The Big Blow-Up/Transcript

Introduction
Arthur, Brain and Francine trade sports cards in the treehouse.

Arthur: Brain and Francine are great friends, but don't talk to them about sports.

Francine: Hockey players are the best athletes, because they skate while they play. That’s like playing two sports at once.

Brain: But could a hockey player play golf?

Francine: Yes.

Brain: While driving an Indy Car at 207 miles an hour?

In their fantasy, spectators stand around a golf green.

Commentator: This is not an easy putt. Everything's quiet. He needs to concentrate.

''A race car comes running up. The driver wears an ice-hockey outfit and holds a golf club. He hits a golf ball into the hole while speeding past it. The car lands in a water hazard.''

Commentator: He's in the lake. That's a one-stroke penalty.

The fantasy ends.

Arthur: Want to hear their best argument? Hey, guys, who's the best athlete in school?

Francine: That's easy. It's me.

Brain: Pardon my insistence upon accuracy, but it is I.

Francine: It's me!

Brain: It is I!

Francine: Me!

Brain: I!

Arthur: Get comfortable. This could go on a while.

He starts eating popcorn.

Title Card: Francine Hits Gong
Lakewood plays soccer against another school.

Kids: (shout)

Francine dodges several players and passes to Brain who scores.

Kids: Hurray!

Brain and Francine shake hands.

Fern, Prunella and George sit in the stands wearing Lakewood jerseys.

Fern: We haven't lost a game yet.

Prunella: We'll win the championship for sure.

George: Indubitably.

Kids: (cheer)

Buster: Nobody can beat us as long as we've got Francine and the Brain.

Fern: Let me get a picture for the school bulletin board.

She takes a picture.

***

Later, kids stand around the bulletin board which has the picture under the headline “Lakewood is Unbeaten”.

Arthur: We only need to win one more game and we're in the play-offs.

Brain: Let's get out there and practice.

***

Later, the kids practice on the soccer field.

Francine: Arthur, I’m open!

''Arthur passes to Francine, who stands near the sideline. She takes a step back.''

Brain: Out of bounds, Out of bounds!

Francine: I am not! Look at my foot.

Brain: Your foot was on the line. You just moved it.

Francine: No way! You know I’m better than you so you're cheating.

Brain: I don't need to cheat. You're the one who’s cheating.

''A while later, the two are still arguing. Binky juggles the ball with his head.''

Binky: …347,825... 347,826...

Buster lies on the lawn.

Buster: I wish I'd brought a book.

Arthur: (yawns)

Brain: You did!

Francine: I didn't!

Brain: You did!

Francine: Did not!

Arthur: Let's finish the game, guys.

Binky: Yeah, my skull's getting sore.

Brain looks at Francine’s foot through a microscope.

Francine: For Pete's sake, why don’t you just ask somebody.

Brain: Okay. You saw what happened, Arthur. You make the call.

Arthur: At first, it looked like your foot was on the...

Francine takes his glasses and puts them on.

Francine: Come on, he wears glasses! Are you gonna trust what he sees?

Brain: Don’t treat Arthur like that. He’s honest and trustworthy. Why, there’s no better kid in the school. Come on. Tell them she was out of bounds.

Francine: Whatever you say, goes.

She puts Arthur’s glasses back on his nose.

Francine: Even if you are just agreeing with him because boys always stick together.

Arthur: …but then it looked like her foot wasn’t...

Brain: Oh! Sticking up for your friend?

Francine: Let him speak, Brain! Go ahead, Arthur.

Binky juggles the ball again.

Mrs. Barnes: Binky!

Binky: Oh. I gotta go home for dinner!

He leaves with the ball.

Buster: Well, there goes the ball. Game's over.

Arthur: So, I guess it doesn't matter who's right any more. (chuckles nervously) Brain and Francine glare at each other. I'd better go home, too.

He disappears quickly.

***

''In the Reads’ kitchen, Arthur sneaks up to the fruit bowl and grabs an apple while his mom mops the floor. D.W. sits on the counter.''

Arthur: And I couldn’t tell if she was in or out anyway. By tomorrow, they'll forget all about it.

D.W.: Did you think I’d forget you promised to help me write a letter to Santa?

Arthur: In May?

D.W.: Do you know many letters he gets in December? I wanna beat the rush.

***

Arthur sits at his desk and eats the apple while D.W. paces about.

Arthur: D.W., would you...?

D.W.: Ssh, I'm thinking! Hm.

Arthur holds out his pencil and Pal jumps and grabs it.

