So Funny I Forgot to Laugh/Transcript

Sue Ellen's Bedroom

 * [Sue Ellen is in her bed, writing in her diary.]
 * Sue Ellen: [narrating in imagination] "Dear diary. Last week I received the most amazing package. It traveled halfway around the world, all the way from Dharamsala, India. [Tenzin packages the box] The package was sent to me by my pen pal, Tenzin Wangdu. He's Tibetan, and even though I've never met him, I think he's really cool! Inside was a sweater made by his mom of real yak wool. Yaks are a kind of shaggy cow that only lives in the Himalayas. It was so soft. I put it on right away. It was a little big, but I didn't care. It was instantly my favorite sweater. It felt magical, like I could almost feel the snow from the Himalayas around me. But a lot can change in a week. Now when I look at that sweater, I don't think of Tenzin, or the Himalayas, or the yak that the wool came from. I only think about how mean people can be."
 * [Title card]
 * 'Binky: "So Funny I Forgot to Laugh"

Lakewood Elementary School Hallway

 * [Francine runs in the front door]
 * Francine: Brrr. Man, is it cold out there.
 * [Francine walks to where Buster is standing]
 * Buster: I know! My ears are still frozen!
 * [Buster taps one of his ears]
 * [Sue Ellen walks up]
 * Sue Ellen: What you need is a pair of genuine yak wool earmuffs.
 * Buster: Where would I get those?
 * Sue Ellen: From a Tibetan pen pal, if you're lucky enough to have one. My friend Tenzin just sent me this. It's the warmest thing I've ever worn.
 * [Francine feels the sweater]
 * Francine: It's so soft, too.
 * [Arthur appears]
 * Arthur: Wow! What is that you're wearing?
 * Sue Ellen: My new sweater.
 * Buster: And it's made from a yak.
 * [Arthur puts his books in his locker]
 * Arthur: You mean yaks. They must have used a couple of them! It's pretty big on you.
 * Sue Ellen: My mom says it'll shrink when we wash it.
 * Arthur: Hey! You know what? It kind of makes you look like a big sheepdog.
 * [Francine and Buster laugh]
 * Buster: That's true! But you still need a tail.
 * Sue Ellen: Alright, so I look like a sheepdog. But at least I'm a warm and cozy sheepdog. Arroooo!
 * [Francine and Buster laugh]
 * [Arthur finishes putting his books away and notices Sue Ellen's backpack]
 * Arthur: Hey! You left your backpack behind. Bad dog!
 * [Buster laughs]
 * Buster: Good one!

Lakewood Elementary School Cafeteria
[Arthur waves at Sue Ellen]

Arthur: Hey! Over here!

[Sue Ellen smiles]

Arthur: Come here, girl! Over here!

[Sue Ellen rolls her eyes and walks forward]

Arthur: Who's a good sheep doggy? You're a good sheep doggy! Yes you are!

[Francine and Buster laugh]

[Sue Ellen sits down]

Sue Ellen: Okay, okay, you can stop now. This dog might just get angry and bite you!

Arthur: Aw, you wouldn't do that.

[Arthur pats Sue Ellen on the back]

Arthur: Sheepdogs have a very gentle nature.

[Sue Ellen grimaces]

Muffy: I thought I would never say this, but I actually think you look tres chic!

Sue Ellen: Really?

Muffy: Uh-huh! I saw Capri DiVapida wearing something just like that at a fashion show.

Arthur: Are you sure it was a fashion show and not a...dog show?

[Arthur laughs]

[Buster and Francine give Arthur blank looks]

Arthur: Okay, okay, I'll stop. I don't know why, it just cracks me up! Here. Why don't you have my...biscuit?

[Arthur laughs]

[Sue Ellen sighs]

Lakewood Elementary School Hallway
[''Sue Ellen gasps and looks at her locker. A sign hangs from the locker which reads Happy Sheepdog Appreciation Day! with a drawing of a sheepdog with Sue Ellen's head. Sue Ellen rips the poster off her locker.'']

Sue Ellen: "Happy Sheepdog Appreciation Day"?

[Sue Ellen notices Arthur's face peeking out from behind the corner]

[Sue Ellen walks up to Arthur]

[Arthur snickers to himself]

[Sue Ellen holds the sign out to Arthur]

Sue Ellen: Did you do this?

Arthur: Um, well...

[Sue Ellen glares at Arthur]

Arthur: ...it was just a joke.

Sue Ellen: Well, I don't think it's funny!

[Sue Ellen walks off]

[Arthur keeps looking at the sign and laughing]

[Binky rips the sign out of Arthur's hands]

Binky: Ha! Oh, that's great. Look, everyone! It's a picture of Fern as a goat!

Arthur: No, it isn't. It's Sue Ellen as a sheepdog!

[Binky examines the sign]

Binky: Really? That doesn't look a thing like Sue Ellen. Or a dog. You didn't even give it a tail!

