Arthur's Toy Trouble/Transcript

''Arthur is asleep in bed. In his dream, he is a giant walking on the globe. In North America, he stops. He sees a present with a tag in the Reads’ normal-sized backyard.''

Arthur: A present? For me? "Do not open 'til midnight."

''Within seconds, the sun behind him goes down and the moon comes up. Arthur looks at his watch, which says 11:55.''

Arthur: Five more minutes.

''Arthur floats through the unusually long upstairs hallway and puts the present on his desk. The radio-watch says 11:55.''

Arthur: Still five more minutes. (yawns)

''He lies down on his bed. The clock quickly goes forwards to 12:00 and starts beeping. Thunder and lightning. Arthur walks to his desk where the present jumps around.''

Arthur: (gasps)

Two fists punch out of the present.

Arthur: Ah!

A small D.W. pops out of the present.

Small D.W.: (mean chuckle)

Arthur: Augh!

He runs into the hallways and finds himself surrounded by armies of small D.W.s.

Arthur: Ah!

Small D.W.s: (laugh)

Arthur runs downstairs and out of the house, where more D.W.s wait for him.

Arthur: What's happening?

The real D.W. appears with a joystick.

D.W.: I can do anything I want, now! I'm rich, and it's all thanks to you. (mean laugh)

Thunder and lightning.

Arthur: How could I let this happen? Oh, no!

Title Card: Arthur and Buster come out of Meteor Comix

''Grandma Thora and Arthur stand in the Reads’ living room. Thora hands Arthur a box with an action figure.''

Grandma Thora: I was shopping for your cousin Cora's birthday and saw this. I know how much you like monsters.

Arthur: “Mutant Muck Monster”. Wow, thanks, Grandma! Wow, his head's kind of… normal.

The figure has a nerdy looking human head on a monster body.

Grandma Thora: You know, I wondered about that, but the other one was just the same.

''D.W. colors a picture in her room. Arthur appears behind her with the box.''

Arthur: (spooky voice:)  “Beware the monster with the horribly normal face!”

D.W.: Don't scare me, I'm trying to stay in the lines.

Arthur: I don't think this'll scare anyone, it's got a teacher head. (spooky voice:)  “I'm here for your homework. Feed me homework.”   Actually, that is pretty scary.

D.W.: What are you going to do with it?

Arthur: I don't know. Want it?

D.W.: Sure. Sharky might get hungry.

The inflatable shark lies on her bed.

Arthur and Buster stand by the Clothing & Food Drive at school.

Buster: My cousin got a defective toy once - Peg-Leg Pete, the nautical pirate.

Arthur: What was wrong with it?

Buster: Two legs.

Arthur: Oh, man.

Buster: Actually, it turned out to be rare. Hey, maybe that present you got could be valuable, too.

Muffy comes running.

Muffy: Valuable? Did someone say valuable? What's valuable?

Buster: It's… just this toy Arthur got.

Muffy: How's that valuable? I thought you were talking about jewels or cars.

She turns to leave.

Buster: It could be worth a lot more than those things.

Arthur+Muffy: Seriously?

Arthur, Buster and Muffy talk to Freddy K. inside Meteor Comix.

Freddy K.: It's true, rare toys can be quite collectable. Come on, I'll show you.

In Meteor Comix’ backroom, Freddy K. puts a box of gloves on  the table.

Freddy K.: Put these on.

Muffy: Gloves?

Freddy K.: These items are one-of-a-kind. If there's a tiny dent or scratch - phht - there goes half your value.

Freddy turns a nob on a radio and a secret cupboard behind a pinboard opens.

Kids: Wow!

Freddy K.: These are my rarest collectables. Behold...

He hands Arthur a baseball card in a plastic bag.

Arthur: A baseball card?

Freddy K.: Not just any baseball card - a 1948 Scrappy Balooza.

Muffy: What's valuable about that?

Freddy K.: Rarity, my friend. Some baseball cards are so hard to find that they're worth millions.

Buster: Wow.

Freddy takes out a toy car.

Freddy K.: This toy car didn't fit on the regular tracks, so very few were ever made.

Muffy: How much is that worth?

Freddy K.: Oh, I'd like to have it for... Don't breathe on it!

