Spoiled Rotten!/Transcript

Introduction
A book titled “The Poor Little Princess” is shown.

Narrator: And now, it's time for the tale of The Poor Little Princess. ''The book opens. The first page shows Muffy dressed like Marie Antoinette.'' Once upon a time, there was a poor little princess. Now, the poor little princess was not technically poor. In fact, she was quite wealthy. She had chests full of jewels, closets full of clothes, and limousines and yachts and private jets...

Muffy: A-hm-hm-hm!

Narrator: Sorry, Your Majesty. The poor little princess was poor because she felt poor, and the reason she felt poor was her subjects did not appreciate her.

Muffy is carried through the crowd on a litter.

Crowd: (Boo!)

Muffy cries on her bed.

Muffy: (sobs)

Narrator: They accused her of selfishness and greed. But they didn't understand.

Muffy: Do they think I do this for me? No! I do it for them.

Narrator: Yes, she did it for... Wait, how does that work exactly?'

Muffy: (gasps) First of all, these clothes, they're so my subjects have something pretty to look at. Second of all, my million dollar parties are so my subjects have something fun to read about in the newspaper. ''A peasant family looks at a party photo in the Elwood Kingdom Times. Then they throw the paper into the trash.'' And third of all, third of all... third of all… Well, aren't two things enough?

A servant serves her ice-cream.

Narrator: I suppose. How about we just call you, "The Little Princess"? You are that.

Muffy: How about I just call you "fired"?

The narrator is heard walking away.

Narrator: Snow White warned me not to take this gig! This is absolutely the last time I do anything without running it by my agent…

Muffy: Ah… Hello? Narrator? Listen, I was joking! I was only trying to give you a good laugh. (laughs nervously) Narrator? Narrator!!

The camera zooms out of the book which closes.

Title Card: Slot Machine: Muffy
Francine: (voice) Spoiled Rotten! Francine looks at a pair of sneakers in a store.

Francine: (gasps) The Mercury X-11 pump action cross trainers with aqua gel soles! Oh, please, please, please be cheap. She looks at the price. Great, it'd take me six weeks to save up that much.

Muffy comes.

Muffy: What are those? Nurses’ shoes?!

Francine: These are the best athletic shoes on the market! All the professional athletes wear them. (sighs) Unfortunately, only pro athletes can afford them.

Muffy: They're just sneakers. Now, which are more me, the red or the purple?

She holds up two shoes.

Francine: Beats me!

Muffy: I can't decide either. Ah, I guess I'll take both.

''The girls stand at the cashier. Muffy takes one of many credit cards out of her wallet.''

Muffy: You know, if you really want those hideous things, I'll buy them for you.

Francine smiles briefly.

Francine: No, thanks. I'd rather save up and buy them myself.

The store clerk is about to put the shoes in a plastic bag.

Muffy: No, no, the good bag, please.

''The store clerk puts the shoes in a fancy bag. Francine smiles and shakes her head.''

***

''While calendar pages from October and November flash by, Francine puts money into her piggy bank. Finally, she breaks it with a hammer.''

***

Francine runs into the store, but finds a sign saying “Out of Stock” instead of the shoes.

Francine: (gasps)

''She walks out sadly. Muffy, wearing jogging clothes, runs up to her.''

Muffy: Yoo-hoo, Francine! I was just about to call you. Look what I just bought.

Francine: My sneakers?

Muffy: They're so comfortable, and look at the bounce these soles have.

She jumps up and down.

Francine: But I was gonna buy them! I saved up six weeks' worth of allowance.

Muffy: Don't they have any more?

Francine: No!

Muffy: Oh... (giggles nervously) Well...this is awkward.

Francine: Yup.

Muffy: I'd give them to you, but I...have a foot fungus...thingy. You wouldn't want them.

Francine: Muffy Crosswire, you're the most selfish, spoiled brat I've ever met!

She walks away.

Muffy: Spoiled? Moi?

***

''Muffy walks down a school corridor with Arthur and Buster. Buster is carrying an old coat.''

Muffy: I mean, of all the people to call spoiled, what was she thinking? You guys don't think I'm spoiled, do you? Arthur and Buster exchange looks. Well, do you?!

Buster: No!