[Binky pushes the sign into Arthur's chest]

Mr. Ratburn's Classroom
Mr. Ratburn: And that, in short, is how iron ore is smelted.

[Mr. Ratburn sits down]

[The bell rings]

[The students walk out]

Mr. Ratburn: Arthur, would you stay behind, please?

Arthur: A bully? Me? I didn't bully Sue Ellen.

Mr. Ratburn: I was surprised too, Arthur. It doesn't seem like you. But when you continue to tease someone, even after they have asked you to stop, that's bullying.

Arthur: But it was just a joke!

Mr. Ratburn: Maybe to you, but imagine if someone made you feel bad for what you wore. We have no tolerance for that kind of behavior here. You must treat everyone with respect.

Arthur: But!--fine. I promise not to do it again.

Mr. Ratburn: I'm glad to hear that.

[Arthur starts to walk out of the room]

Mr. Ratburn: Arthur? We're not quite finished yet.

The Sugar Bowl
Arthur: I have to write Sue Ellen a letter apologizing for what I did. By tomorrow! And we have that history test. I'll probably fail!

[Arthur breaks a cracker]

Buster: Well, don't take it out on the crackers! It's not their fault!

Arthur: I think she should be the one apologizing to me.

Buster: How do you figure that?

Arthur: She didn't have to go to Mr. Ratburn! She could have just told me to stop!

Buster: She did tell you to stop. I was there!

Arthur: Okay, but I didn't think she meant it! Come on. She was being oversensitive, right?

Buster: I don't know. Sue Ellen's never seemed oversensitive to me. I'm the oversensitive one.

Arthur: No, you're not. You're just the weird one.

[Buster jumps out from his seat and gasps, pointing angrily at Arthur]

Buster: You take that back!

Arthur: Okay, okay! I'm sorry!

Buster: See? Saying you're sorry isn't that hard. You'll be finished with that letter in no time.

Arthur's Room
Arthur: [writing the letter] Dear Sue Ellen, I'm sorry I upset you. I didn't mean to. It was really just a joke. I thought you could take a joke, but I guess I was wrong. I've been teased before about wearing glasses...

Lakewood Elementary School Playground
Francine: [reading Arthur's letter aloud to Muffy and Sue Ellen] ...but I never felt I ha d  to tell the teacher about it and get someone else in trouble. Maybe you're just...overreacting?!

Sue Ellen: It goes on like that for the whole page.

Francine: He isn't sorry at all!

Muffy: If I hurt someone's feelings, I'd write from the bottom of my heart. And include a gift certificate to Crosswire Motors.

Francine: What are you gonna do?

Sue Ellen: I don't know.

Francine: Well, until he gives you a real apology, I'm not speaking to him.

Muffy: Me too!

Lakewood Elementary School Cafeteria
[Francine, Buster, and Muffy are eating lunch. Arthur approaches the table.]

Arthur: Hey, guys! How about that history test? Pretty hard, right?...

[Arthur looks around the table. Francine, Buster, and Muffy act oblivious.]

Arthur: What's going on?

Buster: We're not speaking to you! That's what's going on!

Francine: Buster! You just ruined it!

Buster: I did? [slaps forehead] Oh...

Arthur: Why aren't you speaking to me?

Buster: I'd tell you, but I'm not speaking.

Muffy: You just did it again! Ugh! C'mon, Francine. Let's sit at a table that doesn't have any bullies at it.

[Muffy glares at Arthur and walks away]

[Arthur calls after her]

Arthur: I'm not a bully! [turns to Buster] What did I do wrong?

[Buster holds up his finger and opens his mouth, then makes a lip-zipping motion. He takes a notepad and pencil out of his pocket and writes a note to Arthur. He holds the note up to Arthur's face.]

Arthur: "Your letter to Sue Ellen." What about it?

Buster: It was terrible! That's why I'm not speaking to you. Which I'm clearly not very good at!

[Buster leaves the table]

[Arthur gasps]

Lakewood Elementary School Parking Lot
[Arthur stands outside as the others walk torward the bus. He catches sight of Sue Ellen and waves at her.]

Arthur: Sue Ellen! Wait up!

[Sue Ellen hears Arthur and turns around. Arthur runs up to her.]

Arthur: Look, I'm really sorry, okay? I never meant to hurt your feelings. Can we please just forget it and be friends?

Sue Ellen: Do you still think I overreacted?

Arthur: Umm...well...

[Sue Ellen sighs]

Sue Ellen: Sorry.

[Arthur, mouth gaping, holds out his hand to Sue Ellen as she walks away. He then puts his hands on his hips in anger.]

Living Room, Arthur's House
[Arthur is watching TV on the couch.]

Announcer: Tune in next week when Bionic Bunny faces Truck Man!

[Arthur switches off the TV. He smiles and looks at the phone. Walking over, he dials Buster's number.]

Buster: Hello?

Arthur: Hey, Buster! What are you doing?