Muffy: Sorry.

Freddy K.: For 75,000.

Kids: Hh!

Muffy: So you think Arthur's toy could be worth something?

Freddy K. closes the cupboard.

Freddy K.: I'd have to do some research, but if it's a genuine factory defect and if it's still in the box, anything's possible. Heck, did you hear how much the first Superman comic sold for?

Arthur: No, what?

Freddy K.: Over 2 million dollars.

Kids: Hh!

The kids come out of Meteor Comix.

Muffy: 2 million dollars? Did he say 2 million dollars?

Buster: I wish I had your grandmother. Mine never gave me even one million.

Muffy: I have to go and check my toy collection.

She runs off.

Arthur: I just thought of something. Freddie K. said it still had to be in the box, right?

Buster: You didn't take it out, did you?

Arthur: I didn't.

A thought bubble appears in which D.W. tries to open the box.

D.W.: Ugh! Dumb box. Wait, I know!

''The bubble disappears. Arthur and Buster run home.''

At home, D.W. feeds her toy shark.

D.W.: Sharky's hungry. Come to Sharky.

Arthur and Buster burst in.

Arthur: Stop! What are you doing?

D.W.: Feeding my doll to Sharky.

Arthur: Where is it? Where's my present? Where's the Mutant Muck Monster?

''The box with the monster stands on the windowsill. D.W. is holding a troll doll.''

D.W.: There, why?

Arthur: Because it's...

Buster: Shh.

Arthur: Er… because it's… bad. I wanted to show Buster how bad it was. Look at this, Buster. Bad, right?

Buster: Yeah, that's...

He reaches for the box.

Arthur: (gasps) Fingerprints! Yeah, it's bad. It's really bad. Who'd want it? So, can I have it back?

D.W.: Something is going on here.

Arthur: Pay you a buck.

D.W.: Five.

Arthur+Buster: (chuckle)

Arthur: Er, I don't know, I need to think about it. Okay, I'll get the money.

''He runs into his room, rummages in a cupboard and takes out some coins. Then he returns.''

D.W.: 2 million dollars?

Arthur: Buster!

Buster: She was touching the box. It just came out.

Arthur: You said you'd sell it.

D.W.: I changed my mind.

Arthur looks disappointed.

Later, Arthur, Buster and Muffy sit in the Sugar Bowl.

Arthur: Then I heard her asking my mom how many ponies she could get for 2 million dollars.

Buster: Oh, this is all my fault. Bad mouth.

Muffy: I checked my toys. They're all perfect. Oh, well, maybe I'll get lucky for my birthday.

Buster: Yeah, there has to be another defective one out there somewhere.

Arthur: Wait a minute, there is. There is another one.

Muffy: What are you talking about? What is he talking about?

Arthur: I need to use your phone.

Buster: Sure.

Thora sits in her living room and talks to Arthur on the phone.

Grandma Thora: That's right. As I said, I thought it looked a little strange, but there was another toy there just like it, so I assumed...

Arthur: Where? Where was it?

Grandma Thora: In the bargain bin.

Arthur: Okay, but what store?

Grandma Thora: Hmm, let's see, I went to a number of places looking for just the right thing for Cora. She's quite particular, you know.

Buster: What if someone's buying it right now?

Muffy: I can't stand it.

Grandma Thora: Well, it wasn't the mall. Oh, oh, that's right, David's Toys.

Arthur: David's on Oak Street? Thanks, Grandma.

He hangs up.     

Arthur: Come on, we have to hurry. Where's Muffy?

Outside, Muffy is just driving off in the limousine.

Buster: Hh! That's her.

Arthur: We’ll never beat her, she's going to get it.

Buster: Arthur, listen to me, you're not giving up that 2 million without a fight. Now, come on, we have some riding to do.

They get on their bicycles.

''Arthur and Buster ride down a street. They ride over the seesaws at the playground and through the creek in the park. Then they ride past the Taj Mahal, which is actually a poster in front of a travel agent.''

Meanwhile, the limousine drives down another street.

Arthur and Buster ride through the Bowling Alley, where Catherine, Alberto and some other teenagers are bowling.

