The Chips Are Down/Transcript

Introduction
''Arthur and Francine are sitting in the Sugar Bowl. D.W. and her mother are sitting at the next table.''

D.W.: Hey, you guys, I'm doing a poll.

Arthur: That's her new thing: poll doing. She saw it on TV.

D.W.: I think children should seek out the opinions of elders they respect.

Mrs. Read: Come on, D.W., you're bothering them.

Francine: No, wait. If she respects us, the least we can do is help, Arthur.

Arthur: (sighs)

D.W.: Name something you always wanted to do. Arthur first.

Arthur: I want to play a real piano concert, OK? A fantasy shows him playing a grand piano.

D.W.: That's it? That's not so exciting.

Arthur: It is if you skydive at the same time. ''The piano slides out of a flying cargo plane. Arthur continues playing as parachutes unfold. ''Ooh!

Another fantasy shows Francine getting out of a space shuttle and play ice hockey on Saturn's ring.

Francine: Sounds good. I'd like to orbit Saturn, so I could practise my drive to the net without friction or gravity.

''The fantasy ends. Binky comes in. ''

D.W.: And what about you, Big Head Kid? I'm taking a poll. Is there anything you've always wanted to do?

Binky: Um... Yeah. Hey, look out there! ''Arthur and Francine turn around. Binky takes their lemonades and drinks them.''   Ah. I always wanted to do that. Arthur and Francine exchange looks.

Title Card: Arthur in the Shower
''There's a thunderstorm over the Read house. D.W. sneaks towards the kitchen.''

Arthur: Duck! ''D.W. ducks behind an armchair. '' I've found another duck.

Arthur and Buster are sitting at the table sorting potato chips.

Buster: Ah! Look at this one.

Arthur: It kind of looks like Francine.

Buster: So which pile does it go in?

Arthur: The first pile is big ones. Then small ones, burnt ones, ones that look like a duck and ones that look like people we know. D.W. reaches out.   D.W., I told you you could have a chip when we were done.

D.W.: But I want one now!

Arthur: Wait just five minutes.

D.W.: Please.

Arthur: No. D.W. walks out.

D.W.: Mom! Arthur won't share and it's my house too because I live here and I have rights!

Arthur+Buster: Hh! Buster takes out a big green chip.

Buster: There's no category for this.

Arthur: Put it down carefully.

Mrs. Read: Arthur, would you please come here?

Mrs. Read is working on the computer.

Mrs. Read: Can't you let D.W. have one potato chip?

Arthur: We will. I already explained it to her. We're the Potato Chip Club. Before eating the chips, we must all organize them into official categories.

Buster: Mostly because it's raining.

Arthur: We'll share them with her when we're done.

''While Arthur and Buster are in the living room, D.W. sneaks into the kitchen. She grabs into the chips bag, then she sees the big green chip.''

D.W.: Hh! This is the most beautiful greeny thing I've ever seen! I want to keep it always. She eats it.

Mrs. Read: D.W., the boys will give you a chip in five minutes.

Buster: Let's call it Big Green, the eighth wonder of the world.

D.W. sneaks out of the kitchen as the boys walk in.

Arthur: Big Green is gone!

Buster: Hh!

Arthur+Buster: D.W.!

Arthur: I know how to get her to confess.

#
D.W. sits down at the top of the staircase.

D.W.: I am so much smarter than Arthur. She hears voices from downstairs.

Buster: I almost ate a green potato chip once.

Arthur: You're lucky to be alive. Green chips are poison and there's no cure. Arthur and Buster are standing at the bottom of the stairs and staging the conversation.

Buster: I know. After you eat a green one, it's only a matter of time

Arthur+Buster: (giggle)

D.W.: (gulps) Hh! Nadine appears beside her.

Nadine: I can't believe you ate a green chip. There are so many others to choose from.

D.W.: It was pretty.

Nadine: Your shoes are pretty but you don't eat them.

D.W.: They're not salty and crunchy.

Arthur: I was sure D.W. would go screaming to Mom.

Buster: She probably knew you made up that thing about green potato chips being poison. Or maybe she didn't eat it. He and Arthur go back to the kitchen.

Arthur: Yeah, I guess Pal ate it.

Pal: (whines)  He looks insulted.

#
''D.W. looks out of the window in her room. Nadine sits on D.W.'s bed.''

Nadine: You'd better tell your mom.