Arthur: Of course not!

Buster: (sniffs) But something in this coat definitely is. He takes an old sandwich out of a pocket. Oh yeah, this is from when my mom and I went caroling last year! It's baloney. (sniffs) Or maybe tuna.

Muffy: Why are you carrying that big overcoat, anyway? It's not winter yet.

Buster: It's for the clothing drive, remember? Mr. Ratburn told us to put clothes we don't need anymore in here and they’d be given to charity.

He puts the coat in a drop box outside their classroom.

Arthur: Are you gonna donate anything, Muffy?

Muffy: Well, I would, but I just don't have anything old and ratty. All my stuff is too nice.

Buster: My coat's not ratty! You know what? I take it back - you are spoiled! Come on, Arthur.

''The boys go into the classroom. The school bell rings.''

***

Muffy walks into her room followed by Bailey carrying a tray with milk and cookies.

Muffy: Sue Ellen, Binky, even Brain, they all agreed with Francine. But just because I'm rich doesn't mean I'm spoiled, does it, Bailey?

''She kicks off her shoes and lies down on her bed. Bailey puts the shoes in the closet.''

Bailey: I believe it is one's attitude towards privilege that determines such a thing.

Muffy: Exactly! Cookie. Bailey hands her one. But how can I convince them I'm not spoiled? I know! I'll just be super generous and show them how easy it is for me to do without things. Take these cookies away, Bailey! Wait...I'll just take one for later. Or maybe two. Take them away, Bailey!

''Bailey leaves. Muffy lies back and eats the cookies.''

***

Muffy walks to the clothing drive drop box carrying a box full of clothes.

Muffy: Make way, coming through! No, no, I don't need any help. She puts her box besides the drop box. Phew! There! That should help the clothing drive.

Arthur: I'm surprised you have anything left to wear.

Muffy: When I heard that there were people in need, I just took whatever I could find.

Francine: ...At the Discount Barn and bought it. All these things still have tags on them.

Muffy: So? Who was the one who told Bailey to go there and charge it on Daddy's credit card? Hm?

Francine: Yeah, but they're defective. She holds up a pair of pants with three legs. Hm! Some sacrifice!

***

''Francine is reading a book in class. Muffy sits down next to her.''

Muffy: For your information, I have made some sacrifices. See?

She shows one of her braids.

Francine: See what?

Muffy: I used plain, old baby shampoo and no conditioner. And I walked to school today. So there! I'm not spoiled.

Francine: Oh, yeah? Were your Mercury X-11 pump action cross trainers with aqua gel soles comfy?

***

The kids walk out of the classroom.

Muffy: You know, I never thought I'd say this about my best friend, but you are a richist!

Francine: A what?

Muffy: A richist! Someone who's prejudiced against rich people.

Francine: There's no such word.

Muffy: Well, there should be.

Francine: I'm not prejudiced against rich people, only spoiled people!

Muffy: I am not spoiled!

Francine: Then prove it. Why don't you put one of your own precious bits of clothing in that box? Something that people could actually use.

Muffy: Okay, I will!

She drops one of her bows into the box.

Francine: Oh, puh-leeze!

She begins to walk away.

Muffy: Wait, wait! This might look like a cheap windbreaker to you, but it’s a Patagucci, see, and it goes with everything I own. She hesitatingly drops the jacket in the box. Satisfied?

''She walks off. Francine looks suspicious.''

***

Muffy runs to Bailey who is holding the limousine’s door open for her.

Bailey: Will you be walking home today, Miss Muffy?

Muffy: No. But would you mind waiting here a second? I, er, left something inside.

''Muffy runs back into the school and carefully looks around a corner. The corridor with the drop box is dark and empty. Just as she takes back her jacket the light goes on. ''

Francine: Ah-ha! I knew it! Like I said, spoiled! Spoiled rotten!

***

''In the evening Muffy lies in her bed. Bailey brings a glass of milk on a tray.''

Bailey: Warm milk, Miss Muffy?

Muffy: Bailey, do you think I'm spoiled?

She drinks the milk.

Bailey: Em, a poet once said, "Everything is spoilt by use. Where's the cheek that doth not fade, too much gazed at?"

Muffy: What does that mean?

