Muffy's Car Campaign/Transcript

''The kids stand in the lunch line. Mrs. MacGrady serves something brown.''

Binky: Ugh! What’s that?

Mrs. MacGrady: Roasted butternut squash with a dash of maple syrup. Try it, it’s delicious.

Binky: (sniffs) Do you have any green beans?

Mrs. MacGrady: Sorry. We’re trying to only serve vegetables that are in season from local farms. It’s better for the environment.

Buster: Hey! There are no tomatoes either?

Muffy: No tomatoes? What will I have with my fresh burrata?

Binky: How can a vegetable be better for the environment?

Mrs. MacGrady steps in front of the kids.

Mrs. MacGrady: Everyone hold the line! Do you know where this avocado is from?

Binky: A tree?

Mrs. MacGrady: A tree over 2,000 miles away. And it probably arrived on a truck which put 2,000 miles worth of pollution in the air.

Muffy: But a little pollution never heard anyone, right?

Mrs. MacGrady: Wrong. Air pollution has been linked to lots of diseases like asthma.

The kids gasp while Buster takes a dose from his inhaler.

Mrs. MacGrady: And all that pollution also contributes to climate change.

She puts a lid on a vat of noodles.

Mrs. MacGrady: See, the pollution acts like a lid trapping the heat, which is fine for this pasta primavera but not so good for our planet. We all have to do something. This is the only planet we have.

Francine looks thougtful and peeks on Arthur's plate

Mrs. MacGrady: Want some carrots with that?

Shortly afterwards at the cafeteria table, Francine still looks thoughtful.

Francine: Mrs. MacGrady is right. We should all be doing something to help the environment. And we have to do it now.

Binky: If helping the environment means more food like this... I’m in.

Title Card: Muffy talks under the tree

''After school, kids run home. Francine, Binky, Buster, Arthur, Brain and Muffy meet under a tree beside the school.''

Francine: I hereby call this session of the Lakewood Elementary Eco-Kids to order.

Buster: Can we be the Eco-Ninjas instead? It sounds cooler.

Arthur: How about the Eco Squad?

Binky: Ooh.

Buster: Yeah!

Muffy: I love it.

Francine: Guys. It doesn’t matter what we’re called. It matters what we do. That’s what we’re here to decide.

Buster: I’ve got it! Let’s invent cars that run on seltzer instead of gasoline.

Binky: That would never work! Where would we get all that seltzer?

Brain: Buster, we need ideas that are actually doable.

''Everyone looks thoughtful. Muffy looks over at the parking lot where a parent is waiting with the engine running.''

Muffy: Look at all the exhaust. Yuck! Hey, why don’t we ask parents to turn off their engines while they’re waiting.

Francine: That would cut down on air pollution, right?

Brain is working on a laptop.

Brain: Yup. It says here that for every ten minutes a car idles, a pound of carbon goes into the air.

Binky: How’s this for a slogan - “Don’t make us cough, turn your engine off!”

Francine: I like it! Let the campaign begin.

''The kids sit at a table in the art room and make flyers which already feature Binky’s slogan. George draws a red circle over an exhaust pipe, which Francine and Muffy then color.''

''Later, Brain, Binky and Sue Ellen hand flyers to waiting parents. A man turns his engine off and Binky puts a sticker on his car. Binky and the man give each other the thumbs-up.''

''Later, the Reads' car has to stop in traffic. Arthur taps his dad’s shoulder and he turns the engine off.''

''Some days later, Mr. Morris installs a sign looking like the flyer on the school parking lot. Arthur, Buster, Muffy, Binky and Brain watch.''

Arthur: Buster, that was a great idea to ask Miss Tingley for a permanent sign.

Buster: I wanted it to be 20 feet high with flashing purple lights, but she thought it might cause accidents.

Francine arrives on her bike.

Francine: Guys, listen up! I’ve been working on our next campaign.

Muffy: We’re doing another one?

Binky: Oh! I’ve got a slogan - “If you care, don’t cut your hair.”

Arthur: What is that for?

Binky: I don’t know. But it’s catchy, right?

Francine: Getting people to turn off their engines is great, but wouldn’t it be even better for the environment if everyone just biked to school?

