The Longest Eleven Minutes/Transcript

Arthur gives a presentation in class called ‘Great Inventions Throughout History’.

Arthur: Throughout history, there've been many inventions that people have come to rely on.

He shows a slide of a crude wheel.

Arthur: Imagine what life was like before the invention of the wheel.

In a fantasy, cavemen Arthur and Buster run from an angry mammoth.

Cave Arthur+Buster: (scream)

They jump into a Flintstones car.

Cave Buster: Go, Arthur, go!

''Arthur tries running like Fred Flintstone, but the car has no wheels and does not move. The mammoth’s shadow falls on the boys.''

Cave Arthur: This will not end well.

In another fantasy, a Renaissance Mr. Ratburn stands behind Arthur, who is busy copying letters with a quill.

Arthur (narrator): Or the invention of the printing press.

Mr. Ratburn: We need 10,000 copies by tomorrow for das Elwood City book fair. Schnell, schnell!

Arthur accidentally drops ink on a piece of paper.

Arthur: (gasps) No!

Arthur (narrator): Or even the telephone.

Arthur runs to Buster’s condo.

Buster opens the door.

Arthur: (pants) I'm going to be late!

Buster: Oh, okay, thanks.

Arthur runs back.

Buster: You ran all the way down here just to tell me that?

Arthur: The telephone was never invented.

''The fantasy ends. The final slide shows a wheel, an old printing press and a mid-20th century telephone.''

Arthur: I wonder what invention of today we won't be able to live without.

Title Card: The kids unpack an encyclopedia

''Birds fly over the Read house. There are cobwebs on the swings outside and on a basketball. Arthur, Buster, Ladonna and Muffy are in the darkened living room looking at mobile devices. Arthur plays ‘Best of the Nest’ as Plain Goose. His opponent is a Strong Goose named Takashi.''

Arthur: Not today, Takashi.

Muffy wants to take a selfie with her cellphone.

Muffy: Hmm, now, what's the best angle for my selfie?

Ladonna watches a video called ‘Baby Bird Bopping in Nest’ on YouWhoTube.

Ladonna: Aww.

Buster reads an article about aliens on his laptop.

Buster: Whoa!

D.W. comes in.

D.W.: Hey, you guys!

Nobody responds.

D.W.: Hm.

She removes one of Arthur’s headphones and talks directly into his ear.

D.W.: Whatcha doin'?

Arthur: (screams) Not now, D.W.

D.W.: I'm bored.

Arthur: Go play with mom.

D.W.: Mom took baby Kate to the store.

Arthur: Dad, then.

D.W.: Dad's in the garage. He's got a big catering job. He said to play with you.

Nobody responds.

D.W.: All right. Then I guess I'll just sing to myself. 🎵Crazy Bus🎵

Arthur: No!

D.W.: Fine.

Kids: Noooo!

D.W.: I said, fine! She Walks Away

Muffy: My new profile pic won't post. Look. I don't like that spinning wheel!

Arthur: I lost Takashi!

Ladonna: My video says it's buffering, but-but it's not buffering. It's not buffering at all.

Buster: Relax. Hit refresh.

Buster clicks, but nothing happens.

Arthur: Guys? I think the internet is... gone!

Ladonna: That can't happen. Can it?

Buster: I must've been getting too close to the truth. And at exactly... checks watch     ...one o'clock, “they”... He points to the ceiling.      ...shut down the internet.

Ladonna: Who are "they"?

Buster: Exactly!

Arthur: I thought you were working on your Great Inventions report.

Buster: I am, the invention of aluminum foil. I typed "a" and "l" into Boogle, and -Boom!- "aliens" popped up! It's like Boogle knew.

Muffy: (gasps) That's it! Let's ask Boogle how to fix the internet.

Buster: Yeah.

He tries to access the Boogle site, but says WiFi disconnected.

Buster: (Gasps) There is no Boogle.

Arthur: What do we do?

D.W.: Just unplug that blinking box.

Buster: Of course. The router.

Arthur: How do you know about the router?

D.W.: It's what Mom does.

Arthur unplugs the router.

Buster: Wait!

Arthur: What?

Buster: You have to wait three seconds, everybody knows that.

Muffy: What do we do for all that time?

Ladonna: We count. One...

Buster: Stop! You have to count with Mississippis.

Ladonna: One, Mississippi.

Muffy: Two, Mississippi.

