The Secret About Secrets/Transcript

(Arthur whispers into Buster's ear, in the Reads' hallway)

Buster: Really?!

Arthur: (nodding) Yep. But you can't tell anybody!

Buster: I won't. Wow, that is so cool! Well, see you tomorrow. (exits out the front door)

D.W.: (holding her hand up) Not so fast! What were you guys whispering about (glares, folds her arms)

Arthur: (walking away) I'm not telling you. It's a secret.

D.W.: I won't tell anybody.

Arthur: (stopping) I won't either. That's what makes it a secret (walks away, D.W. looks peeved)

(cut to the Reads at their table)

Mrs Read: T-W-I-N-S.

Mr Read: Really? That's quite a secret!

(D.W. looks annoyed, cut to Grandma Thora walking down the sidewalk carrying a bag, D.W. looks in)

Thora: I'm sorry, dear, but your mother asked me not to show this to you. It's a secret. (her face appears in the corner)

Arthur: It's a secret. (his face appears in the other corner)

Mr Read: It's a secret. (his face appears in another corner)

Mrs Read: It's a secret. (her face appears in the middle.

Tommy Tibble: It's a secret. (his face appears appears in the remaining corner)

Timmy Tibble: (whispering) It's a secret. (his face appears between Thora's and Mr Read's)

Emily; (whispering) It's a secret. (her face appears between Tommy's and Thora's)

Buster: It's a secret. (his face appears between Tommy's and Arthur's)

James: It's a secret. (his face appears between Arthur's and Mr Read's)

D.W.: All right, already! (breaks the wall of faces and covers her ears, then uncovers them) Wait a minute, do any of you know a secret? Don't worry. You can tell me. I won't tell anybody. Please tell me? Please! (kneels on floor, desperate voice) Please!!

(title card)

Nadine: (appears in front of D.W.'s bed, upon which D.W. is lying with her shoes off and rubbing her forehead) Oh no, not again.

D.W.: That's the tenth secret Arthur wouldn't tell me! And I think it was a good one too! Why can't anybody tell me just one?

Nadine: I could tell you one.

D.W.: Not the same. Oh, I wish I knew one.

Nadine: (getting onto D.W.'s bed) Well, the good thing about a secret is that it's secret. Nobody has to know you don't know one.

D.W. (smiles, walks into the kitchen, sits down) I know a secret but I'm not telling it to you.

Buster: OK.

Arthur: Fine (leaves)

D.W.: Aren't you gonna ask me what it is? (Buster pours milk on cereal)

Buster; No. (eats cereal)

D.W.: Aren't you even gonna ask who told it to me?

Arthur: (pouring milk on his cereal) Whoever told it to you doesn't want you blabbing it to us.

Buster; D.W., when a friend tells you a secret and asks you to keep it--

D.W.: But nobody told me! It's a secret I made up all by myself! (the boys look surprised)

(D.W.'s bedroom, she's lying face down on her bed and Nadine is sitting on the bed)

Nadine: Well, I didn't ask you to keep blabbing about it.

D.W.: Well, you also didn't tell me that you have to have someone tell you a secret or else it's not actually a secret. (sits up) That's it!

(on the playground)

D.W.: My mom told it to me. She said I couldn't tell this secret to anybody, ever.

Tommy Tibble: (sitting in the sand pit with his brother) Uh-huh. (pushes toy truck) Ka-pow!

D.W.: She heard it from, uh, Miss Morgan.

Timmy: You can't get away from me! (throws a toy robot) Grr, gotcha!

D.W.: I think Miss Morgan heard it from your grandma.

Tibble Twins; Grandma?!

Tommy: Really?! What she say?

D.W.: My lips are sealed. It's a secret.

Timmy: Grandma tells us everything. She'd never keep a secret from us.

Tommy: (standing up, picks up a toy) Let's call Grandma and see.

D.W.: Well, umm, no, you don't have to call her. It's not that big a secret.

Tommy: (holds up toy like a phone) Hi, Grandma.

D.W.: (taking it off him) Okay, I was just kidding, there's no secret. (falls over)

One of the twins; And there's no cell phone (both laugh)

Timmy: Good one, Tommy.

D.W.: (sits up, her arm has a minor injury) Ow. (the twins look worried)

Timmy: Are you OK?

(the nurse puts a plaster on D.W.'s arm)

D.W.: I never knew fake secrets were so dangerous.

Nurse: Stay right there. (picks up the phone) Hello. Oh, yes, I called because you need to bring James a change of clothes.

James: (standing in the corner, waves) What happened to you?

D.W.: It's kind of a secret. What about you?

James: Oh, well, it's kind of a secret too.

D.W.: Really?! I'll tell you my secret if you tell me yours.

James: Uh---

D.W.: (quickly) I was fighting with the Tibbles and fell down. Now you.

James: Uh...

Nurse: James split his pants right down the middle. Oh, there's no hiding it (shakes her head), you can see his underwear clear as day from the back.

(D.W. gasps)

James: You can't tell anyone. It's a secret, remember. A secret!

(D.W. smiles and nods, daydream begins. D.W. knocks)

Person: Sorry, this clubhouse is for secret-holders only.

D.W.: I got one. (gets let into a room where people are talking at tables and have glowing purple bags with a gold S on them)

Person: It's OK, everybody. She's cool. Here. (hands her one of the "S" bags).

D.W.: What's that?

Person: That's to put your secret in. Go on.