[Buster remembers that he is not speaking to Arthur and claps his hand over the receiver. Arthur sighs.]

Arthur: Buster, I know you're there! You just said hello!

[Buster alters his voice to sound like that of an answering machine.]

Buster: You've reached the Baxter residence...leave your message at the beep. Bye, Arthur! Oop--I mean--aw, forget it!

[Buster slams the phone down and hangs up. Arthur does the same and walks off.]

Arthur: This is so unfair!

[Arthur moves to the computer and gets on a photo editing software. He takes an image of a headless Sue Ellen body, crops a sheepdog head from another picture, and then adds the head to the body. He expands the head before adding the final image as an attachment to an email to Sue Ellen. After hitting Send, an unsure look appears on his face.]

Sue Ellen's Bedroom
[Sue Ellen is typing on her computer. Suddenly, an icon appears telling her that she has mail. She clicks on the link, and is surprised to find Arthur's sheepdog image. Tears appear in her eyes as she exits out of email. The scene fades back to Sue Ellen writing in her diary like in the intro of the episode.]

Sue Ellen: [narrating in imagination] ...now, when I look at that sweater, I don't think of Tenzin, or the Himalayas, or the yak that the wool came from. I only think about how mean people can be.

[Sue Ellen takes the sweater off the chair near her computer and stuffs it into a bag. She leaves her room with the bag.]

Sue Ellen: Mom? I have to talk to you about something...

Lakewood Elementary School Hallway
[Arthur is putting some food in a can drive bin outside Mr. Ratburn's door. He looks up as Sue Ellen walks up and places the bag with the sweater in a clothing drive bin.]

Arthur: Ooh! There you are! I tried to call you this morning. I'm really sorry I sent you that picture. I felt bad as soon as I hit send! But I was just upset because--

Sue Ellen: ...you thought I overreacted. I know. You've told me.

[Sue Ellen walks off and Arthur sighs.]

Lakewood Elementary School Cafeteria
[Arthur is sitting at a table with Binky, Slink, and Rattles. Binky points to Arthur's bean dish.]

Binky: You gonna eat those beans?

[Arthur gives the beans to Binky, who pours them down his throat. Muffy and Francine walk up to the table.]

Francine: Well! I hope you're satisfied, Arthur Read.

Arthur: Look, I said I was really sorry for sending Sue Ellen that email. But she didn't--

Francine: What email?

Arthur: The one I--isn't that what you came to yell at me about?

Muffy: No! We came to yell at you for making Sue Ellen ask to switch classes!

Arthur: What?! Because of me?!

Francine: Of course! She doesn't want to be in a class with a bully!

Arthur: I have to talk to her! Where is she?

Muffy: She was in the hall a few minutes ago. But haven't you done enough damage already?

[Arthur leaps up from his seat and runs out of the cafeteria.]

Lakewood Elementary School Parking Lot
[Sue Ellen is getting into her father's car. Arthur bursts through the doors.]

Arthur: Sue Ellen?

[Sue Ellen gets in her seat and slams the car door.]

Arthur: Sue Ellen! Wait!

[The car speeds away.]

Lakewood Elementary School Hallway
[Arthur is walking back near Mr. Ratburn's classroom by the collection bins.]

Arthur: She can't be changing classes because of me!

[Arthur notices the bag with Sue Ellen's sweater in the clothing drive bin. He picks it up, and looking at the sweater, has a flashback of all the mean things he did to Sue Ellen:]

Arthur: Hey! You left your backpack behind. Bad dog!

Arthur: Who's a good sheep doggy? You're a good sheep doggy! Yes you are!

Arthur: Are you sure it was a fashion show and not a...dog show?

Arthur: ...it was just a joke.

[The flashback ends. Arthur stares at the sweater and shakes his head sadly.]

Lakewood Elementary School Parking Lot
[It is the next day. Sue Ellen's dad drops her off at the front of the school. Arthur walks in front of her and she gasps.]

Arthur: I'm not going to say anything mean, I swear. Just--please listen to what I have to say?

[Sue Ellen angrily crosses her arms.]

Sue Ellen: Well?

Arthur: You didn't overreact. I have been a bully. I just didn't realize how hurt you were. But now I do. Please don't switch classes.

[Sue Ellen uncrosses her arms.]

Arthur: You're one of my best friends! And if you stay in our class, I promise to never treat you like that again. And I promise to wear this--

[Arthur rips open his jacket to reveal the sweater.]

Arthur: ...every day for the rest of the year.

[Arthur holds out his hand.]

Arthur: Deal?

[Sue Ellen smiles and shakes Arthur's hand.]

Sue Ellen: Deal. But I think I'll take my sweater back.

Arthur: It really is the warmest thing I've ever worn.

[Sue Ellen puts her arm around Arthur and the two walk up the school steps.]

Sue Ellen: And soft, right? Although it does kind of make you look like a big mouse. Squeak squeak, squeak! Squeak squeak!

[The two walk into school and the episode ends.]