Bailey: I have no idea! Goodnight, Miss Muffy. He turns off the light.

***

In her dream Muffy and Bailey are archaeologists who open an ancient Egyptian tomb.

Muffy: (gasps) We've done it, Bailey! We've discovered the Pharaoh's tomb. She shines a flashlight on heaps of treasure. Look at all this stuff! I'll be rich! I mean, richer. What do these hierogimmicks say?

Bailey: Hieroglyphics, Miss Muffy. They say, "You have entered the tomb of the great King Haphtuhavet. Please wipe your feet, and if you take anything, you will be forever cursed."

Muffy: Oh, please! It probably says "purse" and you're reading it wrong. Bring the camel round. ''Bailey leaves. Muffy sees two golden sneakers in a chest.'' Ooh, I have to have these!

''Bailey leads a heavily loaded camel through a hot desert. Muffy follows behind, wearing the sneakers.''

Muffy: (moans) Who designed this giant sand box? She drinks from a bottle. We haven't seen an oasis for mi... What's happening?! Augh! I'm sinking!

Bailey: It's quicksand, Miss Muffy. Grab the end of the rope!

''He throws her a rope. She grabs it and he pulls.''

Muffy: Pull, Bailey! Pull!

She is buried up to her belt.

Bailey: I'm pulling, Miss. You seem to have become... incredibly heavy.

Muffy is buried up to her shoulders.

Muffy: I beg your pardon? I am the same weight I've... Wait! It's the shoes, they're pulling me down! Help! Muffy wakes up. (gasps)

***

''The next day Muffy comes to school with a plastic bag. The drop box is gone.''

Muffy: (gasps) Where'd the box go?

Buster: They collected it a few minutes ago.

Arthur: Some charity called the Clothing Exchange.

Muffy: But I brought something for them!

Buster: I'm sure you can return it for a store credit!

***

''Muffy enters the Clothing Exchange. The owner holds up a belt.''

Buzz Valette: You think a dollar's too much for this belt?

Muffy: Is it leather?

Buzz Valette: Alligator.

Muffy: No, in fact you could probably get ten for it.

Buzz Valette: We'll split it and make it five. You donating or buying?

Muffy: Donating. Is this a store or a charity?

Buzz looks at Muffy’s donated sneakers.

Buzz Valette: Both. Some stuff we give away, some we sell and donate the profits to the soup kitchen next door. What are these, nurses’ shoes? We'll say twelve.

Muffy: They're athletic shoes, and they're worth a lot more than that. In fact, a lot of this stuff is valuable. This is a vintage Loco Chanel handbag! You could get a hundred dollars for it.

Buzz Valette: Huh! I thought it was something you used to feed a horse! Yeah, I should probably have a professional go through all this stuff, but... who has the money?

Muffy: I know someone who might be able to help. She offers her hand. Muffy Crosswire.

Buzz shakes it.

Buzz Valette: Buzz Valette.

They shake hands.

***

''Summer changes to fall. Muffy gets out of the limousine in front of the Clothing Exchange which is now called “Care to Ware”. She is talking on her cell phone.''

Muffy: So, I won't be home until five, Daddy. I'm helping Buzz with the books. He still doesn't know the difference between net and gross. Kisses!

Francine comes out of the store.

Francine: I knew it'd be just a matter of time until you found this place. So, did you come to buy out the whole store?

Muffy: I was keeping it a secret, but if you must know...

Francine: I know, I know! You gave the store a makeover, Buzz told me. You've done a pretty amazing job, too.

Muffy: Well, someone had to stop him from giving away Loco Chanel handbags!

Francine: Hey, look what I got!

She pulls the sneakers out of her bag.

Muffy: (gasps) Someone finally bought them! Did he charge you 39.95?

Francine: Every penny, but at least it'll find its way to someone who needs it.

Buzz comes out.

Buzz Valette: Those Patagucci windbreakers you gave us are selling like hotcakes! I'm just gonna give this cheque to the soup kitchen.

He walks off.

Francine: I'm sorry I called you spoiled.

Muffy: Well, if the shoe fits...!

Francine+Muffy: (giggle)

It starts to snow.

Francine: By the way, you were only kidding about the foot fungus thing, right?

Muffy: Er...