D.W.: (whispering into the bag) James split his pants. (the bag glows and the person ties it up, a woman offers her a seat, she stops daydreaming, scene cut, plays hopscotch) Yes!!

Emily: Wow, you're so happy today, what happened? (throws a stone)

D.W.: Well, let's just say, I know a secret.

Emily: Oh. (plays hopscotch)

D.W.: What do you mean "oh"?

Emily: What did the Tibbles' grandma tell you?

D.W.: No, this time it's real.

Emily: Well, if it's real, why can't you tell me?

D.W.:  'Cause it's a secret.

Emily: (stops) But I'm your best friend.

D.W.: True. Hmm, OK, but you can't tell anybody. (Emily smiles, nods, and leans over to hear D.W.)

D.W.: (sees James and changes her mind) Uh, I'll tell you tomorrow. (runs away, scene changes to D.W. and Nadine in bed at night) She's my best friend. Can't I at least tell one person?

Nadine: But if you tell her, then how do you think James will feel?

D.W.: Just one person (falls asleep and starts dreaming, whispers in Emily's ear) Jame's split his pants.

Emily: Really?

D.W.: Yep, but you can't tell anybody. (Emily walks over to the sandbox where the Tibble twins are) What are you doing?!

Emily: Don't worry, I'm just telling Timmy. (whispering) James split his pants.

Timmy: Wow, wait until I tell Tommy!

Tommy: Tell me what?

Timmy: (whispering) James split his pants.

D.W.: No, you guys! You gotta stop!

Tommy: (laughs, whispers to Vicita) James split his pants.

Timmy: (whispers to a boy) James split his pants.

Emily: (whispers to another boy) James split his pants.

(D.W. gasps)

Boy Emily Told: (whispering) James split his pants.

Emily: James split his--

D.W.: Oh no!

James; Hey, D.W. What are they all talking about?

D.W.: Oh, uh, nothing, just.

Everyone Else On Playground: (mocking singsong voice) James split his pants. James split his pants. (laugh)

(D.W. wakes up and sighs, scene cut to the road)

D.W.: (in the backseat of the Read car, Mrs Read is driving) I know this secret and it's a really great secret and...and I just got to tell it to somebody.

Mrs Read: You can tell it to me. You should always share your secrets with Dad or me so we can help you.

D.W: Okay, well, the other day, James split his pants at school. His mum had to bring him extra clothes.

Mrs Read: I bet James is embarrassed and wouldn't want the other kids at school to know. (lets her out of the car)

D.W.: But it's really hard not tell anyone.

Mrs Read: I'm glad you told me but let's keep it between us.

D.W.: But how do I stop myself from telling?

Mrs Read: (walking D.W. to preschool) Well, try not to think about it. Try thinking about something else, like Christmas.

(D.W. is drawing a reindeer and humming Jingle Bells)

Emily: So what's the secret?

D.W.: What? Oh, I, uh, (keeps drawing and humming).

Emily: D.W., did you hear me?

Voice in D.W.'s Head: (to the tune of Jingle Bells) His mom had to bring pants to school 'cause James split his pants.

D.W.: Oh, look, the Tibbles are making a sandcastle. (runs away)

Emily: D.W.!

D.W.: I'll tell you tomorrow! (gets picked up from school) Drive!

Vicita: (walking home from school) See you later, guys. See ya.

(bedtime, D.W. dreams that she's back at that secret clubhouse and her bag is wiggling)

Person who let her in: Hey, little girl, what's up with your bag?

D.W.: Oh, uh, I don't know. (Everyone gasps)

Person: (taking bag) Never open your bag!

D.W; But--

Person: You open that bag and you're outta the clubhouse. (gives the bag back, but it jumps around, shocking everyone. D.W. grabs it but it keeps jumping. It escapes)

James: (outside the door) Don't, D.W.! Please, D.W!

(D.W. gasps, the bag opens and the phrase "James split his pants" comes out of it)

D.W: (wakes up, screams, runs into the room where Mrs. Read is making toast) Mom, can I stay home today? I think I'm sick.

Mrs Read: Oh, what is it, honey? Do you feel nauseous? (feels D.W's forehead) Sore throat?

D.W.: I think I have secret-itis.

Mrs. Read: (lets Thora in) Thanks, Thora. You're a lifesaver.

Arthur: Hi, Grandma. (hugs Thora)

Thora: Hello, Arthur. (Arthur leaves)

Mrs Read: D.W. needs a flop day but these appointments can't wait. I'll be back at two. (leaves)

Thora: (sits by D.W. who is lying on the couch watching TV) So, your mother tells me you have a very distinctive ailment. Secrets can be hard, can't they?

D.W.: I think I hate them.

Thora: Well, I'll tell you a secret: I used to suffer from secret-itis myself until I was ten, when I found the perfect something to tell my secret to. (gives D.W. a shell, they're in a boat) Go ahead and shout it, dear! As loud as you can.

D.W.: James split his pants!

Thora: Now, throw it as far as you can! (D.W. throws the shell into the sea, Thora feels her forehead) Maybe I'm wrong, but I think you're better. What do you think?

(D,W, gets dropped off at school)

Emily: Hey, D.W. I missed you yesterday. I spent a whole day thinking about what your secret could be. Can you tell me now?

D.W.: (whispering) I learnt how to keep a secret.

Emily: Really? How. (D.W. whispers in Emily's ear) Really?!

D.W.: Yep, but you can't tell anybody.

Emily: I won't. Wow, that is so cool.

(the phrase "James split his pants" comes out of the shell and confuses two seagulls)