D.W.: Okay, ready. "Dear Santa, is it tough being the world's most handsome man?"

Arthur: (groans)

D.W.: It's always nice to start with something positive. You're just bored of hearing nice things because you hear them so often.

Arthur: Oh, well, thank you.

D.W.: "Now, Santa, there were just a few little problems with the presents you brought last year.”

***

''The next day, Arthur locks his bike in front of the school. Buster whispers to him.''

Buster: Francine and the Brain are still mad at each other.

Arthur: Really?

''Brain and Francine stand nearby glaring at each other. A pencil falls out of Francine’s backpack.''

Francine: Muffy, would you hand me my pencil?

Muffy: Why don’t you ask the Brain. He's right there.

Brain: I wouldn't touch it, because I might catch whatever it is that makes her so… so Franciney.

Francine: Hmph!

Brain: Hmph!

***

In the classroom, Mr. Ratburn gives Brain a stack of tests.

Mr. Ratburn: This is a speed test. Pass the questions round. You got one minute. And… begin!

Muffy passes a sheet to Francine.

Muffy: Here you go, Francine.

Arthur reaches for it.

Francine: She only gave me one. Why don't you ask your friend, the Brain?

Arthur: Brain, Psst!

Mr. Ratburn: No talking allowed during the test.

Arthur: Mr. Ratburn, I didn't get a...

Mr. Ratburn: Time's up.

Arthur: ...test.

Arthur walks over to Buster.

Arthur: Francine and Brain better make up soon, or I'll never pass math.

***

In the lunch line, Brain and Francine both hold on to the same plate of green jello.

Brain+Francine: (struggle)

Brain: Let go! I got it first.

Francine: I dibsed it before you got it. You think you’re so smart, but you don't even know how dibs work.

The jello flies past Arthur and Buster and hits Mr. Haney in the back of the head.

Arthur: Augh!

Mr. Haney: Oh...

***

''The Lakewood team plays again. Arthur and Buster run side by side.''

Buster: (pants) I hope Francine and Brain aren't too mad to play together.

Arthur: (pants) They would never let an argument hurt our chances of winning.

Francine approaches the opposing goal with the ball.

Brain: I'm open.

Francine: Arthur.

She passes to Arthur who is surrounded by opposing players.

Arthur: Ahh!

The other players get the ball.

Arthur: Oof.

''He is left on the ground with his glasses askew, then he slumps backwards. The other team scores. Francine walks past Brain.''

Brain: Why didn't you pass it to me?

Francine: Is that the wind blowing? I don't hear or see anyone.

Brain: Grr!

***

Arthur and Buster walk home after the game, still in their jerseys.

Arthur: Oh! I think I sprained my tail bone.

Buster: If Francine and Brain stay mad at each other, we'll never win another game.

Arthur: We will not be in the play-offs.

Buster: We have to remind them how much they used to like each other.

Arthur: Yeah. Maybe if they played something that was just fun.

***

Arthur and Francine play ping-pong against Brain and Buster.

Arthur: Ping-pong is fun! Serve, Arthur.

''Brain stares at Francine and does not move. The ball bounces off his racket over to Francine, who hits it hard.''

Francine: (grunts)

Brain: Oh, yeah?

He takes out a ball and he and Francine play a tough single match with Arthur and Buster just watching.

Francine: Back to you!

Brain: (grunts)

Buster: Well, they're playing together.

Arthur: I'm not sure they're having fun.

Brain: Take that!

Brain+Francine: (strain)

Brain: Back over to you!

''The ball goes back and forth so fast that it becomes a blur. Arthur and Buster try to follow it with their eyes until Buster passes out. Arthur’s eyes are swiveling and Brain and Francine are out of breath.''

Francine: Whose point?

Brain: I don't know. The ball… appears to have vaporized.

Buster comes up from under the table.

Buster: What about miniature golf?

***

Arthur, Buster, Francine and Brain are at the minigolf course.

Arthur: I think they're having fun.

''Francine hits a ball so hard, that it punches holes in obstacles and knocks over a model of the Eiffel Tower. The tower in turn causes a domino reaction in which two lampposts fall over and a windmill is smashed. The windmill’s blades nearly hit Mr. Haney, then chop off the ball from the course’s sign.''

Mr. Haney: Whoa!

The ball part of the sign falls into a hole.

Francine: That counts. Hole in one.

***

Francine and Brain play table ice-hockey while Arthur and Buster watch.

Brain: Your forward is offside.

Francine: He can't be. He's on a stick.

