What's Cooking?/Transcript

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D.W. Read: Hi! I'm D.W. And this is gonna be the best show you've ever seen. Know why? Because Arthur's letting me do the show opener!

Arthur Read: CUT! D.W., you have to look right at the camera so you make contact with the viewers.

D.W.: Okay, okay!

Arthur: Show opener, take two!

D.W.: Hello, my name is D.W. I'm opening the show today and it's gonna be---

Arthur: Cut! This isn't working. We need---we need a different setting. Someplace more exciting and scenic, like the ocean.

(D.W. is on a boat on the ocean)

D.W.: Hello, everyone!

Arthur: Cut! Too much motion. We need something just as scenic but not as distracting. Like, I know, outer space!

(D.W. is an astronaut in space)

D.W.: He---

Arthur: CUT! This isn't right, either. It's too---

D.W.: Listen, Arthur! You said you were gonna let me do this myself. NOW LET ME DO IT! Hello, and welcome to our show. My name is---

Arthur: Cut. That was actually great, D.W., but we're out of time. Nice job, though.

D.W.: Arrrrgghhhhh!

(Intertitle)

WHAT'S COOKING?

Writer: Hilary Illick --- Storyboard Artist: Stéphanie Gignac

Binky Barnes: (V.O.) What's Cooking?

Kids: (gasping)

(Back to the story)

(Mr. Ratburn is putting up a poster in the school hallway)

Mr. Ratburn: You kids are so lucky. This is one contest I wish I could enter!

(Arthur reads the poster)

Arthur: "Chef Ming Tsai is coming to judge the kids cooking contest." Who's Ming Tsai?

Muffy Crosswire: He's the host of "Simply Ming" on TV!

(Cut to the Read house. Arthur's family is eating at the table.)

David Read: And the judge is Ming Tsai? Arthur, this is huge! What should we make for this contest?

(David is reading off of some recipe cards)

David: Jalapeno cheese straws? Nah, too festive. Brie en croute? Nah, too conservative.

Arthur: This cooking contest is for kids, Dad.

D.W.: Good, then we can make oobleck! I learned the recipe for oobleck at my school.

Arthur: People don't eat oobleck, D.W. And besides, I already know what I want to make- chocolate cake. I love chocolate cake.

David: I have a terrific recipe for chocolate brandy cake with roasted hazelnut filling.

Arthur: I just want a simple chocolate cake, Dad. And I want to make it all by myself, with no help.

Jane Read: You're gonna have to have some help with the oven and the stove, and I'm working on the Crosswire taxes, so it'll have to be Dad.

(David looks at another recipe card)

David: Don't worry Arthur, I'll stick to oven and stove help only. Oh, here! Classic chocolate cake. This is a fantastic recipe, you'll love it.

Arthur: Doing it all by myself includes choosing the recipe.

(Cut to Arthur and Buster reading cookbooks in the library)

Sue Ellen Armstrong: Oh, hi, you guys. Researching recipes?

Buster Baxter: "Getting hungry" is more like it.

(Arthur points to a stack of cards that Sue Ellen is holding)

Arthur: What are those?

Sue Ellen: Oh, those. They're just some information cards I laminated.

Arthur: Information cards?

Sue Ellen: The recipe I chose is randang, which means "water buffalo stew" in the Minancabow(?) tribe in Indonesia, so I'm going to provide Ming with facts about their cooking practices. Well, see you guys. I've gotta get home and start working on my costume.

Arthur: Costume:

Sue Ellen: I wouldn't feel right serving randang without wearing native dress.

(Sue Ellen walks away)

Buster: Don't worry. You don't need a costume when you've got a great chocolate cake!

(Arthur and Buster are walking down the street when Brain leaves a shop holding two big bags)

Buster: Hey, Brain. What's in the bags?

Brain: Just a few things for my hydroponic greenhouse. Want to see it?

(Cut to Brain's greenhouse)

Brain: I've transformed my parents' old greenhouse into this fully functioning hydroponic system.

Arthur and Buster: Wow!

Brain: The success of my berry tart depends on the quality of the ingredients themselves. It was imperative to cultivate the sweetest possible berries.

(Transition: A bunch of assorted berries fall down the screen. Cut to the Read home, where Arthur and David are)

Arthur: I need to do something that makes my chocolate cake really special.

David: Good idea. A good chef always has a signature, something that makes his recipe unique.

(Arthur mixes some batter and passes it to Buster. He tastes it)

Buster. Hmm. Bellissimo! You know what I think it needs a little more of? Sugar!

David: No! No, no! Uh-uh-nothing makes a cake taste less sophisticated than extra sugar.

Arthur: Dad!

David: But I'm just trying to... help.

Arthur: How about if I add some extra dark chocolate?

Buster: Yeah, good idea.

(Arthur mixes the batter)

Arthur: Tell me what you think of this.

David: Hey, how come he gets to give advice?

Arthur: He's a kid, Dad.

David: But may I please offer you one small, yet crucial, piece of advice about chocolate cake? It's good to go off-recipe and experiment a bit.

(Buster licks the spoon. David looks at him and he stops)

David: But there is one ingredient you must use and use properly in order to make a successful chocolate cake, and that is... Baking powder.

(David hands Arthur some baking powder)

Arthur: Got it. Baking powder.

(Arthur tastes the cake batter)

Arthur: I found my signature ingredient! An extra large amount of extra dark chocolate!

(Cut to the school cafeteria)

Sue Ellen: I gotta go run down to the art room to see if the glue on my headdress is dry yet.

Arthur: I hope Ming Tsai is nice.

Muffy: I wouldn't count on it. Ming Tsai was voted one of the 50 most beautiful people in "Famous Faces" magazine.

Buster: So?

Muffy: So? He's not only famous, he's glamorous! What is my quiche lo rai(?) doesn't have enough glamour?

Arthur: He's not gonna judge your quiche on its glamour, Muffy. That wouldn't be fair.

Muffy: But you've seen those TV judges. They're never fair.

(Fade-in to Muffy imagining herself on "American Chef-Idol")

(Ming Tsai takes a bite of quiche and spits it out)

Ming Tsai: I have to say, Muffy, that quiche was a complete waste of taste buds and saliva.

Judge: Ming, you awful brute! How could you say such a thing about Muffy's quiche? Muffy, your quiche lo rai(?) was delicious!

Ming Tsai: It was vomitrocious! It was an absolute disgrace. Muffy should be forbidden from cooking ever again.

Muffy: But I didn't even make this quiche! My cook did!

(Fade out)

Muffy: He probably has impossibly high standards!

Arthur: I bet he takes cooking really seriously.

(Fade in to Arthur's imagination)

Announcer: In the left cooking ring, we have dessert chef Arthur Read! And making his famous stir-fried butterfly shrimp with orange (?) syrup is the renowned Ming Tsai! Take your position! On your marks! Get set! Go!

(Ming Tsai cuts his shrimp and vegetables. Arthur takes out a bag of sugar. Ming Tsai puts all his food into a bowl and mixes it. Arthur opens the bag of sugar. Ming Tsai salts his food. Arthur pours the sugar in a measuring cup. Ming Tsai puts his lime juice in the bowl. Arthur puts his sugar down. Ming Tsai serves his food)

Announcer: And done! Ten seconds, ladies and gentlemen! We have our winner! Ming Tsai prepared a full gourmet meal in ten seconds!

(Fade out)

Arthur: Well, at least Ming Tsai will be the judge, not a contestant.

...