How the Cookie Crumbles/Transcript

Introduction
Cookies in the shape of Arthur, Francine, Brain and Binky are standing on top of each other in a cookie jar, trying to push the lid open.

Arthur: (strains) Hurry!

Francine: Binky, keep your foot out of my mouth.

Binky: Hold steady - I'm almost there.

He gets the lid open.

Kids: Whoa-a-a!

They all fall down in a heap.

Binky: I smell food. (sniffs) It's me! He licks his hand. I'm a cookie! (giggles)

The kids sniff their hands and look at each other.

Arthur: We’re all cookies!

Francine: I always wanted to be a cookie.

Brain: I always wanted to be an astrophysicist.

A large hand appears.

Binky: Huh...?

Muffy reaches into the cookie jar.

Kids: No! (gasp)

They avoid the hand.

Muffy: I know you're in there.

''She shakes the jar and the cookies fall out. Arthur falls against a glass of milk.''

Arthur: Whoa. A glass of milk. That must mean...

Muffy: It's snack time!

Arthur: No!

Muffy reaches for Arthur and the cookies run away.

Binky: Who-ho-ho…

He runs past Brain who is hiding behind a milk carton.

Muffy: I know where you're hiding!

Arthur tries to defend himself with a spoon.

Arthur: (grunts) We should have a choice to whether we get eaten.

Muffy: Cookies don't get to choose, silly!

Brain rolls an apple towards Muffy.

Brain: Wouldn’t you prefer a piece of nutritious fruit?

Kids: (all talk at once: agree)

Muffy: What? I baked you. Now I'm gonna eat you.

Francine: But that's not fair!

Muffy: Fair shmair! Whoever owns ovens makes the rules. That's just the way it is.

Arthur: Look out!

''The kids run away. Muffy towers over Arthur who backs against the glass of milk.''

Title Card: Binky Blows Bubble
Arthur and D.W. enter the workshop, where their dad is making strawberry shortcakes.

Arthur: What smells so good?

Mr. Read: I'm baking for the Elwood City Strawberry Festival. The biggest holiday of the year.

D.W.: Is it as big as Christmas? Does it have a bigger parade than Thanksgiving? Or bigger fireworks than the Fourth of July?

Mr. Read: Well, it's the biggest holiday this week.

***

''D.W. and Thora sit on Thora’s couch. Thora is holding an old photo album.''

D.W.: What's the Strawberry Festival?

Grandma Thora: The Strawberry Festival was always your father's favorite holiday.

She shows a picture of young David picking strawberries.

Grandma Thora: That's him. All of Route 3 used to be strawberry fields. That's the big parade.

She shows pictures of a strawberry-shaped car and young David eating strawberry cake.

Grandma Thora: And there's always as many strawberries as you can eat.

D.W.: Wow! Do I like strawberries?

Grandma Thora: Of course you do, honey. Don’t you remember? You went to the festival last year.

She shows a picture of a three-year-old D.W. covered in strawberry juice.

Grandma Thora: Looks to me like somebody had a good time.

***

Arthur, Brain, Binky, Francine and Muffy walk to the Sugar Bowl and see a giant strawberry on the roof.

Muffy: What is that doing there? Is it almost Strawberry Festival time?

Arthur: Yeah, it's this week.

Muffy: Oh, no!

She runs off.

Arthur: She must really hate strawberries.

Francine: That's not her problem. Look.

''A sign outside the Sugar Bowl shows a picture of Muffy wearing a strawberry hat and holding a trophy. She is looking uncomfortable.''

Francine: Remember? Last year, she won the strawberry dessert contest.

Arthur: So?

Francine: There's a lot of pressure to being number one.

''Flashback: At the festival the previous year, Mr. Crosswire declares Muffy the winner. The other contestants look annoyed.''

Woman: She only won 'cause her father's the judge!

Mr. Crosswire hands Muffy the trophy and the picture is taken.

The flashback ends.

Francine: She wants to prove she won it fair and square, not just because her name is Crosswire. She has to win again, but she has no ideas. It's making her crazy.

Brain: Sometimes, when I have no ideas, I just need to relax and do math equations. Then I get plenty of ideas.

Kids: (sigh)

***

''The kids walk into the Crosswire kitchen. Muffy sits at a table with a notebook, a basket of strawberries and a banana.''

Muffy: Strawberries... Strawberries...

Francine: Hi, Muffy. We came over to cheer you up.

Binky: What have you got we can eat?

Muffy: Nothing. The best idea I've had so far is a strawberry with a banana next to it. I've got it! Strawberry meat loaf.

Kids: Eugh! Eww!

Muffy: (sighs)

Brain: I don't think we're helping.

