to Binky throwing the school doors open with both arms and walks outside toward the playground, growling at kids as he passes them. He starts walking toward Molly, Rattles and Slink, The Tough Customers.)

Molly: Hey, guys, do you hear what I hear?

Rattles: Binky's back.

(Transition to Binky sitting with the Tough Customers on the playground set.)

Molly: We've missed you, Binky.

Rattles: Yeah, it seems like ages since we pulled anybody's pants down.

Binky: Later with the pants, Rattles. We got bigger galoshes to fry. I got a plan that bullies will be talking about for the next millennium.

(Molly, Rattles and Slink, lean in eagerly)

All three: What?

Binky: (slyly) Let's just say, "Silence is Golden".

(Transition to Brain taking is his cello out of his locker. Molly walks up to him)

Molly: Just a second there, buddy. The boss says your instrument needs some "refinishing" done.

Brain: My cello was just fine, thank you.

(Binky growls at Brain. Brain gulps. Molly takes the cello to a room with a sign that reads "Silence is Golden".)

Binky: Thanks, Brain.

(Binky growls at Buster to give them his tuba. Buster does so, nervously, to Slink.)

Arthur: What's going on?

Brain: (seeing Rattles carrying Francine's drum set) They seem to be taking everybody's instruments.

(A talking alarm blares saying, "Step away from the Stradivarius!". Slink has tried to take Muffy's violin. Slink slowly backs away as Muffy's security guards walk up to him.)

Molly: (gives Brain his cello back) Here. It's refinished.

(Transition to the band classroom where Ms. Krasny is noticing everyone's instruments has been sabotaged (except for Muffy's) as the music sounds terrible. Binky's silently snickering)

Ms. Krasny: Stop! Stop! What's going on here?

(Every student is surprised at what has happened to their instruments: Brain's cello has elastic bands for strings, Francine's drum set is wrapped with newspapers, Sue Ellen's saxophone is covered in grease, Arthur's piano keys have been taped together, Buster's tuba has flowers in the bell.)

Binky: (playing dumb) I don't know, Ms. Krasny. Somebody's been taking our instruments and refinishing them.

Ms. Krasny: Who?

Buster: (looking at Binky, who glares at him) It was... um... I-I don't know! They were just like that when we got them out of our lockers.

(Fade to Arthur, Buster, and Brain walking through town with their instruments)

Arthur: "Silence is Golden"?

Buster: That's what Rattles said. It's Binky's evil scheme to wipe out music. And you know what he said, "Today, Elwood City. Tomorrow, the world!" The World!

Brain: It is scientifically impossible for a nine-year-old to end music around the world.

Buster: But Binky has three other nine-year-olds to help him. Oh, could you hold on a sec? (Starts watering the flowers in his tuba with a water fountain. Hears clarinet music) Reminds me of the way Binky used to play.

Arthur: I think that is Binky.

(It is! Binky is trying out a clarinet at a music store with his parents and the music store owner watching him.)

Binky: See, isn't it great? Can we get it, mom? Can we, dad?

(Binky's dad looks at the price of the clarinet)

Binky's Dad: I'm sorry, Binky, but a thousand dollars is just too much for us now. (hands out Binky's own clarinet) This old one will have to do for a while.

Binky: But it stinks, dad! Listen!

(Binky plays his clarinet twice to prove it, which makes a squeaking noise each time, which causes the music store owner to squirm)

Binky's Dad: I wish we could afford it, but we just can't.

(Binky and his family leave the music store)

Binky: (angrily throwing his clarinet in a trash can) No real musician would be caught dead with this thing!

(Arthur, Buster, and Brain watch Binky and his family leave and walk toward the clarinet in the trash can)

Arthur: So that's why he's acting like a bully. He doesn't hate music. He just hates his stinky old clarinet.

Brain: I've got an idea.

(Transition to a Bionic Bunny episode where a villain and his henchmen are outside a building next to a ventilation shaft)

Villain: (as he puts in ear plugs) On my signal turn on the Anti-Bionic Machine and Bionic Bunny will be just Bunny! (laughs evilly)

(The henchmen activate the machine as waves flow through the vent toward Bionic Bunny's apartment room, where he's watching TV):

Bionic Bunny: (watching his muscles fade) Oh, no! It's an Anti-Bionic Sound Wave! Bionic... Powers... Fading!

(It's revealed Binky's watching it at his house while taking notes)

Binky: Bingo.

(Transition to Arthur, Buster, and Brain ringing the doorbell at Binky's house with Arthur holding a present. Binky answers)

Arthur: Hi Binky. I brought something for you.

Binky: Why? My birthday's next month.

Buster: We just wanted to pay you back for being such a good friend.

(Binky opens the present to see... his clarinet!)

Binky: (gasps and seizes the clarinet) Hey, what are you doing with this?!

Arthur: (nodding toward Brain) Brain fixed it.

(Binky plays his clarinet to test it, and it sounds really good with no problems)

Binky: (happily) That sounds great!