Buster: Three, Mississippi!

''Arthur replugs the router. Buster presses a key, but he still gets a ‘WiFi Disconnected’ sign.''

Kids: Oh no.

Arthur: Now what?

D.W.: Let's be unicorns!

She holds a finger to a forehead like a horn and runs around the room.

D.W.: HeHeHe!

Arthur: We just need to use our brains.

''Shortly afterwards, the kids talk to Brain on the phone. Brain is doing a chemical experiment in his room.''

Brain: Did you run system diagnostics, checking for connectivity?

Arthur: Uh... What?

''The kids stand around the Read phone while D.W. runs through the hallway holding a paper horn to her forehead. Pal follows her.''

D.W.: HeHeHe!

Brain: I also suggest you temporarily disable any firewalls to ensure that's not the root cause.

Buster: This is an emergency. Can you just give us a quick fix, using simple words?

Brain: Did you unplug the router?

Kids: Yes!

Brain: Did you wait three seconds?

Kids: Yes!

Brain: Sorry, guys. That's all I've got. Maybe an internet outage on your block.

D.W.: HeHeHe!

''The kids walk outside and shield their eyes against the sunlight. Alberto is just leaving the Molina house with Amigo.''

Alberto: Hola, Arthur.

Arthur: Hi, Alberto. Is your internet out, too?

Alberto: Afraid so.

Arthur: What are you gonna do?

Alberto: Um, I'm just gonna walk my dog.

Muffy: How will I update my video blog? I have fans!

Ladonna: Stay calm. If we stay calm, we can get to the bottom of this.

Buster: How did people get to the bottom of things before the internet?

They hear music.

Ladonna: That sound! Someone is streaming music.

''They follow the sound into the garage. Mr. Read is taking bags of groceries into his workshop.''

Arthur: Dad! The internet is gone.

Buster: Because of the aliens.

Arthur+Ladonna+Muffy: It's not aliens!

Mr. Read: Hello to all of you, too.

Ladonna: Mr. Read, are you streaming music?

Muffy: Please tell us you've found the internet.

Mr. Read: It's the radio.

Arthur+Ladonna+Muffy: (sigh)

Mr. Read: Why don't you play outside?

Arthur: We can't play outside at a time like this.

Ladonna: Can you fix it, Mr. Read? The internet?

Mr. Read: Did you try unplugging the blinking box and waiting for...

Arthur+Ladonna+Muffy+Buster: ...three seconds, yes.

Muffy: (sighs)

Ladonna walks to the radio.

Ladonna: A long, long time ago, people used the radio to broadcast emergency information.

Mr. Read: You don't say.

Ladonna: It's true. I did my great inventions report on the radio. Maybe it can help us. We know the internet is out. Maybe we can find out why and for how long.

Arthur: Dad, we need to borrow your radio!

''Mr. Read signals his agreement and leaves. Ladonna changes the station.''

Announcer (on radio): The bestselling book, ‘A Hundred New Uses for Spatulas’...

Muffy accidentally takes a flash photograph with an old polaroid camera.

Muffy: Oh!

Ladonna: What's that?

Muffy: I don't know.

Arthur takes a completely black photograph out of the camera.

Arthur: It's... blank.

Buster: Maybe it's some kind of paper machine. It gives us paper, and we write on it.

Muffy: Whatever it is, it must be broken. That's probably why I found it in that box over there.

She accidentally takes a photograph of Arthur and Buster.

Muffy: Yep, this one's a dud, too.

Ladonna has found a box with an encyclopedia.

Ladonna: Wow, cool! Look at all these old books.

Arthur: Books, of course! Maybe there's something written about the internet that can help us.

Ladonna: Ah, we need more light. Books don't have screens we can brighten.

Arthur: Let's take the box to the backyard!

''The kids take the box with the encyclopedia outside. D.W. is throwing a frisbee for Pal. Both have paper horns attached to their heads.''

D.W.: You guys wanna play with us?

Arthur: We're a bit busy.

Buster: Saving the internet.

They put down the box and Arthur takes out ‘A-C’.

Ladonna: What's it say?

Buster: "En-cy-clo-pe-dia."

''Arthur opens it and finds a picture of an aardvark. He turns the page to a map of Argentina.''

Muffy: Hm. This book is just about anything that starts with an "A".

Arthur: If only there was a book about "I".

Muffy: That's a little selfish.

