Francine's Big Top Trouble/Transcript

Introduction
Arthur and D.W. play checkers in the Reads’ yard.

Arthur: Um... ahem… You might wanna think about...

D.W.: Shh! I wanna do it myself!

Arthur: Okay, okay. Sometimes I don't think D.W. really appreciates how easy her life is because of me. I mean she can always come to me for great advice.

''Flashback: In the park, D.W. has a mosquito on her arm. Arthur sits next to her like a yogi.''

Arthur: Do not fear mosquitos. If you blow gently on them, they will go away.

D.W. blows and is bitten.

D.W.: Ow!

Arthur: More gently next time. Now I shall tell you how to tie you shoes with your mind.

The flashback ends.

Arthur: I constantly encourage her.

Flashback: D.W. stands on roller skates in the park.

Arthur: Trust me, D.W. You can do this. He gently pushes her. That's it. You're doing it. You're roller skating!

D.W.: Who-o-oah!

She crashes into a trashcan.

Arthur: Uh...that was great. Now we'll work on stopping.

The flashback ends.

Arthur: And when she gets to kindergarten, everyone will respect her because she's Arthur Read’s sister.

He imagines D.W. walking up to Lakewood Elementary where a group of Miss Sweetwater’s students are waiting.

Dog Boy: Hey, isn't that...Arthur’s sister?

Kids: Welcome, Arthur's sister!

The fantasy ends.

Arthur: And best of all, I teach her things. Like checkers.

D.W. jumps over three of Arthur’s pieces.

D.W.: King me!

Arthur looks dumbfounded.

Title Card: Francine Bangs Gong
''The Frenskys are having breakfast. Francine throws cereal in the air and catches it with her mouth.''

Francine: Ta-da! Thank you, thank you. The Great Francine will now accept your applause.

Catherine: Ah, yes, the first morning of circus camp. I remember it well. Just wait till you're on the trapeze fifteen feet off the ground. It's a lot harder than flipping cereal into your mouth.

Francine: You may have been good at circus camp, Catherine, but I'm gonna rule!

Catherine: We'll just see about that.

Francine: Yes, we will.

Mr. Frensky: Hey, Laverne, I think we may have two circus stars in this family.

Francine: Gotta run!

Catherine: Good luck, squirt! Say hi to Boris for me.

***

''Arthur, Binky, Francine and Muffy walk up to a circus tent. Artists are practicing outside.''

Binky: Whoa, this sure beats band camp!

A sign “Boudnikov’s Circus" hangs over the entrance. A man comes out walking on his hands.

Boris: Greetings, young apprentices! I am Boris, tumbler, trapeze artist, ringleader and, more importantly, your camp counsellor. He gets on his feet and takes out a list. Arthur Read?

Arthur: Here.

Boris: Binky Barnes?

Binky: That's me.

Boris: And Francine... Are you related to Catherine Frensky?

Francine: She's my sister.

Boris: This is an honor. Catherine was one of my best pupils, a real natural! He shakes Francine’s hand. Okay, let's join the rest of the kids on our first stop, tumbling. Follow the feet!

''He walks into the tent on his hands. The kids follow on their feet.''

The kids and Boris stand in the circus ring beside a mat.

Boris: Let's begin with what you already know. How about a basic cartwheel? Frensky, show them how it's done.

Francine attempts a cartwheel but falls on her back.

Francine: Ow! Heh, I think my hand slipped.

Boris: It happens to all of us. All right, everyone, on the mat.

''Arthur does a cartwheel. Binky manages two in a row.''

Binky: Woo-hoo! Ha! Hey, I've never even done one of those before!

Francine tries and falls on her back again.

Francine: Oof! Heh heh, just gotta get the right momentum.

***

''Arthur throws up two juggling clubs and catches them. Boris gives him the thumbs-up.''

Francine: If Arthur can do it... ''She throws up three clubs. They fall on her head.'' Aah!

***

A female artist, Natasha, does a backflip while in a harness.

Boris: Now, I know back-flips look scary, but you'll be in this harness and I'll be spotting you. Let's have a volunteer. Frensky, how about you?

Francine: Um… okay.