D.W.: I can't. She told me not to do it. If these are my last days of life, I don't want Mommy mad at me. Hey! Maybe Arthur was fooling. Do you know if the green ones are really poison?

Nadine: I don't know anything you don't know.

D.W.: Right. I've got to find out. I've got to ask someone who'd know.

#
''D.W. meets the Tibbles at the sandbox. Binky is on the swings behind them.''

Timmy: Hi, D.W. That big kid's trying to swing up over the bar. He's cool.

D.W.: Yeah, right, sure.. What do you guys know about green potato chips?

Tommy: You mean the poison ones?

D.W.: Oh-h-h! She falls backwards into the grass.

Binky: Hey, Arthur's sister. What's that you said about green potato chips?

D.W.: They're poison. Binky jumps off the swing.

Binky: What?! I ate a green one two days ago.

D.W.: Then you have even less time left than I do. The empty swing hits Binky in the back.

Binky: Hey, who are you pushing?! Oh. He sits down on the swing.

D.W.: Is that how you want to spend your last moments of your life? Just swinging?

Binky: Not just swinging. I'm trying to ride up over the bar.

D.W.: But your life is almost over. Soon this will be you. She lies on her back and sticks out her tongue.

Binky: (giggles) That's what my dad looks like when he sleeps.

D.W.: Big Head Kid, this is like a tragedy. You've heard of death? From now on, I'll act like every day is my last day. Because it might be.

Binky: Hey, this is serious, huh? He follows her.

#
''Binky and D.W. fly a kite. D.W. hands Binky another roll of string which he ties to the kite string.''

D.W.: How much string is that?

Binky: Five rolls.

D.W.: I can't see it. You sure it's still up there?

Binky: I don't know. Something's holding the string up.

D.W.: Oh yeah. Then we did it. This has to be the highest any kite ever flew. ''They shake hands. The kite pulls the last bit of string off the roll. ''Well, there's a lot of other things I want to do.

#
''Binky and D.W. float little boats in the park. / They swim in a lake. / They watch fireworks at night. Binky lifts D.W. on his shoulders. / They carve Jack o' Lanterns. / They jump into a pile of leaves. / They build a snow castle. / They walk along a street at sundown.''

D.W.: Boy, it's amazing what you can do in one day if you try real hard.

#
D.W. lies on the couch watching a Christmas show featuring Mary Moo Cow.

TV show: (singing:) Magic Christmas, magic Christmas, it's a big bright magic Christmas.

Arthur comes in with Pal.

Arthur: D.W., you're watching Christmas videos in May??

D.W.: I want to make sure I get to see 'em.

Arthur: You're lucky you don't have a sister, Pal. They're all goofy.

#
During Mr. Ratburn's lesson, Binky shows Brain a list.

Binky: I made a list of my three biggest goals in life. Can you help me figure out how to do 'em?

Mr. Ratburn: Binky Barnes, why don't you read us your homework essay? Binky stands up.

Binky: Mr. Ratburn. I started to do my homework, then I got to thinking. What's the point? Will doing all this homework really help me? '' The kids look dumbfounded. Arthur takes off his glasses and puts his hands over his eyes. Mr. Ratburn looks even more dumbfounded.''

#
In preschool Miss Morgan holds pictures with people in professional clothing on them.

Miss Morgan:These are only some of the careers you can have when you grow up.

D.W.: What's a career I can succeed in, say, by my next birthday? I don't want to spend my life watching the Tibbles eat paper paste. The Tibbles hide the jar of paste behind their backs.

Tommy: (full mouth:) I didn't eat any paste.

Timmy: (full mouth:) Me, neither.

#
Binky sits in Mr. Haney's office.

Mr. Haney: So, Mr. Ratburn says you refuse to do homework any more, Binky.

Binky: Mr. Haney, sir, every minute of life is a precious gift. We live in a world surrounded by beauty. ''Outside Mr. Frensky drives away the garbage truck to reveal a view on a beautiful forest. ''Should we fritter away our lives and allow the wonders of this amazing gift to just pass us by?

Mr. Haney: Come with me, young man.

#
Mr. Haney and Binky meet Mr. Ratburn in the corridor.

Mr. Haney: Mr. Ratburn, this boy has the soul of a poet and I for one do not appreciate you trying to crush his soaring spirit and natural talents.

Mr. Ratburn: Binky?? Binky Barnes?? Mr. Haney now has a picture of Mount Everest and a backpack with a rope and a pickaxe.