Brain: But what about kids who live too far away to bike or walk?

Buster: Well, we do have a school bus.

Brain: One school bus isn’t big enough for every student.

Arthur: But if the school could get more busses, then everyone who needed a ride could get one.

Brain: That would reduce the number of cars on the road by a lot.

Francine: Maybe one day we could make all of Elwood City totally car free.

Muffy: Totally car free?

Brain: I’m in!

Arthur: Yeah!

Binky: Me too!

Buster: Let’s do it!

Francine: Muffy?

Muffy: Oh, yes. Sounds great. Yay.

''After school, Muffy walks down a city street full of noisy cars. She stops and imagines everyone using bikes, scooters or skateboards.''

Muffy: (delighted sigh)

She crosses the street to Crosswire Motors.

Muffy: (gasps)

''There are cobwebs on the cars. A sign says “By one, get one free”. Mr. Crosswire is standing in the yard, unshaven and with disheveled clothes.''

Mr. Crosswire: Cars here. Any model. Any make at rock bottom prices. You, sir, want a car? How is five dollars? Two dollars? A quarter? Any car for a quarter. And I’ll throw in this free bowl of soup.

Mr. Saperstein walks on.

Mr. Crosswire: Oh. My life’s work down the drain. Why? Why did they ban cars from Elwood City? (sobbing)

A bird starts eating his soup.

''The fantasy ends. Muffy runs over.''

Mr. Crosswire is sitting at a desk in the sales room when Muffy comes in.

Mr. Crosswire: Oh, hey, Muffin.

Muffy: Daddy, what would you do if you couldn’t sell cars?

Mr. Crosswire: Well, that’s easy.

He takes a figure of a poodle out of his desk.

Mr. Crosswire: I’d be a dog groomer. Always loved the way those fancy poodles looked. Too bad I’m allergic to dogs. Why do you ask?

Muffy: No reason.

Mr. Crosswire: I wouldn’t worry, cream puff. Business is great. And it’s about to get even better. We’re branching out into new cars.

He shows a blueprint of a car.

Mr. Crosswire: Say hello to the four-door Mallard. Isn’t she a beaut’? And very affordable. One day, I hope, everyone in Elwood City is driving one of these.

Muffy looks uncomfortable.

''Arthur, Buster, Brain, Francine, Muffy and Binky meet by the treehouse. Francine hands out clipboards.''

Francine: First, we should get signatures from our parents saying our school needs more busses.

Brain: I made up a pamphlet we can hand out explaining how this will help the environment.

Francine: And then we’ll present the petition to the principal.

Arthur: Who should do that?

Buster: I’ll do it! Look, I have hypnotizing glasses.

''He puts on glasses with spirals painted on them. He presses a button and the spirals rotate.''

Buster: There’s no way she can say no.

Francine: Maybe we should go with someone else this time. Muffy.

Muffy: Me?

Francine: Of course. Who’s more persuasive than you?

Muffy: Hm, you do have a point. In fact, I’ve been thinking about this whole campaign. We should be going after bigger fish than a few cars. And you know what that bigger fish is?

Buster: Whales?

Muffy shows a drawing of a plane.

Muffy: This. People, we must abstain from flying planes!

The others exchange looks.

Brain: Air travel does burn a lot of fuel, which isn’t good for the environment, but…

Francine: It has nothing to do with our school. Let’s stick with our “Get on the Bus”-campaign.

She hands out the clipboards.

Francine: Try to get as many signatures as you can.

Binky: Plus, your slogan needs work. It just doesn’t have that Binky-"zing".

Francine hands Muffy a clipboard.

''Francine shows her clipboard to Mrs. Leduc. Brain shows his to Mr. Haney. Arthur also has a clipboard, while Muffy sells Tuvalunas at the door.''

Some days later, the kids give the signature lists to Muffy in a school corridor.

Brain: I got twelve signatures.

Arthur: I got fifteen, but one was from Pal.

He shows a muddy paw print on his list.

Binky: How many did you get?

Muffy: (nervous chuckle)  I lost count after 30.

Francine looks suspicious.