''She puts on the harness. Boris puts a hand on her back.''

Boris: Now, just reach back and bring your legs over. Francine’s foot hits him on the nose. Ow!

Francine: Sorry!

Boris: That's okay. Just keep your legs together next time. We'll take five-minute break while your counsellor gets an ice pack.

***

''Francine sits on the couch at home watching a ninja movie and looking depressed. Catherine brings a cardboard box.''

Catherine: Hey, squirt! I found some circus stuff for you. These gloves were great for the trapeze. Oh, and remember this adorable top from my tightrope routine?

Flashback: A few years earlier Catherine performs on the tightrope to loud applause.

Mr. Frensky: Did you see that?! She's amazing!

Francine whistles loudly.

The flashback ends.

Francine: No, thanks! I don't want your sweaty old clothes!

Catherine: Fine! I just thought you could use something to bring you luck.

Francine: I don't need luck. I'm great at circus camp. Just because you're better than me at horseback riding doesn't mean you're gonna win this too.

Catherine: You can't "win" at circus, Francine. It's not a competition. ''Francine turns the TV sound up. Catherine takes the box away.'' Whatever.

***

''The next day, the kids are practicing acts or warming up. Francine lies on her back.''

Arthur: Need a hand?

He pulls her up.

Francine: (groans) Thanks. I was practicing for hours last night. My arms feel like jelly. But I think I've finally nailed tumbling.

Boris: Okay, kids, who's ready to perform on the flying trapeze?

Kids: Me! Me!

Francine: The flying trapeze? What happened to somersaults and… and cartwheels?

Boris: You'll love trapeze, Francine. It was your sister's best routine.

The kids stand in line to climb up to the trapeze.

Francine: Why does everyone expect me to be like Catherine? I don't even look like her.

Binky: Sure you do.

Francine: What? I do not!

Binky: Actually, you're right, you're much shorter. But other than that...

Francine: Well, at least I don't sound like her. Binky and Arthur exchange looks. Do I?

Arthur: Maybe just a little. But in a good way.

''Francine climbs the ladder. Boris pulls her up to the platform.''

''Francine is now wearing a harness. She looks down.''

Boris: Just hold onto the bar and swing across. Natasha will catch you at the other end.

Francine: Whhhoooaaa!

She swings and almost immediately lets go and falls into the safety net.

Boris: Nice try, Francine!

***

''Francine comes home to her apartment. Her dad is in the kitchen making sandwiches.''

Mr. Frensky: Hey, Frankie, how was camp?

Francine: Terrific.

Mr. Frensky: I can't wait to see you in the final performance. We got the invitation today.

Francine: Um, actually, Dad, the performance isn’t gonna be such a big thing this year. You guys don't have to come.

She gets a can of soda from the refrigerator.

Mr. Frensky: Of course we're coming! We wouldn't miss it for the world! So, what do you think you'll do? The tightrope, like Catherine?

Francine: No. I will not do the tightrope or the trapeze or back-flips or anything else that Catherine did.

She goes into her room and slams the door.

***

That night, Catherine is asleep, but Francine lies awake.

Francine: Catherine, Catherine, Catherine, Catherine… (sighs) Might as well just call myself Catherine Two. That's what everyone wants...

''Her dream looks like an ad for a James Bond movie. Catherine, wearing a suit, steps into a spotlight.''

Announcer: You loved Catherine, the greatest action hero ever known!

''Catherine rides through a street pursued by ninjas. Catherine jumps between laser beams.''

Announcer: And now, from the producers of Catherine...

''Catherine juggles five clubs on a rooftop. She throws them at two ninjas’ feet, making them fall.''

Announcer: …it's Catherine II...Francine!

Francine steps into the spotlight, which keeps moving away from her.

Announcer: Yes, it's Catherine II. She's kind of back and she's almost as great as the first one... Almost. Sort of.

''Francine tries hard to keep her balance on a horse, while ninjas carry away a sack of loot. Francine activates the laser beams. Francine juggles a club on a rooftop. When she is confronted by two ninjas, she runs away.''

Announcer: If you loved Catherine, you'll... probably at least like Catherine II.