Arthur: "I" for "internet," not "I" for "me."

Muffy: Oh. That would be good.

Ladonna: Here's the one with "I".

She flips through it.

Ladonna: Internet's not here.

Buster: “They” took it out.

The frisbee flies past his head, looking like a UFO.

Arthur: I think this book might be from before the internet.

Ladonna: Whoa!

''The kids sit, respectively lie down. A bird flies overhead. Buster looks at the polaroid photo on which a closeup of Muffy’s face fades in.''

Buster: Hey, guys? Something very strange is happening. Look!

Muffy takes the photograph.

Muffy: That is not a flattering angle.

Buster takes the camera and accidentally takes another picture.

Buster: Ah! What kind of sorcery is this?

D.W.’s frisbee hits the book that Ladonna is reading, turning a page.

Ladonna: Oh! Look! "Instant camera." D.W., you did it!

D.W.: I did?

Buster picks up the book.

Buster: "This type of camera uses self-developing film." This book is like Wikipedia, but you don't need the internet! I can do my school report on this camera!

Muffy looks at the photo she took of Arthur and Buster.

Muffy: Now this one has good angles. And it already comes with its own cool retro filter.

Buster: Whoa! Mine's of the tree.

The picture shows a young bird in front of the tree.

Buster: Shouldn't that little bird be in the tree?

They all look at the photograph.

Kids: (gasps)

The kids search the yard for the bird.

Ladonna: Here it is! Aww!

Arthur: It must've fallen from its nest.

They see the nest with the bird mother up in the tree.

Muffy: Oh, what should we do?

Buster: The internet would be really useful right about now.

Arthur wants to pick up the bird.

Buster: Wait, don't! Maybe we shouldn't touch it. Isn't that bad?

Ladonna: That's just a myth. I know what to do. I was watching a science video on baby birds. We need to return it to its nest.

Arthur: It's like ‘Best of the Nest’ IRL.

Ladonna: IRL?

Arthur: In real life!

Buster is holding Pal, who wants to get at the bird.

Arthur: Buster, hold on to Pal. Ladonna, you'll need to get on my shoulders. Muffy, you get the bird.

Muffy: Huh? I need to document this for my blog! It will get so many likes!

Arthur: D.W., you'll need to pick up the baby bird and carefully hand it to Ladonna. Everyone got it?

Kids: Got it!

''D.W. picks up the bird. Ladonna climbs on Arthur’s shoulders while Muffy takes a picture. D.W. hands Ladonna the bird, but Ladonna finds that she cannot reach the next.''

Ladonna: It's no good! I can't reach! We'll have to go to plan B.

Kids: There's a plan B?

''Muffy takes a picture of D.W. holding the bird. Ladonna brings a small basket.''

Muffy: Plan B is a strawberry basket?

Ladonna: To make a nest.

Arthur: Will that work?

Ladonna: Mother birds are very good about looking after their young. If we make a new nest and put it as high as we can, the mama will fly down to feed it.

''The kids fill the basket with grass and leaves. Muffy takes a picture and notices that a display on the camera says “3”.''

Muffy: I think this means I only have three photos left.

Arthur: You'll just have to be selective.

Muffy: Ah, limited photos! How barbaric.

Ladonna holds the basket with the bird.

Arthur: Ready?

Ladonna: Ready!

''Arthur lifts Ladonna up and she places the basket on a lower branch. The kids look expectantly and see the bird mother fly down to her chick.''

Kids: Yeah!

Arthur: We did it! I win! Uh... I mean, we win.

Buster: And the best part is that we did it without the internet. So “they” will never know.

''Ladonna turns on the radio and D.W. and Pal dance. Muffy looks at her photographs while Buster reads in the encyclopedia and Arthur relaxes.''

Arthur: There's a good chance aliens wrote this book.

Buster: (gasps)

Muffy looks at a selfie of her and the others in front of the tree with the birds.

Muffy: This will be the perfect profile pic.

She photographs the polaroid with her cellphone.

Muffy: #No filter needed.

Mr. Read (from inside): Hey, kids! The internet's back on.

Arthur: It feels like forever ago that we lost the internet.

Ladonna: How long has it been?

Muffy: It's 1:11.

Buster: It was 1:00 when it went out. That means...

Arthur: The internet was only out for 11 minutes? I don't know about you guys, but I wasn't worried.

Kids: (laugh) Yeah, right.