Francine: I’ve been thinking. Maybe we should all see the principal. To show how commited we are.

Muffy: What? No! It’ll be too confusing. Our message will get lost. Plus, Buster will probably start talking about seltzer.

Buster: It’s the bubbles! That’s what moves the cars!

Muffy: Trust me, I’ve got this. Meet you outside after the meeting.

Muffy and the others leave in opposite directions.

Francine: Hmm.

She follows Muffy.

Muffy walks to the principal’s office and looks at the signatures.

Muffy: (sighs)

''She walks away and throws the signatures in the trash. Francine watches from behind a corner.''

Francine: (growls)

The boys are waiting outside the school when Muffy comes out.

Arthur: Well, are we getting more busses?

Buster: What did she say?

Muffy: I begged, I pleaded, but she just wouldn’t budge. She said the school just didn’t have the money.

Binky: Then we’ll raise the money! Let’s go talk to her.

He wants to go inside.

Muffy: Wait! I... it wasn’t just the money. She said she looked into it and… there are no more busses.

Brain: How can that be?

Muffy: There’s a shortage! No one can explain it.

Francine comes out with the signatures.

Francine: I can explain it. You didn’t talk to the principal at all. Look what I found in the trash!

Arthur: What? How could you?

Muffy: You have to understand that my dad is a car salesman. It’s his life! Fewer cars on the road could his business.

Francine: This is the environment we’re talking about.

Buster: It’s the air we breathe.

Francine: It’s bigger than just you and your dad! Don’t you get that?

The kids leave Muffy alone.

Binky: You are hereby kicked out of the Eco-Compadres club!

Buster: I thought we were the Eco-Squad.

Binky: Eco-Compadres sounds better. It has that Binky-zing.

Muffy: Wait! Maybe we can compromise? She looks sad.

''Mr. Crosswire is making a smoothie in the kitchen. Muffy comes in looking depressed.''

Mr. Crosswire: Pumpkin smoothie for my pumpkin?

Muffy: No, thanks.

Mr. Crosswire: What’s wrong?

Muffy: I saved the family business, but I think I lost my friends in the process.

Mr. Crosswire: Huh? Here. Tell me everything.

He hands Muffy a glass of smoothie.

Shortly afterwards, Muffy puts the empty glass on the counter.

Muffy: ...and if we get more busses, then there’ll be fewer cars. And you can’t be a dog groomer ‘cause you’re allergic to dogs. (sobs)

Mr. Crosswire hands her a tissue.

Mr. Crosswire: Honey bun, part of being a good businessman is learning to change with the times. That’s why I’m so excited about the Mallard. It’s an electric car.

He shows a brochure.

Muffy: It is? Well, why does that matter?

Mr. Crosswire: It doesn’t use gasoline, which is better for the air. It’s not a perfect solution, but it’s a start. A healthy environment is important to me too. It’s the world I’m protecting for my muffin.

Muffy hugs him.

Muffy: Oh... I should have taken those signatures to the principal.

Mr. Crosswire: You can talk to her tomorrow. In the meantime, I might just be able to help.

Some time later, Mrs. MacGrady and the Eco-Kids stand outside the school.

Mrs. MacGrady: I am so proud of you kids. This is really going to make a difference.

Binky: Thanks, Mrs. MacGrady, and it would have never happened if I hadn’t asked for green beans.

Francine: I have to hand it to you, Muffy, this solution is even better than the one we were planning.

Muffy: It was really Daddy’s idea.

Francine: I should have thought of how our campaign would affect him. I’m sorry.

Muffy: It’s okay. If you had, then Daddy wouldn’t have asked the Mallard car company for their help.

''A horn sounds. A new school bus, driven by Bailey, drives up to the school, followed by two more busses.''

Kids: (Oohing)  Wow!

Mr. Crosswire gets out of the first bus.

Mr. Crosswire: All aboard for the maiden voyage of Lakewood Elementary’s new fleet of electric school busses.

The kids get inside.

Kids: Ooh!

Buster: Look at the fancy cupholders.

Brain: These seats are so comfy.

Mrs. MacGrady: Let’s break some Tunes! The busses drive off.