Binky vs. Binky/Transcript

Introduction
''We look through the door into Binky's room. He is not wearing a shirt.''

Binky: Hey, ever hear of knocking?! ''He slams the door shut. After a moment he opens it again. He is now wearing a violet polka-dot jersey. ''  Okay, now I'm ready. Everybody has something that they're really proud of. For Brain, it's his collection of blues records.

Brain and Binky are sitting on the floor in Brain's room looking through a box of vinyl records.

Brain: And this is the only recording ever of the great trombonist Sad Shoehead Wilson. It's so rare, I won't even dust it. That could be the fingerprint of Shoehead himself.

Binky: Ah...ah...ah-tchoo!

Binky and Buster are standing in Buster's room looking at a piece of crust in a glass case.

Binky: For Buster, it's a piece of pizza crust!

Buster: They called her the White Wonder. '' Flashback: Buster is being serves a huge pizza in a restaurant. '' Five feet from crust to crust and loaded with ten pounds of mozzarella and ricotta. They said it couldn't be eaten by one person. ''Flashback ends. ''   The were wrong.

Back in Binky's room.

Binky: Pretty strange things to be proud of, right? Well, you wanna know what I'm proud of? This shirt.

Title Card: Binky Blows Bubble
Lakewood Elementary plays soccer against Mighty Mountain.

Francine: Time out! ''The referee blows the whistle. The Lakewood player run to Francine.''     Okay, you guys, this is it. We're down by one with three minutes to go. We've gotta get past the Mighty Mountain defense. The kids look at two large Mighty Mountain players with mean grins.

Buster: The only way we're getting past those guys is with a battering ram.

Arthur: Or a bulldozer.

Francine: Or... She looks at Binky.

Binky: Huh? But... I can't do that. I only play defense.

Francine: No problem. All you have to do is run in front of me.

''The referee blows the whistle again. Binky charges at the defense players who jump aside. Francine follows with the ball. She trips.''

Francine: Ahh! ''The ball rolls to Binky who now has a free shot at the Mighty Mountain goal. He stops. A transparent copy of him glides out of his body.''

Binky’s Doubts: Well? what are you waiting for? Everyone's watching you. ''Binky looks around. Players from both teams are running towards him.''

Buster: Shoot!

Arthur: It's wide open!

Muffy: Shoot! Shoot!

Binky’s Doubts: You heard them. Shoot already!

Binky: All right, all right. Don't rush me.

Binky’s Doubts: Whatever you do, don't miss! The whole game depends on this shot.

Francine: What's he doing?

Buster: He looks like a flamingo. Binky has raised one leg to shoot, but can not make up his mind.

Francine: Kick it! Kick it! ''Binky makes a weak pass to Francine which is easily intercepted by a Mighty Mountain player. '' Not toward me, you...! After two quick passes Mighty Mountain scores, right before the final whistle.

#
''George, Fern, Sue Ellen and Muffy walk sadly off the field. Binky is arguing with Francine.''

Binky: You said "kick it," so I kicked it.

Francine: I meant into the goal! It was a perfect shot.

Binky: Yeah, until you confused me. Next time, keep your big mouth shut. He takes his bag and leaves.

Brain, Francine, Arthur and Buster are still there.

Francine: I just don't get it. How could Binky not take that shot?

Buster: Maybe he fell asleep.

Francine: During a soccer game standing on one leg?

Buster: It could happen. I've fallen asleep in plenty of strange places.

Arthur: Maybe Binky cracked under pressure. Like last season, in Little League, remember? In practice Binky would get home run after home run. But during an actual game...

Flashback: Binky is up to bat against Mighty Mountain.

Umpire: Strike one! Strike two! Strike three! And you're out!

''Binky walks off the plate and kicks dust. The flashback ends.''

Brain: Or remember the swim team? Binky was a veritable aquatic mammal when we were learning strokes. ''Flashback: Binky swims. ''   But when it came time for a swim meet... Binky stands on the starting block looking confused. The starting shot sounds.''

Binky: Oh-h! ''He jumps into the water several seconds after the others. The flashback ends.''

Francine: I think you guys are right. Binky would be a great competitor if he could only compete! They start to leave.

Buster: (snores)   Buster is asleep standing up.

Arthur: Buster! Come on!

Buster: Huh? What did I miss?

#
''Binky is watching wrestling on TV. His mother comes in with a trophy shaped like a dolphin.''

Binky: What's that?

Mrs. Barnes: Don't you recognize it? It's your swimming trophy. I founded it in the hall closet. She puts it on a shelf in the living room.   What it was doing there I can't imagine. Binky takes the trophy.

Binky: Don't put it up there.

Mrs. Barnes: Why not?

Binky: Because it's not a real trophy.

Mrs. Barnes: Of course it is. See? It says, "Binky Barnes: Excellence in Participation."

Binky: That just means I came in last place.

Mrs. Barnes: Binky, you are an excellent swimmer and you know it. Can I help it if I'm proud of you? She puts the trophy back on the shelf.    There. Now, don't you think that looks nice up there? Binky?

Binky is no longer in the room.

#
Binky is sleeping at night.

Binky: No! No! Ah. Ah.

In his dream his mother is showing Buster, Francine, Arthur and Brain a shelf full of trophies.