(Binky continues playing. Arthur gives Brain a thumbs up when... the clarinet starts making squeaking noises again! Arthur, Buster, and Brain react with shock as a paper clip and a piece of chewing gum fly out of the clarinet.)

Binky: (angrily) You're just gooning me! It's worse than before! Now buzz off, I've got an evil scheme to plan!

(Binky walks inside with his clarinet and slams the door on them)

Arthur and Buster: Brain!

Brain: You try fixing a clarinet with paper clips and chewing gum!

(Transition to the day of the Young Person's Orchestra with Arthur, Buster, and Brain waiting in the hallway)

Arthur: Too bad we messed up. Look's like Binky really isn't coming.

Buster: (nervously) What do you think his evil scheme's gonna be?

Brain: Calm down. There possibly can't be anything he can do here.

(Pan over to Slink closing the door to the "Silence is Golden" room joining the rest of the Tough Customers inside. Binky is holding a sheet of paper displaying a plan)

Binky: Okay, I've mapped it all out. "Plan A: We try here in the closet". If that doesn't work, "Plan B: We go over to the boys' room", and if that doesn't work "Plan C: Gymnasium."

Rattles: Brilliant plan, boss.

Binky: I know. And now, to begin the evil scheme. Bring in... "The Anti-Music Machine" (Molly brings in "The Anti-Music Machine", which is Binky's clarinet attached to a megaphone in a wagon. Binky puts in his earplugs) Begin "Anti-Music Machine" test.

(The rest of the Tough Customers put in their earplugs. Binky blows into the clarinet which makes a loud and awful noise, which is amplified by the megaphone)

Binky: Test successful!

(Cut to Arthur playing the "Fur Elise" by Beethoven on the piano in the auditorium, while several judges watch from a nearby desk, while a ventilation grille is behind them. The Tough Customers roll the "Anti-Music Machine" to the grille on the other side.)

Rattles: Machine in position, boss.

Binky: Now, open ventilation shaft. (cackles as Molly opens the blinds)

(Cut to Buster playing his piece on the tuba, which is back to normal, one of the judges notices the blinds open.)

Judge: Mary, could you close that vent? I feel a draft.

(Mary does so just as Binky inhales, about to blow. His henchmen look at him: their plan A had failed)

Binky: (punching into his open fist) Plan B!

(Binky and the Tough Customers tow their machine to the boys' bathroom. Binky opens the door a tad to see if the coast is clear. Inside, Mr. Morris, the janitor, is inside the room. Binky, Rattles and Slink whistle nonchalantly at the entrance. Cut to Francine playing the drums, which are back to normal. Cut back to Mr. Morris drying his hands while Binky and the Tough Customers still stand at the entrance. Brain's now playing his cello. Mr. Morris gargles at the sink, spits it out, then starts drying his hair.)

Binky: (to the Tough Customers) Plan C.

(Fade to the gymnasium where Rattles points out)

Rattles: Ventilation shaft located, boss.

Binky: (urging) "Anti-Music Machine"! Quickly!

(The machine is rolled up to the ventilation shaft)

Binky: Okay. Now, open shaft.

(As Molly does so, we cut to Muffy playing her violin, which sounds very bad. Her security guards are cringing. The sound of the violin carries on to the Gymnasium, which makes Binky and the Tough Customers cringe as well.)

Rattles: I guess somebody else had the same idea, boss! (Binky suddenly picks up the machine and furiously leaves the gym. The Tough Customers are surprised) Boss? Boss?

(Even the judges cower from the sound of Muffy's violin.)

Judge: Uh, thank you, young lady.

(Suddenly, the auditorium doors are flung open with Binky standing at the doorway)

Binky: That's not music! And I'll beat up anybody who says it is!

Judge: Now listen, young man.

Binky: No, you listen! (unfastens his clarinet from the machine and picks it up) This is music!

(Binky starts playing his clarinet and... for the most part, sounds good, despite the squeakiness. The judges are happy)

Binky: (waves his fists) Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an evil scheme to finish!

Judge: Wait!

Binky: I know, my clarinet stinks.

Judge: Yes it does. But anyone who can make an instrument sound in that condition sound as good as you have is a true musician.

Binky: (hopefully) Really?

(Transition to the outside of the cafeteria with the judges in front of Binky)

Judge: ...And rehearsals are held every Saturday at 10. Can you do that?

Binky: Yeah.

Judge: (as he and Binky shake hands) Welcome, Binky Barnes, to the Young Person's Orchestra. And if you don't mind, we'd like to provide you with a better clarinet.

Binky: Yes, sir!

(Arthur, Buster, Muffy and the Tough Customers walk up to Binky)

Buster: (impressed) Wow! The only one in the school to get in!

Muffy: Big deal. It can't be much of an orchestra if they don't appreciate the Stradivarius.

Rattles: What about "Silence is Golden", boss?

Binky: Don't be a doofus, doofus. Silence stinks!

(Binky walks off into the sunshine down the hall while everyone watches)

Buster: There goes a true musical hero.

(Binky deliberately knocks down George to the floor, who's coming in the opposite way down the hall. Binky keeps walking, laughing wickedly)

Arthur: No, Buster. There goes Binky.