Brother, Can You Spare a Clarinet?/Transcript

(Binky rings the doorbell) 

Arthur Read: Binky?

Binky: Hi, Arthur. I brought something for you.

Arthur: A present? But my birthday's not for 7 more months.

Binky: I know. I just wanted to pay you back for being such a good friend. What do you think of the wrapping paper? I decorated it myself.

Arthur: It's, uh, great. Well, thanks.

Binky: Sure enough. Enjoy!

(He leaves)

Arthur: Sometimes I just can't figure Binky out. It's like he's two different people: Bully Binky and uh, that other guy. ("That other guy" is actually a big softy) I think I like the other guy best. (he opens the present and gets hit in the face with a pie)

Binky: (laughs) What a doofus. (Arthur starts to tear the paper) Uh, uh, oh. Be careful with that wrapping paper. I'd recycle it.

(Title Card)

Brother, Can You Spare a Clarinet?

                     Written by: Dietrich Smith --- Storyboard by: Stefanie Gignac and Jeremy O'Neill

Muffy Crosswire: Brother, Can You Spare a Clarinet?

(Bubble pops)

(We now return to the story; Arthur's band class is playing Mozart's Clarinet Concerto. Binky's clarinet starts making squeaking noises as they come to a close.)

Ms. Krasny: Very nice, class. And very nice playing, Binky. (Binky's not impressed) Which gives extra pleased to announce that the Young Person's Orchestra is holding tryouts next weekend. That means one of you could spend a year in playing in one of the best youth orchestras around.

(Everyone starts whispering at how exciting this would be. Binky, thinking everyone's whispering about him, wheels around at them)

Binky: What?!

(Transition to outside the school)

Francine: I'm gonna play a Sousa March.

Buster: Me too. I'm gonna play "76 Tubas"

Francine: That song is not a Sousa March and it's called, "76 Trombones".

Buster: Then I'll adapt it.

Arthur: (seeing Binky exiting) Hey, Binky, what piece are you gonna play?

Binky: (not looking at them) Nothing. I'm not trying out.

(Arthur, Francine, and Buster all try say he's the best musician in the class until Binky growls at them. They quickly say he's bad.)

Francine: Geez. What's wrong with him?

(Fade to Binky playing, Edison M. Guzman's "La Donna e Mobile" to test out his clarinet, just before going to bed. It once again, squeaks)

Binky: (angrily throws his clarinet to the ground) Music stinks!

(Binky turns off his lamp. Fade to the next day where Muffy presents a violin from her case)

Muffy: It's called a stradivarius. It's the finest violin there is and it costs daddy more than all of your instruments put together. If you ever want to make it into the Big Leagues, the proper instrument is a must.

(Buster hits the strings)

Buster: So is being able to play it.

(One of Muffy's security guards grabs Buster by the shoulder; Buster gasps)

Ms. Krasny: Muffy, you know private security guards are not allowed in class.

Muffy: Yes, Ms. Krasny. As long as the school is willing to pay my daddy the cost of the Stradivarius if it's stolen.

Ms. Krasny: Muffy!

Muffy: (signal snaps to her guards) Check the perimeter.

(The guards leave the classroom as everyone returns to their seats)

Ms. Krasney: Okay, let's begin with the Mozart Clarinet Concerto.

(The band class attempts to play Mozart's Clarinet Concerto. Everyone notices that Binky does not have his clarinet as he's confidently sitting there with his arms crossed and eyes closed. The band stops to look twice as they continue playing each time)

Ms. Krasny: Binky, it's not a clarinet concerto if nobody plays during the clarinet passages.

Binky: (humorously) Guess you'd better find somebody to do that then, lady.

(Everyone gasps. Transition to Binky in Mr. Haney's office. Mr. Haney holds a sheet of paper saying: "List of Offenses": 1) Binky refuses to play in class, 2) Binky does not bring his clarinet to class, 3) Binky talks back at class; Signed, Ms. Krasny)

Mr. Haney: Well, young man, this is quite an episode of misbehavior.

Binky: It's a start.

Mr. Haney: Pardon me?

Binky (begins pacing the room): Who am I, Mr. Haney?

Mr. Haney: Well, um. I'm not sure actually. (starts looking through the student files) There are so many students here.

Binky: I'll tell you who I am: A doofus!

Mr. Haney: (not listening) No. There is no "Doofus" in this school. I do know that much.

Binky: (starts looking out the window at the kids at recess) I use to be a rebel. The dude who owned recess. But now, I'm just a sore wimp who plays a clarinet. It's time to say, "So long, wimp. Hello, Binky." And I mean, The Real Binky!

Mr. Haney: Well, there you go. You're Binky. Now that we've straighten that out ---

Binky: (starts stomping out of the room and closes the door) See you in detention, Mr. Haney!

Mr. Haney: That's right, young man. Detention! Harsh, I know.

Binky: (suddenly comes back in) I'm sorry. But this was driving me crazy.

(Binky fixes the flowers in the flower vase, much to Mr. Haney's surprise)