''The limousine has to stop because Alex, wearing a boy scout uniform, is helping an old lady cross the street. He waves at Muffy.''

Muffy: Arrr, pedestrians!

Arthur and Muffy ride past the limousine.

Muffy: Ah!

Buster: This way!

''They ride over a grassy lot. Buster rides over a furrow and falls off his bike.''

Buster: Ahhh!

Arthur stops and runs back.

Arthur: Buster!

Buster: Leave me, keep going!

Arthur: Are you okay?

They see the limousine passing by.

Buster: Oh, no.

''The limousine stops outside David’s Toys. Muffy runs inside.''

Muffy: Where are the defective toys?!

''Arthur and Buster stop outside the store. Inside, Muffy talks to the shop assistant.''

Muffy: It looks like the Swamp Monster, only its head is normal.

Assistant: I know the very one you mean. This way, young lady.

''They go to the bargain bin. ''

Assistant: Ah, here it is.

Arthur and Buster run into the shop and see the assistant handing the second monster box to Muffy.

Buster: Look, jewels!

Muffy: Where?

She looks around and Arthur grabs the box.

Arthur: Got it!

Muffy grabs the box and they wrestle for it.

Muffy: Hey, no, gimme! I was here first.

Buster: Careful, no dents.

Arthur and Muffy hold the box between two fingers each and wrestle carefully.

Arthur: I touched it first.

Muffy: It's mine, I asked for it.

Buster: This is really weird.

Assistant: Ahem. As a veteran referee of holiday toy disputes, I have developed a rule. Whoever touched it first is the owner.

He gives the box to Arthur.

Muffy: Curses!

Arthur stands at the till.

Assistant: 6.47 with tax. Cash or charge?

Arthur searches his pockets.

Arthur: Cash! I mean… er, uh-oh...

Muffy holds up a credit card.

Muffy: I'll take it. If he can't pay for it, I'll take it.

Arthur: Hang on, I never said I can't... Do you take, er… promises?

Muffy: No! No promises. Cash on the barrelhead!

Arthur: I have almost half.

Assistant: Well, in that case, I'm afraid...

Buster: Hold it, hang on.

Muffy: You don't have any money. He doesn't have any money. Put it on my card.

Buster holds up three bills.

Arthur: (gasps) Buster!

Buster: I was saving up to buy my own wheel of cheese.

Muffy: Gah! Foiled again.

''Outside the store, Muffy sits in the limousine, still looking grumpy. She drives off.''

Arthur: Thanks, Buster. You get half of whatever it's worth.

Buster: Whoo-hoo, we're millionaires!

Arthur: Only, D.W.'s still a two-millionaire.

Buster: Life is so unfair.

''Later, Arthur and Buster stand inside Meteor Comix. The box is on the counter.''

Freddy K.: Well, I was able to do some research. It appears to be a genuine factory defect.

Arthur+Buster: Yeah, defect!

They high-five.

Freddy K.: And you've kept the box sealed, that's great. I think I can pretty confidently say that this thing is worth around five.

Buster: Five… million?

Arthur: Er, no, five nothing.

Freddy K.: It's worth five dollars, but only if you hang onto it for ten years.

Arthur: Mm.

Buster: But... but-but-but but he paid more than that. We did. It has to be worth more than that. My cheese wheel...

Freddy K.: You have to understand that the market for these things is very up-and-down. If it had been some rare variant, maybe, but... I'm sorry, fellas.

Arthur takes the box and the boys leave sadly.

''Outside the shop, the boys smile. Arthur takes the figure out of the box.''

Arthur: (spooky voice:)  "I am the accountant from 20 fathoms."

Buster: Oh, no, don't audit me!

Arthur: It's actually pretty cool. It's just so weird-looking.

Buster: And look on the bright side, D.W. isn't a millionaire either.

Arthur+Buster: (laugh)

Arthur: "Bring me your accounts receivable."

Buster: "Where is your expense report?"

Meanwhile, Muffy negotiates with D.W. in the latter’s room.

Muffy: I'll give you 200.

D.W.: I'd like to help you out, but that's not even one pony.

Muffy: Two-fifty, and that's as high as I'll go.

D.W.: You're going to have to go lots higher than that...lots.

Muffy: Ah… Drat.