Arthur: What did you enter last year?

Muffy: Butter cookies. I made butter cookies and threw in a strawberry. Simple.

She drops a strawberry in a bowl of dough.

Binky: I like banana. What if we add some banana juice?

He squeezes a banana out of its peel into the dough.

Muffy: (giggles)

All kids add ingredients that are lying around.

Francine: Did you try it with peanuts?

Muffy: (giggles)

Arthur: Don't forget chocolate chips.

Brain: Peach slices, oatmeal...

Binky: Banana. More banana. Banana again.

Francine: A raisin.

Muffy: You guys are right. Why was I worried about that contest anyway? Now, who wants to go see my new shoes?

''The kids leave. The Crosswires’ cook takes the bowl of dough.''

***

Later, the kids leave the Crosswire Mansion on their bikes while Muffy waves.

Francine: Good work, guys! We really cheered her up.

***

''Muffy walks into the kitchen. A tray of fresh cookies lies on the counter while the cook prepares something else.''

Muffy: When did you make cookies?

Cook: These are the cookies you and your friends made.

Muffy: Oh, those were just joke cookies. Throw them out.

''The cook takes the tray to the trashcan. Muffy takes a cookie in passing and tries it.''

Muffy: Stop! These are delicious!

***

On the day of the festival, a barbershop quartet sings while Pickles the clown hands out strawberry-shaped balloons.

Barbershop Singers: “Mm-mm-mm-mm. Casey would waltz with a strawberry blonde and the band played on. He'd glide 'cross the floor with the girl he adored and the band played on …”

''Meanwhile, floats and a marching band pass by in the street. Next is Mr. Read in a strawberry-shaped car.''

Arthur: Hey, it's my dad! Dad!

D.W.: Daddy!

Mr. Read: Hiya, kids!

Grandma Thora: Some things never change.

She and Mrs. Read smile.

***

''Arthur and Francine pass by the Sugar Bowl where the winner of the strawberry dessert contest is being chosen. Both are carrying baskets of strawberries.''

Francine: If we want those seats for the fireworks we have to hurry.

Arthur: Look!

Francine: (gasps)

Mrs. Powers: Winner for a second consecutive year, Muffy Crosswire!

Arthur: Muffy won?

Mrs. Powers offers them a tray.

Mrs. Powers: How would you like to try the winning recipe? They’re called Muffy's Scrumptious Snackeroodles.

Arthur: Hey! These are good!

Francine: They're great!

A photographer is taking a picture of Muffy with her trophy.

Francine: Congratulations, Muffy!

Mrs. Baxter interviews Muffy.

Muffy: Winning again is very gratifying. My father wasn't even the judge. Please put that in your paper.

***

''The next morning, the Reads are in the kitchen. Mrs. Read looks at a newspaper with a picture of Muffy and the trophy.''

Mrs. Read: They printed the ingredients for Muffy's winning cookies: chocolate chips, banana juice and a raisin.

Arthur: Hey, that’s what we all did together! Cool! Where does she tell about how we came up with it? I don't see our names. She didn't mention us!

***

Arthur and Francine sit in the treehouse, looking at newspaper cutouts.

Francine: We made those cookies and she didn't even mention us?

Arthur: Maybe she just forgot.

Brain joins them.

Brain: Did you read about Muffy?

Arthur+Francine: We know.

Brain: We did all the work, and she got the prize.

Binky comes with a newspaper.

Binky: Did anyone see this? Can you believe it? These sneakers are on sale!

Francine hands him a cutout.

Francine: Read this and weep!

Binky reads.

Binky: What? I said banana! Banana was my idea! Without me, there's no banana! I'm gonna talk to her!

***

Arthur, Brain, Francine and Binky stand at the Crosswire’s front door talking to Mrs. Crosswire.

Mrs. Crosswire: Muffy's not here. She's in town, posing for the bag.

Kids: The bag?

***

In the camera shop downtown, a photographer takes photos of Muffy, while a man in a business suit shows the kids a bag with a photo of Muffy surrounded by cookies.

Man: This will be the front of the cookie bag. Muffy made a deal to sell her cookies at the Sugar Bowl.

Binky: She's gonna make money off 'em?

Francine: Muffy Crosswire!

Muffy: You're making me wrinkle my nose. No one wants cookies with a wrinkled nose on them. Carl!

The man pushes the other kids out.

Man: All right, kids. Clear the studio. Out. Out-out-out-out.

''He closes the door on the kids. They look in through the window.''

Brain: Her Royal Highness gets all the credit, but her lowly subjects did all the work.

Francine: And we're outside with our noses pressed to the window.

Binky: She's gonna be more famous than a doughnut.

Several pictures of Muffy with strawberries are shown.

