What's the Use of Presents?

What's the Use of Presents? is a song from the special Arthur's Perfect Christmas. It is also the eleventh track on the special's soundtrack album, which includes a bit of additional dialogue by Arthur not heard in the television special.

The song is about Muffy feeling empty at Christmastime because she had a fight with Francine after she got upset with her for not coming to her Christmas party because she wanted to spend time with her family for Hanukkah.

The song has a similar melody to "Beauty School Dropout" from the 1978 movie .

Lyrics
Arthur

37 presents? Wow, Muffy. This is probably your biggest Christmas ever. But why do you look so unhappy? Did you and Francine have a fight?

Muffy

I got a clubhouse

I think it's the biggest in the world

I'd be the princess

And Francine a serving girl

It'd be so neat

And if she was sweet

I might even let her be queen

But not this year

 ' Cause I can't call Francine

Check out this toy train

Something Francine would love to use

Maybe she'd drive it

While I eat cake in the caboose

I'd be warm in my stole

While she shoveled coal

Till there was nothing we hadn't seen

But not this year

 ' Cause I can't call Francine

Oh, these video games are just so lame

When you only play the computer

And who will I take to see Swan Lake?

I guess I will bring my tutor

Oh, that'll be a lot of fun.

Here is a puzzle

It's in 20,000 pieces

Maybe I'll finish it

By the time I have grandnieces

Oh, I got pretty dolls, stuffed animals, a miniature submarine

But what good are presents?

I find them so unpleasant

''Who wants presents if I can't share them with... Francine?''

Francine, Francine

Oh!