***

Arthur, Buster, Francine and Brain play cards in the treehouse.

Buster: What's more fun than cards?

Francine: Do you have any sixes?

Brain: Go fish.

Francine: Go fish yourself!

She throws her cards up.

Arthur: Any other ideas?

***

Arthur plays chess against his dad in the living room.

Arthur: I don’t think Francine and Brain will never be friends again.

Mr. Read: Oh, I’m pretty sure they'll work it out themselves in time.

Arthur: But the play-offs are next week.

D.W. comes in with a sheet of paper.

D.W.: Arthur, I need to do a new letter to Santa. This time I want to include prices for each present. Can you help me figure out prices in other countries? She holds up a calculator. Maybe on his travels, Santa could find some bargains and use the savings to get me even more presents.

***

After the next game, the other team walk to their bus.

Arthur: You guys, if we don't win soon, we're out of the play-offs.

Buster: Out of the play-offs? (chokes)

Francine and Brain walk away in opposite directions.

Buster: I think that convinced them.

Arthur: (sighs)

***

During the next game, Brain and Francine run into each other and fall down.

Francine: Oof!

''An opposing player gets the ball. Francine stands near the other goal.''

Francine: Brain, Brain, kick it to me!

Brain passes to Arthur, who is surrounded by opposing players again.

Arthur: Help, Help!

They get the ball.

Brain: Come on, Francine!

Francine passes to Buster.

Buster: Ahh! Oof.

''The players run him down. He ends up standing on his head with his ears in a knot, then he falls over.''

Buster: Oh.

***

After the game in the treehouse, Buster tries to untie his ears while Arthur lies on his back.

Buster: (sighs)

Arthur: I'm getting killed out there. I can't play another game.

Buster: Ow! We only have one game left. Ow! And we have to win.

Arthur: But that game’s against Mighty Mountain.

Arthur+Buster: We're doomed.

D.W. comes up.

D.W.: Arthur, We need to work on my Santa letter again.

Arthur: D.W., why don’t you just call Santa?

D.W.: A letter is better, because I can get my thoughts organized and say it exactly right.

Arthur: That's it.

He whispers to Buster.

D.W.: Hey, I'm still here! The little girl whose heart may be broken at Christmas. Hey!

***

Arthur and Brain sit in the library.

Brain: Write a letter to Francine?

Arthur: I know you don’t want to break up the friendship. Tell her how you really feel.

***

Meanwhile, Buster talks to Francine outside Westboro Appartments.

Buster: Remember how fun it is when you two play together?

***

Later, Buster comes to the treehouse where Arthur is waiting.

Buster: I’ve got Francine's letter.

Arthur: I’ve got Brain's. "I want to still remain friends..."

Buster: "Everyone knows you are very, very smart... "

Arthur: "…but adamantly refuse to apologize because you're wrong."

Buster: "...so what's your excuse for acting so dumb all the time?" These letters will make it worse.

Arthur+Buster: Aww…

Arthur: Not if we re-write them. I'll write Francine's letter and you write Brain's.

***

While the Mighty Mountain players get off the bus before the game, Buster shows Francine a letter.

Francine: I accept his apology, but I can’t believe Brain spelled “soccer” with two K’s and a Q.

Meanwhile, Arthur has shown Brain another letter.

Brain: I refuse to give in to her list of demands.

Arthur: What?

Brain: “I want blue footie pajamas and a blonde Princess Mall Rat?” No way!

Arthur: That’s my sister’s Christmas list. Um, Francine’s letter is on the back. Somehow.

He turns the page around and gives it back.

Brain: Oh, much better.

On the field, Brain and Francine shake hands, so do Arthur and Buster.

Spectators: Yeah!

Francine avoids opposing players and passes to Brain who scores.

Arthur passes to Brain and Francine, who head the ball into the goal.

***

After the game, the Lakewood team lift Brain and Francine up.

Lakewood Team: (cheer)

Brain: Your letter was right, Francine. Just because we disagree doesn't mean we can't be friends.

Francine: Yeah. What? I didn't write that!

Brain: Arthur!

Francine: Buster! We know you wrote those letters.

Arthur: Sorry. But can’t you wait to be mad at each other until after the play-offs?

The team carries Brain and Francine away.

Brain: We’re not mad at each other.

Francine: We’re mad at you guys. That Arthur. Always thinks he knows what's best. What a buttinsky.

Arthur and Buster leave the field together.

Arthur: You spelled “soccer” with two K’s and a Q?

Buster: Oh yeah, it’s two Q’s and a K, right?