Mr. Haney: This budding Walt Whitman has inspired me to follow my lifelong dream to climb Mount Everest. I won't be a life fritterer-awayer. Thank you, my boy! He shakes hands with Binky then leaves.

Binky: See you, Herb.

#
Brain, Binky, Muffy, Buster, Arthur and Francine sit in the cafeteria.

Brain: I realise these are your life's goals, but you just can't take a bite out of the sun. It's hotter than pizza that's been cooked inside a baked potato. You'd melt.

Binky: Rats! He crosses out that goal on his list.

Brain: And you can't drink a whole ocean. Salt water would make you sick.

Binky: That only leaves me one goal!

#
''Binky stands in front of „Romanov's Ballet School“. He looks through the window at the dancing girls inside.''

Binky: (sighs)  He walks inside.

#
''Buster meets Arthur ind Francine in the treehouse. Arthur looks in a game box.''

Arthur: There's something very strange going on. D.W. had this game last and she put everything back where it belongs. And last night she kissed me goodnight.

Francine: Eerie. Buster holds up a flyer.

Buster: Not as eerie as this. An invitation to a ballet recital.

Kids: Starring Binky Barnes!

Buster: Do you think it's...?

Arthur: Don't say space aliens.

Francine: Hey, look! ''D.W. is sitting by a tree with a magnifying glass. Binky walks up to her with a flyer.''

D.W.: Have you ever really looked at a leaf?

Binky: Yeah, I did it yesterday for five hours. Nature sure is amazing! I wanted to personally invite you to my ballet recital as you inspired me to follow my dream.

Francine: D.W. inspired Binky??

Buster: Arthur, I'm afraid.

Arthur: This is just weird.

#
''Arthur is eating chips in the living room. D.W. shows her parents the dress she's wearing.''

D.W.: This is what I'm wearing this to the Big Head Kid's recital this afternoon.

Mrs. Read: Very nice, D.W.

D.W.: I may never have another chance to wear it. Arthur takes a green chip out of the bag.  Arthur! No-o-o! She snatches the chip away just as Arthur is going to eat it.

Arthur: Hey! Mom! D.W. swiped my chip.

D.W.: I saved his life. It was a green chip. The green ones are poison.

Arthur: (laughs) They're not poison. That's just what everyone says for fun. He takes the chip and eats it.

D.W.: They're not poison?

Arthur: You did eat my green chip! And you thought you were poisoned, didn't you? That's why you were acting so weird. So... nice. Nadine appears.

Nadine: I told you you should have told your mom right away.

D.W.: Oh, you did not!

#
''At the ballet recital Binky dances with Rubella and three other girls. Arthur, Francine and Buster sit in the audience. The Tough Customers sit in the row behind them.''

Arthur: This is for real.

Francine: He's really doing it.

Binky disappears in the wings for a moment where D.W. is standing.

Binky: (breathes loudly) You should watch from the audience. It'd look better from there.

D.W.: I've something to tell you about green potato chips. She whispers in his ear.

Binky: Huh?!

While the girls keep dancing, the Tough Customers suddenly notice that Binky is sitting beside them.

Rattles: Why aren't you on stage?

Binky: I'm done! It was a big joke. Didn't you get it? I mean, me? Ballet? (laughs unconvincingly)

Rattles: Too bad. You were the best part.

Binky: Really?

Arthur+Buster+Francine: Yeah!

Binky: Excuse me, I have to catch a swan. He runs back on stage.

Rubella: Hh!  Just as she jumps, Binky catches her.

Audience: (applause, cheering)

#
After the recital people walk out of the theater.

Mrs. Read: I'm glad this all worked out. But remember, D.W., you don't have to worry alone.

D.W.: I know, Mommy. Nadine told me.

Binky: Hey! Arthur's sister! If not for you, I never would have done this. And I really liked it. Thanks.

D.W.: Don't thank me, Big Head Kid. Thank green potato chips.

Binky: My name is Binky. They shake hands.

D.W.: Mine's D.W.   They start leaving together.

Binky: Next, I'm going to make up my own ballet called „Robot Man In The Junkyard“.

Francine, Arthur and Buster walk behind them.

Arthur: I will never figure out how those two became friends.

Buster: (whispers:) Space aliens.

A flying saucer with to aliens in tutus flies outside the window.

Alien 1: Hey! Don't blame us!

Alien 2: We're just ballet fans. '' They spin on their toes. Then the saucer leaves the Earth.''