Binky vs. Binky/Transcript

Introduction
''We look through the door into Binky's room. He is not wearing a shirt.''

Binky: Hey, ever hear of knocking?! ''He slams the door shut. After a moment he opens it again. He is now wearing a violet polka-dot jersey. ''  Okay, now I'm ready. Everybody has something that they're really proud of. For Brain, it's his collection of blues records.

Brain and Binky are sitting on the floor in Brain's room looking through a box of vinyl records.

Brain: And this is the only recording ever of the great trombonist Sad Shoehead Wilson. It's so rare, I won't even dust it. That could be the fingerprint of Shoehead himself.

Binky: Ah...ah...ah-tchoo!

Binky and Buster are standing in Buster's room looking at a piece of crust in a glass case.

Binky: For Buster, it's a piece of pizza crust!

Buster: They called her the White Wonder. '' Flashback: Buster is being serves a huge pizza in a restaurant. '' Five feet from crust to crust and loaded with ten pounds of mozzarella and ricotta. They said it couldn't be eaten by one person. ''Flashback ends. ''   The were wrong.

Back in Binky's room.

Binky: Pretty strange things to be proud of, right? Well, you wanna know what I'm proud of? This shirt.

#
Francine: I just don't get it. How could Binky not take that shot?

Buster: Maybe he fell asleep.

Francine: During a soccer game, standing on one leg?

Buster: It could happen. I've fallen asleep in plenty of strange places.

Arthur: Maybe Binky cracked under pressure. Like last season, in Little League, remember? In practice Binky would get home run after home run. But during an actual game...

Flashback: Binky is up to bat against Mighty Mountain.

Umpire: Strike one! Strike two! Strike three! And you're out!

''Binky walks off the plate and kicks dust. The flashback ends.''

Brain: Or remember the swim team? Binky was a veritable aquatic mammal when we were learning strokes. ''Flashback: Binky swims. ''   But when it came time for a swim meet... ''Binky stands on the starting block looking confused. The starting shot sounds.''

Binky: Oh-h! ''He jumps into the water several seconds after the others. The flashback ends.''

Francine: I think you guys are right. Binky would be a great competitor if he could only compete! They start to leave.

Buster: (snores)   Buster is asleep standing up.

Arthur: Buster! Come on!

Buster: Huh? What did I miss?

#
''Binky lies on his bed and starts filling out the application form for the race. Then he crumples it up and throws it into the waste paper basket with a hook shot.''

Binky: If only I could do that when someone was watching!  The poster of Vance Legstrong start to move.

V. Legstrong: You know, you really ought to enter that race.

Binky: Why? So everyone can see me lose?

V. Legstrong: No. Because you'll have a lot of fun.

Binky: Yeah, until everyone sees me lose.

V. Legstrong: There's only one person you should be competing against out there.

Binky: Who?

V. Legstrong: Yourself. Ignore everyone else and try to do your best.

Binky: Easy for you to say. You're the best cyclist in the world.

V. Legstrong: How do you think I got to be the best cyclist in the world?

Binky takes the application form out of the trash and smoothes it.

#
''Binky finishes the race after a crash. His mother runs to him.''

Mrs. Barnes: My poor Binkums! Are you okay? I saw you fall and... She examines his arms.

Binky: I'm fine, Mom. In fact... I feel great! Francine joins them.

Francine: Binky! I've never seen anything like that in my whole life.

Binky: I know. I know. I was winning and I blew it. Why do you have to rub it in?

Francine: That's not what I meant. You were incredible. Not only did you finish the race after crashing, you didn't even come in last. Look! Two cyclists pass the finishing line.

Binky: Well, it's not like I won or anything. Mr. Frensky comes with a polka-dot jersey.

Mr. Frensky: Not the whole race. But you did win the hill portion. Didn't you hear your name being called. He gives Binky the jersey.

Binky: There's an award just for doing hills?

Mr. Frensky: Sure. You get the Polka-Dotted Hill-Climbing Jersey. Vance used to win these all the time.

#
Just as in the introduction Binky is standing in his doorway wearing the polka-dot jersey.

Binky: So this shirt may be funny to look at, but it feels great to wear. Bye! ''He closes the door, then opens it again. ''Oh, and remember to knock next time!