Binky and Arthur come out of a movie theater.

Binky: I liked the first one, but this just didn't work for me.

Arthur: Yeah, sequels are never as good.

Francine wakes up in the morning.

Francine: Just a sequel, huh? We'll see about that!

She looks at the box in Catherine’s closet.

***

The next day, when Arthur and Binky come to the circus, they are greeted by Francine wearing green lederhosen and a big red beret.

Francine: Allo, Bink-ee, Art-oor!

Arthur: Francine? What are you wearing?

Francine: I am just trying a little something new. Something, ‘ow you say...unique. Now I am not so much like ze Catherine, n'est ce blah?

Binky: Maybe, but she's nothing like Francine either.

***

Inside the tent, the kids are joined by a clown.

Fishface: Hello, everyone. I'm Fishface, your clowning instructor. (reads note:) "Clowning is a delightful and entertaining circus art. But make no mistake, it's also very serious business. So pay attention." Okay, we'll start with the unicycle. You with the beret, what's your name?

Francine: Ahem... Yksnerf.

Fishface: Yksnerf? There's no Yksnerf on the attendance sheet. There's a Frensky... that's Yksnerf spelled backwards.

Francine: Er, eet must be... ’ow you say... ze typo?

Fishface: Sounds reasonable. How about trying the unicycle?

Francine: Great. Another thing for me to stink at.

Francine sits on a unicycle while Fishface steadies her.

Fishface: Okay, it's all a matter of balance. Try pedaling a little. That's it! He pushes her a few steps, then lets go. Look, you're doing it!

Francine: Whoa-a-a-a!

She rides in circles while Fishface tries to catch her.

Fishface: Stop!

Francine: I can't! Whoa!

Eventually, she knocks Fishface over.

Fishface: Aah! Oof!

Kids: (laugh)

Francine: Sorry. Are you okay?

Fishface: Everything hurts. But that's normal.

''He winks at her. She smiles.''

***

Arthur juggles three clubs while Binky does a series of cartwheels.

Arthur: I'm getting pretty good at this.

Francine attempts a somersault and falls.

Francine: Oh!

She waves at the boys.

Binky: Poor Francine. Only two days until the performance and she still can't do a somersault.

Francine: Oof!

Arthur: I really hope she doesn't embarrass herself.

***

On the night of the performance, Boris stands in the ring wearing a red coat and a top hat.

Boris: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! It has been an amazing, exciting few weeks, and now it is time. I give you... The Elwood City Kids' Circus!

Maria, Arthur and Buster run onto three podiums and start juggling.

Fern, Binky and Muffy do a tumbling act wearing harnesses.

Fern, Arthur, Buster, Muffy, Alex and Binky build a human pyramid with Binky on top.

George does a trapeze act.

Alex walks on a tightrope.

Mr. Frensky: Where is Francine? I haven't seen her at all.

Catherine: I don't know. The show's almost over.

Francine+Fishface: (silly laughter)

Francine and Fishface ride into the ring on unicycles and run into each other.

Francine+Fishface: Whaaaa!

Arthur: Oh, no, she's gonna try juggling. I can't watch!

Francine throws three clubs in the air and catches them in her outsize pants.

''Francine does a somersault and falls into a pie. Fishface sprays her rear with water from a spray bottle. She takes out another spray bottle and chases Fishface out of the ring.''

After the show, Arthur and Binky stand with Francine and Fishface.

Arthur: Francine, that was the funniest thing ever! You were the hit of the show!

Francine: Thanks, guys, but I owe it all to this guy.

Fishface: No, no, you're a natural! When Francine told me she was ready to take clowning seriously, well... (sniffs) …it just got to me. (blows nose loudly)

Francine’s family join them.

Mr. Frensky: There's my girl!

Catherine: I'm so proud of you! I, um... was never good at clowning myself.

The sisters hug and start going home together.

Francine: You know, I think I will take those circus clothes you gave me. That frilly pink shirt could be funny in a clown routine. It's already so ridiculous.

Catherine: It is not! That shirt is haute couture!

Francine: Is that French for dorky looking?

Catherine: Forget it!