Mrs. Barnes: This is for completing nursery school. Oh, this one is for being able to skip. Oh, and isn't this one beautiful? It's for the Elwood County potato sack race. Oh, Binky wasn't actually in the race, but he was quite close to it, so they gave him this potato. Binky comes in.

Binky: Mom! What are you doing?

Mrs. Barnes: I'm just showing your friends some of your awards, sweetie.

Binky: (gasps)

Mrs. Barnes: Oh, here's my favorite: the “Just Being Binky Award”. I bet none of you have one of these. ''The kids are trying to suppress laughter. Binky holds his hands over his eyes.''

Francine: Who would want one?

Kids: (laugh)

''The dream ends. Binky sits up in bed.''

Binky: Aaaugh! ''He gets out of bed. ''That does it. I'm getting rid of you for good. ''He takes the dolphin trophy off the shelf. ''

#
''The next morning Binky opens the trashcan in front of his house. As he is about to throw in the trophy, he has a fantasy of his mother opening the trashcan. ''

Mrs. Barnes: Hh! Who would do such a thing? ''She takes the trophy out of the can. The fantasy ends.''

Binky closes the trashcan, puts the trophy in his backpack and gets on his bicycle.

#
While riding up a hill Binky easily overtakes Mr. Frensky.

Binky: Hey, Mr. Frensky!

Mr. Frensky: (pants)    He stops his bike.   Whoa. (pants)

#
''Binky stops at the city dump. He is about to open the backpack when Mr. Frensky stops beside him.''

Mr. Frensky: Binky, I can't believe how quickly you made it up that hill.

Binky: Huh? Oh, yeah. I like hills.

Mr. Frensky: You like hills? Whew. I wish I did. He takes a drink of water.    I started biking to work to lose a few pounds, but that hill is a killer. I always have to walk the last bit.

Binky: You just have to pedal hard before the hill and then change gears at the right moment.

Mr. Frensky: Huh. I wonder if that's what Vance Legstrong does.

Binky: Who's that?

Mr. Frensky: What?! You've never head of Vance Legstrong? He's probably the best bicyclist in the whole history of the sport.

Binky: I didn't even know biking was a sport. Mr. Frensky takes another drink of water.

Mr. Frensky: It sure is, and you'd be a natural at it.

Binky: Really?

Mr. Frensky: Sure. There's a great bike course at World's End Park where you can try different loops and keep track of your times. You should try it.

Binky: I will.

Mr. Frensky: So, what brings you to the dump, today? ''Binky looks at his backpack. Then he take out an empty candy wrapper which he gives to Mr. Frensky.''

Binky: Um, our trash is full. (giggles)    He rides off.

#
''Binky has just put a poster of Vance Legstrong on his wall. His mother comes in with a basket full of laundry.''

Mrs. Barnes: Is that Vance Legstrong?

Binky: Yeah. Did you know he's won that Loop d'Italia four times?! That's a record.

Mrs. Barnes: Does this mean you're thinking of taking up cycling?

Binky: Um, I don't know. Maybe.

Mrs. Barnes: Well, I'm sure you'll be wonderful at it. ''She walks out. Binky’s self-doubts appear again, this time wearing bicycle racing clothes.''

Binky’s Doubts: You'll be wonderful at it, all right, until you're in a race, and then...

Binky: Well, I'm not gonna be in any races, okay? So just can it! The doubts disappear.

#
''Binky lies on his bed and starts filling out the application form for the race. Then he crumples it up and throws it into the waste paper basket with a hook shot.''

Binky: If only I could do that when someone was watching!  The poster of Vance Legstrong start to move.

V. Legstrong: You know, you really ought to enter that race.

Binky: Why? So everyone can see me lose?

V. Legstrong: No. Because you'll have a lot of fun.

Binky: Yeah, until everyone sees me lose.

V. Legstrong: There's only one person you should be competing against out there.

Binky: Who?

V. Legstrong: Yourself. Ignore everyone else and try to do your best.

Binky: Easy for you to say. You're the best cyclist in the world.

V. Legstrong: How do you think I got to be the best cyclist in the world?

Binky takes the application form out of the trash and smoothes it.

#
''Binky finishes the race after a crash. His mother runs to him.''

Mrs. Barnes: My poor Binkums! Are you okay? I saw you fall and... She examines his arms.

Binky: I'm fine, Mom. In fact... I feel great! Francine joins them.

Francine: Binky! I've never seen anything like that in my whole life.

Binky: I know. I know. I was winning and I blew it. Why do you have to rub it in?

Francine: That's not what I meant. You were incredible. Not only did you finish the race after crashing, you didn't even come in last. Look! Two cyclists pass the finishing line.

Binky: Well, it's not like I won or anything. Mr. Frensky comes with a polka-dot jersey.

Mr. Frensky: Not the whole race. But you did win the hill portion. Didn't you hear your name being called. He gives Binky the jersey.

Binky: There's an award just for doing hills?

Mr. Frensky: Sure. You get the Polka-Dotted Hill-Climbing Jersey. Vance used to win these all the time.

#
Just as in the introduction Binky is standing in his doorway wearing the polka-dot jersey.

Binky: So this shirt may be funny to look at, but it feels great to wear. Bye! ''He closes the door, then opens it again. ''Oh, and remember to knock next time!