A fantasy shows a castle-shaped shop with a crowd of people in front.

Announcer: Muffy's Cookie Castle is the most successful store in the history of buying stuff!

''Other, similar stores rise up all over town. Eventually, the whole surface of the Earth is covered and castles fly towards the moon.''

Announcer: Every day, a new Muffy's opens! She is more famous than a doughnut!

The fantasy ends, the kids sit outside the camera shop looking glum.

Binky: Here she comes.

Muffy comes out.

Muffy: (hums)

They surround Muffy.

Binky: Hold it right there!

Muffy: I'm sorry. There are no samples. You'll have to buy cookies like everyone else.

Francine: Buy them? We made them!

Brain: I did the math. We're responsible for 72% of the ingredients.

Binky: I said banana! Banana was my idea! Without me, there is no banana.

Muffy: Oh, yeah? Well, who bought the ingredients? Who owns the oven? Who entered the contest? Moi. You're all just jealous.

She leaves.

Arthur: Are we just jealous?

Francine: No. She's a bigger rat than Ratburn!

Binky: Banana was my idea!

Muffy: Oh, stop with the banana already.

***

Muffy sits in the kitchen with the cook.

Muffy: Like I couldn't have won the contest without them. Hm! You'll need to make thousands of cookies, so get started.

Cook: Okay. As soon as you give me the recipe.

Muffy: The recipe? Oh. I don't have it written down. I can remember, though.

***

''A while later. Muffy sits at the counter with several ingredients. She cuts up a banana.''

Muffy: (hums)

''She stirs the dough and later takes cookies out of the oven. She tries one and throws the cookies in the trash. She cuts up an apple, stirs the dough again and adds bananas and strawberries. She tries a cookie.''

Muffy: Eugh!

''She throws the cookies away and cuts up a pineapple (with the shell). She stirs the dough, and samples a finished cookie.''

Muffy: Aww! She throws the cookies in the already full trashcan and sits down on the lid. (sighs)

***

Francine, Binky and Arthur are in the treehouse.

Francine: Okay. I wrote out the whole recipe. Now we can make our own cookies and drive that rat out of business.

Muffy looks in, covered in dough stains.

Muffy: Um, guys?

Francine: Did I hear a little rat squeak?

Binky: No, it’s Muffy! She’s right there.

Muffy: How would you like to help me make more cookies?

Binky: Banana!

Francine: Why don’t you just make them by yourself… like you did the last time?

Muffy: I’m sorry you feel like I cheated you. Now may I please have the recipe?

Francine: Okay.

She hands Muffy the recipe.

Arthur: You’re going to give us credit this time, right?

Muffy: I don’t think that’s going to be possible.

She starts climbing down.

Arthur: I don't get it. You're rich, you have everything. Why do you cheat for something like cookies?

Muffy: You don’t know what it’s like to be me. I have a reputation.

Francine: As a dishonest rat!

Muffy: As a winner! I had to prove to everyone I could win it again.

Arthur: But you couldn't. We did it together.

Muffy: But nobody knows that.

Binky: You know it and we know it.

Francine: If you care more about cookies than friendship, then go ahead!

Muffy starts climbing down but comes back.

Muffy: This is the right recipe?

Binky: Yes.

Again, Muffy starts climbing down but comes back.

Muffy: You didn't put any tricks in it, so the cookies taste like junk, did you?

Arthur: Muffy, you can trust us. We're your friends.

Muffy: Great. See ya.

She climbs down and leaves.

Francine: I thought she'd choose friendship. Boy was I wrong.

***

Arthur, Francine and Binky walk past the Sugar Bowl.

Francine: I can't go in the Sugar Bowl anymore, knowing they sell those cookies.

Muffy comes out of the Sugar Bowl and runs after them with a bag of cookies.

Muffy: Wait up! I want you guys to have the first bag of cookies.

Francine: I don’t even want to look at those miserable things.

Arthur: Look, it says “Muffy and Friends”.  

''The bag is labelled “Muffy & Friends, Scrumptious Smackeroodles”. Muffy hands out cookies. They are in the shape of her friends.''

Arthur: Wow, neat!

Francine: So you finally realized honesty and friendship are more important than winning?

Muffy: Yeah. I’m sorry. My dad and I talked about it. He said a lie is a lie, even when you get away with it. And, being a car salesman, he won't stand for any lying. Since these worked out so well, let's start working on my recipe for next year.

Francine: Whose new recipe?

Muffy: Oh right, wait. Our new recipe. I just have to get used to that.

Arthur: How about a cake?

Francine: Or donuts?

Binky: Banana. Lots and lots of bananas.

They walk into the Sugar Bowl.